words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
Phoebe: Oh good! (And theres general excitement.)
Monica: And everybody has to wear costumes. (And theres general disconcertment.) Come on! Itll be fun!
Ross: Thats right! He was hitting on her, and I got her. I guess the better man won. (To Joey) Please dont take her from me.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
Phoebe: Ursula! (Ursula turns, smiles, and continues walking.) Wait! Err-err, its me! Phoebe!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, The Halloween party has started. Monica is setting out some food as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: I am! I am a woman who spent a lot of money on a dress and she wants to wear it, because soon she wont be able to fit into it.
Rachel: (to them) Just a minute!!! (She takes the candy and opens the door to two parents, a witch, a clown, and a cowgirl.) Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch. (Gives her candy.)
Rachel: And you are a very funny clown. (Gives him candy.)
Rachel: (to the cowgirl) And you are so in style right now. Yknow, I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line has got this like equestrian theme going on. I dont suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but
Rachel: Yeah. Sure. (Throws some in her bag and she walks away as Phoebe, dressed as Supergirl walks up and eyes Monica who eyes her back.)
Chandler: The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white!
Joey: Okay. Im Chandler (makes a growling/gurgling sound at the end and the girls laugh.)
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
Rachel: Ohh Oh, honey here. Take it all. (Pours the entire large bowl into her bag and closes the door.) Monica! We need more candy?
Ross: Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? (They all look at him.) Well, Im a potato or a spud. And these are my antennae. (Points to the colander with an old TV antenna glued on top that hes wearing.) So Sputnik, becomes (Theyre still confused) Spud-nik. Spudnik!
(Joey gives him the okay symbol, and Ross rushes towards him to be stopped by Chandler. Meanwhile, Phoebe goes over to the snack table as some guy, which turns out to be Ursula's fianc�e Eric, walks in and smacks her butt.)
Eric: She, now I knew that and now Im sweating. Look at me, Im really sweatingNow Im saying, "Look at me," Im getting even sweatier. I think I probably should go.
Eric: Eric. (They shake hands and hes squinting. And, no, its not me.)
Eric: Cause the sweats getting in my eyes and its burning.
Phoebe: Yeah! Its so much better than first grade when you dont know whats going on and definitely better than third grade. Yknow with all the politics and mind games.
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
Joey: But between you and Phoebe, Id have to give the edge to Phoebe.
(Theres a knock on the door and Rachel opens it to a little girl.)
Rachel: Hi! Yknow what honey, were actually out of candy right now. But someone just went out to get some and I have been giving out money but Im out of that too. Hey, can I write you a check?
Mona: And the antennae Oh my God youre Spudnik!
[Cut to Joey and Monica.]
Joey: Okay, heres a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.
[Cut to Phoebe and Eric.]
Eric: Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and its not like me to do something so impulsive, but shes just so perfect, and we have so much in common.
Eric: And we were both in the Peace Corps.
Eric: In fact when we were building houses in Uruguay, we were, we were just two towns apart and we never met.
[Cut to Mona and Ross walking past Chandler.]
Joey: Monica and I were talking about who could kick whose ass in a fight, you or Ross?
(They start to fight with Ross pulling on Chandlers ears and Chandler hitting Ross over the head with his carrot.)
Joey: Hey Monica! (Grabs her and pulls her into the living room.) People came to see a fight, lets give em what they came for!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the party continues with Rachel leaning on the counter as Gunther walks in carrying candy.]
Rachel: Well is it fair that all you did was put on a cape and I gotta give you free stuff?
Rachel: Uh, I think I just did. And uh-oh, here it comes again. Shut up!
Rachel: No! Wait no! Shut upI mean dont cry! Let me get my checkbook! (Grabs her checkbook and runs after him.)
[Cut to Mona and Joey clearing the dining room table for the grudge match between Chandler and Ross.]
Monica: (To Chandler) Look honey, you dont have to do this, okay? Its the strength you have inside that means the most to me. Youre loyal, youre honest, and you have integrity! Thats the kind of strength that I want in the man that I love!
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
Ursula: I dont know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Joey: (entering) Pheebs come on! Bunny vs. Doody! Were waiting! (They go inside.) (To Chandler and Ross.) Okay. Okay guys, one match, winner take all. (They grasp each others hand in preparation for battle.) Oh wait-wait! What does the winner get?
Chandler: And dignity.
(They start wrestling, only they are unable to move either ones arm despite a huge strain on their faces and a cheering crowd.)
[Time Lapse: the crowd has left and only Mona, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are still watching to see who will be able to move the others arm first. An event that has yet to happen.]
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
Ross: Hey, at least you have a wife! I-I keep getting divorces and knockin people up! And Im dressed as doody.
Eric: Well, I guess Ill see you at the wedding. (Exits and Phoebe follows him into the hall.)
Eric: I think well be okay. Besides its so perfect and (whispering) shes been saving herself for me.
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Phoebe: Thats good, you should be impulsive and you should be romantic. Just you did it with the wrong person. (He looks at her.) What?
Eric: Its just so weird, two people look so much alike, and so different.
(Phoebe hands Eric Ursulas purse and he walks away.)
Joey: Come on! Youre good with kids. Theyre just crazy on Halloween. Yknow, theyre all greedy and hopped up on sugar!
Joey: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime theyre hungry or sleepy. Yknow, kids are tough. Good luck with that. (Walks away.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
Rachel: Oh, I mean shes gonna be at the wedding waiting for him and people will be whispering, "Oh that poor girl." Yknow? Then shell have to come back here and live all alone.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Phoebe: Wow! Nice! Manly and also kind of a slut.
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are standing and talking, Ross is tying a tie.]
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Uh me? Gay? No! No. No, but I have a number of close friends who are. (Chandler and Ross look at each other.)
Monica: Great! Were hangin in the kitchen! (She drags him into the kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Lets stay in the kitchen!
(Phoebe looks at him, and then giggles and looks away.)
Rachel: And you know Monica and Ross!
(They run and hug each other.)
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
Janine: No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you.
Joey: Bye-bye. (The interviewer leaves and he sits down with the rest of the gang.) I did it!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is reading Joeys interview.]
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it off his hand and throws it behind the night-stand.)
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for Rachels baby shower.]
Monica: Also both of your sisters called and neither can make it.
Monica: Okay, yknow what? Dont worry, okay? Well take care of it. Well call her. Just go home and get ready.
Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If youre in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call herHello Mrs. Green! Hi, its Monica Geller.
Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, its still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now its, and now its gone and I dont know why!
[Scene: Joey's Apartment, Joey is reading a script as Ross and Chandler enter carrying a basketball.]
Joey: But the auditions in a couple hours and I dont even understand the game.
Rachel: Look I know she's a little tough to take. She has no where else to go, and she's my sister. Alright, she's Emma's aunt. And I would like them to bond.
Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) Its winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.)
Ross: Well uh, I-Im a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! (Waves.) And uh
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachels baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.]
Monica: Yes, thank you so much. And again, were so sorry. We could not feel worse about it.
Rachel: Okay. (Mrs. Green helps her up and they walk over and get some tea.)
[Cut to Rachel and Mrs. Green.]
Rachel: (sarcastically) Yeah. Look Joey, its enough all right?! You keep making these stupid jokes and this sleazy innuendoes and itsIm notits just not funny anymore!
Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first well start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesnt work we can go back to
Phoebe: (holding a card and waving it in front of her face) Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. (they look at her) Right, OK, serious poker.
Rachel: Oh well actually gonna use a nanny and uh, I dont even have a housekeeper.
Chandler: This is ridiculous, hes not gonna hold his breath (Ross cuts him off by taking a deep breath and holding it.)
Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]
Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
Monica: (To Phoebe) This is great! Now shes gonna be mad at Rachel! Yknow what? And Im just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
Monica: Thats right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you dont want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!
(Mrs. Green goes into the kitchen and Rachel follows her.)
Kim: Oh don't be sorry, that's part of your job here to give your opinions and then I take credit for them--I'm kidding.
Joey: I dont know, but it smells good. (He gets up and heads for the door only to stop short and start laughing.)
Chandler: (disappointed and simultaneously as Ross) Hungry monkey.
(He turns his back to Monica and does the international sign for big boobies again.)
<Rachel grabs Ross' hand for support and starts to cry a little>
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]
(Ross gets up and starts to hop on one leg.)
Monica and Chandler's apartment
Monica: It is going to be okay! (Mrs. Green glances over her shoulder and glares at Monica while she heads for the bathroom.) It was worth a shot.
Phoebe: Hey! Why are you all red and sweaty?
Ross: Hi roomie! (Hugs her and looks at Rachel.)
Ray: Uh well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didnt follow it.
Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, theyre gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, lets get the camera rolling.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mrs. Green is telling Ross what needs to be done to baby proof his apartment.]
(She don't got it as the couch slips out of their grips and falls over the bottom railing.)
Ray: Yeah all thats gone. Its basically just a simple question and answer game now.
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
Mrs. Green: and all those dinosaur nick-knacks you have Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)
Monica: So whenever youre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I cant feel my legs!
Monica: All right, well why dont I go out with an ex-boyfriend and do Joey a favor?!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]
Monica: Okay. (When Phoebe turns around Monica runs out into the hall after Mrs. Green.) Mrs. Green! Okay Im really sorry!! Im apologizing for the(She trips and falls down the stairs.) (Pause) Okay, I bit my tongue, but Im still really sorry!
Rachel: Yes, Ive done my studying and I really know my stuff.
Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
Rachel: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.
Roy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? (pause) Did someone call for the long arm of the law? (He extends his arm from around his crotch and then upward and outward, towards Phoebe) I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! (Puts his hands over his crotch) I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!
Joey: Man, this is bad! And Ive had my share of bad reviews. I still remember my first good one though. (Quoting) "Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal."
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah Monica! You listen to me, okay? And Im not just saying this because Im your friend, Im sayin it cause its the truth. Youre food is abysmal!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is cooking as Chandler looks on.
Rachel: Umm, our situation. Yknow umm, what we mean to each other. And I mean we-were having this baby together, and we live together. Isnt that, isnt that weird?
Chandler: (gloatingly and holding his piece) Ohhh!
[Scene: The Baby Furniture Store, Ross and Rachel are checking out.]
<Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back>
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.
Cashier: Do you uh, want these things delivered Mr. and Mrs. Geller?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
<they hug and kiss on check>
Rachel: Oh my God! Im standing at a cash register, holding a credit card, and Im bored.
Rachel: Well, we were paying for our stuff and this saleswoman just started flirting with him.
Rachel: Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasnt on the list. A whore.
Ross: That bitch! (He gets up and they go over to ambush Frannie. Monica taps on Frannies shoulder.)
Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before.
Rachel: Chandler, Im not gonna lie to ya, but I am gonna run away from you. (Gets up and hurries out.)
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
[Scene: The New School, Monica, carrying her dish, and Joey are confronting the food critic.]
Monica: Spoon? (Hands him one and he tastes it.) So, what do you think?
Ross: Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? (Rachel bursts in carrying two boxes and Ross jumps up.) Rachel!
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
The Cooking Teacher: Welcome to introduction to cooking. Now, before we start, can anyone tell me the difference between a hollandaise sauce and a bearnaise sauce? (No one can.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are unpacking and setting up their new purchases.]
Phoebe: Oh, hey, Mon, do you still have your like old blouses and dresses from high school?