words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is sitting at the counter reading a magazine as the phone rings.]
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Voice: What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything (Joey realizes its Chandler and hangs up the phone in anger.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey and Chandler are there getting ready for Thanksgiving.]
Rachel: So are things with you and Joey any better?
Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and theres the added mystery of who gets who.
Chandler: Oh thats not true! Thats not true! I got her that backpack and she loved it! I remember how much she was crying the day when that big dog ran off with it (notices the look on Monica and Phoebes faces.) Oh, there was no big dog. All right this sucks! I already got her this briefcase, and I had R.G. put on it (Phoebe looks confused.) Her initials
Phoebe: You dont have to do that, Ross and Joey arent here, you can watch the parade if you want.
Monica: What is wrong with this freezer?! (She jabs her arm into the freezer and a piece of ice flies into her eye.) Ow! Ow!!
Chandler: Monica got ice in her eye, and it hurts.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
[Cut to later, Phoebe is adding butter to something and Ross is watching.]
Phoebe: This is so cool, til Monica gets back, its like Im head chef and I get to make all the decisions. (She looks at the remaining butter, and then decides to add it to the dish.)
Phoebe: All right I I gotta call my mom and ask her a left handed cooking question.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you dont want to do that, then youre gonna get stuck with Rachel and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.
Ross: Well, she wore it all Christmas day, and then uh
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is repacking the furniture into boxes to return it.]
Joey: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?
Ross: Wow! Im honored! And yknow what Im gonna do as my first act as your best friend?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are sitting at a table and talking about Joey.]
Chandler: I walk into a room and he wont even talk to me, he just mumbles something in Italian. And I know he only knows the bad words.
(Joey turns around and sees them kissing.)
[Scene: Dr. Burkes office, Rachel and Monica are waiting as the doctor arrives.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is packing as Chandler rushes in.]
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Joey: Yeah! You did! And thats why Im leaving.
(The chick and the duck walk into the living room.)
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Joey: When that guy was robbing us, and I was locked in the entertainment unit for like six hours, you know what I was doing in there all that time? I was thinking about how I let you down!
Chandler: All right, wait! Come on! Just wait one second! There has to be something that I can do! Something! If we still had that entertainment unit I would get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down. (Joey looks intrigued) What?
Tim: Last time I saw you, it was the morning I left for college. And you were just standing outside The Dairy Queen.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Its closer to dinner. Monica has just told everyone that Tim is coming to dinner.]
Ross: Hey, y'know, Mon, if things wrong out between you and Richards son, youd be able to tell your kids, that you slept with their grandfather.
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Rachel: Well isnt it better that I exchanged it for something that I enjoy and that I can get a lot of use out of?
Monica: And Joey.
Monica: And Rachel. (Chandler clears his voice loudly) And thats Chandler.
[cut to later, Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Tim are watching the football game, and they all cheer loudly.]
Rachel: (Swears in Italian, its the same term used by Joey earlier and Joey nods his approval.)
Monica: Here, let me show you. Okay, the towels are hanging next to the sink, and umm, you can use the fancy soap.
Joey: Yknow I dont think you should be talking at all in there! I think youve got to much thinking to do to be talking and making jokes!
Ross: Sure! Oh, and Joeys got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.
Rachel: Okay, fine. (She gets up and walks into her bedroom)
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesnt mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise youre just an idiot in a box!
Chandler: Youre right, and Im sorry! This means a lot to me! I want you to be my friend again! I swear, I wont say another word tonight.
[Cut to the balcony with Monica and Tim.]
Tim: Yknow I-I thought it was gonna be weird, I mean I almost called and canceled, but it really isnt.
Monica: I know! I mean its like me and your dad, thats a totally separate thing.
(Tim leans in to kiss her. They stop, and when he tries to kiss her again, Monica pulls away.)
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
(Joey says something unintelligible and they hug.)
Joey: Now go! Cause you can still catch her! And Merry Christmas from youre secret Santa! (Chandler runs out and closes the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, the gang is all there watching Chandler.]
(They watch them making up and sigh)
Phoebe: (to Monica) Anyway, Im going out with Sergei again tonight, and um, could you come and be the translators date? So that when we, its time for our alone time, you two could split off. Y'know, hes really, hes kinda cute.
[They all turn around and look at Joey.]
Ross: (to Rachel) Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.
Joey: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
[Ross tries to start the truck, and discovers the batterys dead.]
[They all get in the cab and drive away.]
Carol: Yeah, okay, bye. (closes the door, turns out the lights, and runs back to the bedroom)
(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
Frank: Yeah, so we just thought wed stop by and let you know theres still no pressure.
[Scene: Chandler's office building. Joey and Jeannie are talking.]
Rachel: Oh right, cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.
Phoebe: (laughing and banging her spoon on the table) Knock, knock, knock, knock, hi. Um, could you please tell Sergei that um, I was fascinated by what Boutros Boutros Gali said in the New York Times.
Phoebe: But, also, what happened between you and your Mom?
(Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.)
Ross: And so now you guys are gonna be married?
Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Alice: And he was my best student.
Monica: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year Ive only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.
Monica: Havent you and I covered that topic?
Rachel: Well, that shouldnt be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men.
Pete: Well, if that were true, Id dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, dont you?
Monica: Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.
Phoebe: Huh? Can you just imagine getting down on one knee and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?
Ross: Pheebs, if you dont tell him, soon hes gonna be married, and then youre gonna hate yourself.
Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then hes gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I cant. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.
Ross and Joey: No.
Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are entering.]
Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Franks life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I dont want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, its sick and wrong!
Rachel: Hey Mon, lets give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are talking to Frank.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its after Ross and Joeys talk with Frank, and Phoebes is finding out what happened.]
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
Chandler: And then Tineals.
Ross: First of all its Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didnt fly.
[Scene: Phoebes, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]
Ross: Yeah, marriage... stinks! I mean if you wanna see a man gain weight and a woman stop shaving? Get them married.
Phoebe: No, Im really okay with this. Yknow why? Cause look at them, and I made that, so I know its gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but, oh my God, its gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. (To Frank and Alice) I wanna carry your baby.
Monica: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are also there. The door buzzes.]
Phoebe: Yeah well, maybe she shouldve spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is watching TV, and hes very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
Pete: One meal! Thats all Im asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you dont have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.
(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)
(Gunther gets this hurt expression on his face and goes into the back room)
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, Pete and Monica are returning from their date.]
Ross: Oh, and also, hes, hes walkin kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and hes in there just sort of y'know... (walks around in a circle)
Pete: (turns off the TV) Youre taking this all wrong. Because, if I didnt leave you that tip, you wouldnt of come down here, we wouldnt be having this argument, and there wouldnt be this ah, heat between us.
(She goes into her apartment and sees Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross sitting there.)
Monica: All right then. (He leans in to kiss her goodnight, but she quickly kisses him on the cheek and pats his shoulder.) Bye.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh.
Chandler: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
Monica: Hes great! I mean we have such a good time together! Hes so funny, and sooo sweet, and Im not attracted to him at all!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Joey: Good. (He sets his stuff down and starts talking to Kate, another cast member.) Hey.
(She goes over to the snack table, and Joey quickly runs over and pours her a cup of coffee.)
(Shes interrupted by a loud crash and the sound of braking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash. Everyone turns and looks at the back room, as Gunther emerges.)
Rachel: Okay sir, um-mm, let see if I got this right. Ah, so this is a half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte, right? (the guy nods) Okay, great. (she starts to walk away and under her breath) You freak.
Rachel: I mean I think Id say no to anybody right now. (Hearing this Gunther swoops back to cleaning tables.) Oh, but it was so strange. I mean Im standing there with this charming, cute guy, whos asking me to go out with him, which Im allowed to do, and I felt guilty. Y'know, like Id be cheating on Ross or something.
Chandler and Joey: Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as Ross enters, walking very confidently.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is telling Chandler about Kate.]
Phoebe: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided Im gonna carry their baby.
Rachel: Oh, y'know, its just like hats, and a shirt, and CDs, just sort of stuff that youve left here.
Ross: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.
Ross: Small... (Rachel comes back into the living room and catches Ross mocking her.)
Chandler: And youre our age. Youre our age.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang minus Rachel and Ross are talking to Pete.]
Joey: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is?
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing for the play.]
Joey: Well, why dont you tell me what youre supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell cant figure it out! I talk to you and nothin. You look at me, and its nothin. (He kisses her) Nothing.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Ross are returning from working out.]
Chandler: Maybe we finish this for him! (he sits down on the sofa and he start typing on Ross' computer) "Also I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. She's now my girlfriend. I don't care what society says. It's the best sex I've ever had"... aaand SEND!
[Rachel comes out of her apartment, followed by Mark, and they leave on their date, without saying a word to Ross. Ross is stunned.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are sitting at the table.]
Ross: No!! Y'know-y'know dont do me any favours. In fact, where, wheres the rest of my stuff?! Huh? Like-like my umm, (picks up a book) Hey, this book is mine!! And-and-and, and that T-shirt you sleep in? Id like that back too. Yes, I do.
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
Ross: I dont know, but I ah, I have the feeling that my being there will do it. Ill go over and I will borrow something. Juice!! I need juice!!
Chandler: Listen to me!! (Chandler turns him around and closes and holds the door shut with his feet.)
(She sits down, and Mark leans over and kisses her. Rachel doesnt react. He tries it again, and Rachel jumps back quickly.)
Chandler: I am your friend, and I am not gonna let you do this!! (Ross is now dragging Chandler and the foosball table to the door) You are surprisingly strong!
Mark: No. And I dont think Im gonna want to.
(They both kiss, and Richard picks her up and goes over to the bed and starts to lie down.)
Ross: Yeah and he didnt really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.
Ross: Look, you guys, you guys should go. (Joey tries to say something, but Ross cuts him off.) No, Im, you, you planned this all out, and I dont want to ruin it, so you guys should just go.
Mark: Yeah. I can just go home and get back at him by myself.
Chandler: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.
[Scene: A Hospital Reception, Monica and Pete are there.]
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman Ive ever known in real life.
MRS GREEN: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have options.
(She is rubbing his chest and her voice trails off into silence, a long pause follows.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.]
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now were like this-this couple that fights.
[Scene: The Theatre, Kate and Joey are rehearsing the same scene as before.]
(Kathy runs in, hair all out of place, and hugs Monica.)