words in movies
TV announcer: Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, OK.
Joey: I guess I'm going to have to come up with a really good reason why I wasn't there. The producers are going to be so mad at me. They sat us all down yesterday and said "Everyone has to be there at 6:00 AM sharp, that means you Tribbiani." Like.. like I was some kind of idiot.
Ross: A lot of people are thankful for those. < knock on door>
Woman at door in a sing song voice: Amy.
Amy: Do you have a hair straightener?
Rachel: I haven't seen you in like.. a year.
Rachel: Oh well yeah me too. Um.. I had a baby.
Rachel: Oh.. yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, <shakes head no> not the same thing.
Amy: Its a girl?
Ross with a look of wondering how long this is going to go on on his face: Still me.
Monica: Careful. <hands Chandler a china plate> Careful. CAREFUL!
Chandler: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. <looks at china> hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out..
Monica: well no offense honey, but your taste is a little feminine for me.
Joey: I.. I.. I need a good lie.
Joey: No, no, no I need a good lie to explain why I wasn't at a work thing today.
Joey: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said.. <pause> He said.. "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do?
Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.
Amy: Seriously? Its.. its just these rooms? <moves hands around motioning 'just these rooms'> <To Ross> I thought you were a doctor.
Rachel: Yeah, no. Ross has a PhD.
Ross: I know, I mean a PhD is just as good as an MD.
Rachel: Oh sure Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack in a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.
Amy: My boyfriend canceled on me. I mean.. I I finally find a real relationship. I mean, someone that I can spend this day with and then his wife comes back into town. I swear, its almost not worth dating married guys.
Amy: Oh. I was so looking forward to this. It was going to be such a beautiful Thanksgiving. We were going to have sushi.
Ross: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.
Rachel: Look I know she's a little tough to take. She has no where else to go, and she's my sister. Alright, she's Emma's aunt. And I would like them to bond.
Ross: Ok, fine, but I don't want them bonding to much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.
<Rachel grabs Ross' hand for support and starts to cry a little>
Amy: wow. They must put a lot of makeup on you.
Amy: Oh. That's a funny noise.
Joey: Oh.. I don't know why this is so hard for me. you know.. I mean lying is basically just acting and I am a terrfic actor.
Phoebe looks down: You are a terrific actor.
Rachel: Oh we just put her down for a nap.
Ross first has a look of 'huh' then changes it to sarcastic happy: Thank you Amy.
Amy: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.
Phoebe: Thats a great movie. <she claps>
Amy: Now listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything cause you know you'd be dead. I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of Emily. [Transcriber note: I'm surprised that Rachel and Ross didn't say they weren't either here]
Amy: I don't believe this, hold on a second. You guys die and I don't get your baby?
Rachel: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.
Amy: Connected? I mean.. to what? She's.. she's a lump.
Chandler: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two.. that you two.... <starts to cry>
Ross starts playing with a plate: Woah. Woah... <nearly really drops the plate and more seriously> Woah.
Joey: Hey! How come my plate's less fancy then everyone else's? Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?
Monica: No, honey, its. thats a special plate. See its a game, whoever gets that plate wins.
Amy: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
Amy: No, she was this really dorky girl in high school that used to follow Rachel around like a puppy dog.
Monica about to have a heart attack: Okay, listen I know you're having a little bit of a family crisis, but you don't have to take it out on the plates. I mean, I mean in fact I think that everyone should cut their food like this.
<Monica holds a turkey leg up in the air over the plate trying to cut meat off with a knife>
<Chandler gives a look that says "Yeah!">
Rachel: Honey, you're taking this the wrong way. We think you're going to be a wonderful parent. It's just.. you're more the fun parent.
Phoebe while cutting a sweet potatoe in the air: No you're all about the fun.
Chandler: Look, I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?
Chandler: Oh? Did somebody miss me? Is there a child to raise poorly?
Monica: Ross and Rachel don't know what they're talking about. I mean its not like their so responsible. Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom.
Chandler: Yeah but they're right. I mean, I'm not a strong father figure and I never will be.
Chandler: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.
Monica: I don't know it! I want to have a kid with you because I think you're going to be an amazing dad... at the fun parts and the hard parts.
Amy is sitting on a chair by the bay window looking mad.
Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa!
Phoebe: It's ok. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's easy to remember and doesn't invite a lot of questions. You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Phoebe: No! Nothing with a raccoon.
Chandler: Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey.
Ross walks away with a face of yeah ok.
Amy: This might be my one chance to have a baby Rachel. I mean, you know that I have been so busy focusing on my carrer.
Amy: Um.. I'm a decorator.
Rachel: Ok. You decorate dad's office and so now you're a decorator. Okay! I went to the zoo yesterday and now I'm a koala bear.
Rachel turns to Ross: Oh whose side are you on? <back to Amy> I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responibility of a child.
Amy: Uh.. To name a few. You know.. You know.. You've just always been like this. You just have to have everything. And I couldn't have anything. Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me?
Amy: Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail.
<Ross nods his head and points at her, in a yes manner>
Chandler: Okay, but you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.
Monica: uh huh.. I mean these things happen. Its' just a plate. Its not like somebody died.
Rachel: Look Amy, it got a little of control..Um.. and I'm sorry. You're my sister and uh.. if it really means that much to you..
Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.
Joey: Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency, he totally bought it. Thanks for teaching me how to lie Pheebs.
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, shes pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Ross: I don't know. I mean I have plenty of opportunity. Just just now there were some women at the coffee house smiled at me.And then the other day on the subway a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand.
Monica: No I totally disagree. No I think it's fine for a guy to do something like that. Such you an actor. Not that you need to,your eyebrows are...
Phoebe: I'm a woman!
Rachel: You know honey, there is a thin line between love and hate, and it turns out that line...is a scarf!
(Wendy enters the conference room, carrying a cardboard box.)
Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...
Joey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?
Salon girl: Ok. Very good. Have a seat right over here Mr. Bing and Sonia will be right with you.
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Ross: No no, about a month ago she gave her number to some guy in a bar.
Rachel: I a not gonna lie to you, I'm pretty sick
Rachel: Oh! Right! Yeah! Hold on, I'll be just clean up in here a little bit! Hello Gavin
Rachel: Oh he's dusting me with a fossil brush. He thought it would be funny.
Gavin: Exactly how contagious is this thing you have? I mean is it a cold for standing on the balcony or did a monkey bite you?
Rachel: It's just a cold
Phoebe: Well the Lions technically won, but it was a moral victory for the Green Bay Mermen.
Chandler: I know, lets rest and drink lots of fluids. (Holds up a glass of orange juice.)
Gavin: It's OK. I know it's probably not my place but can I give you a piece of advice?
Phoebe: But you would have so much fun and you have a really nice voice.
Phoebe: OK so isn't there a little part of you that wants to get up there?
Mike: Well I've got a book around...
Mike: Like an X-Ray. Bad day not to wear a bra.
Morse: You see, thats why I did so bad on this test. Im having a hard time concentrating. When youre up there (Points to the podium) and youre teaching and your face gets all serious you look so good. (In a sexy voice) You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater
Mike: Also a good gift? Underwear.
Michelle: It�s so amazing I met you the same day that Eric broke up with me, because it�s like you lose a boyfriend,you get a boyfriend.
(Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)
Joey: Listen that�s a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.
Rachel: Wow. She does that a lot!
Michelle: Ross, you didn�t tell me you were a doctor!
Michelle: Actually about an hour and a half.
Ross: When I happened to look through the window and I see you kissing a guy you know, for what? A week?
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Rachel: Oh God, I can�t believe you�re making such a big deal about this. It was one kiss, one guy, one time!
Phoebe: Oh, its like huge weight has been lifted! Cause look, (reads the side affects) no hair loss, not a rash, no hives, Im just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoriaOh.
(Chandler, annoyed with Ross's fawning, makes a 'pfft' noise.)
Chandler: �Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped himdrink his wine.� So you just touch yourself for anything?
Rachel: Hi. Can Emma and I live here for a while?
Phoebe: Oh! What's the matter? Are you scared? You're afraid I'm a better singer? You're afraid I'm gonna beat you at singing?
Joey: Fifth day's a charm.
Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.
Ross: Sure, I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.
Monica: Hi! I'm Monica and I'm gonna be singing "Delta Dawn""Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? ..."
Joey: Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...
Phoebe: I know. They should be a family. They should get married and have more children.
Joey: Ooh, that's a great plan!
Chandler: (thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:) AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment)
Joey: I did that too! They wouldnt give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again theyd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them Im missing a ring!"
Rachel: What, slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.
Rachel: Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.
Rachel: Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun!
Monica: You want a job? Turn off "Oprah," and send out a resume!
Joey (gives a thumbs up sign): Okay, okay. Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!
Phoebe: A teacher?
Phoebe: How do you even know a woman like that?
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.
Chandler: Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.
Chandler: No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's okay, it's okay. I didn't go. Don't cry, it's just a bit! I'm your uncle Chandler; funny is all I have!
Chandler: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
Ross: Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.
Waiter: Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Ross: Excuse me, is there a woman waiting at the bar? Someone average height, dark hair, perhaps doing a puzzle?
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.
Monica: Come on. I know you're not eighteen anymore, but give it a minute.
Chandler: You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.
Monica: I don't know. I mean, I guess having sex in front of a baby isn't so...
Monica: But what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer?
JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.
(Steve makes a face as if his mouth is too dry.)
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
Phoebe: Oh, right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.
Phoebe: Did he go out for a cigarette?
Rachel: I don't care! This guy is a nightmare!
EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.
Phoebe: Are you kidding. He is so considerate of my feelings and... you know I think... you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
Waiter: Eh, okay, the waiters have a little pool going. We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.
Rachel: The whole night was horrible, it was pouring down rain, and when I got there, there was no Rachel Green on the list, but there was a Rachel Greep.
Rachel: No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.
Monica: Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.
Monica: Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel.
Chandler: All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Rachel: Well, he makes t-shirts for a living, and he thought it would be appropriate to give me this.
Ross: Monica told me you had a blind date.
Rachel: I just had a rough night.
Rachel: What, what, wait a minute! You haven�t even told her you were a doctor, yet? How long have you known her, likean hour?
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
(She holds up a black t-shirt with "FBI - Female Body Inspector" on the front.)
Ross: Wait a minute; you don't think it was intentional? I mean, that's just stupid.
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Waiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
Ross: I know. A double blind date, and we both get stood up. What are the chances?
Monica: I know...God. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double-stuffed Oreos. What happened to all our money?
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
Chandler: Maybe I should quit and get a job that pays.