words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. The scene starts where we took off in the last episode with Ross seeing Joey and Rachel kissing. Rosss tares at them.]
Phoebe: Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., 'cause he's meeting me here with the triplets.
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Colleen: Everything is broken down into categories, and then cross-referenced, and then colour-coded to correspond with the forms in the back.
(Chandler tries to come up with a good answer.)
(Ross enters carrying a frying pan with fajitas - without any oven mitts.)
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
Ross: Wasn't it? And you thought it would be awkward with Joey and that you never really liked Rachel.
(Ross enters from the kitchen with three plates with flan.)
Rachel: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this.
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Joey: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly..
Ross: This is crazy. I mean, six years? And because of me you guys aren't gonna be together? Can I ask you something? Really, what is this thing with you and Rachel?
Joey: Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it.
Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]
Joey: (entering with Monica) Hey, is, is, is Chandler here?
CAROL: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away and everything.
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.)
Monica: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if you're taking over, you should probably return these messages. (hands her a stack of papers with messages and calls to return)
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
Monica: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.
Phoebe: No. It starts with a "v" and ends with an "x". Helpfully with a "to" in the middle.
Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid.
Ross: Oh no, I have plans with Elizabeth.
Rachel: Well, why doesnt he practice with a girl?
Phoebe: I can't believe I never realized this before, I'm in my thirty's and never been in a long-term relationship oh my god (starts crying) what's wrong with me.
(In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)
Sandy: No, none at all. You need to be happy with whoever is in your home... Although if you don't mind telling me, what was your problem? Maybe it's something I can work on in the future.
Joey: Oh, want a good name, go with Joey. Joeys your pal. Joeys your buddy. "Where is everybody?" "Well, theyre hanging out with Joey."
Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!
Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.
Chandler: Oh thats right. Its your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?
Ross: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me.
Chandler: You know, I - I think you're set with the poultry.
[The next clip is from The One With The List.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with Rachel.]
Ross: (entering, with Ben) Hi!
Chandler: (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model inside the vestibule with him. He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance.)
Rachel: What is the matter with us?
Monica: Well you know it's just like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing "This is what my sister would look like" (Looks at Chandler)
Phoebe: (entering with an aquarium covered by a towel) Hey, Joey, I got you another present. (She puts it on the counter)
Monica: Oh! Do you need me to go with you?
Monica: Okay, what's going on with you?
Chandler: Hi sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering?
(Seeing Rachels apparently okay with this, the rest of the gang jumps up to congratulate Ross and Emily on their pending nuptials.)
Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (Hes holding a script.)
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Rachel: No you guys, I am not getting in a car with him, youll have to think of something else.
Monica: What is going on with you?
[cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video]
Chandler: You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.
Joey: Umm, listen, Ross do you really think this moving in with Rachel is a good idea?
Chandler: (looks him in the eye) I'm not breaking up with her! (they stare at each other for a while, then Joey blows in his face)
Ross: The flirting! Aren't you supposed to be going out with, I don't know hmm, let's say my sister?!
Joey: Well, I'm starting to make good money on the show and I'm thinking... I should probably do something with it.
Joey: All right, let's do it! 5 hour flight with Charlie, have a couple of drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.
Rachel: (looking at the bulletin board with baby pictures) So, which of these babies do you think is the ugliest?
Chandler: And a date with a man!
[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandlers Hotel room in London in The One With Rosss Wedding.]
(He hesitates, then goes over to dance with her.)
Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joeys sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, thats not the worst part.
Ross: No. Rachel hooked me up with a tux! But not just any tux, Batmans tux!
Ross: My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us.
Lewis: Yeah, Im all in love with you and stuff. So could you change my grade?
Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if youd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe youd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
Emily: Oh, theres tonnes of terrific stuffIll go with you!
Rachel: Youd be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me, and made love to me?
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.]
Monica: Well, instead of being sad that tonight is my last night together with Rachel we thought wed go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that Rachel is moving in with Phoebe.
Joey: (to Ross) So, er... how did it go with Celia?
Monica: Look, not that I enjoy talking about people who I went to high school with, cause I do, but umm, maybe we could talk about something else? Like you, I dont even know where you work?
Rachel: Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
Joey: I'm mad at you for leaving! You're nothing but a big leaver. Big leaver with a stupid suitcase.
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has just broken up with Julie and is about to get with Rachel.]
Robin: Why? Why?! Whats wrong with me?!
Ross: (To Chandler) You made out with Missy Goldberg. How could you do that, after you promised me?
RACHEL: Horrible and degrading list of reasons not to be with me?
Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him.
Chandler: (starts to laugh, but then gets serious) So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time?
Monica: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
JOEY: Hey, are you cool with this. I mean, I don't want to leave you high and dry.
WAITER: (with tray and two drinks)� Excuse me.� Um, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.
Joey: I mean seriously, shes like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadnt and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and (Realizes everyone is staring.) I havent bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
Ross: Filming Rachel is not something I planned. Okay look, heres what happened, and Joey you-you can back me up on this. All right, about-about a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing.
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Mike: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone...
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)
Joey: No, Im gonna!! Thats right! Yeah, you made me feel really guilty about goin out with that girl! Like-like-like I did something terrible to you! And now Pheebs, youre doing the same thing!
Rachel: Are you kidding?! With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the stars! It was really wonderful! Did you just make that up?
Rachel: All right, so... Ross, you're ok with all this? I mean...
Ross: How weird is that? Yknow? Youre moving in with me and have the one thing I dont have. Its like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
Doctor: Ill be right with you. Okay? (to the nurse) Thanks, Wendy.
Phoebe: Well, we didnt have a lot of money. But the girl across the street had the best bike! It was pink and it had rainbow colored tassels hanging off the handle grips, and-and-and a bell and this big, white wicker basket with those plastic daisies stuck on.
Rachel: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for.
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
(Rachel agrees with him and starts to get out of bed.)
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Monica: What's with him?
Phoebe: Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth. (Joey, with an obvious mouth full, nods yes.)
Phoebe: So, I decided Im definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Joey: A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldnt schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!
Chandler: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule.
Kim: No. No! You're doing great! Dont you give up! That's why we didn't tell you and we're not gonna drag you down with us.
Joey: Yeah. We figured when we couldnt find you, youd gone home to make up with Rachel. Which is probably what you shoulda done. Huh?
(Both Rachel and Monica walk into their bedrooms, stop, and come back into the living room with confused looks on their faces.)