words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is taking a jar of olives out of the fridge.]
Monica: Why? (in a motherlike tone) Do you have a report due?
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I dont know where his country is.
Phoebe: Ick-neck-tree-anis..... Theres a g in there.
Monica: Oh, but wait I do have a globe.
Monica: Its a globe and, a pencil sharpener.
Joey: Uh, y'know what, were having second thoughts about our copying needs. And well need a little more time to think about it.
Issac: Chloe, switch with me, theres some guys here that got a crush on you.
(They both start laughing. They look at each other, stop and step apart a little bit.)
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking along with the diplomat (Sergei) and his translator (Mischa).]
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
Monica: All right ah, Ross, this is the extent of my knowledge on the subject. (holds up a notepad) Call Rachel.
Monica: Oh thats my doodle of a ladybug, with a top hat. (to Phoebe) Shes fancy.
Rachel: Well, there was a disaster in shipping and Ive got to get this order in. Honey, Im so sorry, but it looks like Im gonna be here all night.
Chandler: Yeah, I-I-I think so. (Pauses and thinks about it for a second) Yeah, I-I think so...
Chandler: She was.... But y'know what, just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel and a co-worker (Sophie) are dealing with the crisis.]
Rachel: (on the phone) No, no, no, Im looking at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we ordered the Rivera bikini in a variety of sizes and colours. And.... (listens) What does it matter, what Im wearing?! Can I please speak to your supervisor? (listens) Thank you. (to Sophie) Were holding.
Ross: (entering, carrying a basket) Hi!
Sophie: You brought a picnic, oh, what a boyfriend. Thats it, on Monday I start wearing make-up.
Rachel: Ross honey, this is very nice, but, but I-I got a crisis.
Ross: Okay, you dont have to stop, Im invisible, Im not here. (lights a candle)
Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...(stops and looks at Ross)
Rachel: Im sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and Im sorry but thats... (notices a fire that Rosss candle has started) Oh my God!!
Ross: (putting out the fire with a squeeze bottle of water) Okay, thats a fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me, Im sorry, Im gonna have to call you back, Ive got a Schemp in my office. (hangs up) (to Ross) What are you doing?
Ross: Im sorry. But ah, hey, oh, somebodys off the phone, how bout a glass of wine by the fire, I could get it going again.
Rachel: Look, I cannot do this right now, okay, Ive got a deadline, would you just go home, Ill talk to you later. (storms out)
(Ross starts to pack up the picnic in anger, and throws a three hole punch in the basket.)
Rachel: (throws her stuff down) I was gonna give you a chance to apologise to me.
Rachel: You had no right coming down to my office Ross. You do not bring a picnic basket to somebodys work! Unless maybe they were a park ranger!
Ross: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I dont feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.
Rachel: Wh, Ross what do you want from me? You want me, you want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend?
Ross: No, but itd be nice if you realised, its just a job!
Rachel: Just a job!
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Rachel: I dont know, I dont know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break.
Ross: Okay, okay, fine, youre right. Lets ah, lets take a break, (goes to the door) lets cool off, okay, lets get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)
Rachel: No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us.
Chloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71.
Issac: Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Phoebe are on their dates with Sergei and Mischa.]
Monica: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Mischa laughs) Why? What did I say?
Mischa: (to Phoebe, very quickly) Eh, he said, thank you very much, he thinks you look very pretty tonight, your hair, golden like the sun. (to Monica) So you're a chef?
Monica: Well, I was having a conversation.
Monica: What do you want me to do? Just sit here silently while you three have a conversation?
Mark: Hi. Well, look, I was just gonna leave a message, isnt tonight your, your big anniversary dinner?
Ross: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, dont I have to wait a while?
Chandler: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.
Rachel: Oh, and then, we got into this big, stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him he treats me like a park ranger, or something, oh and then I told him I wanted to take a break, I dont want to take a break.
Ross: Look, I dont feel like dancing, I feel like having a drink. Okay?
Mischa: (to Monica) And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.
Monica: Oh. (to Phoebe) Can I have a tissue?
(Sergei insults Mischa, and they get into a huge fight, in Russian.)
Sergei: Uh, (picks up a plate) plate?
Sergei: (picking up a cup) Plate?
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
Phoebe: Ameri-can. Y'know its a very hard language. Lets do it again.
Phoebe: It's a Thanksgiving miracle!
Tag: Right there! That's my car! (Sound of a breaking car-window) Hey!!
Ross: Okay, okay, fine, youre right. Lets ah, lets take a break, (goes to the door) lets cool off, okay, lets get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)
Phoebe: I know. Hand me a tissue. (Monica hands her one.)
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
Phoebe: I never had a bike of my own.
Monica: Im gonna hang this basket (Points to the one sitting on the table) on the door and when the neighbors walk by they can all take a piece.
Rachel: Well, why shouldnt I be? I have great friends! I have a wonderful job!
Rachel: (pauses as she thinks and exhales loudly) We We are not going to let it be a problem.
Rachel: Come on, its not a big deal! We stayed up all night coming up with a plan so that us dating will not be a problem.
Chandler: Eh, somebodys in a good mood!
PHOEBE: (singing) I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song. Stop me if you've heard it. My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Rachel: Hi. Tag, I have a conference call today is that correct?
Rachel: Well, youve been here for two months now and your boss is required to hand in a performance evaluation. But yknow, there is one thing that I have yet to evaluate. (She turns around and sweeps the stuff off of her desk and hops up onto it.)
Joey: Uh well yeah, that was the plan, but by the time I got to it there was only a couple of pieces left!
Phoebe: All right. We're gonna take Clunkers to Rosss. We'll be back in a minute. (Gets up with Monica to do so.)
Joey: No hey Rach, its cool okay? Yknow Im a loner too! (Heads for his room.) Right?
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
(She storms into his apartment to find him with a towel around his shoulders, a bowl on his head, and Phoebe with scissors in her hand.)
Phoebe: Not that way! But the bike brought you a lot closer!
Joey: Hey Mon, you might wanna make some more lasagna too, because something mightve happened to a huge chunk of it.
(He goes out into the hall and re-enters with a bike exactly like the one Phoebe described earlier.)
Ross: Mine stole my newspaper! Its like a crime wave!! (Monica runs to make more candy.) Pheebs, you uh, you got a second.
Russell: And well need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.
Monica: (turning a light on) Who is that?!
David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift. (Moves it)
Chandler: (laughs) 4:00 A.M.
Dr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test.
Rachel: Umm, I said I thought you were a good kisser, and uh, and that I like your tiney-tiny touchie.
Monica: Well, he did this bit... You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minelli locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken. (Phoebe bursts out in a laugh)
Rachel: (worried) Okay please, youre kidding right?! I wrote that one as a joke for you!
Ross: Wait a minute, she was walking the bike? Both times?
Phoebe: Okay. (The gang is giggles then Phoebe gets the bike out of the rack, gets on, pushes off, rolls a few feet, and falls over.) See?
Ross: Pheebs you uh you do know how to ride a bike dont you?
(There is a knock on the door and Monica answers it. There is a woman standing there.)
Joey: That sketch you mentioned? Might it have looked a little something like this? (He shows her what hes been drawing.)
Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Ross: Phoebe, you cant get out of this! Okay? You have to learn how to ride a bike!
Ross: Well let therewhat if a man comes along and puts a gun to your head and says, "You ride this bike or Ill sh Ill shoot you."
Ross: Its a legitimate learning technique. (Looking around and seeing the woman behind him glaring at him.) Wow!
Mr. Zelner: Hello Rachel, you uh, got a minute?
Phoebe: Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it.
Mr. Zelner: You wrote that you have a cute touchie?
Tag: (pause) Yes. I have a weird sense of humor, and Im kinda strangely proud of my butt.
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Tag: Are you kidding me?! With a cute butt like this, Id find work.
Chandler: I know what you meant!! (pause) You notice that ever since we got this chick, weve been fighting a lot more than we used too?
Phoebe: Okay, so maybe you dont get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Yknow? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, yknow? Or an engagement tiara? Orooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner.
(Phoebe turns to Rachel and mimes remove a lid of a jar. Ross enters and Paul motions for Rachel to leave with him now.)
Monica: Im fine now, but it was really scary there for a while. I mean, someone slipped a-a threatening note under the door.
Phoebe: I cant believe it! I did it! I rode a bike! I never thought Id be able to do that! Thank you Ross.
Chandler: Get in here! (They head for the door and Chandler sees Smokes-A-Lot Lady standing next to the door and smoking, to her) Hey, and you can not smoke in here! (Takes the cigarette and takes a drag for himself.) (Exhaling in ecstasy) Merry Christmas.
Phoebe: (entering carrying a skull) Hey!
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting a cup of coffee and sits down next to Monica.]
Monica: About a half an hour.
Chandler: Is that why you became a chef? So that people would like you?
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is sitting behind a red drum set.]
Maitre d': I'm sorry. Christmas is a very busy time, sir.
Monica: No, to get a table! Places like are always shakin you down. Everybody wants to be paid off.
Chandler: Give him money? It was a joke!
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
Monica: It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money!
Joey: Hey-hey, Pheebs, check it out, we already learned a song. (To Rachel) Ready? One, two, three, four...
Joey: There was a seen in Footloose...
Joey: Oh wait, before you tell me what it is! (He plays a drum-roll) Okay, what is it?
Joey: Oh. Well good! (To himself) For me. (He picks up a jar of lotion.) What is this? Did you give yourself a facial?
Rachel: What? Wait-wait a minute, what? Phoebe, what's the matter?
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
[Scene: Halloween Adventure, a costume shop, there is a salesman behind the counter, Ross enters.]
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Monica: Oh, my mom called, theyre gonna run our engagement announcement in the local paper, so were looking for a good picture of us.
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
ROSS: You got me a cola drink?
Rachel: Uh, I-I had a drink with lunch. Did those cost reports come in?
Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Joey: Okay dude! (Finds a receit.) Hey you uh, you sent Kristen flowers.
Joey: Pheebs, I am so sorry! I know I promised you a fun road trip with your friend and I didnt deliver. But-but-but now I know that you think being awake is an important part of friendship! So, so, so I will strive to-to stay awake for as long as I know you.
Rachel: Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it.
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Monica: Hi Chandler. It's really nice to see you (rolls her eyes) NOT. (she and Rachel giggle a little and Chandler looks unimpressed)
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Joey: (entering wearing a Superman costume) Merry Christmas!
[Joey enters in a Superman-costume]
Maitre d': Oh-kay, we'll have a table for you in about 45 minutes.
Joey: You spent a hundred dollars. Thats the limit. Youre screwed!
Phoebe: (entering with an aquarium covered by a towel) Hey, Joey, I got you another present. (She puts it on the counter)
Rachel: So what should we do? Should we start looking for a new place?
Monica: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from Texas.
Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcers voice) Rachel Green! Lets play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babys bath water?
Phoebe: A little bit, yeah.
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.]
Rachel: Joey, would you just come out here and stop being such a baby!
Chandler: Ino! I didn't read the box before I opened it. And you can't return a box after you've opened the box.
Joey: All right, I should get going, big day a work. Yknow Im in a coma? Today, they do this test on me and it turns out Im not brain dead.
Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.