words in movies
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
Joey: Ohh-oh, wasnt he cheating on you with her?
Rachel: Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isnt that sad? (Giggles.) God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be?
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Joey: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?
Rachel: (stunned) You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?
Chandler: Well its kinda hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that hes not real.
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
[Scene: A hospital hallway, Chandler is sitting on a gurney with his hands spread out behind his back. Then Monica comes and plops down on the gurney and one of his hands. Chandler immediately recoils in extreme pain.]
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Chandler: Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "Im with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "Im lost and I cant find food."
Carol: Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.
Joey: Fresh squeezed orange juice, with pulp! Just the way you like it.
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is watching Days of Our Lives. Of course its a Dr. Drake Remoray scene. Its set in a hospital room, and Dr. Wesley and a nurse are talking about a female patient with a bandage around her head.]
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Dr. Wesley: (with evil dripping off his tongue) Remoray!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Youre not dying Hope, youre gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler and Monica are there with Phoebe as Ross enters.]
Monica: I hope youre hungry, were starting with oysters. And yknow what they say about oysters, dont you?
Monica: And then were gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous-cous. Something we can eat, with our hands.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Chandler: Im sorry youre here with me instead of Roger.
Chandler: With Roger? (Monica shyly looks away.) Not just with Roger?! (Monica shrugs.) Oh my God!
Monica: Oh really? When? Do you wanna do it with me?
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Phoebe: Lets go! Come on! Move it! (Grabs her coat.) Come on! (To an old man whos holding her shoes and briefcase.) Shoes! Briefcase! (Takes them both.) Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. (She leaves.)
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Chandler: Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you!
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is returning from her disastrous attempt at an affair to find that Barry was much, much more successful with his.]
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Ross: Look I-I dont know whats going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that.
Ross: Hey! There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work! Okay? There are some men who will stand by and-and watch as their wives engage in-in what only can be described as a twosome with some-some woman she barely knows from the gym!
Chandler: Because you shouldnt be with him. (Pause.) You should be with me.
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
Chandler: I know you probably dont want to go out with me, yknow because I make too many jokes and Ive never been in a serious relationship and I guess Im not technically a "doctor "
Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.
Phoebe: Are you asking me out? Cause it would be kinda weird since you just broke up with my sister.
Monica: Okay, just wait, please. I promise we'll come up with something. Just give us a little more time.
Phoebe: Hey! (Jumps on the bed with him.) Can we pick up where we left off?
JOEY: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.
Monica: The Way You Look Tonight is on here! Dance with me?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is relating his recent conversation with Emily to the gang.]
Ross: Yeah, yeah, what's with the trophy!
Chandler: All right, I'd say we make a pact. Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
Rachel: (to Joanne) So what's going on with you?
Rachel: Or...I could call in sick and not deal with it at all...
Chandler: All right, think about it. Now remember when you were going out with that girl Donna and you guys broke up. Remember how horrible it was when you guys bumped into each other at the supermarket?
Monica: Good! Now I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I am harsh with you, it is only because you are doing it wrong.
Joey: (entering, with his grandmother) Hey everybody, look who's here! You remember my grandmother!
Sarah: What? what is the matter with you?
Phoebe: (To Monica under her breath) Simmons! Go with Simmons!
Rachel: When Carol was pregnant with Ben
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, with the giant entertainment center Joey is exiting from his room.]
[Fade to Black, then fade in again with Ross stopped at the doorway.]
Phoebe : WHO DID YOU SEE HIM WITH?
Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.
Joey: Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...
Ross: I don't know you'd be so bored with marriage. I mean it's so... normal.
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Dude! I am trying to sleep! (Shrugs to say, "Whats up with that?")
Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...
(from 1.07 - "The One With The Blackout")
(from 5.08 - "The One With the Thanksgiving Flashbacks")
Rachel: Yeah! Especially not with all of these knives and cookbooks around
(from 4.12 - "The one With the Embryos")
Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Elizabeth: Yeah! Im just going down there to relax and hang out with my friends.
Phoebe: least you've been married, OH MY GOD! I wanna trade lives with Ross (cries more)
MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.
A Tourist: (To Joey) Would you mind doing a picture with us?
Chandler: Yknow what? I dont trust you with this cake anymore! And I got it first, and Im takin it back! (Grabs the cheesecake and heads for his apartment.)
Monica: We have too! I mean what if Ross's hears that and then calls her back and then they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you?
Rachel: No, I also had to go to a couple houses with him as his girlfriend. Oh, I am just awful with children!
Monica: What? Something happened with the plates?
Joey: All right, Im here, lets ahh, get this over with.
Rachel: Look, Im fine. Watch. (She picks up an aspirin between her toes) Look at that. (She lifts her leg to grab the aspirin with her hand and almost falls over.) Whoa-whoa!
Monica: See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And here is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs. (To Chandler) Did you hear that Chandler? No such thing!
(With one last mighty tug the combatants lose their grip and split, each holding one candlestick.)
Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
David: Well, i-it's okay. I-I-I understand... Well, s... well, are you happy with this guy?
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Joey: Look, does someone mind switching to sit with Charlie?
Woman On Train: I made a bet with myself that you have beautiful eyes. Now that I see them, I win.
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldnt have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Monica: All right then, when Im done with this place, its gonna be ten times better than that place!
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]
Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
Julie: Yeah, we are going to share every moment of this with you. And I think were gonna have some fun.
Rachel: Oh hey! Hey Ross! Hey hows it, hows it going with you and Mona? Are you guys still together?
Joey: Yeah, I thought so too but, she said the casting people had some problems with me.
Monica: Yeah with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.
Rachel: You were with Kenny today, werent you?
(Ross enters the apartment with Amy)
Chandler: Well, you have to honest with her! Otherwise you may think that youre going down the same path, but youre really going down different ones.
Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.
[Russ and Julie look at each other with love in their eyes. The music builds...]
Monica: (entering with Erica and Chandler) Hey you guys.
Monica: Sweetie, with you its gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great, cause you-you guys are in love.
Monica: What is with you?
Joey: Felicity and I, were watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "Im never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think Im just wasting my life with this acting thing?
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
JOEY: What're you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel?
Monica: Are you saying that you dont want to get with this?
Phoebe: How could it not be? I mean pretty soon theyre gonna be having kids, and then theyre just gonna be hanging out with other couples who have kids. And then maybe theyre gonna have to leave the city to be near a Volvo dealership.
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]
Tommy: Hot coffee!!! You idiot!! You were gonna spill hot coffee all over me, huh?!! What are you just some big, dumb, stupid, doofy idiot, with a doofy idiot hairdo, huh?! Huh?!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's future house. They enter the living room with the realtor and Joey.]
Monica:: But you don't remember sleeping with her.
(The doctor hands the boy to the nurse, and she walks over to another part of the room with him.)
Ross: No, no, NO, you cannot go to dinner with him.
MONICA: They love each other, and they wanna celebrate that love with the people that are close with them.
Mike: I'm not blowing her off, I actually just got off the phone with her, were going out tomorrow night, I mean I hope that's ok with you stranger from the coffee house.
Transcribed by: r3v3LaT1oN with corrections and additional information by Keith Owen
[The next clip is from The One With The East German Laundry Detergent.]
Phoebe: You okay with this?
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
Monica: Okay, you come up with an idea.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other.
Rachel: Oh wow. Why dont we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs. Monica just glares at her.) These pins arent for playing are they?
(She starts walking across the darkened room and hits her head on a wind chime hanging from the ceiling, to stop it from making a noise she grabs it and Shhhs it. She goes into the kitchen and finds Phoebe Sr.s appointment book, to read it she opens the freezer. Just as she starts to read, Phoebe Sr. jumps out from her bedroom with a coat hanger, startling Phoebe.)
(She storms into his apartment to find him with a towel around his shoulders, a bowl on his head, and Phoebe with scissors in her hand.)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
Hillary: You know, youre a really great listener. Most guys I go out with, they just talk and talk.
Rachel: Im not asking you to go on a date with him!
CHANDLER: All right. (reading her answer) "My husband is sleeping with his secretary." She's married!
Ross: Hotel? Why isn't she staying with you guys?
Rachel: (threatening Joey with a scrunchy): Step away from the crib, I have a weapon!
Rachel: (talking with a higher voice, and puckered lips kind of like you do to a baby or...well a puppy its hard to explain. Just use your imagination!) Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but Ive got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. (still talking like that) Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously cant stop it. (exits)
Monica: Who's Gladys? (Phoebe shows her a horrific painting with a half-a-body girl dummy coming out of the frame. Monica's frightened and she gasps.) Oh! What a tragic loss!
Joey: Oh, let me get this. (He takes out his wallet, but the panties come with it. The woman and waitress are shocked.) (Realizing) (To the woman) These are for you.
Joey: All right look, yknow how-yknow how when youre dating someone and you dont want to cheat on them, unless its with someone really hot?
Rachel: Hi Tag! Hey, so did you have fun with uh, with Joey last night?
Chandler: Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and (apes Janice's voice) "Oh My God"!