words in movies
Phoebe: Gosh. Im not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. (They both sit down by the rest of the gang and Phoebe recognizes a man by the window.) Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him.
Chandler: You had a bachelorette party?!
Chandler: I thought we werent gonna have bachelor/bachelorette parties! Yknow, we agreed that it was a silly tradition.
Joey: Its a grand tradition!
Joey: This is so unfair! The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a bachelor party, but no, I wasnt allowed to. All I got was a stupid steak dinner!
Joey: Oh yeah, that was a pretty good night.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone is looking at the menu.]
Dr. Green: 74?! I ordered the 75! Thats a magnificent wine! The 74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! (The waiters dumbfounded) Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why youre a waiter?
Dr. Green: Oh come on! Dont be such a baby! (Goes after him)
Rachel: (To Phoebe) In case you didnt notice, that is a scary man.
Rachel: This was such a huge mistake. I cant tell him Phoebe. I cant, I cant, I cant, I cant
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
Rachel: No, its Ross. Its Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.) Oh daddy, I hope youre okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. Youre gonnaThis is your first grandchild! Youre gonna be a poppy!
Dr. Green: (laughs) Poppy. (To Phoebe) Oh, Im gonna be a poppy. (Stops laughing) So when is the wedding?
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.]
Ross: Oh thanks. Although it kinda seemed like you were falling asleep there a little.
Ross: Yeah, a lot of my students do that.
Joey: So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. Hows it going?
Monica: (entering) Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight youre gonna have a bachelor party.
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
Chandler: Honey! Thats crazy! I dont want you to get me a stripper
Chandler: Look, I appreciate it, but uh, its a little creepy. Yknow? Im not a bachelor anymore.
Monica: So dont think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a a two month anniversary present.
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Phoebe: Im sorry I wont be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but Im really busy that day. Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.
Dr. Green: I just called a friend of mine.
Rachel: Theres not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
Joey: Look, look lets pretend its a real bachelor party. Okay? Yknow? Before your wedding. Come on, itll be fun.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Chandler: Hi. (Joey blows on a noisemaker.)
Joey: Joey Tribbiani, a big fan.
Stripper: So is that a bedroom? (Points to the guestroom.)
Chandler: So shes a
Mona: I love your place! Where is this guy from? (A statue from the top of his apothecary table.)
Ross: Yknow this is actually not a great time for me.
Ross: Yes. Yes, yes I did. (To Mona) But-but it was, it was just a one night thing. It meant nothing.
Ross: No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I careI-I love Rachel.
Ross: (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean I mean Im not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend.
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Chandler: I cant believe there is a naked hooker in there!
Joey: Wait! Wait! Maybe shes a hooker and a stripper, but she got confused about what shes supposed to do.
Chandler: Could be. I mean technically she did strip, we just, we just missed it. (Walks towards the bedroom.) Maam, are you also a stripper?
Joey: Maybe Monicas playing a joke on ya. Yknow? Getting her own husband a hooker, thats pretty funny.
Joey: (on machine) Hey Ross. Its Joey. Theres a hooker over here and we thought maybe youd know something about it.
Stu: You hired your husband a hooker?
Monica: Shes a stripper.
Stu: No, shes a hooker.
Monica: Oh my God Stu! I-I cant believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure shes a hooker?
Joey: Maybe she meant to get you a hooker.
Joey: In a minute!
Chandler: (To Joey) In a minute? Whats gonna happen in a minute?!
Monica: (entering quickly) Shes a hooker! Shes a hooker! Shes a (Stops as she sees her.) Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. (Goes and shakes the hookers hand.)
Ross: So your dad dropped by. Hes a pleasant man!
Phoebe: Thats it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we werent!" What happened to you two?!
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
Ross: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachels father. Look I I made a mistake, but its only because I really, really like you. Really!
Rachel: (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona) Hes a good kisser isnt he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.) Im going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)
Monica: I swear I didnt know she was a hooker! I mean whDid you let her smoke in here?
Monica: Yknow what? Im gonna make this up to you. I promised you a stripper (turns on the radio), and youre gonna get a stripper. (She starts to strip.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and hes been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and reading a book.]
Phoebe: Wanna go see a movie?
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
Joey: Well whats fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thats just people standing around answering questions?
Ray: Yeah all thats gone. Its basically just a simple question and answer game now.
Phoebe: No, not a thing.
Ross: Well we we dont have a garage.
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Ross: Well youre gonna be a wonderful grandma. (They hug.)
Mrs. Green: Youre gonna be a great father.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
Monica: Thats right! Maybe its time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady old lady lady!
Monica: So whenever youre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I cant feel my legs!
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Rachel: (closing a book) Okay! Im ready.
Rachel: A card! A card! I pick a card!
Ross: Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Monica as Ross enters carrying a huge stack of newspapers.]
Monica: (seeing the stack of newspapers) Oh my God! Look at all the newspapers! It must be a good review! Is it great?!
Amy: wow. They must put a lot of makeup on you.
Ross: Okay look, I had a lot of water before I went to bed. Can we do this after
Ross: Okay look, theres nothing to worry about. We have plenty of time. Theres a great baby furniture store on west 10th. Tomorrow, we will go there and we will get you everything that you need. Okay?
Rachel: (interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!
Rachel: Im just kidding! You can go pee! (He does so in a hurry.)
Chandler: I have a job interview I have to get ready for.
Joey: I thought you already have a job.
Monica: Remember that guy that gave me a bad review? Well (Feeds him a spoonful of what shes cooking.) Im getting my revenge!
Ross: No real-, honey, really its fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye
Cashier: I notice you picked out a lot of our dinosaur items.
Ross: We are having a baby together, but were not involved. (The cashier, a very beautiful woman, looks confused) I mean, uh we-we were seeing each other a while ago, but then we were just friends. And then there was one drunken night. (Rachel looks at him angrily) Or, yes stranger, wed like this delivered please.
Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.
The Dry Cleaner: Thats right. Mr. Ford is a very good customer, he brings us a lot of clothes; you bring us nothing!
Ross: I chose those, Im a paleontologist.
Rachel: Oh yeah! Actually, thats one of the reasons why were not a couple.
Cashier: (looking at the completed address card) Oh, I love your neighborhood. Theres a great gym right around the corner from your building.
Ross: Excellent! Excellent, now-now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango card?
Rachel: Oh. Oh yeah, dont get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like hes a doctor, but hes not.
Monica: (interrupts him) If someone wants to give us a present, we dont want to deprive them of that joy.
Rachel: Oh my God! Im standing at a cash register, holding a credit card, and Im bored.
Rachel: Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasnt on the list. A whore.
Joey: Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them? I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft. So who knows what I might say this time.
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Phoebe: Sounds like youre a little jealous.
Chandler: Well, I got a job interview. Its kinda a big deal too. Its a lot more money and Id be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.
Phoebe: Is that a real place? (Rachels stunned) Are they hiring?
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Phoebe: Yknow! You dont make a very good first impression.
The Cooking Teacher: Welcome to introduction to cooking. Now, before we start, can anyone tell me the difference between a hollandaise sauce and a bearnaise sauce? (No one can.)
Joey: Thata girl! Huh? We should get out of here; theres a new class comin in.
Katie: Well, the delivery went out to you and I realized they forgot this. (A blanket.)
Ross: My son? Pretty serious. (Theres a knock on the door and Ross answers it.) Oh hey Katie! (The cashier from before) What uh, what are you doing here?
Rachel: All this stuff takes up a lot of room. Hey how uh, how serious are you about keeping Ben in your life?
Rachel: So you guys go, have a really good time.
Rachel: Oh and it was great to see you too. And you look fantastic, although you missed a button.
Phoebe: Oh! Its okay, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are.
Chandler: Oh good. Good, because Im sure this interview is gonna last a couple of weeks.
Chandler: (suppressing a smile) What I do do is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.
[Scene: The Cooking Class, everyone has finished baking a batch of cookies and the teacher is going around tasting them.]
Monica: Yknow, you called me that before so I-I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star. (Hands it to her.)
The Cooking Teacher: Okay Joey, youre up next. (Tries one of his cookies.) This are good! This is amazing! You get an A!
Ross: Oh, Im sorry youve been Bamboozled! Youre gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) Ive lost sight of why were doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.)
Monica: Wow! A star! (The class glares at her.) I know you all hate me and-and Im sorry, but I dont care.
Monica: Im-Im sorry, its just that umm Well I-I cook at this restaurant, Alessandros, and umm I just got a really bad review
Monica: No. He teaches a course on food criticism at the New School, so before we go to the movies I wanna go by there and make him try my bouillabaisse again. Oh, I cannot wait to read the front page of the Post tomorrow! "Restaurant reviewer admits: I was wrong about Monica."
Monica: I do! Im a professional chef! (The class gasps.) Oh relax! Its not a courtroom drama!
The Cooking Teacher: Oh yes! Youre an excellent chef! As a person youre a little
The Interviewer: So lets talk a little bit about your duties.
Chandler: (nervous) My duties? (Trying not to crack a joke) All right.
Chandler: Oh my God this doesnt count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! Theres a crazy guy out in the hall!
The Interviewer: All right then, well have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, youll fit in well here.
Amy: Oh. That's a funny noise.
Rachel: No! No, shesShe was nice. I mean, shes a little slutty, but who isnt?
Monica: She pulled it out of me! Shes like a conversational wizard! Howd it go?
Pete: Its okay, its not as bad as it looks, its a precaution. Ah, Im not supposed to move my spine.
Rachel: Of course you did Ross, you would date a gorilla if it called you Indiana Jones!
Rachel: No thats just(Laughs)Thats just cause Im such a good messer!
Ross: (pause) Okay. Okay. Because for a minute you said you
[Scene: The New School, Joey and Monica are walking down a hallway.]
Joey: Yeah, this was a stupid idea. (Exits.)
Monica: Are we gonna take a limo?
Joey: Oh, its a poster for that World War I movie that Im in, check it out.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is showing everyone a poster as Ross enters.]
Ross: Okay, okay. Ooooh, ooh maybe I rode in on a Harley.
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Rachel: (interrupting her) Oh Phoebe, thats a great story. Can you tell it to me when youre getting me some iced tea? (Phoebe gets up and Rachel groans.) (To the baby) Oh God, get out! Get out!! Get out!! Get out!!
Chandler: Hes not snoozing, hes teaching a class.
Joey: Come on man! (To Gary) Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up?
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Phoebe: Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? (Mimicking a heartbeat and tapping her chest.) Phoebe, Phoebe.
Monica: Star in a movie.
MONICA: Alright, I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing.
Fireman #2: No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. Its looks like a curling iron.
Monica: Wait a minute, just because he paid for your head shots youre gonna take him? Joey, I dont think youre comprehending just how slutty this dress is!
(They look at each other and smile for a while.)
Joey: Thanks. That means a lot to me.
Ross: Oh, Im actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, shes been away all week visiting her parents, but shell be cool. I mean, shes been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, Fossils are my friends.
Joey: (in a manly voice) Im gonna go shave. (Gets up.)
Joey: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides its getting darker and more painful, that means its healing.
Phoebe: When she comes out, you hold her nose, Ill blow in her mouth, and the kid will just (makes a popping sound) right out of her.
Monica: Shes over a week late! She gotta have it today, right?
Phoebe: I dont know. I-I think its still gonna be a while.
Joey: Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? (Chandler does so) There you go. (And they walk down the red carpet.)