words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time!
Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.)
Monica: (entering) Oh good youre all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four oclock. (To Rachel) Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?
Rachel: Wow! I dont remember him. Honey, are you sure youre not talking about your imaginary boyfriend.
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Monica: All right okay, just so you know, Im not gonna make a turkey this year.
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!
Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But justtheres gonna be a ton left over.
Monica: All right, youre telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting?
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Monica: You too!
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Monica: No! No! No! No sweetie! No! Not like that! Were not at a barn dance. Youve gottayou wanna fold them like swans. Like I showed you at Christmas time, remember?
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Phoebe: Well I want to get in on this. Hey Mon? I dont think I can help you after all, I didnt realize this game was on.
Monica: Oh, I didnt know you liked football.
Monica: You like Green Bay?
Monica: Aww thanks! God Will Im so glad that you came! You look great! You mustve lost like
Monica: You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Will: Sure! Monica, I cant get over how great you look! You look stunning!
Monica: Well you look incredible too! Youre justyoure so fit!
Monica: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming.
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, Im in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no!
Phoebe: Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!!!
Monica: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, youve got almost an entire turkey to eat.
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Will: I actually know what youre talking about. Im here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff?
Will: Its good to see you man.
Ross: Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to?
Ross: Oh! Man I dont think Ive seen you since uh, Lance Davis graduation party.
Will: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?
Will: So what do you, what do you do now?
Ross: So how long are you in town?
Ross: Awoh, thats right. Are-are you gonna be okay?
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, hes Look at the way hes just staring at me. I think hes trying to mouth something to me, but I cant make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.")
Will: Oh I-I remember you.
Rachel: Really?! Arent you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis graduation party?
Will: You are unbelievable.
Rachel: Thank you!
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Will: Oh, youd like that wouldnt ya?
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Rachel: Umm, Im sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Phoebe: I think you do.
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Will: A little mean? You made my life miserable!
Will: Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams!
Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that Im real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school
Rachel: You had a club?!
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Will: You went out with her?! We had a pact!
Rachel: Okay Monica, did you know about this?!
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Ross: co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didnt handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Phoebe: What?! What else did you do?
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Will: Thats right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
Monica: You started that?!
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Chandler: Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!
Rachel: Monica, how come you never told me this?!
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Ross: Rach, I think youre reading a little too much into it.
Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, youre a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.)
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Will: Could you also tell them Im skinny now?
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Ross: (shocked) (To Rachel) How did you know that?!!!!
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Chandler: Im sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman?
Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Rachel: All right, yknowFine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! (Will laughs.)
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-youve been through so much since then. And right now youve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Cant you just let this go?
Will: Hold on! You got her pregnant?
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
Monica: Well Joey, were all were all very proud of you.
Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you?
Rachel: You can keep those pants by the way.
Joey: Whoaheywh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?
Monica: Yeah, you want some?
Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. (Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.) A little bigger. (Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.) Little bigger. (Monica moves the knife again.) What?! Are you afraid youre gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!
Phoebe: No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you.
Joey: Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?
Rachel: Yeah fun? Great! So uh, so did you guys hit it off?
Joey: Hey-hey, youre startin to sound like the butchers wife there in-in chapter seven.
Phoebe: Thank you, Happy Holidays.
Chandler: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
Phoebe: Well, of course I would want to see you. I I think about you all the time.
Ross: Well did you try calling her?
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)
Phoebe: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you.
Joey: (shouting) I can hear you!
Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant againThat isI tell ya, that is a tricky one!
Ross: Okay. (Sits down next to Phoebe.) You uh, you wanna hear something weird?
Ross: No, she likes that. Yeah. Faking sleep doesnt work either, I cant tell you how many mornings I woke up with her...
Ross: So I guess you bought that book after we broke up huh?
Monica: Thank you. Come meet my friends. This is uh, Phoebe.
Precious: He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever. (she starts to cry again)
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
Monica: What are you serious? You wanna marry him? Wha... What about Mike?
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Joey: Actually, that will be long. You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.
Ross: What, uh... what were you thinking?
JOEY: You got all that from saline solution?
Phoebe: Yes, when I first met you, you were like, "Blah, blah, blah." I was like, shhh!
Rachel: (annoyed) Ross, what is taking you so long?
Monica: Oh umm, how about your mom dying, or having to live on the streets when you were 14?
Rachel: Okay. So, can I serve you a little ofWhat? What? What? (She sees that Joshua isnt relaxed.)
RACH: All right, you know what? This isn't funny anymore. There's something about me on that piece of paper and I want to see it.
Monica: Lewis Posin! He was my best friend in fifth grade, and-and then one day I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said no. Do you know why?
Monica: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan.
Monica: Yeah, like I dont know, maybe you have a work problem that you need his advice on.
Rachel: Ross, those things go like 40 miles an hour! Ok? When you're... and there is that moment when you are at the top, when you just don't know if you're gonna return back to earth!
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. They even do you.
Monica: Maybe he didn't give you a chance.
Ballerina: Thank you. (Pirouettes.)
Rachel: I do need you! I need you to stand near my head!
Monica: Do you?
Rachel: God how long do you think thats gonna last?
Monica: Don't you have to pee?
Monica: Rach, theres something uh, important I have to tell you.
Rachel: Okay, Ill see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here.
Mindy: Hey, you.
Rachel: (whispering) Chandler!! Are you gonna call her!
Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye.
Monica: We took a cab. Did you guys walk?
Joey: So you like the nachos uh? Myself Im partial to
Rachel: (touched) Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
Rachel: Yeah well, not anymore I can't. He fired us! What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician. Wait wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up, you really liked your doctor. What was his name?
Joey: Oh... Yeah, you do.
Mindy: What do you mean?
Phoebe: You know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that report be any later?'
Rachel: You know what? Ive been thinking about it. Im really coming around on the name Ruth. I think I would actually consider naming our child that.
Monica: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from Texas.
Rachel: Uh, we are here to break up with you.
Barry: Both of you?
Chandler: I'm sorry, I thought you were Joey's other grandmother. (She just stares at him.) I've done it again.
Monica: Is all this about you not being able to grow a moustache?
Chandler: You ah, you have, you have to leave, now? How come?
Ross: Rach, you cant look fat in an x-ray.
Phoebe: Oh well, all right, I got (Ross hands her a bag) (To Ross) thank you, I got uh, this yknow "I want a job sweater." (Holds up the same sweater.)
Monica: You okay?
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Phoebe: You know he's gay?
Joey: And I think he would tell you it was a mistake.
Rachel: You don't know?!
The Teacher: Right. Are you looking for Jacks parents to discuss the problems hes having with Ben? (Phoebe nods Yes.) Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
Monica: (interrupting) Can I ask you just a little question, huh? Why tonight?
Chandler: (opening the bathroom door and kicking out the chick and duck) Would you give me one minute!! Please.
Rachel: All right, you know what? I am not leaving here, until you call that plane back!! (She pounds her hand on the counter twice. The ticket agent counters by placing the closed sign on the counter and tapping it twice.)
Phoebe: What are you doing?
Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... waah!
Phoebe: What are you talking about? Sarah's great!
Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, shes not with us.
Monica: How-how are you, Mom?
Phoebe: (following him) And did you notice the ice? (Gestures to 3 huge buckets of ice on the table.) Look! We have it all! We have crushed! Cubed! And dry! Watch! (Pours some water onto the dry ice, causing it to evaporate/smoke.) Ahhh! Mystical!
Director: Whats the matter with you? Get out of here!
Ross: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you a notice.
Phoebe: I don't know, you might be the first one.
Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.
Chandler: Yknow sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, arent they?
Joey: Where've you been?
RACHEL: Oh well, well thank you.� (She laughs.� He stares for a moment.)� Okay, stop.� Stop looking at me like that.� The last time that happened, (points to Ross) that happened.� (points to Emma.)
Monica: I cant believe this is taking so long. How are you doing?
MONICA: Joey, you know, maybe your just not used to kissing men, maybe you just tensed up a little, maybe that's what you need to work on.
Joey: Isn't there any way you can keep him?
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Rachel: Well did you know he was gonna ask me?
Chandler: Yeah! Sure, sure. So, what was going on with you today? Oh-oh-oh!
Joanna: The only person that should feel awkward is you, and you didnt tell him not to call me, did you?
Joey: (entering the bathroom) What are you guys doing in here?
Rachel: Well why didnt you take the job?
The Cooking Teacher: Oh yes! Youre an excellent chef! As a person youre a little
Joey: Yeah! You, Chan, and the vein!
Rachel: Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but Im soo happy!
Second Message: "Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want."
Ross: Hi, did you order some bananas?
Rachel: Since when do take naps in that position. Oh God Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy!