words in movies
Ross: So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma. (he tries to take a cookie but Monica slaps his hand)
Ross: No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse, wh-was it a hair appointment, a mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's?
Rachel: (stopping a nurse who's coming out of a room) Oh, uhm, excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.
Rachel: Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here.
Ross: Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him.
Rachel: Oh! (They enter. Rachel sees his father, lying on a bed, with tubes, drip and everything) Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
Dr. Green: Ooh, I have a little heart attack.
Phoebe: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je".
Phoebe: I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall. (she leaves)
Ross: You had a rough day, uh?
Rachel: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
Ross: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
Rachel: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you stay here with me for a little while?
Ross: Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or...(There's one of those moments. They're staring at each other, no word uttered, and then she leans toward him in order to kiss him, but he ducks and avoids her more than once.) Oh, oh. (he then hugs her and when she tries to kiss him again, he stands up and she falls down on the bed). No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.
Ross: (outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!
Erica: Thanks so much for taking me to all those places. I had a great time.
Chandler: (enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!
Erica: Oh, sure. Yeah, well, he was my high school boyfriend. Captain of the football team, really cute and he got a scholarship and went off to college. (Monica and Chandler are smiling from ear to ear)
Erica: Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I have only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.
Erica: No... he killed his father with a shovel. (Monica and Chandler's jaws drop) But other than that, he's a great guy.
Chandler: Pff, easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "mom" on his shovel-wielding arm!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.]
Phoebe: Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO lets try it again.
Joey: Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) "Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu" (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See?
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!
[Scene: The hospital. Rachel is pouring her self a cup of coffee. Ross approaches from behind.]
Ross: Hey Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee?
Rachel: (She turns around very slowly, looks at him for a second and then turns back to her coffee) Sure. (She gives him the cup she was pouring for herself without looking at him)
Rachel: Hmm-hmm. (starts to pour herself a cup of coffee, never looking at Ross)
Rachel: In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex... just do it. (she smiles fakely at him)
Ross: (half amused) Wait, wait, (looks around a little) You're mad at me about last night? I was just trying to do the right thing.
Ross: I can't believe this. I was just being a good guy. I treated you with respect and understanding.
Rachel: Oh, really, well Ross, you know what? I am a big girl. I don't need someone telling me what is best for me.
Ross: I gotta say, I have not had sex a lot of times before, this is the worst ever.
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
Erica: (To Chandler) We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob (Monica smiles at Chandler and his he looks shocked and scared, getting no support from his wife)
Erica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy... it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
Phoebe: (in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.
Phoebe: Écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C'est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. (Translation: Listen, I will tell you the truth. He's my little bother. He's a bit retarded.)
Rachel: And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.
Rachel: It's a shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good.
Rachel: (after a pause) Not even one more time?
Rachel: You know, when two people have a connection, you know, that's... just seems like such a... waste.
Phoebe: It's off the resumé. (she strikes it through with a pencil)
Joey: Would fall off a lot.
Phoebe: You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
Phoebe: Come on! You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
Joey: All right, watch me! (he takes a full container of milk from the fridge) Okay, you time me. Ready?
(Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.)
Rachel: (nearly whispering) Ok, let's not make a big thing about this!
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)
Ross: Ah, yeah. We had a really good talk.
Ross: I actually had a topic in mind! Im, Im kinda going through a dry spell, sex wise.
Joey: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler.
Mike: One more thing... There... might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table.
Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
Mike: Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up.
Rachel: Ah, why, now I can't get a massage? There are so many things that she disapproves of! I can't eat veal, I can't wear fur, I can't go hunting...
Ross: (gasps) Hi... There she is. Hi Emma. Oh my God, I missed you. (kisses her) Oh Emma, I missed you so much. Hey... Did you have a good time with grandma Green? Huh? Did she give you a bottle of anti-depressants again to use as a rattle? (to Rachel)
JOEY: All right.� All right.� Then, maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around, huh?� (He checks the bathroom shaking the bat.� Then he proceeds to their bedroom.)� Bwa-ah-ah!
Joey: Youre ready to have a baby? My boys all grown up!
Rachel: Wow! Well, clearly this is not a good time.
Conan: But audiencesYou have a live studio audience and they must love that. They must love it when they see you guys playing.
Phoebe: Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you... He was gonna break-up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss-and-tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generations Milton Berle.
Phoebe: Okay, not a fan of the tough love.
Rachel: Yeah, I just get a little bummed when my birthday's over.
Monica: I have a problem.
(Chandler enters the bathroom, and Monica is standing there in a towel, with her hair stuck in the shower curtain.)
Chandler: Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay?
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
Rachel: Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again.
Chandler: (trying to untangle her) Some of these look a little frayed.
Joey: Yeah! Good night! (they give each other a small kiss on the mouth, and stare at each other for a while)
Monica: Hey, Rachel, Can-can I see you for a sec?
Rachel: No, come on, that is a lie. We also kissed in Barbados.
Chandler: Oh, thanks! I'm... actually thinking about becoming a motivational speaker.
Rachel: Well, it would be easier to move just right across the hall. Wait a minute, unless youre thinking about Naked Wednesdays.
Chandler: There's a hair in my coffee.
Joey: Look, don't you think that will be a little weird?
Phoebe: Well, if you're having a hard time, you should talk to my friends, Bill and Colleen. They adopted a kid. I'm sure they'd help you.
Chandler: (Picks up the "Miss Congeniality" DVD) She's an FBI agent, posing as a beauty contestant.
Frank Jr.: Alright, alright, alright. Remember what we talked about. When we're in a public place, there are certain rules.
Ross: Absolutely. (Very Squeaky.) I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, (deep voice) I'm fine. I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing. I mean, at first I was like.. (Screams.) But now that I've had time to absorb it; Lovin' this.
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
(Joey sees that she's carrying a small red bag.)
Joey: Yeah. Okay. (Goes to take a bite out of the previously mentioned bagel.) Whoa! (Stops.) I almost forgot this was on your
Joey: So, did you bring a little something for Ross?
Ross: Oh! That is so thoughtful. (To Joey.) She's a keeper. And what did you bring me? (Grabs the bag that Charlie brought for Joey.)
Ross: You know what? That is a very good idea. I'm gonna go make a pitcher of Margaritas.
Joey: Okay, listen, hey, Ross. Why don't you try to relax, okay? Maybe have a drink.
Charlie: Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little...
Phoebe: Well, they may be a handful, but they're so cute.
Phoebe: That's a, that's a long time.
(She gives Monica a big binder that's perfectly in order.)
Chandler: I mean, you have a lovely home.
Monica: Thank you. (To Chandler.) I think I just had a tiny orgasm.
(Cut to the hall. Owen is wearing his scout-uniform and is looking through a box when Chandler walks up to him.)
Chandler: You know how to use a compass?
Owen: I have a badge in it.
Ross: But you know what, if you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy uhm... body image... because... even big butts or uhm... juicy doubles.
(Chandler tries to come up with a good answer.)
Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Joey: I'd take you out for a romantic night. Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home...
Ross: We make a great foursome. We should do more stuff together. Ooh! Let's take a trip. Okay, where do you think we - we can go?
Rachel: (panics, turns around, picks up the phone, and pretend to talk on it) Hello?! (Listens) Oh, yeah! (To Tag) This is gonna be a while. Excuse me. (Tag leaves and she closes the door behind him, disgustedly.) Yeah!
(Ross enters carrying a frying pan with fajitas - without any oven mitts.)
Chandler: Oh, and dont get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. Its just that I, I have a rather, sensitive posterior, and ah, besides, its making all the other guys jealous.
Rachel: All right Joey! That is enough! (Grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina) Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, its not legal. Okay? They-they dont have a marriage license, they dont have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!
Frank Jr.: What's green and says "hey, I'm a frog"? A talking frog! (Laughs.) Oh, no, you can't have him, he's too funny.
Frank Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor herebut do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..
Frank Jr. (looks at the triplets): Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. (Strokes Leslie's hair, and she moves a little.) Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up!
Colleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know we haven't told him he's adopted yet.
Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
Ross: Everyone? I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey.
Charlie: I'm sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely.
Ross: Oh, oh. Of course. God, I'm so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone.
Rachel: Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
Ross: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?
Steve: It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money. That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny, I live in a studio apartment with two other guys, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.
(Ross smiles and holds up his hand for a high-five, but he has forgotten about his burnt hands. He gasps in pain as Joey grabs his hand.)
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!
Ross: Eh, you got a spray-on tan?
Chandler: Sure, then you should get a mini skirt so you can really show it off.
Ross: I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I havent done that since I was four and I washed my dads Porsche with rocks.
Chandler: You mean like this? (he starts touching his thigh in a funny and awkard way)
Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
Chandler: Really? Like you have a routine?
Phoebe: You know what Amanda said to me when she got me on the phone? (apes Amanda in a british accent) "Oh, so sorry to catch you on your Mo-Bile!" If-if you don't wanna get me on my mo-Bile, don't call me on my mo-Bile!"
(Does a Mexican dancing-thing before going to the kitchen.)
Chandler: Are you trying to do a British accent?
Ross: Two, I think a two.
[Scene: At the tanning salon. Ross and a male assistant are walking through a hall]
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Assistant: Yeah, but you're back's a zero. You're gonna wanna even that out.
(Chandler wakes up and looks a bit confused when he finds that he has a pacifier in his mouth.)
Ross: I'm a four?
MONICA: Could you guys please try to keep it down, we're trying to start a Boggle tournament.
Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. (BEAT) Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
Joey: (a little giddy) Uh, was that good for you?
Phoebe: Oh, you’re right! I was just kidding about Rachel. Babysitting is a gas!
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
Rachel: Absolutely! Absolutely. I d... it’s just a little weird, it’s you, and it’s me, it's just gonna take some getting used to.
Joey: Oh...baby-proofing... Why is this such a big deal now? Y'know, when I was a kid it was like.. "Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!" or er.. "Whoops! Joey electrocuted himself again!" Huh!
Monica: Hi Amanda! Actually now... it’s... is not a good time. Dinner tomorrow night? (Phoebe mouths 'no') Ok, Phoebe and I will see you then!
Joey: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing.