words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. The scene starts where we took off in the last episode with Ross seeing Joey and Rachel kissing. Rosss tares at them.]
Phoebe: Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., 'cause he's meeting me here with the triplets.
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Colleen: Everything is broken down into categories, and then cross-referenced, and then colour-coded to correspond with the forms in the back.
(Chandler tries to come up with a good answer.)
(Ross enters carrying a frying pan with fajitas - without any oven mitts.)
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
Ross: Wasn't it? And you thought it would be awkward with Joey and that you never really liked Rachel.
(Ross enters from the kitchen with three plates with flan.)
Rachel: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this.
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Joey: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly..
Ross: This is crazy. I mean, six years? And because of me you guys aren't gonna be together? Can I ask you something? Really, what is this thing with you and Rachel?
Joey: Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it.
Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]
Joey: Bye-bye. (The interviewer leaves and he sits down with the rest of the gang.) I did it!
Doug: Oh Bing, look at those twin sisters dancing together. Let me buy you a lap dance with those girls. Huh?
Ross: (coming out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee, almost running into Tommy) Oh-ho, whoa! Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot coffee on you.
Joey: What the hells the matter with you?! This is my favourite jersey.
Ross: I grew up with Monica! If you didnt eat fast you didnt eat!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
[Cut back to Monica and Rachel's apartment, Rachel is singing along with a song and dancing while facing the big picture window. Y'know, I think I'd pay real good money to be on the other side of that window!]
Melissa: I-Ive got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Heres my card. (Hands the card over.)
Ross: Thats right, I love you! And-and Im gonna play with you all the time.
RACHEL: Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him.
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.
[We close with a bunch of scenes where they screw up and make weird noises. It finishes with.]
Hayley: I really, really think I would remember sleeping with you
Emily: Well I mean, youre American to start with. You dont even have rugby here.
Phoebe: All right, Im gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.
Monica: Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! (She ignores Monica and Monica follows her out into the hall with Phoebe in tow.) It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasnt on purpose! But what youre during to me now is just plain spiteful!
Phoebe: Aren't we done with that?
Rachel: Are you kidding? Eight hours with my mother talking about Atkins? Good luck, Emma!
Bob: Toby! Im not gonna let you cover for him. Anything you say right now will just get me more upset with Chandler!
Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. (he mimes hitting his head with his fist)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Chandler: Looks like Joey is doing allright with her.
Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Chandler: Okay. (He walks away disgusted with himself.)
Monica: Okay, I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these (she gives Chandler a bowl with cranberries. Then, while she's going outside, she sees him with a bottle of soap in his hands) Not with soap!! (she leaves)
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Chandler: Yknow that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "Youre half Scottish right?"
Chandler: Love what you've done with the place.
Phoebe: No, Im-Im not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with "The."
Rachel: I dont care! All right, yknow what Im just upset that Im getting nowhere with Joshua thatyknow what still, you do not meet someone and go flitting off to Vermont!
Ross: You know what, its, its better this way anyway. I mean I dont know what I was thinking, going down that road again with us. Its just much easier if were just friends who have a kid.
[Scene: The Philly, With or Without You is playing. (Which is the same song Ross played for Rachel in TOW the List.)]
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I have nothing to do with casting.
JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....
Phoebe: I-I wanna be with her, (points to the stripper next to her) I like her.
Chandler: Did she go out with him?
Ross: Of course! It all adds up! I mean you youre obsessed with her. Its always, "Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?" "Ross, why-why are you moving in with Rachel?" "When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?" You want her!
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Rachel: What?! Joey, you dont want to go on a date with a pregnant lady.
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
Michelle: Why would he break up with me?
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
Rachel: I would love to live with you Ross; thats-thats great! Thank you!
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Rachel: No! I do not care what my hormones are doing, I am not going to just do it with some random guy!
Joey: Hey! Tall guy! Hey, listen, I wanted to talk to you about that girl that youre dancing with.
Phoebe: So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna go ahead and set them up with people?
Kim: (to Nancy) So, okay! So you'll come with me on the Paris trip.
Chandler: No no no! Look, Carol, can I call you Carol? (Pause) Wh-why would I when your name is Elaine? Oh what a great picture of your son, strapping! (She glares at him.) Thats a picture of your daughter, isnt it, well shes lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw. Ill call you from Tulsa. (Exits.)
CHAN: Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it.
Joey: You know what? You are my friends, I wanna be supportive, I will come with you. SHOTGUN!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Sick Monica is trying to entice Chandler to have sex with her.]
Rachel: Pheebs, this guy has been obsessed with your sister, for God knows how long, okay, you don't just give up something like that.
(He walks out quickly with Emma in his arms.)
(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)
Ross: Hows Monica coming along with her vows?
MONICA: Yes, because all good plans start with, "I'll go down the fire escape."
Monica: Uh well that depends, how are things with Phoebe?
Joey: No, things are fine with Kathy. Im having a late dinner with her tonight, right after my early dinner with Casey.
Mrs. Green: I just had the greatest idea! Im gonna come live with you!
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
Joey: What is wrong with me. It looked more delicious when it was a penis.
(Rachel walks away, pleased with her self.)
Chandler: Bet she'd sleep with you now...
Chandler: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?
Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!
Ross: (yelling at Chandler) I have sex with dinosaurs??
Chandler: Yeah, oh, but I just keep picturing you rolling around with him with your cowboy boots in the air...
Joey: Ha-ha, very funnyLook! I dont know what to do! I really want you guys to get along. Just please come to the movie with us. I mean you owe me!
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.
Manny: What's with the kissing?
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
MONICA: [Chandler tries to come back with a smart-ass remark but can't swallow the muffin.] Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow.
Benjamin: I'm sorry. I just haven't seen her for so long! All these feelings are rushing back! I'm starting to realize how much I missed her, and I'm gonna need you to break up with her.
Monica: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out. (hands them the poem)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
Chandler: (sees another rack) Well, whats the deal with these? These-these look nice.
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. (he suddenly becomes very serious) So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
Phoebe Sr: I mean, I know what Im talking about. I gave up two babies, and I only wish I had someone there that had given up babies, that could tell me how terrible it is to give up babies. I just think that, it would be something you will regret every single day for the rest of your life. So, how ever hard it is to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child. (Phoebe is playing with the puppy again, and not listening) I really shouldnt have given you the puppy first.
Dr. Green: I have no idea, I went to the bathroom. So sweetie, you were starting to tell me what is uh, what is new with you.
Monica: Hes totally flirting with you too.
CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
(Monica starts taking pictures of Ross and Ben, with the flash.)
The Wedding Guest: Oh, I used to work with Frannie.
Chandler: Kathys with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandolf dude!
Rachel: So Pheebs, what are you going to do with your $3?
Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.
MONICA: Rachel if you, if you want to go out with him, you can. Sound like a big jerk to me but if that's what you want to do...
Phoebe: So, I need to write some depressing stuff to go along with my new floozy voice, but nothing that sad has ever really happened to me.
Rachel: You guys are gonna love meee! Okay, check it out, Thursday night, five tickets, Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys are coming with me. (theyre all silent and look away) Okay, I said that out loud right?