words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Rachel: Hi! Hi Ben!
Ben: Hi.
(Ben starts to go, but Ross stops him.)
Ross: (to Ben) Okay! All clear!
Ben: (running to the bathroom) Thanks Phoebe!
Rachel: Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.
Ross: (to Ben) Everything okay in there?
Ben: Dont talk to me now!
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The deans office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Ross: Well, Ben would be there.
Ross: Okay. (Ben enters) Ben? Come here. All right, Im gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay?
Ben: Ill be okay.
Ben: Bye dad.
Ben: Not really.
Ben: Okay.
Ben: Im not allowed to have soda.
Ben: Whats a virgin?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
Rachel: Ben yknow when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. Cause I was, I was your daddys girlfriend.
Ben: But youre not anymore!
Ben: Cause you guys were on a break.
Rachel: Hey! We were not on aOkay. Thats fine! Fine. Yknow what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?
Ben: Whens my daddy coming back?
Ben: Sharing is good.
Ben: Really? Like how?
Ben: (laughs) Thats a good one.
Ben: Yeah, youre funny.
Ben: Can I do it to you?
Rachel: Yeah, I-I-I-Im funny Ben, but Im not stupid. Okay?
Ross: Yes! Ben learned a little trick.
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Ben: (jumping up from behind her chair) Gotcha!! (Rachel jumps up startled.)
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
Rachel: Yes oh(To Ben)Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ben: (mimicking her) Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ben: Dont do that.
Ben: Seriously, your dad doesnt like pranks.
Ben: Oh damnit!
Ben: Damnit!
Ben: Damnit!
Ben: Oh crap!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Ben: No more pranks.
Ben: That you and daddy were not on a break.
Ben: (yelling from off camera) Crap!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Rachel: Ohhh! Well of course I will watch him! We have fun, dont we Ben? (He nods yes.)
Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads Poop.) WhAh-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I cant do it.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ben: What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
[Cut to the hallway, Ben runs upstairs with Ross in pursuit.]
Ross: Wait! No! Ben, come here! I am not kidding!
Aired: 16/1/2003 Teleplay by: Brian Buckner and Sebastian Jones Directed by: Ben Weiss Transcribed by: Roni Raab
Monica: Okay, Ben, I wont tell your daddy that you had ice cream for dinner, if you dont tell about our little bonking incident.
Ross: Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it.
Ross: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. (singing) 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
Ross: Why should Ben step aside? It was his audition in the first place! You-you just tagged along! You're like the uh, tag-a-long dad.
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
JOEY: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.
Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.
Trudie Styler: You must be Bens mum.
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Mr. Geller: Well of course Ben, I meant my first granddaughter. (To Monica, mouths) Wow.
Ross: Oh, Im just over here with Ben. I thought wed say hi.
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
The Teacher: Are you one of Bens mothers?
Phoebe: Now Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside, but they have famous fathers.
Ross: Umm, did you notice anything wierd about Ben today?
Ross: (answering the phone) Hello? (Listens) Hey Mon, hows the packing going? (Listens) Ben? Hes fine. Yeah, hes rightOh my God! (He looks over at the fake Ben and notices that the head has fallen off.) Get your head of your shirt there son! (He tries to push the pumpkin through the neck hole.) What? (Listens) Yeah, its a pumpkin. Ill come pack.
Ross: (sets Ben down) Well, it's not for sure but umm, we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute--y'know, which he is--so umm anyhoo, he uh, he gave us his card and told us to bring him down for this commercial he's auditioning.
RACHEL: I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
Ross: (looking astonished) What? NO! I am not going to give them Ben!
Ross: Look Ben, it's a toy that protects U.S. oil interests overseas!
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur)
Ben: (prompting her) What did we agree?
Trudie Styler: I gather Jack and Ben havent been getting along lately.
Rachel: All this stuff takes up a lot of room. Hey how uh, how serious are you about keeping Ben in your life?
Ross: There's my boy! Here's my boy! And here's his Barbi (Ben is holding a Barbi doll) What's ah, what's my boy doing with a Barbi?
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Carol has come to pick up Ben.]
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure its ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, Ive always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
Ross: (pause) I think on some level, you-you sabotaged your own audition so that Ben would get the part.
Ross: Apparently, Stings son made fun of the fact that Bens moms are lesbinims.
Trudie Styler: Im told there are two sides to this story, but all Ive heard is that Bens a bit of a poo-poo head.
Phoebe: (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!
Ross: Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben.
Susan: I like Ben.
Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.
Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?
Ross: (thinking) How 'bout Ben?
Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.
(Monica holds Ben.)
Ross: (to Monica): Could you take it to Carol's every now and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me?
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is showing pictures of his new baby boy, Ben, to the group.]
Ross: And here's little Ben nodding off...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol is dropping Ben off for Ross to watch.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Carol: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)
Phoebe: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. (Ben starts to cry) Oh my God, oh, ok, was that too much pressure for him?
Phoebe: Ben, dinner!
Rachel: They took Ben to the park. Where've you been?
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is holding Ben.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ben is playing in his crib while Chandler and Ross are leaning against the rim and are completely asleep.]
ROSS: There we go. All better. (gives Ben back to Monica)
Joey: No, it's just ah, I care so damn much about little Ben that uh, it was more important to see him succeed.
Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.
(Chandler and Joey are loaded down with baby stuff, and Ben)
ROSS: What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to a hospital.
MONICA: There's my little boy. (Ben starts crying again)
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
BOTH (but to different babies): Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy!
JOEY: Well, well that one has ducks on his t-shirt, and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.
MONICA: Aw, my little nephew. Come here, little one. There's my little baby Ben. Hey, my little boy. Hey, he's not crying.
ROSS: I hope Ben has a little sister.
(Ben starts crying)
ROSS: Will you hold Ben for a sec? Come here. Come here.
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
MONICA: So your first whole weekend without Ben, what're you guys gonna do?
RACHEL: Uh, I'm holding Ben.
ROSS: Have a good time. Ok, Ben.
CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben!
ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is working. Ross enters with Ben.]
RACHEL: Oh, yeah sure, Ok. [she takes Ben and holds him at arms length]
ROSS: Let me hold him for a sec. There. (Ben stops crying) Huh? There we are.
CHANDLER: Isn't Ben in this?
RACHEL: Ok, we can do this now, can't we Ben? Yes we can, yes we can. [finishes the diaper] There. I did it. I did it. Look at that, oh, stays on and everything. Hi.
ROSS: Hi, we're visitiing. It's Ben and his da-da. Da-da. Can you say da-da? Look, I'm gonna tell your momies you said it anyway so you might as well try.
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
RACHEL: Guess what. Ben just said his first word.
BEN: Bye.
BEN: Hi.
ROSS: Bye Ben.
BEN: Bye.
BEN: Bye.
BEN: Bye.
RACHEL: Ben just said hi.
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica) Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho, ho, ho!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Richard and Monica are playing with Ben.]
RACHEL: I'm sorry, what did you just say? Did you just say hi? Oh my God, Ross, Ross, Ben just said 'Hi'.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are picking up Ben, while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it, into her ice cream.]
Monica: (to Ben) Whos so brave, youre so brave, yes you are, youre so brave.
Monica: So, do you want me to watch Ben for you?