words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for Rachels baby shower.]
Rachel: So whats the final head count on my baby shower?
Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!
Monica: (on phone) Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but weve decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachels baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: What? Hes gonna be dressed as a baby! (Mrs. Green enters.) Oh hi Mrs. Green!
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]
Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Monica: Yes! Yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby, because youre the most important person in this room. And in the world!
Rachel: He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby!
Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (Shes holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That cant be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?
Rachel: What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?!
Mrs. Green: Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while youre trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?
Mrs. Green: You cant leave a baby alone!
Rachel: Oh come(Stutters)Of course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who wouldshe wouldnt be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Yknow what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, Im just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]
Rachel: Oh mom, I swear Im not an idiot. Ive read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didnt think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The babys coming and I dont know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?
Rachel: Yes! Shes gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isnt happy.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mrs. Green is telling Ross what needs to be done to baby proof his apartment.]
Mrs. Green: Well Rachel needs help with the baby.
Ross: Thats a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]
Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcers voice) Rachel Green! Lets play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babys bath water?
Ross: Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Phoebe: Yes. Yes. Yes. I cant believe it! The baby wants bologna! Maybe he wants me to eat meat? I cant eat meat!
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
Monica: You said the baby.
Chandler: Why would the baby creep me out?
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
Monica: Well Im Monica Geller, ball like a baby.
Phoebe: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided Im gonna carry their baby.
Monica: (To Rachel) Hey! Dont be a baby!
Rachel: Yeah, you like that baby? (Monica bursts in followed by Chandler.) May we help you?
Monica: Hey baby. (Kisses him.)
Joey: (jumping up and removing the bandages) Im back baby! Ha-ha-ha!
Rachel: (who has just entered) Ugh! No more crying! Please! I just dumped one cry baby, Ill dump you too!
Alice: Dont get me started. (To Phoebe) Anyway, umm, since there are three babies and umm, we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honoured if you named the other boy baby.
Monica: No, you said the baby creeps you out.
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Rachel: Joey, would you just come out here and stop being such a baby!
Jessica Lockhart: (crying) Oh, my baby! (Hugs Dina, but moves Dinas head to her other shoulder so that shes the only one in the picture.)
Rachel: Hi! I just want to apologize. Im really sorry I was a baby.
Ross: Yes! My babys finally free!
Joey: Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin good. When do I get to take that baby out again?
Joey: (shocked) I can do an English accent?! That babys going on my resume!
Rachel: Ben yknow when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. Cause I was, I was your daddys girlfriend.
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
Monica: Do you realize that four weeks from today were getting married? Four weeks baby!! Four weeks!!!
Rachel: I know, I lied! I didnt want her to think I was a terrible mother! I cant even see my own baby!
Rachel: You WHAT? You sang... to our baby daughter... a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?
Phoebe: I know! Monicas gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new?
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
Chandler: Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and thats when I uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.) Yeah, yknow what? I thought anything that can fit into this, cant be scary.
Chandler: Our baby.
Monica: What baby?
Monica: Well I-I talked to and uh, shes definitely going to have this baby. Yknow, she said she was gonna raise it on her own.
Chandler: (To Monica) I love you. And I know about the baby.
Monica: We have a baby?
Phoebe: Oh and theyre gonna have a baby.
Phoebe: Thank God, cause that hair on a baby
Rachel: Yeah. Im gonna have a baby. Im gonna have a baby. Im gonna have a baby! (They all hug.)
Rachel: Well then you have his baby.
Joey: Oh my God Pheebs! Youre gonna have a baby?
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Monica: This is so great! And Im gonna be your babys aunt!
Rachel: Im having a baby.
JEANNIE: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to set that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better.
Ross: No! No I cant. I mean Rachels out with some guy. My baby went with her. If anything that picture keeps moving further away.
Joey: Yknow, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.
Ross: Im just saying if you cant eat by yourself, how do you expect to have a baby by yourself?
Joey: I dont see the baby. Where is it?
Ross: Yes lets. Yknow what? Uh, its-its not important. What is important is that, is that were having a baby. And its notDoesnt matter who came on to who.
Dr. Long: Okay, everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. (We see Ross and Rachel looking at the screen.) Here is your uterus. And right here is your baby.
Ross: Yeah, thats our baby.
Monica: It was great! It was great! How about you?! I mean youre having a baby!
Ross: A ferry? My baby is going on a ferry? Do you have any idea how dangerous those are?!
Joey: Thats okay Ross maybe you need a new picture. Okay? Its not gonna be what you thought, but no matter what theres gonna be a brand new little baby, your baby. Who cares what the picture looks like?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel enters and notices that Joey has set up a space for the baby where the couch was, complete with a crib.]
Ross: Yeah I know. (Pause) On the other hand in um, in about seven months youre gonna have something that youre gonna love more than any guy youve ever gone out with. Just wait. Wait until uh, wait until the first time your baby grabs your finger. You have no idea.
Ross: Well I dont know, but how-how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. (Rachel looks at him.) With your permission.
Rachel: Yeah, I cant live with Joey once the baby comes. I dont want my childs first words to be, (in a babys voice) "How you doin?"
Ross: Yeah, you didnt expect her to live there with a baby did you?
Ross: Yeah, but when the baby comes shes gonna want to move.
Rachel: Oh but Joey, I have to go. Theres no room for a baby here.
Rachel: Honey, its not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything. They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when theres a screaming baby around.
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
Rachel: Hey, that is the babys problem. (Dr. Green returns.) Oh, everything okay with the waiter?
Phoebe: Why, so he can get mad at the baby?
Chandler: Shes okay with Rachel and the baby?
Rachel: But Joey the baby is going to be crying, its going to be loud.
Joey: (on cell phone) Im sorry I gotta cancel tonight baby
Phoebe: Gosh. Im not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. (They both sit down by the rest of the gang and Phoebe recognizes a man by the window.) Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him.
Joey: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, (In front of the crib.) so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uhOh look! Heres a baby monitor (Holds it up), which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?
Joey: I didnt look at it. Stupid babys head was blocking most of it.
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
Ross: Yeah. I mean we are having a baby together.
Dina: Do you ever worry that youll be walking and your baby will just like slip out?
Rachel: (pause) Hes talking to the baby.
Joey: (entering) Rachels having her baby!! (Phoebe turns and looks at him.) Which is of no interest to me, Im a neurologist.
Joey: Because! Cause Cause youre my baby sister!
Ross: Baby got back (Then Ross turns around and sees their friends standing in the doorway)
Dina: Were gonna be all right. I mean, even if were not married this baby is gonna be so loved. Not just by us.
Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
Phoebe: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off thinking of names yet?
Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!
Rachel: Oh, yes! Well have ourselves a little baby Ruth
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im so happy things worked out for us that were having this baby together. I love you so much.
(She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Rosss face where the babys should be.)
(Finally, the baby is delivered and starts crying.)
Dr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
Ross: So, I uh I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby.
Doctor: Oh, here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations!
<Ross and Rachel are putting baby stuff together like they're going to be going somewhere.>
Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebes. Why were you even watching it?
Joey: And-and theres no danger to her and the baby?
Phoebe: You want it there? You take it there baby!
Joey: Hey Ross! The babys kicking!
Ross: My God, the babys kicking. Thats great. Although I kinda wish I-I wouldve been there to feel the kicking for the first time yknow.
Ross: No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis.
Rachel: Oh well yeah me too. Um.. I had a baby.
Ross: Rachel whos carrying my baby? Rachel?