words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Joey: Ah. (To Chandler) Slow swimmers? (Chandler looks at him.)
Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe and Rachel join Monica and Chandler on the altar.) Hey Mon, why did you tell the guys you werent pregnant?
(Flash, the photographer takes a picture of Monica and Chandlers stunned faces.)
Chandler: What?! What are you talking about?
Chandler: Whos the father?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: As in Barbara Streisands husband James Brolin?
Photographer: Why dont we have Monica step away and well get Chandler and the bridemaids.
Chandler: Yknow I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.
Rachel: For you. (Chandler leaves.)
Bandleader: Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Before we go out there Ive got a present for ya.
Chandler: No?
Chandler: Ive been taking dancing lessons.
Chandler: Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget.
Chandler: So? Would you care to join me in our first dance as husband and wife?
(They walk onto the dance floor and Chandler slips and almost falls.)
Chandler: I dont know, its these new shoes, theyre all slippery.
Chandler: Not well.
(They start dancing and Chandler starts slipping around.)
[Cut to Chandler sitting down near Joey as his mom walks over. His birth mother, not the mother who recently visited one of those clinics in Sweden.]
Mrs. Bing: Chandler darling! Look, my date has finally arrived. Id like you to meet Dennis Phillips.
Chandler: Thank you.
Chandler: Bravo Dennis thanks for pleasing my mother so.
Chandler: Funny: ha-ha or funny: (Mimes blowing his brain out.)
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Joey: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I wouldve done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and thats just for ugly people.
Chandler: What size shoes do you wear?
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Chandler: (looking at Joeys feet) Those arent eleven and a half.
[Cut to Chandler in the hallway practicing dancing and is doing it very well.]
Chandler: And the world will never know.
Chandler: Yes, I told him how talented you were. I told him all about Days Of Our Lives.
Chandler: But youre not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet.
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
[Cut to Monica walking up to Chandler.]
Chandler: Did it turn into sand?
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
Mr. Geller: Chandler, Im gonna have you arrested.
Chandler: Why?
Mr. Geller: You stole my moves. (He starts to dance like Chandler was and Chandler stops.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!
Chandler: Yeah okay, I was just talking to the guys. Just look at them I mean, is it okay if they come visit?
Chandler: (looks down at his clothes) Am I naked again?!
Chandler: As crazy as soccer?
Chandler: You mean you didnt get it from this?
Joey: How could you do this to me Chandler?! This part couldve turned my whole career around!
Chandler: I messed up. Okay? Im sorry, I really messed up.
Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.
Chandler: How is that worse?!
Phoebe: Chandler, Chandler.
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Chandler: (lets him out) What happened?!!
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Chandler: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
Joey: Thank you. Cha-ching! (Chandler starts to leave) Oh, well hello Mr. Lincoln. Better luck next time buddy. (Chandler leaves and closes the door) And the drinks are on me!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
Chandler: BEND OVER?!!!
Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!
Chandler: Janice?
Chandler: Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Chandler: Well, actually its a hockey team, so its angry Canadians with no teeth.
Chandler: Janice?!
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. (Sees Chandler.) Well well, look what you brought.
Chandler: ...And what did you bring?
Chandler: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...
Chandler: Do you think hell ever forgive me?
Chandler: Cupping.
Monica: (on phone) Hello Greg? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica from the plane? Listen, the number that you gave me 853-5 (Listens) (To Chandler) That is their old number! Jennys been giving it out since they moved!
Chandler: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Ross are at a newsstand.]
Chandler: You didnt see how mad he was, yknow?
Chandler: Yknow what? I-I kinda have.
Chandler: I cant believe I did this! What an idiot!
Rachel: Of course he will! But Chandler the most important thing is you forgive yourself!
Chandler: (coming out from behind the door) I KNEW IT!!!!
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
(Chandler does this throat sound.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
Joey: Look Chandler, it was instinct! Okay? I just went for it!
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Chandler: Please tell me you got the message!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey is entering to find Chandler waiting patiently for him.]
Chandler: Sorry! I-I-I dont know what to say.
Joey: I cant believe this Chandler!
Chandler: Sure! Thats one of the great things about being engaged. Im not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
Chandler: (angrily) Is that supposed to be funny! I was really worried over here!
Chandler: Yknow, sometimes that fake out thing is just mean!
Chandler: Oh, we could do this all day.
Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won YOU over, didnt I?
Chandler: All right!
Chandler: I think so. Yeah, get off me.
Chandler: You are gonna be a huge star! Im gonna hug ya!
Rachel: Okay, Chandler!
Chandler: Okay.
The Woman: Could you guys help me? (Chandler shyly exhales and looks away.)
Chandler: Yeah, Ross sure is a great guy, yknow Ive always felt that how a young man turns out is a reflection on his father.
(Phoebe winks and licks her lips while eyeing Chandler.)
Chandler: Hey!!
Chandler: (To Monica) Oh, well thank you in advance. (Kisses her.)
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Chandler: Oh thats right. Its your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?
Phoebe: (in a sexy voice to Chandler) Ill be waiting.
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not Elizabeths dad?!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Are you judging them by their covers? Because youre really not supposed to do that.
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Chandler: (to Ross) Wellll?
Chandler: Well, maybe we can fix it yknow? Maybe we can send him some-some big-big flowers and scare him!
(Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe enter.)
Chandler: Ross!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! (Motions to Chandler, "Whats going on?") Hi, Paul is it? (Paul nods yes and still hugging Joey.)
Ross: (exhales) I got it. (He lifts the box and grunts under the strain.) (Calmly) So hi, Im uh, Im Ross and this is my friend Chandler. (He shyly waves.)
Chandler: Theres a Mr. Bing!
Chandler: Yes, we were just
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]
(Everyone clinks glasses and Chandler freaks out again.)
Chandler: This is going in your book?
Chandler: No, the little girl creeps me out.
Chandler: Why would the baby creep me out?
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
Chandler: Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
CHANDLER: Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!
Chandler: So do you think uh, Joeys more charming than me?
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Chandler: Who?
Chandler: Yeah, you wish. (Stops to think about it and gets depressed.)
Chandler: Oh.
Chandler: Oh-oh.
Chandler: Thats the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.
Chandler: Hmm.
Chandler: (singing) Ground control to Major Tom! Commencing countdown engines on!
Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joeys.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Chandler: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. (reading the candy) Chan and Jan Forever.
Chandler: We said seven!
Chandler: The only way that I said six would be if the sevens, let meet at seven, not at six.
Chandler: (disgusted) What does it say?!