words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time!
Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.)
Monica: (entering) Oh good youre all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four oclock. (To Rachel) Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?
Rachel: Wow! I dont remember him. Honey, are you sure youre not talking about your imaginary boyfriend.
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Monica: All right okay, just so you know, Im not gonna make a turkey this year.
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!
Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But justtheres gonna be a ton left over.
Monica: All right, youre telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting?
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Monica: You too!
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Monica: No! No! No! No sweetie! No! Not like that! Were not at a barn dance. Youve gottayou wanna fold them like swans. Like I showed you at Christmas time, remember?
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Phoebe: Well I want to get in on this. Hey Mon? I dont think I can help you after all, I didnt realize this game was on.
Monica: Oh, I didnt know you liked football.
Monica: You like Green Bay?
Monica: Aww thanks! God Will Im so glad that you came! You look great! You mustve lost like
Monica: You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Will: Sure! Monica, I cant get over how great you look! You look stunning!
Monica: Well you look incredible too! Youre justyoure so fit!
Monica: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming.
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, Im in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no!
Phoebe: Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!!!
Monica: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, youve got almost an entire turkey to eat.
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Will: I actually know what youre talking about. Im here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff?
Will: Its good to see you man.
Ross: Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to?
Ross: Oh! Man I dont think Ive seen you since uh, Lance Davis graduation party.
Will: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?
Will: So what do you, what do you do now?
Ross: So how long are you in town?
Ross: Awoh, thats right. Are-are you gonna be okay?
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, hes Look at the way hes just staring at me. I think hes trying to mouth something to me, but I cant make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.")
Will: Oh I-I remember you.
Rachel: Really?! Arent you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis graduation party?
Will: You are unbelievable.
Rachel: Thank you!
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Will: Oh, youd like that wouldnt ya?
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Rachel: Umm, Im sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Phoebe: I think you do.
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Will: A little mean? You made my life miserable!
Will: Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams!
Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that Im real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school
Rachel: You had a club?!
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Will: You went out with her?! We had a pact!
Rachel: Okay Monica, did you know about this?!
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Ross: co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didnt handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Phoebe: What?! What else did you do?
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Will: Thats right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
Monica: You started that?!
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Chandler: Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!
Rachel: Monica, how come you never told me this?!
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Ross: Rach, I think youre reading a little too much into it.
Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, youre a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.)
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Will: Could you also tell them Im skinny now?
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Ross: (shocked) (To Rachel) How did you know that?!!!!
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Chandler: Im sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman?
Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Rachel: All right, yknowFine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! (Will laughs.)
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-youve been through so much since then. And right now youve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Cant you just let this go?
Will: Hold on! You got her pregnant?
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
Monica: Well Joey, were all were all very proud of you.
Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you?
Rachel: You can keep those pants by the way.
Joey: Whoaheywh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?
Monica: Yeah, you want some?
Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. (Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.) A little bigger. (Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.) Little bigger. (Monica moves the knife again.) What?! Are you afraid youre gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!
Chandler: Can I just say how much I appreciate you coming with me. When we get to Tulsa I'm taking you for a great dinner at 'Slim Pickings'. 'So Cheesy'? 'Whole Hog'? It's going to be tough to keep Kosher in Tulsa.
Ross: Wow! This picture of you sure is steamy.
Joey: Of course! Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didnt have the car! Right?
Rachel: Oh yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought wed lost you forever. Pheebs, you lie down?
Monica: Well, if you really think about it, I mean four days is not that long. I mean, I see you Monday before you go to work, and I see you Thursday when you get back, and I always work late on Tuesdays, so really if you think about it, it's really just one day. And well, if we can't make it one day, we've got real problems my friend.
The Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? (Ross nods yes.) It's cut in half!
Ross: Hey you guys, I need some fashion advice.
Ross: Oh but I-I-I haven't paid you yet!
Rachel: No, you're not! Last week you thought Ross was trying to kill you!
Monica: What-what was it you were gonna tell us?
Monica: Phoebe! You kinda caught me at a bad time.
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Yknow I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but yknow Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate.
Mike: No but... You don't want to get married either right?
Joey: Now, wait a second! You make food and robots?
Ross: Im sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but Ilook, I just want you guys to be safe. (Monica comes out to throw out the garbage and Ross screams ) DANGER!!!!! (She completely ignores him and keeps walking.) Ahhh, huh? Unagi.
Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug)
The Cooking Teacher: I think you should give him your star.
RACHEL: Ok, so Phoebe, now are you gonna call your dad and let him know that his dog is ok?
Monica: Thank you. (To Chandler.) I think I just had a tiny orgasm.
Joey: I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.
Monica: Are you gonna be ok, officer, uhm,...
Roger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, um, easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not love.
INTERVIEWER: So, uh, what are you going to do next?
Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?
Phoebe: I dontLook I dont know what youre complaining about now? You were both aware of the situation!
Monica: Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you?
Ross: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.
The Casting Director: Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
Rachel: (To Ross) I dont know. (To the gang.) What do you mean last night? Nothing, nothing uh, happened last night.
Kate: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie.
Mona: Ross, we we have to be strong. Okay, I-Im gonna go. (She picks up the shirt Ross has just set down.) Can I? To remember you?
Ross: Wha... what do you mean? (Goes to the laptop)
PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Monica: You went to one where you were popular, and you got to ride off Chips motorcycle, and wear his letterman jacket. I went to one where I wore a band uniform they had to have specially made.
Erica: Oh yeah. I actually liked you guys. But it doesn't matter, because what you did was wrong. (walks away again, but Chandler catches up with her again)
JOEY: One of the virus victims called in sick, so Cathy recommended me and boom, I'm dying on the gurney. Oh Ross, Marcel just finished his last scene if you want to go down there and say goodbye.
Chandler: Really? Like you have a routine?
Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.
Joey: Im falling in love with you.
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
Monica: How about if I dance around all covered in sauce? Huh? You think its funny now?
Rachel: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.
Rachel: Are you makin him a sandwich?
Chandler: (To Monica) Oh, well thank you in advance. (Kisses her.)
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
Tag: How did you know they were in my bottom drawer?
Parker: Isnt this the most incredible fight youve ever had in your entire life?
Phoebe: Well, I think that shirt makes you look like you should work at a Baskin Robbins... Anyway... Hey, isn't Joey's agent Estelle Leonard?
Joey: (To Chandler) Dude! What are yoyou trying to kill me?!
JOEY: Really, hey, you mind if I turn the heat down?
ROSS: Julie. Julie. That. Oh God. Julie, right. OK, I need to lie down. No, ya know, I'm gonna stand. I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna walk, I'm walkin' and I am standing. OK so you uh, and now wha... and now, now, now you're over me?
Chandler: (pours more and slides the refill to Joey) All right, say you do that. You know sooner or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where're you gonna run?
ROSS: Uh, hold, let me see, I don't know. So what're you gonna do. . . [doorbell rings]
Monica: (looking at Rachels jeans) Where did you get those jeans?!
Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.
Joey: He said that he wasnt gonna apologize because you guys are living here illegally, so instead what hes gonna do is have you evictedIll see you later.
Ross: (entering from the bathrooms) Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight?
Joey: Hmm. Do you sleep with women and never call them again?
Rachel: Okay..Okay.. Look. Im sorry that I lied to you before. You were right. Ralph and I were an item but were not anymore.
Chandler: (incredulous) I dont know what thats like?! Up until I was 25 I thought the only response to, "I love you," was, "Oh crap!"
Man: Alright, I gotta report you. What's your medallion number?
Ross: Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way (he turns her hand upside down) which uh, which was misleading. Well Im (He goes at sits down at his new table and the kids stare at him.) Hello.
Monica: Wow! I Had no idea you had this much pride.
Ross: Okay, okay, awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Ross: Hey, you're not naked! So hey, Rach, when will we expect to see you tonight?
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? Im asking you first, right?!. I mean Im playing by the rules.
Rachel: Oh, honey! Dont get up! What do you need?
Ross: Yeah, he-hes right, hes right. This is your time y'know, yeah, youre young, youre-youre weird, chicks dig that.
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, youre gonna be Dead Ross!
Rachel: But you said that you liked him! I mean what happened?! Did ya just change your mind?!
Monica: Like asking her to move in with you?
Rachel: I haven't seen you in like.. a year.
Rachel: Was that all you wanted to ask me?
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.
Ross: Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call Mom! Call Mom!
Monica: No, I want everything you just said. I want a marriage.
RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.
The Salesman: (Entering before Joey can say anything) Good afternoon, are you the decision maker of the house?
Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!
DR. REMORE: I know you do but you and I can never be together that way.
Joey: You know youve been spitting on me?!
Monica: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. (she apes Amanda using an awful British accent) "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!"
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Ross: You know sometimes your words... they hurt.
Joey: Hey, hey, uh, who did you miss the most?
Elizabeth: Oh yeah. So umm, did you have a nickname for me?
Joey: I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay?
Dr. Ledbetter: I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet.
JOEY: And you feel like we hold you back.
Chandler: There's not gonna be a next time! You can not ever see him again!
Phoebe: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.
Phoebe: I just cant decide who she looks more alike, you or Rachel?
PHOEBE: Ok, do you know how to go from D to A minor?
Joey: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?