words in movies
Directed by: Ben Weiss Written by: Mark Kunerth Transcript by: David Buehrle
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Jennifer: Oh little Ben.
Ben: Da Da.
Ben: Da Da.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross is taking Ben to visit Rachel whos working there.]
Ben: Da Da.
Rachel: Hey! We were not on aOkay. Thats fine! Fine. Yknow what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?
Ross: Its Ben and his Da-Da. Da-Da? Can you say Da-Da? Yknow, you might as well say it because I told your
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Ben: Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm part-Jewish.
Ross: Hey I uh just picked up Ben from school
Ross: Yeah I know; hes in Bens class.
Ross: Well actually, Im picking Ben up tomorrow, maybe hell be there.
Ross: Well it turns out that Ben and Stings son do not get along.
Phoebe: Oh, there you are Ben!
Phoebe: Uh-huh, Im with Ben.
Ben: I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there. (Goes over to Doug.)
Ben: Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here?
Ben: Jack? I hate him! Hes a jerk.
Phoebe: Hey Ross! Doesnt Ben go to the Smithfield Day School?
Ross: Playpen?! Bens seven!
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Monica: But Ben is coming over tonight and he cant see this.
Trudie Styler: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
Phoebe: Oh good! Then youre in luck! Bens not my son!
Monica: Ah, well if you dont clear this off, you wont be getting one of those from me. But Bens coming over here tomorrow to play this game, this cant be there.
Ross: Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, "No." I asked him if he wanted to sleep, he said, "No." I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "No." So, hes sweeping. (We see Ben playing with a broom and a dustpan.)
The Teacher: Right. Are you looking for Jacks parents to discuss the problems hes having with Ben? (Phoebe nods Yes.) Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation.
Phoebe: Oh hi BenNo!! Dont look at the machine! (Covers the screen.)
Ben: Sharing is good.
Ross: Well uh, I-Im a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! (Waves.) And uh
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Ross: What about Ben?
Ross: Ben Franklin.
Rachel: When Carol was pregnant with Ben
Ben: Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the background Monica mouths Dont worry, Ill be here the whole time. to Ross.) Yes! Thatd be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically mouths Yeah! and holds up her thumb.)
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
Monica: Come on Ben.
Written by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Directed by: Ben Weiss Transcribed by: Eleonora, Pheeboh, Sebastiano & Vanessa
Ben: Cool!
(Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)
(Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.)
Ross: No, no, really, Ive got to take the car back anyway, Im spending all day tomorrow with Ben, Its fine, no guilt I promise.
Ross: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.)
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Ross: That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.
Ross: Phoebe, you were sure Ben was gonna be a girl.
Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Written by: Sherry Bilsing-Graham & Ellen Plummer Directed by: Ben Weiss Transcribed by: Kreidy
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The deans office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Aired: 16/1/2003 Teleplay by: Brian Buckner and Sebastian Jones Directed by: Ben Weiss Transcribed by: Roni Raab
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
Rachel: Yes oh(To Ben)Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ross: Okay. (Ben enters) Ben? Come here. All right, Im gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay?
Monica: Okay, Ben, I wont tell your daddy that you had ice cream for dinner, if you dont tell about our little bonking incident.
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
Ross: Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it.
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Ross: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. (singing) 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Ross: Why should Ben step aside? It was his audition in the first place! You-you just tagged along! You're like the uh, tag-a-long dad.
Trudie Styler: You must be Bens mum.
JOEY: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Ben: Whens my daddy coming back?
Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.
Mr. Geller: Well of course Ben, I meant my first granddaughter. (To Monica, mouths) Wow.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Ross: (answering the phone) Hello? (Listens) Hey Mon, hows the packing going? (Listens) Ben? Hes fine. Yeah, hes rightOh my God! (He looks over at the fake Ben and notices that the head has fallen off.) Get your head of your shirt there son! (He tries to push the pumpkin through the neck hole.) What? (Listens) Yeah, its a pumpkin. Ill come pack.
The Teacher: Are you one of Bens mothers?
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Ross: Oh, Im just over here with Ben. I thought wed say hi.
Ross: Umm, did you notice anything wierd about Ben today?
Phoebe: Now Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside, but they have famous fathers.
Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads Poop.) WhAh-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I cant do it.
Ross: (sets Ben down) Well, it's not for sure but umm, we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute--y'know, which he is--so umm anyhoo, he uh, he gave us his card and told us to bring him down for this commercial he's auditioning.
RACHEL: I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
Ross: (looking astonished) What? NO! I am not going to give them Ben!
Ross: Look Ben, it's a toy that protects U.S. oil interests overseas!
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur)
Trudie Styler: I gather Jack and Ben havent been getting along lately.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Carol has come to pick up Ben.]
Ben: (prompting her) What did we agree?
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
Rachel: All this stuff takes up a lot of room. Hey how uh, how serious are you about keeping Ben in your life?
Ross: There's my boy! Here's my boy! And here's his Barbi (Ben is holding a Barbi doll) What's ah, what's my boy doing with a Barbi?
Ross: (pause) I think on some level, you-you sabotaged your own audition so that Ben would get the part.