words in movies
Joey: Fine! All right, Ill do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I yknow, start to say something stupid.
Rachel: Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. (Excited) Ha-ha! Im gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. (Looks at Joey.) Seriously, proud of you.
Joey: Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. And so Im gonna get on this spaceship, (Smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and Im gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, youll be long gone. But I wont have aged at all. (Gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne baby Im gonna want to meet her.
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names their boat Coast Guard anyway?
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this!
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
Rachel: (scoffs at him) Yeah, thats gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I (leans into the microphone again) I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (Stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (Looks at Joey.)
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
Joey: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Joey: Uh me? Gay? No! No. No, but I have a number of close friends who are. (Chandler and Ross look at each other.)
(Phoebe looks at him, and then giggles and looks away.)
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
The Interviewer: Thank you. The readers at Soap Opera Digest will be happy to hear that.
Joey: Oh yeah, thats just a little something for my huge gay fan base. (Winks at him.)
Ross: Did you just wink at me?
Chandler: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! Theyre buying me drinks! Theyre giving me stuff! (to Joey) Knicks tonight?
Phoebe: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je".
RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
PHOEBE: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and ya know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh I just got that. [They kiss.]
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
Rachel: (looks around for the camera) Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you.
Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, Ive attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, lets take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. (motions to the table) Come on, have a seat. (looks at it) Eeh, huh. As I suspected, its a koondis!
[Scene: Back at Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are now fighting about what Rachel told Van Damme.]
[Scene: At the tanning salon. Ross and a male assistant are walking through a hall]
Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.
[Scene: Cousin Frannies Wedding Reception, Monica and Ross are sitting at the table, alone as a woman approaches.]
Rachel: Yeah, if youre going to do the ears, you might as well take a pass at the nosal area.
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
[Scene: A Doctor's Office, Ross is having his thing looked at by Dr. Rhodes.]
The Salesman: (Interrupting the flashback) Excuse me, Im sorry, you havent said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all interested?
Chandler: Eh, yeah, well ah, waitress at a coffee shop and cheer squad co-captain only took up so much room.
Ross: Phoebe! You're note, amazing! Not only did no one touch my sandwich, but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me mental! Mental Geller, yeah, I always wanted a cool nickname like that.
Phoebe: Okay, fine, I�ll move. Alright, you don�t have to manhandle me. (gets up) Where? (he points at a smaller table) Okay. Thank you. Wach.
Chandler: Monica, that was also true an hour ago! I mean, please, look at you! Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Ok, you've already proven you are just as good as he is, now we've missed our dinner reservations, so now let's just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower and shave your head!
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys.
Monica: Well thats a little crazy. Although I am yknow glad to hear that youre branching out on what you look at on the Internet.
Housekeeper: Im afraid, Im not at liberty to divulge that information.
[Scene: Joey is back at Hayley's place after there date.]
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Ross: Look at you! WhatYoure-youre this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt youre gonna be an incredible mother.
Rachel: Oh, yknow I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. I(Chandler puts a forkful of the cheesecake in her mouth.)Wow. My God, so creamy. Oh my God, this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this? (She reaches over to look at the label on the box.)
(They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.)
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)
(Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since hes already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess hes some sort of actor.)
Monica: You obviously havent screwed over a lot of your friends. (They all look at her) Which we all appreciate.
(Two girls sitting at a table next to them look up in disgust, and Ross and Joey move away)
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, forget it! Ill never be any good at this, my mom was right, Im just a big potato with arms, and legs, and a head.
David: Well, it got me to New York anyway, and then I got on a cab at the airport, and the guy said where to? and I just... gave him your address I... I... I didn't even think about it.
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, its Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, dont you apologize. (listens) Yeah, Ill hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
ROSS: Hey Rach. I, uh, got you a little present. [Rachel is not impressed]. . I'll open it. It's a Slinky! Remember, huh. [sings] Walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, everyone knows it's. . . just a big spring. Alright, you still mad at me becuase of the whole. . .
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
PHOEBE: And they were serving franks which is his first name minus the s at the end. And there was a rotisserie with spinning chicken.
Joey: (throws down a small wad of money, and as his hand twin starts to unfold it, Joey once again brings attention to their special gift to the world. {Y'know, looking at it now, they really don't have that similar of hands. Joey's are bigger.}) Ooh-ho-ho! (The dealer stares at him and he stops.)
Phoebe: Well, I think that shirt makes you look like you should work at a Baskin Robbins... Anyway... Hey, isn't Joey's agent Estelle Leonard?
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
Chandler: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store weve been too and I cant find the perfect ring! (Goes over to another display counter and starts pointing at rings.) Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! (Notices that one of the jewelers is watching him.) Its a beautiful selection. (The jeweler walks away slowly.)
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel and Sophie are sitting at their desks working as Joanna walks in.]
Ross: And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first! Now lets take a look at (Phoebe rushes in.)
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldnt be a secret, and we wouldnt have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)
Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And its making me look at him totally differently. Yknow, I mean he used to be just, yknow Jack Geller Monica and Rosss dad and now hes hes Jack Geller, dream hunk."
Joey: I ended up at Ross's place. Oh, I musta missed counted or something. (Looks out the window.) Damn! She's not there anymore. Oh, l-l-look, Ross is doing his 'Watching TV' bit. (We see Ross sitting on the couch and flipping through the channels on his remote.)
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
Susan: Look at that.
(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.
(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)
Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Lizzie are at a hot dog vendor.]
Rachel: Yeah. So don't move, okay? Just stay here and... (nods towards Ross) maybe close your blinds at night.
Joey: (enters) Guess what? (they all look expectantly at him) I finally got that seed out of my teeth.
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Janine are pretty much making out at one of the tables as Monica and Rachel look on from the couch.]
Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.
Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
EDDIE: At the uh, supermarket, in the uh, ethnic food section. I helped him pick out a chorizo.
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.
Joey: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! (They turn to stare at him.) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.
Dr. Baldhara: Uh, how is he at handling small objects?
(Angela takes a seat at the counter.)
Ross: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone.
Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!
Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Ross: (stares at him angrily) Ok. (determined to spell it correctly) B - O - S ...
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
(Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk at once.)
Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
Phoebe: You guys! You guys! You don't have to fight over her anymore. (she goes out into the hallway and enters with an even more hideous painting/collage. One of those faceles mannequins heads wearing a blueish dress and orange gloves reaching out into the room. Around the head 3 small dolls are hovering.) Whoever doesn't get Gladys gets Glynnis. (Rachel and Monica are gasping for air at the sight of this monstrous piece of art.)
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.)