words in movies
Ross: And that's why, no matter what mommy says, we really were on a break. (baby talk) Yes we were! Yes we were! (picks Emma up) Come here gorgeous. (puts her on his knees and talks to her) Oh! Look at you! You are the cutest little baby ever! You're just a... a little bitty baby, you know that? But you've got... (in a softer voice) You've got big beautiful eyes... Yes you do... and a... and a big round belly. (emphasises the B's) Big baby butt! I like big butts. (raps) I like big butts and I cannot lie / you other brothers can't deny / when a girl walks in with an itty, bitty, waist / and a round thing in your face you get...(Emma laughs) Oh my God, Emma... you're laughing! Oh my God, you've never done that before, have you? You never done that before... Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, daddy and Sir Mix Alot... What? What? You... you wanna hear some more? Uhm...(raps) My anaconda don't want none / unless you got buns hon... (Emma laughs again and Ross looks worried) I'm a terrible father!
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey sits at a table and Chandler and Monica enter.]
Joey: Well, I just tape it to the back of my toilet tank. (realises that anyone could have overheard that) I didn't say that! It's in a bank guarded by robots!
Joey: (laughs) Yeah! Right! (points at Monica) People eat birds... Bird meat... Now do they just fly into your mouth or you go to... you go to a restaurant and you say: "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird." (laughs again) Or... or maybe just a wing or... (realises...)
Monica: Joey, I think you should consider something a little less risky. I mean, I think in this market, real estate is your best investment.The Fed. just lowered the rates and the interest on your mortgage is totally deductible. (looks at Chandler) That's right, I know some stuff!
Monica: (very excited) Oh, and you know who's selling a great apartment? Richard!
Phoebe: Listen! You have to help me pick a dress 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight! (Rachel gasps)
Monica: Wow, the boyfriend's parents! That's a big step.
Rachel: Yeah, totally! You are in such good hands. And I'm so good with meeting parents. With the father, you know, you want to flirt a little bit, but not in a gross way. Just kind of like: "Oh mr. Pincer, I can see where Wallis gets his good looks..."
Monica: I knew you didn't get a 1400!
Phoebe: (speaking louder and articulating) That's she's like the daughter she never had. (Phoebe points at her ears) Listen! (Monica looks at Phoebe in a duh! way)
Rachel: (in disbelief) You WHAT? And I missed it? Because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?
Ross: Yeah, and it was uhm... it was like a real little person laugh too. It was... it was like uhm... (Ross tries to impersonate Emma's laugh, but it comes out very squeaky, very high pitched. He laughs about himself but then looks at Rachel, realises that it sounded weird and straightens his face.) Only... only not creepy.
Rachel: You WHAT? You sang... to our baby daughter... a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?
Ross: But you know what, if you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy uhm... body image... because... even big butts or uhm... juicy doubles.
[Scene: Richard's apartment. There's a knock on the door.The listing agent opens the door for Chandler and Joey.]
Catherine: Actually, he is buying a much bigger place. It's got a great view of Central Pa.....
Catherine: All the appliances are included. There is a lot of light, a new kitchen... I think you guys would be very happy here... (Joey and Chandler both realise what she's assuming and start laughing.)
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no, NO! No, no... we're not together. We're not a couple. We're definately not a couple.
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
Chandler: There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.
Joey: Ooh! A tape with a girls name on it. It's probably a sex tape... (realises) Wait a minute... This says Monica... (looks around) And this is Richard's apartment... (realises some more)
Mike: Great! Come on in! (Mike kisses her on the cheek. A butler walks in and takes Phoebe's coat.)
Phoebe: (in a very posh accent) Theodore... Bitsy... What a delight!
Bitsy: Well thank you, I'll give you a tour later. It's actually three floors.
Bitsy: Phoebe, come sit. Tell us a little bit about yourself... So where are you from?
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
Mike: Absolutely! Or maybe just a little less pimp spit.
Phoebe: Yes... I'm sorry, I've never met a boyfriends parents before...
Phoebe: Also uhm... I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is.
Phoebe: Well, and you know, it really is a testament to how he was raised. Especially to you. Because he's very respectful of women.
Phoebe: Are you kidding. He is so considerate of my feelings and... you know I think... you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
Chandler: I had to! Okay, imagine you were married... and you found a tape of your wife in another guys' apartment... Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?
Joey: Guess I don't know. My experience: if a girl says yes to being taped... She doesn't say no to much else, I tell ya...
Chandler: Just for a few seconds, so I can know what it is... Please?
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
Joey: Well it's okay, its like... its just a football game.
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Rachel: Okay... aahhh... Please laugh for mommy... Please? Please laugh for mommy... (Rachel makes a funny face, sticking her tongue out, making a farting noise and using her hands as antlers, wiggling her fingers... No response from Emma...) Not funny huh? Oh so, is it... only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause mommy can rap... (Rachel tries to rap and makes weird movements with her arms in the process.) My name is mommy and I'm here to say / that all the babies are... Oh, I can't rap... Allright sweetheart... This is only because I love you so much, and I know that you're not gonna tell anybody... (Rachel's face is telling "Oh what am I doing? The things I have to go through... and she starts to rap) I like... big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... / when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face... (Emma starts to laugh) Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! Oohhhhh! Oh! (Rachel now really gets into it, and her insecure movements start getting better) I like big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... Oh Emma you're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you. Oh you beautiful little weirdo... (Rachel picks up Emma and Ross now enters)
Rachel: Oh! You know, I just... couple of things I tried ... I just sang a little doo... Itsy Bitsy Spider...
Phoebe: Oh, Ode To A Pubic Hair?
Mike: Mom, I thought I told you... Phoebe's a vegetarian.
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...
Phoebe: No, no, no, I actually it's any baby animals: kittens, fish babies... You know... especially veal... and this, this nice vein of fat running through it... (she cuts the meat, picks it up with her fork and holds it in front of her mouth, which she keeps closed, trying to overcome her vegetarian thoughts... and... puts it in her mouth... Clearly not enjoying the meat...) Hmmm... yummy (everybody seems okay with it, except Mike. He's making a hmmmm.... face... Then Phoebe swallows it) Hmmm... (at first she likes it, but then, in an instant puts her hand in front of her mouth and runs from the table. You hear a door slamming.)
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Monica: Is all this about you not being able to grow a moustache?
Chandler: This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you. He keeps a tape so he can... look at it whenever he wants.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Monica: I-It's just so insulting! Big spring for a new blank tape, Doctor!
Mike: A little better.
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Bitsy: Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth! (Phoebe almost enters the room, but she hears the discussion and waits and evesdrops next to the door-opening.)
Phoebe: I had a great time. (accent) It was really top drawer. And here's something rich: thirteen bathrooms in this place... I threw up in the coat closet... Ta taaa...
Ross: She sweat, wet. got it going like a turbo 'vette.
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Rachel: Uh-huh. No, I hear what youre saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense but can I just say one more thing? (Takes out his picture.) Look how pretty!
Terry: Its a different building.
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
Joey: Oh yeah (He mimes sticking his fingers into a jar of peanut butter, scooping some out, and eating it off his fingers.)
Tag: I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there arent any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first (Notices her plant) There is a plant in your office.
Chandler: Young! Youre a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybodys ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Monica: Yeah, tacos! Ever since you told me that story Ive had such a craving for them.
Monica: I made you a surprise.
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar
Chandler: No! Youre the sweetest! (He tries to kiss her but Monica backs away with a look that could kill on her face.)
Ross: Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying shed like to go out again.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is giving Joey a massage as Rachel enters.]
Monica: (To Chandler) You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God.
Ross: Yknow what? I-I-I I-I have had enough of this! Yknow, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if youve got a problem with me, frankly
Ross: All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won!
Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box shed made.
Joey: Why would they do that?! It was a good show right?!
Ross: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy.
Joey: Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go.
Rachel: Well wait a minute, what happened to Days of Our Lives?
Joey: Uh, well they might be a little mad at me over there.
Tag: Phoebe! Thats a great name.
Rachel: Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second? (Goes into office.)
Phoebe: So you hired yourself a little treat did ya?
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that Ive ever done. But Im telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (Theres a knock on the door.) Yes?
Nurse #2: Its not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remorays a miracle worker. Look, here he comes.
Nurse #1: This poor guys been in a coma for five years. Its hopeless.
CHAN: [through gritted teeth] Alright. [clears his throat] "It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end."
Phoebe: I can't believe I never realized this before, I'm in my thirty's and never been in a long-term relationship oh my god (starts crying) what's wrong with me.
Tag: Do you have a minute?
[Scene: Rachels office, shes looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are going through a bunch of pictures as Chandler enters.]
Monica: Anyway, were really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon well be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. (Chandler and her laugh, but her parents dont.) What?
Monica: (looking at one) Oh, heres a great one.
Chandler: I dont know what it is, I just cant take a good picture.
Monica: Thats a good idea! I bet they have one of those wind machines! Yknow (Does the whole hair blowing in the wind model type poses.)
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
Chandler: Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean yknow you cant date him right?
Chandler: Right here! (Clucks like a chicken for some reason.)
Ross: Its not a club.
Rachel: Phoebe, if this guys going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Joey: Listen, sorry I didnt stop by last night but I had a date.
Rachel: Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his work wife.
Phoebe: You dont have to be back for a half-hour!
Ross: I could put uh-uh a basketball court in the back.
Ross: Maybe I should open a divorced mens club.
Rachel: Really?! Got a little crush on Tag there do ya?
(He gets up to make the copies leaving Rachel alone with his stuff. She notices his sweater in his backpack and holds it up to her nose as Melissa, a coworker, walks up.)
Melissa: Well, weve been flirting back and forth, but I was hoping that tonight it would turn into something a little more than that.
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
Monica: Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile.
(Melissa beats a hasty retreat.)
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey is knocking on the door holding a hand over a spot on his shirt.]
Rachel: Joey, just-just he-hes new in town and I know he doesnt have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. Ill really appreciate it.
Rachel: Im not asking you to go on a date with him!
Joey: Okay. (He grabs a jelly donut, takes a bite, and guess what he spills all over himself. He tries to clean it up and smears it all over the shirt.)
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are still trying to get the picture taken.]
Phoebe: Im having a really good time!
Phoebe: Ohh. No thats okay, hes a friend.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Ross: Look, I dont think so Pheebs. (Pause) All right, Ill do it. But just because youre a friend. (Grabs the tickets and heads to divert Whitney.)
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are trying to take their engagement picture. Monica has a beautiful smile, while Chandler isnt.]
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
Ross: (opens the door and to Whitney) Hi! Im sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night.
Phoebe: Like shes really mean, and shes over critical, and-andNo! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you!
Phoebe: And! She uses sex as a weapon!
Ross: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Rachel: Oh wow! (She takes a bite, but holds the sandwich vertically so that the stuff falls out.)
Tag: A little.
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
(A beautiful women walks up.)
Rachel: Yeah, we got a lot to do! We gotta think about the flowers, the caterers, the music
Rachel: I just dont want him to meet anybody until I am over my crushAnd I will get over it. Its-its not like I love him, its just physical! ButI mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya!
Chandler: Did you have a crush on me, when you first met me?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there as Tag enters carrying a bag.]
Joey: I had a donut. (Chandler nods.)
Ross: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy.
Joey: Ten. Okay. Now Tag theres such a thing as to many women.
Chandler: I dont know, but dont worry, dont worry, because I know how to take a picture now. (They get ready) Okay, see? Look down (Looks down), look down, look down (He falls asleep.)
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Tag: When Im in a relationship, I love having a girlfriend.
Ross: So do we!! So do we!! (Ross notices a couple has been staring at them.) Im sorry you had to see that.
Tag: No. We had a really good talk. I dont think Im gonna do that bar scene anymore.
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Rachel: (she hurries after him) Wait, we still have time to talk and theyre-they're not even in the car yet! (She takes a quick look down the street.) Oh look, there they go, okay. (She hurries in, too)
Whitney: Well, I went over to Kyles last night to pick up a few things and we got to reminiscing
Joey: Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, Ill grab this one. (He follows her upstairs.)
Phoebe: Yeah, and yknow what? I dont give a tiny rats ass.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are having brunch.]
Rachel: Yeah thats actually a pretty good idea.
Monica: Well umm, I was thinking that maybe we could come up with a system where we trade of being maid of honor for each other. Like hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Phoebe: Aww, and good luck to you too! (To Monica and Rachel) What a nice lady!
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
Joey: Yep. Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature?
The Guys: Ohhhh! (They all look up in a moment of reflection.)