words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
Chandler: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Monica: All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked.
Chandler: Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing.
(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)
Phoebe: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.
Phoebe: Wait a minute! So when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore?
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
Rachel: (going through the mail) Oh look! A letter from my mom.
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Chandler: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!
(Monica returns, carrying a glass.)
Ross: Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing Okay, (Rachel has her back turned to the camera, and Ross isn't looking at her.) here goes. I made a promise that-(they cut to the other camera and Ross notices something coming out of Rachel's nose)-Oh hey!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's weekend, a hotel clerk is showing them their new room.]
Hotel Clerk: (watching the chase) They say he's only got half a tank left.
Chandler: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Monica: (To Chandler) Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?
Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-(realizes)-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.
Monica: I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!
Monica: We're supposed to uh, be spending a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]
Ross: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.
Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.
Rachel: Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you.
Joey: Oh, so your weekend was a total bust?
Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?
Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Joey: Y'know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man! All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe ya. (Pause.) Were you, or were you not on a gay cruise?!
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing a crossword puzzle.]
Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer thanOhhh! (They both realize something there.)
Monica: (laughs) You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about.
Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Rachel: Uh-huh. No, I hear what youre saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense but can I just say one more thing? (Takes out his picture.) Look how pretty!
Terry: Its a different building.
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
Joey: Oh yeah (He mimes sticking his fingers into a jar of peanut butter, scooping some out, and eating it off his fingers.)
Tag: I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there arent any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first (Notices her plant) There is a plant in your office.
Chandler: Young! Youre a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybodys ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Monica: Yeah, tacos! Ever since you told me that story Ive had such a craving for them.
Monica: I made you a surprise.
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar
Chandler: No! Youre the sweetest! (He tries to kiss her but Monica backs away with a look that could kill on her face.)
Ross: Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying shed like to go out again.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is giving Joey a massage as Rachel enters.]
Monica: (To Chandler) You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God.
Ross: Yknow what? I-I-I I-I have had enough of this! Yknow, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if youve got a problem with me, frankly
Ross: All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won!
Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box shed made.
Joey: Why would they do that?! It was a good show right?!
Ross: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy.
Joey: Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go.
Rachel: Well wait a minute, what happened to Days of Our Lives?
Joey: Uh, well they might be a little mad at me over there.
Tag: Phoebe! Thats a great name.
Rachel: Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second? (Goes into office.)
Phoebe: So you hired yourself a little treat did ya?
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that Ive ever done. But Im telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (Theres a knock on the door.) Yes?
Nurse #2: Its not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remorays a miracle worker. Look, here he comes.
Nurse #1: This poor guys been in a coma for five years. Its hopeless.
CHAN: [through gritted teeth] Alright. [clears his throat] "It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end."
Phoebe: I can't believe I never realized this before, I'm in my thirty's and never been in a long-term relationship oh my god (starts crying) what's wrong with me.
Tag: Do you have a minute?
[Scene: Rachels office, shes looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are going through a bunch of pictures as Chandler enters.]
Monica: Anyway, were really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon well be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. (Chandler and her laugh, but her parents dont.) What?
Monica: (looking at one) Oh, heres a great one.
Chandler: I dont know what it is, I just cant take a good picture.
Monica: Thats a good idea! I bet they have one of those wind machines! Yknow (Does the whole hair blowing in the wind model type poses.)
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
Chandler: Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean yknow you cant date him right?
Chandler: Right here! (Clucks like a chicken for some reason.)
Ross: Its not a club.
Rachel: Phoebe, if this guys going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Joey: Listen, sorry I didnt stop by last night but I had a date.
Rachel: Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his work wife.
Phoebe: You dont have to be back for a half-hour!
Ross: I could put uh-uh a basketball court in the back.
Ross: Maybe I should open a divorced mens club.
Rachel: Really?! Got a little crush on Tag there do ya?
(He gets up to make the copies leaving Rachel alone with his stuff. She notices his sweater in his backpack and holds it up to her nose as Melissa, a coworker, walks up.)
Melissa: Well, weve been flirting back and forth, but I was hoping that tonight it would turn into something a little more than that.
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
Monica: Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile.
(Melissa beats a hasty retreat.)
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey is knocking on the door holding a hand over a spot on his shirt.]
Rachel: Joey, just-just he-hes new in town and I know he doesnt have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. Ill really appreciate it.
Rachel: Im not asking you to go on a date with him!
Joey: Okay. (He grabs a jelly donut, takes a bite, and guess what he spills all over himself. He tries to clean it up and smears it all over the shirt.)
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are still trying to get the picture taken.]
Phoebe: Im having a really good time!
Phoebe: Ohh. No thats okay, hes a friend.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Ross: Look, I dont think so Pheebs. (Pause) All right, Ill do it. But just because youre a friend. (Grabs the tickets and heads to divert Whitney.)
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are trying to take their engagement picture. Monica has a beautiful smile, while Chandler isnt.]
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
Ross: (opens the door and to Whitney) Hi! Im sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night.
Phoebe: Like shes really mean, and shes over critical, and-andNo! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you!
Phoebe: And! She uses sex as a weapon!
Ross: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Rachel: Oh wow! (She takes a bite, but holds the sandwich vertically so that the stuff falls out.)
Tag: A little.
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
(A beautiful women walks up.)
Rachel: Yeah, we got a lot to do! We gotta think about the flowers, the caterers, the music
Rachel: I just dont want him to meet anybody until I am over my crushAnd I will get over it. Its-its not like I love him, its just physical! ButI mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya!
Chandler: Did you have a crush on me, when you first met me?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there as Tag enters carrying a bag.]
Joey: I had a donut. (Chandler nods.)
Ross: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy.
Joey: Ten. Okay. Now Tag theres such a thing as to many women.
Chandler: I dont know, but dont worry, dont worry, because I know how to take a picture now. (They get ready) Okay, see? Look down (Looks down), look down, look down (He falls asleep.)
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Tag: When Im in a relationship, I love having a girlfriend.
Ross: So do we!! So do we!! (Ross notices a couple has been staring at them.) Im sorry you had to see that.
Tag: No. We had a really good talk. I dont think Im gonna do that bar scene anymore.
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Rachel: (she hurries after him) Wait, we still have time to talk and theyre-they're not even in the car yet! (She takes a quick look down the street.) Oh look, there they go, okay. (She hurries in, too)
Whitney: Well, I went over to Kyles last night to pick up a few things and we got to reminiscing
Joey: Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, Ill grab this one. (He follows her upstairs.)
Phoebe: Yeah, and yknow what? I dont give a tiny rats ass.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are having brunch.]
Rachel: Yeah thats actually a pretty good idea.
Monica: Well umm, I was thinking that maybe we could come up with a system where we trade of being maid of honor for each other. Like hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Phoebe: Aww, and good luck to you too! (To Monica and Rachel) What a nice lady!
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
Joey: Yep. Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature?
The Guys: Ohhhh! (They all look up in a moment of reflection.)