words in movies
[a stranger enters with flowers]
MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?
PHOEBE: OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend.
PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace.
CHANDLER: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.
ROSS: It's just, it's, it's me. You, you know I've only been with one woman my whole life and she turned out to be a lesbian. So now I've got myself all psyched out, you know, and it's become, like this, this thing and I. . . Well, you just must think I'm weird.
RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another man. That just means it's working.
RACHEL: More than jewelry. [Rachel struts off, extremely pleased with herself]
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
ROSS: What's wrong with people having sex?
[video starts with the cheesy porn disco music]
PHOEBE: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been with?
DUNCAN: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college.
RACHEL: OK Julie, so now let's start with your childhood, what was that like?
RACHEL: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well, well then that's, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.
RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that.
RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.
Monica: Because hell know what to do? (Rachel comes out of her room with a bear thats dressed in a rain suit.) Oh my God, youre a genius!
Monica: Honey, you know I think you're hilarious! Come on, you know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye...? (he laughs) That slayed me.
Chandler: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why won't you go out with her again?
ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you.
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
Monica: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard-the-"I-win"-guy. (imitating) "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two monthsI didn't get to win once.
Monica: Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner! Okay, are we done with that?
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Phoebe: Ooh, I'll go in on that with you! I couldn't think of anything.
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
Leslie: Yeah, but, I dont do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldnt come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Ross: (Covering his mouth with the glass.) How about all the way.
Rachel: Yeah and you stretch em out with your big old clown feet.
Phoebe: Well then, you should look with us.
Ross: Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
(Rachel taps into view; she is in perfect sync with the rest of the class)
Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
Monica: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial.
Monica: What is going on with you? Since when are you so crazy about babies?
Kathy: Umm, (moves her hands down to his butt) I love this touchy. Can I take it to work with me?
Frank: So wait, whats the deal here, I can have sex with you, but I cant touch you?
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]
Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?
Chandler: Oh, thats Parents Day, first grade. Thats me with the janitor Martin.
Chandler: We dont have to come up with this now.
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, hes happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
Rachel: (interrupting) Still in love with?!
Chandler: This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.
Phoebe: Thats good, you should be impulsive and you should be romantic. Just you did it with the wrong person. (He looks at her.) What?
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Rachel: (touched) Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]
(They both start speaking Italian to each other, and since I'm not Italian and don't understand one word, we'll move on to the English portion of the show. Not, that I'm English. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I'm not. Y'know I think I should shut-up now and move on. Anyhoo, she says something about Joey being fat I think based on this line.)
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing 'Axel-F']
Rachel: Uh, we are here to break up with you.
Rachel: (looking out the window) What's with the rain, Geller? I mean, when I signed up for Dino Week, nobody said anything about it being monsoon season.
(Ross enters with a gift for the baby.)
Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, shes not with us.
Director: Whats the matter with you? Get out of here!
Ross: Yes it is. See. (Shows them the piece of paper she gave him with her name and phone number on it.)
Phoebe: I know, but that creep that I went on that date with goes to there so I have to find a new one. I also have to find a new video store, a new bank, a new adult bookstore, a new grocery store
Big Nosed Rachel: Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson. I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs!
Chandler: Yeah! Sure, sure. So, what was going on with you today? Oh-oh-oh!
Chandler: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.
Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)
Chandler: Yknow, Im so glad I picked you to help me with this.
(Notices Ross looking at him and stops. Ross gives him his 'quiet down' maneuver. Okay, this may take a while to explain, so center this on you screen and place your hands about a foot apart with your fingers together and pointing straight up. Now take you fingers and point them at the other hand and making a 90-degree angle with each of your hands and the first knuckle counting up from the wrist. Now take your right hand, no your other right (that was for the dyslexics), and lower it a couple of inches, so that the fingers are pointing at your wrist. Now take your arms and keeping the elbows bent and your hands in front of you spread out your arms, kinda like making a bird's wing. Now hunch your shoulders over and move you hands up and down as if you are trying to tell some one to turn it down. That's Ross 'quiet down' maneuver. Well, there is an accompanying face, but I don't want to try and describe it as well.)
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
PHOEBE: Yeah. . . I'm sorry.� We weren't really looking for anything to happen with you guys.� I, I have a boyfriend.
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: I know, it�s the first time, we�re leaving the baby and � hey, I know how hard it is for you, but � but Emma is gonna be fine. My mom is gonna be with her. She�s great with kids.
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Joey: With this ring? (Her engagement ring.) No contest.
Phoebe: Cause youre still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One With George Stephanopoulos, Phoebe is showing Monica and Rachel that she brought Operation to their slumber party.]
ROSS: Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?
Chandler: (arm-in-arm with Monica) Hey Pheebs!
Chandler: ...little playthings with yarn?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross is on his date with Kristen and theyre drinking wine.]
Ross: Open with a joke? Its a university, not a comedy club!
Ross: Pa-haa!! I would love to go with you.
Joey: Well to tell you the truth, they uh, (Pause) they had a problem with the bag!
Rachel: They sent me home from work. They were like, "Start your maternity leave now! Just rest, get ready for the baby." Well yknow what? Screw em! If they dont want me there, Ill just hang out with you guys.
Joey: Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I dont want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, Im thinking Ill probably start with that laser eye surgery too.
Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me.
Rachel: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?
Joey: Oh, ‘They are warm, nice, people with big hearts’.
Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
Rachel: With Ross and Jill?
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is just finishing up a meeting with his boss and the rest of his team.]
Erica: Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I have only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.
Rachel: Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?
(He hear a duck start quacking, and see it waddle into the living room from the bathroom. Joey wants to know whats with the duck.)
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr
PHOEBE: Please, I almost fell for that with, uh, Pride of the Yankees, I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
Chandler: (with a quivering voice) No, Im not!
Monica: Oh, the way you crushed Mike at ping pong was such a turn-on.You wanna...? (plays with her finger on Chandlers chest)
Phoebe: Oh, she's that work of art I made, you know, with the woman coming out of the frame.
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Phoebe: Hey Joey, want come with me to… are you ok?
Monica: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out?
Monica: (goes to Chandler) Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today and... em... they think you're having an affair.
RACHEL: Yeah, who's gonna eat all our food, and tie up our phone lines, and - is that my bra? What the hell you doin' with my bra?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with the chick and the duck.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]
Young Ethan: No, don't say it. (closes Monica's mouth with his hand)
Rachel: Well, believe it or not, it's true. When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. He was thoughtful and mature. And for the one week that we went out, he didn't sleep with anybody else!
Chandler: Okay, she is the star of the play. And she is my girlfriend! I get to have sex with the star of the play!
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.)
Rachel: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girls apartment! That is a boys apartment, its dirty and it smells. This is pretty. Its-its so pretty! And look, and its-its purple! And Im telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand. (She holds out her hand, which is shaking uncontrollably.)