words in movies
Ross: What, are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
Chandler: Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen (looks over to Monica).
Monica: It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing against other people, so technically I didn't lose.
Joey: Hey! How is New England not a state? Huh? They have a sports-team!
Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports-team? (Joey strikes one from his list) There you go.
Chandler: Oooh that may be a New World's record (Looks at his watch and picks up Ross' pad)
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Joey: (gets up) All right. Don't look at my list, Ross, 'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have.
Monica: Chandler? Can you give me a hand? (Grabs her jacket)
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
[Chandler and Monica head out with some stuff. Phoebe comes out of her room with a bag.]
Phoebe: Hey you guys I'm gonna go out and take a walk.
Phoebe: It's just my knitting that's all! (A dog sticks its head out of Phoebe's bag. Everyone looks puzzled.) Yes! I knit this. I'm very good.
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe it's because it smells a little weird. It's like old pumpkins or something.
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
Monica: Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
Monica: Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch!
Phoebe: No that's just me coughing! (Doing some weird coughing noises and the dog barks again. Phoebe comes out of the room.) Oh, good, there you are! Listen, um, I have a dog in my room.
Chandler: Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up!
Monica: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?
Chandler: They are needy, they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking, and that scares me a little bit.
Ross: Right, they are scary. (He jumps up, screaming) Ahh, she just ate a treat out of my hand!!!
Rachel: Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs? I mean, not even puppies?
Chandler: (scared) Is there a puppy here?
Chandler: Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
Ross: How can I not get this? I'm a college professor; I got 1450 on my S.A.T.s.
Phoebe: All right. We're gonna take Clunkers to Rosss. We'll be back in a minute. (Gets up with Monica to do so.)
Rachel: Oh, wait before you guys go, can I just ask you a question?
Rachel: When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
Phoebe: Oh, I'd say about a month.
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.
Rachel: Huh. A moo-point?
Joey: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.
Rachel: So were you guys together a long time?
Tag: A year. On and off. I kinda thought we'd end up together. I don't anymore.
Tag: It's weird. I always used to assume, that I would meet someone and fall in love and be happy and all that was just a given. But lately it's like what if it's not. Do you ever have that feeling?
Rachel: Well, what is a boss for? Hug it out! (They hug)
Tag: Wait-wait a minute; that doesn't make any sense.
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Tag: Right there! That's my car! (Sound of a breaking car-window) Hey!!
Rachel: Okay, that's gonna take them a minute. Do you have anything else you wanna get off your chest?
Rachel: (she hurries after him) Wait, we still have time to talk and theyre-they're not even in the car yet! (She takes a quick look down the street.) Oh look, there they go, okay. (She hurries in, too)
[They both get up and head for the door. Clunkers whines a little]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
(We can hear the dog whining at a high pitch.)
Ross: Oh, is it? Is it? Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend Phyllis take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed.
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Joey: So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero.
Chandler: Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do... I, w-w-what if, what if it attacks me?
Joey: Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
Ross: From you? (He does a weird desperate laughter, like he's almost crying) Yes, please!
[Time lapse, Ross still laying a lot out the states.]
Rachel: Yeah, ohh! Why, damnit, why did I open my mouth? (In a girlish voice) I have a crush on you; I am attracted to you. (Back to normal again) Gee, I-I know that I freaked him out
Chandler: No, no he went for a walk.
[The door opens and Chandler comes in. Rachel covers the door with a blanket]
Phoebe: It's a Thanksgiving miracle!
Chandler: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentines Day gifts?
Joey: (going over and picking up the rod) Thats all right. Hey you guys, you know whats going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, Im doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"
(A Chinese woman getting off the plane drops one of her bags. Ross gets off next.)
Monica: Come on! Surprise her! Show up at her doorstep! Dont let her go without a fight!
Rachel: (yelling) Joey, there is a reason that Emma loves that stupid penguin so much (Joey covers Hugsy's ears) Oh don't cover its ears! (stops yelling) It's because it reminds her of her uncle Joey!
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Monica: (to a whole group) Now, these are-are more realistic, but perishable.
Rachel: Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause Paolo's on his way over.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father who is examining his next forkful.]
Ross: I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party! And the guys from work had a blast. Yknow, one of them had never been to a bachelor party before. Yeah! And-and another one had never been to a party before, so
Phoebe: (spitting the cookie out onto a napkin) Oh, sweet Je(Beep)sus! Oh! Monica, these are the (laughing) cookies they serve in hell!
Rachel: Thats-thats great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Lets go. (Gets up to leave, but Paul doesnt move.)
Monica: (stopping Joey from answering) Ohh! Fish, seaweed, a sunken ship.
Rachel: I dont know Tag! How can your genitals make phone calls? Okay? Its not a perfect world! Just go please.
Cecilia: So, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So, when Jessica enters a room for instance, she owns everything and every person in that room. (Joey is nodding.) You try.
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Chandler: Let me get this straight. I called yesterday trying to cancel my reservation and I was told it was not refundable, then we drove six hours all the way up here and now you tell me that we don't have a reservation?
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
CHANDLER: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y=know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
Ross: Look, look, theres got to be a way we can work past this. Okay, (takes a hold of one of her arms.) I cant imagine, I cant imagine my life without you. (Both of them are starting to cry.) Without, without these arms, and your face, and this heart. Your good heart Rach, (drops to his knees and hugs her around her waist) and, and....
Monica: No! Yknow, the fantasy! Meet someone from a strange land, fall in madly love, and spend the rest of your lives together.
Chandler: Is this a service youre providing me?
Joey: Uh-huh! I know. Im coming soon to a theater near you! Im in THX! Im unsuitable for children!
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Chandler: (picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Phoebe: Ooh, is that spelled with a C or a K? Oh my God! It doesnt matter; theyre both great!
Ross: Well l-look okay, its probably just a mistake. Let me call Aunt Sheryl okay? Maybe you are invited and the invitation just got lost in the mail.
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
Joey: I wasn't gonna swim, I was gonna dig a hole! (removes a small plastic spade used by children to play on the beach from his backpack)
Mike: You can't keep a rat in your appartment! They're extremely unsanitary, and they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
Joey: No! No-no. Look, theres a bug stuck in tar right here. (Bends down to get a closer look.)
Joey: Oh my God! (they all hug) Oh! Hey, can I have an aquarium? And a sex swing?
Jason: ...and I know I'll never miss doing it, but I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool knowing that you're making a difference in a kid's life.
Joey: Listen, I ah, I know its a longshot. But, by any chance did she find that funny?
Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa!
Phoebe: I know! I guess I am! Oh my god! Load up the Volvo I want to be a soccer mom!
(Amy walks in carrying a phone handset)
Emily: They were so ornate and beautiful, I mean look at that! (Shows them a doorknob she has.)
Kim: (to Nancy) So we talked about the (Chandler sneaks closer to her cigarette) whole presentation yesterday at lunch (Closer) and he wondered if one person would be enough (Closer) to get a take on the trip (Still closer) and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!" (She's interrupted by Chandler who has reached his goal and takes a drag from her cancer stick.)
Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
Ross: Yknow what? Shed-shed love this. (Picks up a model of the Saturn V rocket, thats the one that took man to the moon.) Uh, its an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
Joey: No, in Ross's building! (He throws Rachel onto the chair and heads to the window.) She's back! She's back! (Pantomimes) Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. (He counts where she is again.) Got it! (Runs out and does a little hot over a chair.)
Ms. Geller: I understand, separation is hard. One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor and he got so upset, he took off all his clothes, tucked his ??? between his legs and cried out: �Mommy, I�m a girl, take me with you.�
Croupler: Coming in, we got a shooter! Money please.
Joey: Yeah but its too much stuff. You know like, you got the candles and the foofy schmoofer thing here and over here you got a picture of a watering can.
Chandler: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la (mumbles something).
Rachel: Well, I-I-Ive been on Standby for a flight home for hours.
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
[Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair, when Monica enters with a bunch of balloons.]
Phoebe: Whoa!! Thatokay, thats a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. (to Dr. Zane) So, well okay, so is thereis maybe is there something that I can do yknow just to like help make sure I get pregnant?
Joey: (glares at him for a moment, then admits grudgingly) Maybe. Well, I just think you guys can do better than this house, you know? Or any other house for that matter.
Ross: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket.
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is there and is getting ready to direct a bunch of strippers, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on what to do in the upcoming orgy of lesbian lust. Yes, its a dream sequence, this isnt cable.]
Mrs. Tribbiani: I came to give you this (Gives him a bag of groceries) and this. (Whacks him round the ear)
Ross: There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.
Joey: Okay. Okay, I totally hear ya. Oo how about this? I vamp a little til they get there?
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)
PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.
Chandler: (picking up a video from the table) Candy and Cookie. Candy and Cookie? Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "porn")
Ross: Well, there is an Arbys in the shape of a tee-pee.
Ross: once you know the stories, its not that bad. First marriage, wifes hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldnt allow you to get married when youre that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevadas fault.
Monica: Okay, were gonna need a distraction.
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Rachel: No, I-I just dont know how you decide who to hire. I mean Ive got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then theres this guy
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (Theres a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Monica: No, he didn't! He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Mr. Geller: Youre right, youre right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.
Chandler: Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip Joe.
Ross: No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse, wh-was it a hair appointment, a mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's?
Joey: I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat!
Joey: And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly.
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
Phoebe: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'...
Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y’know, I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y’know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she’ll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I’d like.
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)
Joey: (stomps on the footrest which pops Ross up into a sitting position) The trail from the woman you did it with to the woman you hope never finds out who did it! (slapping his hands with each word) You always have to think about the trail!
Monica: Yes! And that would be a shut-down!
Monica: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff.
Monica: Your a poet and don't know it. (she turns away and makes a face like 'I can't believe I just said that.')
Mrs. Geller: (incredulous) You dont know how that happened?! Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy!
Phoebe: Hey you guys wait! Guys! (Catches up to them.) This place is so much better than London! Okay? This lady dressed like Cleopatra gave me a coupon, 99 cent steak and lobster dinner. Huh!
Ross: A bit of a daredevil are we?
Kim: Forget it Rachel! We're both so proud of how well you're doing. I'm not gonna let you blow it. In fact, if I catch you with a cigarette, you're fired. So go on, get out of here! Go on, I don't want you breathing this stuff! Go on!
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Chandler: Im saying that she is a devil woman! Yknow I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I dont hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
Monica: Oh my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! I use to hitchhike there when I was a kid.
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
Phoebe: Here, Monica, look what I got to wear when I play at the restaurant (she dons a top hat) uh, huh wait! (she raises a pair of spectacles to her eyes) Right? I mean, this might even class up the ballad of the uncircumcised man.
Ross: No, its not just cause Im jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a Come on look) I mean Im not, Im not, Im not jealous, okay? Its Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
Joey: Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.'
Joey: Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?