words in movies
Chandler: I dont think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.)
Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Chandler: Here we go. Stand up straight. (smiling) Big smile. (opens the door and both are smiling exaggeratedly)
Dr. Green: So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) Hows the library?
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Ross: Yeah, it kinda grows on you. (They both laugh.) Actually, I wanted to finish talking to you about uh, spring vacation.
Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you dont judge me. Im gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.)
CHANDLER: Well we could just stay in and cook for ourselves. [both laugh hysterically]
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)
(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler and all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, who sees Phoebe is double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying through the air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice), Rachel catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.)
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
Monica and Ross: (holding both of their hands above their heads making rabbit ears with their fingers.) Bunny!
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together talking. Theres an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in from of them.]
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
All: All right!! (they lift it into place, however there is one small problem, the unit is so long that it blocks some of both of their bedroom doors.)
Ross: But, Elizabeth and I are-are both adults and so I dont think theres really anything you can do about it.
[Scene: An airplane cabin, Ross and Rachel are both reading as a guy stops by their row.]
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Chandler and Phoebe: ...in you, my endless (Phoebe goes high pitched, Chandler goes low pitched) love. (they both look at each other.) My endless love. (once again they dont match tones, and they just look at each other)
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
(They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.)
(They both start screaming at the top of their lungs.)
Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three Ps of championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and hits Sarah whos started up the stairs, knocking her down, they both watch in horror.)
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I dontmaybe Ill just name him The Hulk.
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Monica: No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isnt something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
(They start kissing again and when Joey grazes, she slaps him three times, on the hand, and on both cheeks)
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
Phoebe: (gets up and sits between them) Okay-okay, why dont I sit here and youll both stop it!
Both: Hey, buddy.
Chandler: (still helium voice) Right behind you, big guy! (they both head for the door)
Ross: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I just join you both, here?
ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
Chandler: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish...
Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?
Chandler: Oh come on, by age seven kids have already seen orgies. (They both look at him.) Was it just me?!
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Ross: No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both think Im interested in them.
Phoebe: Well, we both have.
Rachel and Monica: Ohh! (both grab there stomachs in pain)
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
(They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.)
(Both opposing camps start screaming at each other to drop their weapons and surrender. Finally, Ross steps in as a mediator.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Both of them sitting on the couch, interviewing a nanny candidate.]
Both: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
Ross: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...
(Long pause as they both look at each other.)
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Rachel: Uh... Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, we are both so stupid.
Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.
Both: Marcel?
Barry: Both of you?
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room, holding a cup.)
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.
Carol: Listen, we both know youre gonna do it cause youre not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
(They both get up and Monica expects Joey to take the lead, but he doesnt, and they fumble around for a little bit.)
(They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her gifts. Rachel sees her first gift is a fruit basket.)
Rachel: We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. (Chandlers shocked.) What? I read that.
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
JOEY: So, you were both dorks. Big deal.
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss.)
BOTH: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait!
RACH: Both of you?
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
BOTH (but to different babies): Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy!
CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
MNCA: You and me both.
PHOEBE: Alright, now I will let go if you both stop.
[They both step out into the hall.]
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream)
[they both stir thier coffee and proceed to stare into the mugs]
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
RACHEL: Well, you're not sixteen, you're both adults now.
BOTH: Oh, ohhhhh.
[Mrs. Geller and Ross both enter]
RACHEL: Both of them are here, both of them, both of them are here?
ROSS: C'mon, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.
Joey and Chandler: Shut-out!! (They both start heading for their rooms.)
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say Well...) (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!
CHANDLER: Well I like both eggs equally.
[they both pour in packets of cappucino mix]
Rachel: Were both of those Joey?
[Scene: The slot machines, we see some guy not having any luck. Both Phoebe and the Lurker are lurking him and each stick their heads around the corner at different times This is all set to that Pink Panther song. Finally the guy gives up and walks past the lurker's position, thus giving her the advantage. She scurries in and quickly drops a coin in the slot before Phoebe gets there. Phoebe arrives slightly later and pulls the arm just after the lurker deposits the coin and wins.]
PHOEBE: And because you're both, you know, white women.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Ross: And it works both ways.