words in movies
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Carol: Let it go, Ross.
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?
Carol: Thanks.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]
Carol: You're gonna kill me!
Carol: Count faster.
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.
Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.
Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.
Carol: Now go!
Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...
Carol: Out!
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Carol: Are they here yet?
Carol: Ok.
Carol: Ok.
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.
Carol: Where are they?
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Carol: But they're not here yet!
Carol: Oh, god.
Carol: (irked) Where have you been?
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!
Carol: What does he look like?
Carol: Really?
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the infant.]
Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Carol: Can I ask whatCome on in.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Carol: What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?
Carol: (from the kitchen) Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?
Carol: Umm uh, Ill make some coffee and we can uh, chat.
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
Carol: Ooh, actually Ive been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
Monica: All right fine. Fine, Ill do it. Ive just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
The Teacher: Ive only met your partner Carol.
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
Chandler: I didnt know you and Carol were getting divorced, Im sorry.
Chandler: Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry.
Chandler: No no no! Look, Carol, can I call you Carol? (Pause) Wh-why would I when your name is Elaine? Oh what a great picture of your son, strapping! (She glares at him.) Thats a picture of your daughter, isnt it, well shes lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw. Ill call you from Tulsa. (Exits.)
Ross: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, whos-whos to say? Does that me we-we cant do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesnt it?
Rachel: When Carol was pregnant with Ben
Phoebe: All right, all right, so up until 92-93 he was very trusting, then 94 hit, Carol left him and bamn! Paranoid city!
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
[Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.]
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
Rachel: Yes oh(To Ben)Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. Shes such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass.
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
CAROL: Anyway, we'd like you to come, but we totally understand if you don't want to.
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
Ross: Look Carol umm, I was, I was thinking maybe uh, maybe we can spice things up a little.
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Carol: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but dont punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.
Carol: Listen, we both know youre gonna do it cause youre not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Ross: I dropped him off at Carols. (To Phoebe) Anyway, it turns out that Im not going to be able to get those tickets though.
Carol: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.
Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Carol has come to pick up Ben.]
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
Rachel: I don't know! I mean, we still care about each other. There's a history there. 'S'like you and Carol.
CAROL: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away and everything.
Carol: (running over and grabbing the phone away from Ross) (on phone) Phoebe, hang on a second. (Hands Ross her keys) Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
[Scene: The Airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Carol: A lesbian?
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
Carol: Sorry. You look good too.
Carol: So.
Carol: I'm pregnant.
Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?
Carol: Julia..
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
Carol: Dr. Oberman.
Carol: Marlon-
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Carol: Thanks.
Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.
Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Carol: All right, you two, stop it!
Carol: I know.
Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part)
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?
Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Carol: Anytime you're ready.
Carol: Just aim for the bump.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Carol: No, no that was the first.
Carol: I did.