words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
CHAN: OK, let's do it. [Monica looks at him funny] What?
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
RACH: Ah, hah-hah-hah-ho, yeah, he wishes. Oh, I'm sorry, look at me. OK, Michael, let's talk about you.
RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure. [Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.] ROSS: Try the bottom one. [She opens the door and they kiss.] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler answers the door to find Monica.] CLOSING CREDITS CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over. MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'. CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret. MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What? CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have. MNCA: Well, thanks. CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work. MNCA: Well, you know. CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed. MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh. CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on. MNCA: Well no, but um. CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all. MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . . CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run? MNCA: Alright. CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here. MNCA: OK. Just for a little while. CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances into his room]
Monica: (steps up and points at her) All right! You and me! Lets go! Right now!
Joey: I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. (Whispering) It was dead silent. Gorgeous. (Softly) And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself but she was crying
(Rachel is looking at the magazine and laughing.)
Joey: Lets go watch it at your place.
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Rachel are on the couch looking at the Playboy magazine. When they hear someone coming, Monica goes to hide it under the sofa cushions.]
Rachel: We are looking at a Playboy.
Phoebe: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
Gunther: Okay, but the moneys good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.
Monica: (angrily) It wasnt funny at all! Why would you do that? Why didnt you pick me?
(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)
Cop: Yeah. I mean, I coulda done it better, but these people keep staring at me.
(He looks at Rachel and winks, she gives him the thumbs-up sign.)
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table, talking.]
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Chandler: Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldnt you be at work?
Ross: When you put a D at the end of Fine youre not fine.
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Chandler: Eh, theyre both good. I generally just go with, Monicas drunk again. (Monica glares at him.)
Chandler: All right! Thats fine! Thats fine! I wont bring over the chairs! I wont bring anything over! I wouldnt want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandmas place!! (Storms out.)
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! (Rachel glares at him.)
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Ross: A little? Your place looks like page 72 of the catalogue. Oh look at that! The ornamental bird cage! Large!
(They both look at her.)
Jill: (hits him) Shut up! I did not sound like that at all!
Rachel: That is great. Hey, yknow who doesnt have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.
Ross: Rachel! Well, you-youre not at home, youre-youre-youre right here.
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Joey: Nah, its okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if theyre in on a secret together.)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Phoebe: Oh, nobody's judging you. (They all turn and look at Ross.)
Joey: No! Its not okay! Its not okay at all!! Youre dead inside!!
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse, Rachel is at the counter as Jill enters.]
Rachel: All right, all right, well you just blew your chances at dating Bob!
Joey: (sitting at the kitchen table with his back to the TV) You sick bastards!
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Rachel: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Jill: (To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
(They both stare at the newborn.)
Rachel: (giggles and cant look at him) Hi!
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Joey: Thanks! (Looks at it.) Yeah, theres pulp in that. (Hands it back.)
Monica: (again, lying) Im gonna go into the bathroom so I can look at it in the mirror, as I eat it.
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Ross: Yknow, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at (A knock on the door interrupts him.)
Monica: Absolutely! It would just be one friend (Points at Chandler) helping out another friend. (Points at herself.)
Ross: Look at you! Youre up!
Joey: Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?
Ross: Didnt you spend last night at Joeys?
Rachel: (still not quite able to look at him) Hi! I love you on that show! I watch you everyday! I mean, when you took out your own kidney to save your ex-wife even though she tired to kill you
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Joey: Oh thats too bad. Ive kinda been saving up. (She just looks at him in horror.) Uh, are you sure theres no studies I can participate in?
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
[Scene: The Medical Research office, Joey is there with Carl in the waiting room. Two identical twins come out and both wave by at the same time.]
Ross: Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldnt. Thats why Im here. Maybe we could attack them together? (He glares at him.) That-thats a no.
Ross: (glaring at Joey) This would be the place where you explain the hat.
Joey: No thats not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when youre 90 youll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Rachel: (on phone) Oh my God! Oh my God! Thank you! (Hangs up) That was the fire department, there was a fire at our place!
Rachel: Everythings ruined. My bed. My clothes. Look at my favorite blue sweater. (Hold it up.)
Ross: Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? (Russell glares at him.) I will think about the therapy.
Monica: I know! Now look, theres only one problem though. Theres only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joeys.
Monica: So Rach! Youre the first guest at Hotel Monica! Umm, youll just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning. And I thought I would bring them to you, yknow, in bed. Oh, you have been through so much.
Rachel: Well, dont look at me! My hairs straight! Straight! Straight! Straight!
Ross: Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-Im having a great time! Yknow how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but its not. I mean its not at all.
(Phoebe looks at Rachel.)
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
RICHARD: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinkin it was like a fleet.
Chandler: A hot girls at stake and all of the sudden hes Rain Man.
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
Rachel: I love it at Joeys!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters to find Chandler staring at another cheesecake box.]
Phoebe: No but at Monicas you can eat cookies over the sink!
Joey: Thats right, all the ladies want to stay at Joeys.
Joey: All right, now you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300 at a time, Ill take a check for the other hundred.
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Chandler: So he has to be a male who has at least $50.
Ross: Oh no-no-no, were just two people who happen to run into each other here at the coffee house. (He winks at her.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the table and Monica is doing something in the kitchen.]
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
Rachel: We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. (Chandlers shocked.) What? I read that.
Tim: I was gonna have Thanksgiving at my girlfriends.
Phoebe: (sees a little kid playing with a race car bed) (to kid) Hi. Y'know in England this car would be on the other side of the store. (the kid just stares at her, and she makes the that went right over your head motion) Woo!