words in movies
Phoebe: oh umm Mike's picking me up for a date.
Phoebe: oh I dunno I dunno, you know I mean I like him but am I ready to take my grade a loins off the meat market.
Phoebe: yea you know you are a bit of a drama queen.
Phoebe: I can't believe I never realized this before, I'm in my thirty's and never been in a long-term relationship oh my god (starts crying) what's wrong with me.
Phoebe: I wanna get married (grabs a tissue)
Ross: do you have a compact in your purse?
Monica:: maybe I will go (thinks) yea will have a second honeymoon at the Tulsa romana.
Hayley: no that's just where you were going I just figured that I'd help you out, you don't seem like the kind of guy that does this very a lot.
Phoebe: would you call this girl? (Puts on a crying act) thanks-fo-r-a-love-ly-even-ing
Phoebe: well you not what you should feel terrible about, this could have been my serious guy he was sweet and smart and funny. Do you know how hard it is to meet a guy like that?
Ross: We are a rare breed.
Hayley: what a great dinner.
(Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it)
>>> Joey's Subconscious So this is going pretty good. dinner was nice, got a lot in common. (Sees a magazine) Victoria's secret huh we even like the same books. (Walks over to a painting on the wall) Oh now there's a scary painting. wait a minute I think I've been scared by that painting before. (Looks around) You know what this whole place look familiar I have definitely been in this apartment I know I've seen this weird plant before (it's a cactus and he touch's it) AWCH! It did that the last time. Oh my god, I've gone out with this girl before yeah we had sex on this couch and then on that chair and no. no we didn't do it hear which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place.
Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?
Ross: yes, yeah I said something stupid about her never having had a serious relationship, but you should know she is so much fun, a wonderful person please don't blow her off.
Mike: hey wait wait wait wait wait! Is that true what you said Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?
Ross: of course she has. if she'd never had a serious relationship I'd go round broadcasting it like some unstoppable moron.
Ross: yes, yes I did. and I will also say what I'm about to say Vis-�-vis the following Phoebe has never had a serious relationship since her. super-serious relationship with. Vicrum.
Ross: WHAT THAT'S A REAL NAME!
-Cuts to Monica (She's just arrived outside his room she fixes a bent photo hanging on the wall then sprays mint in her mouth and enter)
Chandler: everything's great, just watching some regular television there, what a pleasant surprise. (She hugs him, and she knows what he was doing so she looks at the TV and sees sharks swimming around thinking Chandler was giving himself a treat to sharks.)
Monica:: yea well the weird part is... he was getting off to a shark attack show!
Monica:: what means if he gets like a disease or kills someone. not if he gets his jollys to jaws!
Rachel: Ah! You know what honey guys are just different, they like things that we can't understand, you know I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend he was an archeologist and I was a naughty cave woman that he unfroze from a block of ice.
(Monica makes a strange face and sits down)
Joey: HEY! I never have an off night ok although sometimes when I'm a little bloated I don't feel very sexy BUT EVEN THEN I'M BETTER THEN MOST!
Joey: No. (Pause) wait a minute what was the little mermaid?
Ross: umm. that you had a six year long relationship with a guy named Vicrum.
Ross: well he seemed to bum hard that you'd never been in a serious relationship.
Phoebe: (Walks towards Ross) If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend I swear to Lucifer a raber dog would be feasting on your danglers RIGHT NOW!
Ross: well Phoebe, I think you'll feel better when you know a little bit about Vicrum, His a Kite designer (He makes a wow face) and he used to date Oprah. (He makes another wow face)
Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door)
Mike: (Ross opens the door) You know I'm trying to think of the last time I opened a door and you weren't there, Phoebe are you ok? (She has her hands over her mouth)
Hayley: so it was kind of a shock after 25 years of marriage my parents, a perfect couple getting divorced, I kinda took it the hardest cause I was the youngest.
Joey: come on, come on, search your brain all right. it was (thinks) a certain amount of time ago, I was here you were here, we had sex (starts pointing out the places) here, here, here NOT there. Anything?
Mike: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross
Mike: that is so wrong and on top of that his a glue sniffer.
Phoebe: well there is no Vicrum, Ross made him up because I never really have been in a long-term relationship, I've never lived with a guy, and I've never even celebrated an anniversary so. (Pause) if that's too weird for you and you wanna leave I totally understand. In fact I'll close my eye's make it less awkward (She sits with her eyes closed and Mike kisses her, Phoebe opens her eyes and like a little child says.) You kissed me.
Phoebe: so you don't think I'm a total freak
Phoebe: I guess so, can I. can I think it's cool that you kiss me and also wanna kiss you again (they get closer to kiss and Phoebe pulls back) and umm, be a little concerned about the magic markers.
[Scene: Chandler arrives home and Monica's got a video of Sharks ready for Chandler.]
Monica:: Here why don't you sit down, get yourself comfortable because I. (Monica shows him the tape then puts it in) have a little surprise for you.
Chandler: (Chandler looking confused) Honey why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around.
Monica:: Is this not the good part? Do you want me to fast forward to something a little toothier.
Monica:: sweetie it's ok, I still love you, let me be a part of this.
Chandler: let ME be a part of this!
Monica:: then why were you watching them and giving YOURSELF a treat.
Joey: (looks at a girl walk in) see ordinarily I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her?
Phoebe: you know maybe this is a wake up call, about your whole dating attitude. Your in your thirty's and you've never had a serious relationship and you have never been in a long term relationship, here you go from woman to woman, meaningless experience to meaningless experience never even worrying that it doesn't tern into anything serious.
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
Chandler: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh?
Joey: Really? Think about it. Come on! You're a beautiful woman, smart, funny, we had a really good time, huh? If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you?
Laura: Well, I must say, this seems like a lovely environment to raise a child in.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He's prying open the drawer with a crowbar to no avail. Monica, Rachel and Chandler enter.]
Mike: Well, I mean... It sounds good to me. And that way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation.
Charity guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution. (gives the check to Phoebe)
Charity guy: Please, take the check, go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together.
Monica: Now we just have to wait for a call and... and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. Oh...
Charlie: Oh, this is such a cute picture of Emma. And is this your son... or just some kid whose picture you bring on vacation?
Rachel: Ok... I got a spider. There were two, I picked the bigger one.
Monica: It was Laura... She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list.
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
Ross: (Gasps and speaks at a higher pitch) This feels perfectly normal. Ok, get on the swing!
Phoebe: Well, personally I think it's great you're giving yourself a break.
Monica: 2 minutes, 12 pies and a part of one tin! Okay, I see you guys at 4.
Phoebe: Well, I wanna enter her in a baby beauty pageant.
Rachel: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?
Rachel: Phoebe, just the idea of pitting one baby against another, I mean, you know, and judging who's cuter just for a trophy...
Phoebe: Okay, oh, and Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition.
Rachel: And a thousand dollars.
Phoebe: Okay, but, well, before you say no, my friend Susanne is entering her kid and compared to Emma she's a real dog!
Rachel: Where am I gonna get a cowgirl outfit on Thanksgiving?
Rachel: ...is something I'm very interested in! Oh please, do not tell Ross. He still believes that (in a deep voice, mocking Ross) what's in the inside is important...
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!
Chandler: (after a long pause) "The Firm"?
Monica: Okay, I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these (she gives Chandler a bowl with cranberries. Then, while she's going outside, she sees him with a bottle of soap in his hands) Not with soap!! (she leaves)
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
Rachel: Phoebe, I think... It's just too weird, I just saw a one year old running around with pantyhose on!
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, listen. Well, I think we gotta go. This place is really freaking me out. I've been watching this guy over there, I don't think he came with a kid!
(there's a lot of shouting and yelling)
Ross: Oh! What a game, huh?
Ross: Oh, but it's a kind game! So we're a little late, you know, the girls will be there, let's stay just for one more goal.
[Cut to Rachel listening to a phone conversation between Chandler and Monica in The One With All the Resolutions.]
Joey: Okay. Rachel and Phoebe are already there, okay? So they probably started without us. We could just slip in and no-one needs to know where we were! (he raises his hands and on his right one there's a Rangers foam finger)
Rachel: She won a thousand dollars!
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Joey: Wait a second, wait a second, where have I seen that cowgirl outfit before...
Ross: You entered Emma into a Beauty Pageant?
Rachel: Well, I don't know, you guys figure it out, I got to put Emma down for a nap.
Monica: (gasps) Oooh! They are in for a world of pain!
Rachel: You know what, we just say that she said it was 5 o'clock. We'll just act casual. We're not late, we're right on time. (When she finishes talking, a note is pushed from under Monica's and Chandler's door, into the hall. Ross picks it up and reads it out loud)
Joey: I hate that thing, it's like a... bolt of lightning.
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. (they all agree) Ready? (they do the rock-paper-scissor thing with they hands and Rachel has paper, Phoebe and Ross both have rock, while Joey is doing a strange upward wiggling with his fingers. They all look a him confused).
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that... (speaking lower to Monica) what happens to cranberry sauce?
Ross: (to Joey, who is wearing a blue, 3 foot hand) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!! (takes it off his hand and throws it on the floor)
Chandler: (looking through the peephole) That's a lie, you went to the game, I can see Joey's hand.
Joey: I had a dream once about a fax machine that did that. (Ross picks it up)
(Rachel comes out of the apartment holding a pot. Joey holds in anticipation and Rachel opens it)
Phoebe: Well, I don't know if that's such a good idea. They clearly don't want to be with us.
Joey: (to Ross) Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look them in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.
Monica: Oh! Enough! A monkey could have made 'em!
Joey: (smiling) Now let's not ruin this day. You worked so hard. Let's move past this and try to have a nice meal all together, huh?
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Ross: It's a day to be thankful.
Chandler: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.
Joey: Yeah! You three have a nice Thanksgiving.
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
Chandler: A little late for that.
Charlie: Mmh... he does have a pretty serious latex fetish.
Phoebe: Just a sec., we're kind in the middle of something here.
Monica: Come here! Come here! (They hug.) Sweetie you dont have to worry. No, besides yknow what? Im gonna have a lot of new things with you. The first time we buy a house. Our first kid. Our first grandkid
Joey: Aww, I don't know Monica y'know... erm... lending friends money is always a mistake.
Monica: There's a pregnant woman in Ohio, and she picked us!
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Monica: WE'RE GETTING A BABY!
Ross: I'm just so happy you guys are finally getting a kid.
(They all cheer and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe join in for a group hug. Joey also joins, but he stands back a bit, because he is all sticky of the food on him)
Monica: I can't believe they called, and we're actually getting a baby. (she kisses Chandler)
Monica: Well, because you signed it baby kangaroo Tribbiani (Joey makes a 'and-what’s-wrong-with-that' look). Hey, why don’t you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself!
Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird!
Monica: She's only a couple of months pregnant. She liked our application but who knows if she's gonna like us.
Monica: And a lot could still get in our way.
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Monica: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and (to Chandler) you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY! {she leaves)
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's speaking to a girl.]
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
Joey: Ok, I may not have treated your friends well in the past, but I have grown up a lot, really. Honest, Rach?
Ross: (he takes a baby blue beret out of a shopping box and puts it on) How does this look?
Phoebe: Hey, that’s not fair! A person’s wedding is important! And especially to me! Ok? I didn’t have a graduation party! And I didn’t go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tire yard by an escaped mental patient who is his own words wanted to “kill me” or whatever. So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it.( She storms out)
Joey: Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this okay? We said we're sorry. It's Thanksgiving for Pete's sakes! A day of forgiveness!
Rachel: Well, it's a little low... pick up a little... (Ross picks it up) a little bit more... (he picks it up again) a little bit more... (he takes it off) There you go! (pause) Now throw it away!
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Charlie: No, it's just... I was enganged to a guy who turned out to be gay!
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Erica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend?
Agency guy: Please, make yourself comfortable and I will back in a moment with Erica.
Joey: Oh, really? You know what your great friend did? We're out to dinner, ok? (he starts talking about the date and we can see what happened through a flashback video) We're getting along, having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool. And then, out of nowhere...
Phoebe: Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night.
Phoebe: I’m sorry, I can’t believe I set you up with such a MONSTER!
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look. I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants! The more, the better! All right? Just don’t order a Garden salad and then eat my food! That’s a good way to lose some fingers!
Phoebe: Joey and my friend were out last night and having dinner and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries...
Joey: (mad and pointing a finger to himself) JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
Phoebe: I've already stuffed a bunch of Brussel sprouts down his pants.
Joey: Hey, hey, look! It’s not about a few fries... it’s about what the fries represent.
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn’t share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple of grapes on his plate and ...
Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn’t let her have a grape?