words in movies
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
Joey: Ohh-oh, wasnt he cheating on you with her?
Rachel: Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isnt that sad? (Giggles.) God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be?
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Joey: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?
Rachel: (stunned) You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?
Chandler: Well its kinda hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that hes not real.
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
[Scene: A hospital hallway, Chandler is sitting on a gurney with his hands spread out behind his back. Then Monica comes and plops down on the gurney and one of his hands. Chandler immediately recoils in extreme pain.]
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Chandler: Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "Im with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "Im lost and I cant find food."
Carol: Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.
Joey: Fresh squeezed orange juice, with pulp! Just the way you like it.
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is watching Days of Our Lives. Of course its a Dr. Drake Remoray scene. Its set in a hospital room, and Dr. Wesley and a nurse are talking about a female patient with a bandage around her head.]
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Dr. Wesley: (with evil dripping off his tongue) Remoray!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Youre not dying Hope, youre gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler and Monica are there with Phoebe as Ross enters.]
Monica: I hope youre hungry, were starting with oysters. And yknow what they say about oysters, dont you?
Monica: And then were gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous-cous. Something we can eat, with our hands.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Chandler: Im sorry youre here with me instead of Roger.
Chandler: With Roger? (Monica shyly looks away.) Not just with Roger?! (Monica shrugs.) Oh my God!
Monica: Oh really? When? Do you wanna do it with me?
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Phoebe: Lets go! Come on! Move it! (Grabs her coat.) Come on! (To an old man whos holding her shoes and briefcase.) Shoes! Briefcase! (Takes them both.) Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. (She leaves.)
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Chandler: Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you!
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is returning from her disastrous attempt at an affair to find that Barry was much, much more successful with his.]
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Ross: Look I-I dont know whats going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that.
Ross: Hey! There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work! Okay? There are some men who will stand by and-and watch as their wives engage in-in what only can be described as a twosome with some-some woman she barely knows from the gym!
Chandler: Because you shouldnt be with him. (Pause.) You should be with me.
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
Chandler: I know you probably dont want to go out with me, yknow because I make too many jokes and Ive never been in a serious relationship and I guess Im not technically a "doctor "
Monica: What happened to your rule about never sleeping with sick people?
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Doug: Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta sweeten it up, huh? (Once again, with the laugh.)
Joey: Hmmm, soup! (Tries again.) Hmm soup! (Tries again, with a little caveman thrown in.) Hmm, soup!
Joey: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. (Takes out a bowling ball and a propane torch.) Ha-ha!
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
JOEY: Yeah.� Maybe Michael Jordon will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
Emily: (running in, with Ross) Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What are we going to do?
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
Phoebe: When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times just to make sure.
Rachel: You were with Julie?
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)
(They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
Monica: (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is cleaning the apartment for Monica and is frustrated with things not lining up.]
Steve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Phoebe: So how are things going with you?
Rachel: Im just kidding too. (Laughs) Im getting married in December. (Turns away not happy with herself.)
Mr. Geller: Ohh forget it. Too hell with tradition, were happy to do it.
[Scene: Central Perk, Frank and Alice are there talking with Phoebe.]
Second Message: "Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want."
Rachel: I don't know! I mean, maybe that's something to do with the fact that I saw him do a love scene yesterday.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
Phoebe: (with her mouthful) Hi Monica.
Chandler: Okay umm, before I meant you I had really little life and I couldnt imagine growing old with
Chandler: Yeah, I think I do! Y'know what? You move in with her! You move in with her right now! Maybe I should in with Monica!
Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel’s there and Ross enters the room with a stuffed dinosaur]
Monica: Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, its going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.
Salon girl: Ok. Very good. Have a seat right over here Mr. Bing and Sonia will be right with you.
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
Rachel: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?
Monica: Why, whats wrong with my bathroom floor?
Ross: Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
[Scene: Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross and Emily are standing in the reception area. Monica arrives with her parents.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the party continues with Rachel leaning on the counter as Gunther walks in carrying candy.]
Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?
Charlie: ... is it weird that it's not with each other?
RACHEL: Well, the point is, maybe I should just stop waiting around for moments with Ross, you know?� I should just . . . move on with my life.
[Another set of flashbacks begin with Episode 521: The One With The Ball, Joey and Ross are throwing a ball around.]
[Cut to that same kitchen, only this is The One With The Proposal, Richard is telling Monica something.]
Joey: What-whats wrong with Monica and Chandler?
Chandler: Well it you dont know that, then I dont want to do this with you.
Chandler: I dont know if Ive told you this, but hes kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years
Rachel: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's? (Monica looks away.) Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now. (Exits.)
Phoebe: (scared) Fire alarm? (She opens the door to reveal a fireman holding the blanket with the smoke detector.) Oh! Hi, officerfireman, can-can I help you?
Rachel: Im fourth! (Joey is startled.) Look at you with your little maple syrup award!
Joey: (Checks to see if shes drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, lets get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) Im gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
Monica: I thought you were going out with Elizabeth.
Donny Osmond: Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, he's gonna be playing with "Days of Our Life's" star Joey Tribbiani! (Joey's amazed at the place and he keeps looking around till he realizes the audience is applauding him)
Chandler: (excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what Joey: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?! Monica: (shocked) Really? (She looks around, suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment. Phoebe: What's your news? Chandler: Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody cheers) Monica: (hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible! Phoebe: (inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people (defending) come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her) Chandler: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship. Joey: Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'. Chandler: Right. So, it'll be the same except less sex with you. (Joey nods) Ross: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there? Chandler: Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like. Phoebe: (enthusiastic) That's great. Chandler: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating (At the same time, Gunther puts down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler) Chandler: (grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble! (Gunther shoots a nasty look at him while leaving) Ross: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising. Monica: Ross, you did not come up with "got milk?" Ross: Yes, I did, I did! (He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down!
Monica: You want some help with that?
(Joey returns with a piece of pizza as Chandler and Phoebe exit.)
Benjamin: I've come here to apologize. I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie interfere with the interview process.
Phoebe: Then what's wrong with them? Would they not go with your tiny portions of pretentious food?
Monica: God, Ross is on a date with your sister! How weird is that?!
Rachel: (interrupting) I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex with another guy.
Ross: You want me to take some girl Ive never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! (Rachel glares at him.)
Joey: Okay, so will you meet with her?
ROSS: Ok, sweetheart, I'll call you later tonight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, you're not really gonna go through with this, are you?
ROSS: I don't, I don't understand. I mean, you, it's like we can't win with you guys.
Phoebe: Well, I didn't get embarrassed running next to Miss (panting). But no, okay. No, no, I can see why running with me would be embarrassing to you. Yeah, okay. You're uptight.
ROSS: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's chance for happiness.
JOEY: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.
[Ross enters with a melancholy look.]
PHOE: [comes back to couch, with cake] Sooo, what's goin' on, huh?
Rachel: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
Phoebe: Would you stop that! Do you wanna know the first thing she said when she came back from her lunch with Richard? She didn't feel anything for him. She loves you!
Ross: Dont you realise none of this wouldve ever happened if I didnt think at that same moment you werent having sex with Mark?
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, Chandler is playing with the bed.]
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.)
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
Phoebe: Yeah! Its so much better than first grade when you dont know whats going on and definitely better than third grade. Yknow with all the politics and mind games.
CHANDLER: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.
Ross: Well, I came with Rachel, who should be back any second! (pause) So what's new?
Mr. Posner: Yes, thats very good. Now a uh, big part of this job is cultivating personal relationships, especially with designers.
MONICA: It doesn't go with any of my stuff.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
Paul: Okay look, Ross, just so you know that since Lizzie likes you so much, Ive decided to accept the fact that youre going out with her.
(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)
Amy: You didn't want me to marry the old guy with the great apartment. Then, I tried to help your daughter to de-emphasize her flaws (frantically pointing at her nose) And suddenly I am the bad guy?
Monica: No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they come in! Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more than that. I'm- I'm Monana!
CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Rachel: Oh, please tell me its not because Im going with Mark.
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally garbled)
Ross: (grabbing a notepad and sitting down) All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.
Chandler: Hey! I will have you know that... aah, who am I kidding. Let's call the kid Geller and let Bing die with me.
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Joey enters with his new bag.]