words in movies
Written by: Jeff Greenstein & Jeff Strauss Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling.
Phoebe: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you.
Phoebe: No, I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up with Tony.
Monica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your own".
Monica: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with her.
Angela: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, trying to convince Monica to pose as his girlfriend. His plan is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take Angela back for himself.]
Monica: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls.
Joey: (proud) I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please?
Ross: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there, both ready to break up with their significant others.]
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.]
Rachel: (holds a pair of panties in front of Ross) Ok, Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.]
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Lewis: No hes not! Hes totally yanking your chain! Hes done this with three other teachers!
Joey: And youre Okay with that?
Monica: You may be okay about getting hurt, but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you. Thats why I cant take this job.
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Ross: (entering with a pizza and beer) Hey!
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, its probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women So, as of 4 oclock tomorrow, Im either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
Joey: (gets very angry) Damnit Carl! (Carl goes to say something more, and Joey silences him with a grunt.)
Ross: Was there anything you did wrong with Emma?
Rachel: No!! No! Hes not married, or involved, with anyone!
Chandler: Dont try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!
[Cut to later in that episode. Chandler is in his bathroom with Monica, and hes panicking on how far Phoebe is pushing him.]
Ross: Look guys, when Im with her its-its-its like she brings this-this-this great side out of me. I mean I-I-I love her, yknow?
Joey: (sitting at the kitchen table with his back to the TV) You sick bastards!
Melissa: You do now. Youre having dinner with me.
Chandler: Look, Im sorry! But theres nothing I can do, I think Im in love with her!
(Ross and Rachel enter with Emma.)
Phoebe: Why did you go along with that?
Girl: Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
Phoebe: She untied his G-string with her teeth. (Pause) Somebody stop me!
Phoebe: Oh sure! (She goes to take her feet off, but drags the sheet with her which spills the wine.) Noo!
Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.
Chandler: (looking up with her) Thats a plane!
Hayley: I would love to go out with you.
Monica: Look, I'm not happy about this either, but y'know if-if Ross says he's happy then we're just gonna have to keep our feelings about Emily to ourselves. Are you cool with that?
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
Phoebe: What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, (reading) 'My vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase!
Ross: Good yeah just be honest with him.
Rachel: Oh no no no no no, Gavin can't, he already has plans, most likely with his mother.
[Scene: Phoebe is sitting with Mike, explaining about Vicrum.]
CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it.
Phoebe: (picks up a dress) Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?
Monica: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides yknow, nothing goes with Bing. So Im screwed. I mean (Rachel hands Emma to Monica.) Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, thats you. Youre our little Em. Oh whats that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? (To Chandler) You want a cousin right now?!
Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.
Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, Look how much money weve got! Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean itll be dry, but people will like it.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Okay, you have to switch with me! Monica is driving me crazy!
[Scene: The Laundromat, Rachel is fighting with that old, annoying woman for a cart.]
Monica: (entering with husband) Happy birthday!
Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him whats on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.]
[Cut to Phoebes room, Phoebe has put her helmet on one of her teddy bears and is playing around with it. Ross knocks and pokes his head in the door.]
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Ross is passed out on the kitchen counter. He wakes up with a start and has one of the pages of the letter stuck to his face.]
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Rachel: Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I cant! I cant! I cant! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just cant. Its just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I cant do it! I cant do it.
Rachel: (indignant) What, the blonde with no bra?
Phoebe: So, he a little enthusiastic, whats wrong with that?
Joey: Ah, y'know just in general people being gay, thing. Im totally cool with that.
Ross: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.
Joey: Hey, what about the scene with the kangaroo? Did-did you like that part?
Rachel: I love working with designers!
Joey: Without that, you just got "lame with women".
Rachel: Well, y'know, if-if kids like to play with Capri pants.
Monica: I don't know it! I want to have a kid with you because I think you're going to be an amazing dad... at the fun parts and the hard parts.
Rachel: Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her green dress. If that doesn't work, you can wear my gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?!
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
Ross: Okay, first of all, I dont play with cheaters, and second of all, you know I had swollen glands!!
Ross: Okay lets put aside that you (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) "accidentally" picked up my grandmothers ring and you (Does it again) "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.
Chandler: You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them. (Goes and gets some coffee at the counter.)
MR. GELLER: Of course not. With you it's like I've got two 25-year-olds.
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.
Phoebe: What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if hes married? (Rachel looks at her.) No, yeah, I should.
Phoebe: Yes, but I wanted you to want to live with me, but okay, if you're having so much fun over here
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table, playing Scrabble. Rachel, still in her dressing gown, is pleading on the phone, her free hand shaking with agitation.]
[Scene: Central Park, Phoebe is now riding her bike with ease and stops in front of Ross. They both giggle.]
Pete: Look, the only who stands to get hurt is me. And Im okay with that.
Monica: What do you do with your money now?
Rachel: Umm, Im sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Ross: Why? What was wrong with her?
Amy: No, I'm not talking about you. <to Rachel> It was your fat friends brother with that bad afro, do you remember?
Phoebe: Not personal, really, well they said that they never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent.
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
Rachel: Well that is because you have never been on a date with me before.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
Joey: Bye-bye. (The interviewer leaves and he sits down with the rest of the gang.) I did it!
Doug: Oh Bing, look at those twin sisters dancing together. Let me buy you a lap dance with those girls. Huh?
Ross: (coming out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee, almost running into Tommy) Oh-ho, whoa! Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot coffee on you.
Joey: What the hells the matter with you?! This is my favourite jersey.
Ross: I grew up with Monica! If you didnt eat fast you didnt eat!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
[Cut back to Monica and Rachel's apartment, Rachel is singing along with a song and dancing while facing the big picture window. Y'know, I think I'd pay real good money to be on the other side of that window!]
Melissa: I-Ive got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Heres my card. (Hands the card over.)
Ross: Thats right, I love you! And-and Im gonna play with you all the time.
RACHEL: Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him.
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.
[We close with a bunch of scenes where they screw up and make weird noises. It finishes with.]
Hayley: I really, really think I would remember sleeping with you
Emily: Well I mean, youre American to start with. You dont even have rugby here.
Phoebe: All right, Im gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.
Monica: Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! (She ignores Monica and Monica follows her out into the hall with Phoebe in tow.) It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasnt on purpose! But what youre during to me now is just plain spiteful!
Rachel: Are you kidding? Eight hours with my mother talking about Atkins? Good luck, Emma!
Phoebe: Aren't we done with that?
Bob: Toby! Im not gonna let you cover for him. Anything you say right now will just get me more upset with Chandler!
Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.
Chandler: Looks like Joey is doing allright with her.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. (he mimes hitting his head with his fist)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Monica: Okay, I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these (she gives Chandler a bowl with cranberries. Then, while she's going outside, she sees him with a bottle of soap in his hands) Not with soap!! (she leaves)