words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
Ross and Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, did-didnt you use to have a pair? They were really round, burgundy, and they made you look kind of umm
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are making some sandwiches.]
Phoebe: Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Joey: Oh, its great! Its a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. (He says that as he sits, hangs around, drinks a beer, and eats a chip.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there. He takes off his glasses and starts chewing on the ear piece.]
Ross: Yeah and he didnt really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.
Ross: Or you can sit with him on the front porch and make sure no one steals the trash cans. He does that every week too.
(Phoebe enters, walks up to Monica, and exhales exasperatedly.)
Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up!
Monica: No!! Why didnt you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?!!
Phoebe: (pauses as he figures out how to answer that) Because Im normal! That was the one legacy my grandmother left me, and I know you wanted it as an engagement present.
Phoebe: Okay, here I wish you health and happiness. (She hands Monica a cookie in a plastic baggie.)
Phoebe: See no-no, I made a batch and I froze it, and this is the only one left.
(Chandler looks over and sees Ross glaring at them.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
Joey: Come on Rach, not again. I got it! Okay? Lets start sailing, and I want to go over there (Points) where that boatload of girls is! (Yelling to them) Yo-ho-ho!
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Joey: And deaf!
Rachel: Okay, you just go on and make your little jokey-jokes, but if you do not know what you are doing out at sea you will die at sea. Am I getting through to you sailor?! (She punctuates each word by slapping him on the forehead.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are trying to determine the cookie recipe by eating small pieces.]
Monica: You dont? (Laughs) Well, thats the difference between a professional and a layman.
Phoebe: That and arrogance.
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Monica and Phoebe: No-wait-no-no!!!!!!!
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Ross: And what did he ask you not to call him?
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is finished telling everyone what happened.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey are you getting Monica and Chandler an engagement present?
Joey: Six and a half! You knocked that last one out of my hand! Remember?
Joey: Well it hit me anyway! And it wouldve hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer.
Rachel: All right, yknow what? I-Im sorry. I will try to tone it down and uh stop yelling.
Joey: And youll be nice?
Rachel: And, Ill be nice.
Joey: And youll be topless?
Rachel: AndJoey!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is trying out different cookie recipes. Ross and Phoebe are the tasting group.]
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Since Im here, I think Im gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Rachel: Okay Joey, were luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham? (The mainsail has started to flap in the wind and has stopped working efficiently; she wants him to tighten it so that it starts working again.)
Joey: All right thats it! Youre yelling and I dont see you taking your top off! I quit!
Rachel: Because youre not finished yet and I wont have it! Greens do not quit!
Joey: Greens? Im a Tribbiani! And Tribbianis quit!
Joey: Yes! Yes! You did and youre still yelling at me!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the cookie trying period has pasted. Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are reflecting on the days events.]
Phoebe: Yknow, I bet it would actually make my grandmother very happy to know that were trying to figure out her recipe. I bet shes l-l-lookin up at us and smiling right now.
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!
[Scene: The Gym, Chandler and Mr. Geller are heading for the whirlpool room.]
Mr. Geller: I understand completely, theres nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself in front of your in-laws. As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy I was unemployed, and her father asked me what I did for a living and I told him I was a lawyer.
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, is tied up alongside the pier; Joey and Rachel are relaxing.]
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
Joey: Heyyy. (They all try and hide their invitations.)
Ross: (to Chandler) Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice and I never get to be yours at all?
Monica: Yeah I can! (Laughs) And dont think I dont, because I do! I mean all the time, you betcha! (Laughs.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning bachelor parties, dont you have to decide who your best man is gonna be?
Monica: What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come youre having a party and were not invited?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are talking over party plans.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is returning from shopping and Rachel is there.]
Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, Ive got you, me, and Chandler and Im gonna invite Gunther cause, well, weve been talking about this pretty loud.
Monica: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! (She shows Rachel what she bought. She bought a little leather jacket and a little cowboy outfit for the babies.) Can you believe they make these for little people?
Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.
Monica: Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite. (Its a little pink and white dress for the girl baby.)
Rachel: Oh, and somebody can get those leather pants shes always wanted!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebes baby shower, she is holding those leather pants, and isnt happy about it.]
Chandler: And I love the milk! But, Im not gonna some British girl to move in with me! (Realizes that made no sense.) Joey, you say things now.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are reading a book about things to do whilst in London.]
CHANDLER: Alright you guys are off to party number one [ushers 3 guys into Monica's apartment] and you, you are off to party number two [ushers four women into his apartment. Two guys try to follow and Chandler blocks them and shoos them off to Monica's apartment] Alright fellas, let's keep it movin', let' keep it movin.
The Stripper: Wow, I didnt know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.
Ross: Oh, thanks! (Takes it and throws it back into the box and leaves.)
Chandler: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. (reading the candy) Chan and Jan Forever.
Joey: Hey, (realises he doesnt know her name.) stripper! (He notices that the ring box is open, so he picks it up, sees its empty and starts to panic.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.]
Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little alcove), okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and (Points to Ross) You go.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]
Rachel: Hi! Phoebe. (Both Monica and her try to move out of Phoebes way.)
Joey: Dude, this isnt funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night, everythings cool! I wake up this morning, the strippers gone and the ring is gone!
Joey: Oh-whoa-wait, Gunther dont-dont forget your shirt. (He gives Gunther his shirt and Gunther leaves.)
Phoebe: Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
Rachel: I dont know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids.
Phoebe: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet. (She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.)
Joey: I do. Theres uh, lets see, Guy With a Mustache, Smokes-A-Lot Lady, Some Kids Ive Seen, and A Red-haired Guy Who Does Not Like To Be Called Rusty.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is trying to figure out what to do.]
Phoebe: Well, lets see, its not. Really, like that. Because, you see that was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like yknow a bunch of yknow high school crap that nobody really gives yknow
Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
Chandler: (banging on the bottle again) Okay, okay, a little announcement, I just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open! And uh, (to the stripper) so is the position of the bride.
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.
Rachel: Okay. Its okay. Were gonna be okay. Yknow what? Its okay. Im gonna, Im gonna, Im gonna boil some water and just rip up some sheets!
[Scene: The Geller household, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. The doorbell rings.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I thought I had one a couple of minutes ago, and now I know that was definitely one.
Chandler: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.
Rachel: Okay! (Runs and grabs a book and hands it to Monica.) Okay! Here!
Joey: No-no-no-no-no-no, not her, not her. My youngest sister, Dina, shes really interested in fashion, and she wants to talk to someone successful, yknow, to give her some advice.
Monica: Heres your tea Phoebe. (They give it to her and quickly take a step back.)
Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all turn there backs on her.)
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do, since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.]
Chandler: Marry me. (Both Ross and Chandler hit him.)
Joey: Are you kidding me? Im great! Yeah, Im uh; Im better than great. I am good. And now that shes gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldnt do before. Yknow? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Yknow? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Yknow? I like being on my own, Im uh, better off this way. Im uh, a lone wolf. Yknow? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. Whats a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
Joey: Oh thanks. Thanks. It was great meetin ya. And listen if any of my friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday
Rachel: And yknow what else, oh my God, are they gonna love you.
Monica: I mean, youre the one theyre gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex.
[Scene: Barry's Office, the post-coital Barry and Rachel are recovering on the chair.]
Rachel: And you just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe!
Ross: You dont want to believe me, Im Mr. Funny to you. Mr. Funny (turns around and almost spills his coffee on Tommy)
Monica and Rachel: What?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the guys are teaching the girls how to play poker.]
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.)
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
Monica: All right, Ill take one box of the mint treasures, just one, and thats it. I-I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds. (to Ross) Remember, how Dad bought all my boxes and I ate them all?
Joey: No, its not. I mean you-you made me your best man and I totally let you down!
Ross: Hey! Hey! Hey! I get to choose my best man, and I want both you guys.
[Cut to the girls apartment, Monica is putting things into her purse as Phoebe and Rachel watch.]
(They both turn and wipe their eyes.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, Monica is telling Phoebe where everything is.]
Phoebe: Ohhh, I wanna come over there and give you a hug and wish you luck on your wedding, but I dontcant get up.
Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebes book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
Ross: Yeah. (He does so and Phoebe hugs him.)
Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
Fat Monica: Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower.
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
The Salesman: Actually, Im not buying. Im selling. Let me ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though youre not really sure what theyre talking about?
Joey: I got it! (Picks up the map and starts walking.) Here we go.
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Phoebe, Im going to Rosss wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, Im still in love with him! I mean, hey, yknow, I like Ross as much as the next guy, yknow? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings dont mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesnt mean that-that Im still in love with him. Yknow? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love himOhh! Oh my God! Oh mywhy didnt you tell me?!!
(Joey and Chandler come indoors.)
Chandler: All right, just, just take the entertainment center, and then when you get home, throw the canoe away!
Joey: Oh yeah? (Puts the hat on.) If youre gonna make me choose between you and the hat? I choose the hat.
Monica: Ugh, shes upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell ya something! Im not doing them this time! I dont care if those dishes sit in the sink until theyre all covered withIll do them when I get home!
Phoebe: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? (pause) Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef.
Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.
Ross: Yknow we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby thats half human and half pure evil!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch of shopping bags.]
Emily: Its not the pants. Its you that is backwards. And if, and if you dont understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldnt get married at all! (She storms out.)
Phoebe: No. No. Its just I was umm, I was with Ross and Jill after you left and umm, Im pretty sure I saw a little spark between them.
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
Joey: Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? (Ross turns and glares at him.) Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister.
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys hotel room. Chandler is watching TV as Joey returns, still wearing his hat.]
Phoebe: All right, and umm (She grabs the picture and smacks her in the head.)
Chandler: No-no-no, yknow what? I really shouldnt have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasnt cool. And if it makes you feel any better, Ive had a really lousy day.
Chandler: Uh, Yes. Yes. Ive just been going over your data here, and little thing, youve been post-dating your Friday numbers.
Joey: (on tape) Okay, so say hi to my friend and tell him that you like the hat.
Monica: (laughs) Yes, I did! And you are welcome!
Monica: Okay, all right dont judge me to much. Okay? Um, but I saw this info-mercial, and um, I swear to you I have never-ever bought anything on TV before, except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg waxing, it just, it looked so amazing....
Ross: I dont know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.
Ross: Come on. (They leave and Chandler sticks his head out.)
Joey: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy (Points), and that guy (Points). And that oneDude! Theyre all huge!