words in movies
(He starts the car and surprisingly in fires right up and comes to a nice idle. (Both can be rarities with British sports cars with their lovely Lucas ignition systems, which tend not to work especially in the rain.) Anyway, this being New York he is parallel parked on a street with the car in front of him only inches ahead of his bumper, likewise with the car behind him. Hes completely boxed in and cant move more than two inches. He tries to get out several times by bumping the bumpers of both cars to no avail.)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, night has fallen and Joey and Ross are walking by where his car is parked to find that both cars blocking him in have left.]
[Scene: An airplane cabin, Ross and Rachel are both reading as a guy stops by their row.]
Chandler and Phoebe: ...in you, my endless (Phoebe goes high pitched, Chandler goes low pitched) love. (they both look at each other.) My endless love. (once again they dont match tones, and they just look at each other)
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
(They both start screaming at the top of their lungs.)
Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three Ps of championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and hits Sarah whos started up the stairs, knocking her down, they both watch in horror.)
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I dontmaybe Ill just name him The Hulk.
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
(They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.)
Monica: No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isnt something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Phoebe: (gets up and sits between them) Okay-okay, why dont I sit here and youll both stop it!
(They start kissing again and when Joey grazes, she slaps him three times, on the hand, and on both cheeks)
Both: Hey, buddy.
Ross: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I just join you both, here?
ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
Chandler: (still helium voice) Right behind you, big guy! (they both head for the door)
Chandler: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish...
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
Chandler: Oh come on, by age seven kids have already seen orgies. (They both look at him.) Was it just me?!
Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
Phoebe: Well, we both have.
Ross: No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both think Im interested in them.
(They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.)
(Both opposing camps start screaming at each other to drop their weapons and surrender. Finally, Ross steps in as a mediator.)
Rachel and Monica: Ohh! (both grab there stomachs in pain)
Both: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
Ross: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Both of them sitting on the couch, interviewing a nanny candidate.]
(Long pause as they both look at each other.)
Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Both: Marcel?
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
Rachel: Uh... Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, we are both so stupid.
Barry: Both of you?
(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room, holding a cup.)
Carol: Listen, we both know youre gonna do it cause youre not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)
(They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her gifts. Rachel sees her first gift is a fruit basket.)
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
(They both get up and Monica expects Joey to take the lead, but he doesnt, and they fumble around for a little bit.)
JOEY: So, you were both dorks. Big deal.
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
Rachel: We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. (Chandlers shocked.) What? I read that.
BOTH: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait!
BOTH (but to different babies): Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy!
CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
RACH: Both of you?
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss.)
MNCA: You and me both.
[They both step out into the hall.]
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream)
[they both stir thier coffee and proceed to stare into the mugs]
PHOEBE: Alright, now I will let go if you both stop.
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
CHANDLER: Well I like both eggs equally.
BOTH: Oh, ohhhhh.
[Mrs. Geller and Ross both enter]
RACHEL: Well, you're not sixteen, you're both adults now.
ROSS: C'mon, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say Well...) (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!
Joey and Chandler: Shut-out!! (They both start heading for their rooms.)
[they both pour in packets of cappucino mix]
RACHEL: Both of them are here, both of them, both of them are here?
[Scene: The slot machines, we see some guy not having any luck. Both Phoebe and the Lurker are lurking him and each stick their heads around the corner at different times This is all set to that Pink Panther song. Finally the guy gives up and walks past the lurker's position, thus giving her the advantage. She scurries in and quickly drops a coin in the slot before Phoebe gets there. Phoebe arrives slightly later and pulls the arm just after the lurker deposits the coin and wins.]
PHOEBE: And because you're both, you know, white women.
Rachel: Were both of those Joey?
Monica: (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her best friend) We both do that!
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Ross: And it works both ways.
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Ross: That's ok. Uh, anyway, well he and I both really liked you a lot, uhm, but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kinda made a pact, that neither of us could ask you out!
Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.
Chandler: I will have one. (Ross and him both take one.)
Monica: I highly doubt that. (they both go to the bathroom)
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, its not like I dont have a sense of humor, huh? Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick now and then. But theres a time and a place, huh?! Unless you uh, have a limerick right now? (They both nod no.) No? Okay, well uh, youve (Grabs the chocolates.) got my fax number. (Exits.)
(Both he and Ross start laughing)
Ross: Neither will I. (they both put back the brownies.)
(Rachel and Joey both laugh at that suggestion.)
Phoebe: I dont know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I dont know how you fight that.
Rachel: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?
CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
[they both try to drink while continuously stirring]
(they both start up the stairs.)
(Chandler and Joey both laugh)
Rachel: Yeah, I do. (they both run out)
Chandler: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.