words in movies
(Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a form attached to a clipboard.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.)
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
(As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the mess inside.)
Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?
Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
Rachel: Oh, that's great. Look at that.
(Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen have concerns of their own.)
Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
(Meanwhile, back at the sink.)
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.
Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.
Monica: (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her best friend) We both do that!
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica struggles to smile at all.]
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
Dr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him.
(He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out of character, smiles back at him. Joey's voice becomes soft and warm.)
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)
The Director: All right, its time to act, my talking props. (Both Joey and Kate just look at each other.)
Rachel: Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. (Excited) Ha-ha! Im gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. (Looks at Joey.) Seriously, proud of you.
Rachel: And youre still not attracted to him at all?
Rachel: (looking at the outfit) Got a job on a river boat?
Monica: Hes great! I mean we have such a good time together! Hes so funny, and sooo sweet, and Im not attracted to him at all!!
Chandler: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick!
Monica: I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me. (Joey laughs and Monica glares at him.)
Ross: Okay, come on! All right, I gotta go! So good luck at the party. Okay?
Rachel: Oh right, cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.
Phoebe: I dont know! (frantically points at Monica)
Monica: No, its not bad. Its not bad at all. Its-its really nice.
Joey: You don't wanna see what I just saw! (at this moment Monica comes home, and sees Chandler flat on his back on the floor and Joey pinning him down)
Ross: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. (they go into her apartment) Easy.
(They both look at each other for a while)
Phoebe: Like a date type (looks at Rachel) person?
Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so
Ross: (looking at ticket) Yep! Yeah, see this says D-13, and uh
[Scene: The Theatre, at the post premiere party. The gang is already there, except Phoebe. Joey runs in.]
(Joey steps in a picks up the paper, the gang all look at him.)
Joey: Yeah! I stayed at Kates, but ah, nothing happened. Hey, Pheebs, where were ya?
Chandler: 7:15. (Monica looks at him) Watch doesnt work.
Gunther: (bringing Chandler a cup) This is from the woman at the bar.
(He turns and looks at her. The woman whispers something to Gunther; who comes back and takes the mug away from Chandler.)
[cut to inside Central Perk, we see Ross quietly tapping on the window, desperately trying to get the gangs attention, while Tommy is still screaming at him]
Chandler: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up y'know, and he just started like, (claps his hands) banging his hands together!
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is arriving, late.]
Tommy: (entering, finished with yelling at Ross, who follows him in shell shocked) (happily) Hey!
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is changing for the next scene as Kate arrives, carrying her bags.]
Joey: Well can you at least stay to the end of the play? I mean, Ill go to the airport with ya, I-I wanna say good bye.
(We see the gang staring at him through the doorways.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)
Chandler: (joining them) Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?
(He goes over and sits down at the counter, all depressed.)
Ross: At least they knew what yours was. Y'know, yours had a name.
(Joey laughs, Ross glares at him, and Joey stops.)
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Okay, dont be mad at me, but I couldnt resist.
(They both look at each other, nod their heads All right and follow their stuff into their new rooms.)
[Scene: Dr. Rhodes's Office, a rather large group of doctors has now gathered to take a look at Ross's thing. Ross is none too pleased with the developments, he has a disgusted look on his face.]
(She goes in, and sees Jason without his shirt. It turns out that he has a great body too, and is at a loss for words.)
Chandler: All right look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait until the timings right. And thats what deathbeds are for.
Pete: Well ah, Ive been doing a lot of thinking, and I look at my life
[cut to Monica telling the gang about what happened at Petes]
Phoebe: Thats it! 25 percent? That means thats its like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is telling a story about what happened at work and the rest of the gang are thinking to themselves, denoted by italics.]
Ross: What? Oh! I gotta tell you, I-I wasnt expecting to like her at all, I mean I actually wasnt expecting to like anyone right now, but shes really terrific.
JOEY: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!
Chandler: No. No, not at all, thats-thats ridiculous.
Monica: Im getting married!!!! Im gonna be a bride!!!! (Someone else yells at her.) No, I will not shut up because Im engaged! (He yells again.) Ohh, big talk! Huh, why dont you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancee will kick your ass! (Chandler starts to look worried.) Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20!
All: Ohh!! (they all start pointing at the screen)
[cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.]
Phoebe: (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! (She hands Chandler a picture) Thats my Moms writing! Look.
(At that suggestion Monica starts laughing.)
Phoebe: (at the door) Knock, knock, knock.
Phoebe: No-no, thats not, thats not me Phoebe, thats her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts to spin) Ooh, y'know we could just do this. (She stops at Chandler)
Joey: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.
Rachel: (pause) He is, isnt he? I dont know, I dont know, I mean maybe its just being here at the beach together or, I dont know. But its like something... (shes interrupted by the sound of Bonnie entering)
(Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe all stop dead in their tracks at the news.)
Rachel: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!
Ross: Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? (They all look at him.) Well, Im a potato or a spud. And these are my antennae. (Points to the colander with an old TV antenna glued on top that hes wearing.) So Sputnik, becomes (Theyre still confused) Spud-nik. Spudnik!
(Rachel walks inside, stops, and turns back to look at Ross for a moment then goes upstairs.)
Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.
(At that Phoebes eyes open in shock.)
Ross: Linda Clickclocken. (Pause) So what uh, what-what table are you at? (She shows him.) Oh, uh me too.
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
[Scene: The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.]
Ross: Okay, Ill be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.
Ross: Fine! Fine! But this break-up was not all my fault, and she, she says here, (reading from the letter) If you accept full responsibility... (to Chandler and Joey) Full responsibility! ...I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do. (yells at Joey) Does it?!!
(Joey hands her the cheese without looking at her.)
Monica: My God, you cant even look at me! Can you?
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
Phoebe Sr.: I know. Im mad at me too.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, well! But umm, still Im-Im mad at you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are playing cards at the dinner table.]
Monica: Cause I ran into him at the bank, he is still soo cute.
Ross: Oh. (looks at his watch) Oh-oh. (takes a drink of coffee and resumes reading the letter)
Rachel: (sees Chips phone number) Wow! Look at that, Chip Matthews called. I wonder what he wants?
Rachel: Come on Phoebe, look at that! They are not breaking up, look at them. Okay thats, you know what that is? That is a, that is a second date, thats what that is! Look at that, she just put her hand on his thigh...
Chandler: (looks at him) Nooo.
Rachel: Look, Im fine. Watch. (She picks up an aspirin between her toes) Look at that. (She lifts her leg to grab the aspirin with her hand and almost falls over.) Whoa-whoa!
Monica: What, that little thing at the prom?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading at the kitchen table as there is a knock on the door.]
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Rachel: Oh! Good thing Chandlers not here, he always wins at this game.
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Ross: Come on, I think this is a good thing. I dont think Mom wouldve hired you if she didnt think you were good at what you do.
Chandler: Well, not at first.
Joey: Yeah-eh-eah! (Rachel glares at him) Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what he meant.
(Phoebe hides her eyes in shame. Rachel is starring at them wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Joey and Ross are stunned to temporary silence.)
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Phoebe: Well, I-I thought a lot about what you said, and um, I realilized duh, all right maybe I was a little judgmental. Yeah, (looks at the tree) oh, but oh...
Chandler: When I walk outside naked people throw garbage at me.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Then why are you answering? Do you at least know what route were on?
(Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.)
Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. Ill get the information.