words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Joey: Ah. (To Chandler) Slow swimmers? (Chandler looks at him.)
Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe and Rachel join Monica and Chandler on the altar.) Hey Mon, why did you tell the guys you werent pregnant?
(Flash, the photographer takes a picture of Monica and Chandlers stunned faces.)
Chandler: What?! What are you talking about?
Chandler: Whos the father?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: As in Barbara Streisands husband James Brolin?
Photographer: Why dont we have Monica step away and well get Chandler and the bridemaids.
Chandler: Yknow I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.
Rachel: For you. (Chandler leaves.)
Bandleader: Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Before we go out there Ive got a present for ya.
Chandler: No?
Chandler: Ive been taking dancing lessons.
Chandler: Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget.
Chandler: So? Would you care to join me in our first dance as husband and wife?
(They walk onto the dance floor and Chandler slips and almost falls.)
Chandler: I dont know, its these new shoes, theyre all slippery.
Chandler: Not well.
(They start dancing and Chandler starts slipping around.)
[Cut to Chandler sitting down near Joey as his mom walks over. His birth mother, not the mother who recently visited one of those clinics in Sweden.]
Mrs. Bing: Chandler darling! Look, my date has finally arrived. Id like you to meet Dennis Phillips.
Chandler: Thank you.
Chandler: Bravo Dennis thanks for pleasing my mother so.
Chandler: Funny: ha-ha or funny: (Mimes blowing his brain out.)
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Joey: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I wouldve done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and thats just for ugly people.
Chandler: What size shoes do you wear?
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Chandler: (looking at Joeys feet) Those arent eleven and a half.
[Cut to Chandler in the hallway practicing dancing and is doing it very well.]
Chandler: And the world will never know.
Chandler: Yes, I told him how talented you were. I told him all about Days Of Our Lives.
Chandler: But youre not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet.
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
[Cut to Monica walking up to Chandler.]
Chandler: Did it turn into sand?
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
Mr. Geller: Chandler, Im gonna have you arrested.
Chandler: Why?
Mr. Geller: You stole my moves. (He starts to dance like Chandler was and Chandler stops.)
Chandler: Then what?
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one(He gets a look too)oh.
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
Chandler: Yknow those big-big uh, road signs that say "Merge?"
Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic...
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off camera)
Chandler: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional...
Chandler: You gotta do it, man.
Ross: (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever(to Chandler)can't do it. (to the kid) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves)
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel.
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.)
Chandler: I dont see any uh, cabs. Maybe we should just walk?
Chandler: Not a one.
Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up.
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that.
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!
Chandler: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
Chandler: �Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped himdrink his wine.� So you just touch yourself for anything?
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.]
Chandler: There you go.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has fallen asleep reading a book. Monica calls from the bedroom and wakes him up.]
Chandler: Where are they? Where are they?
Chandler: Here we go.
Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: That's great.
Chandler: (covering) What... did you get me there?
Chandler: Well y'know, Monica and I were friends before we started dating. So maybe-maybe that's it?
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you another latte?
Chandler: That's it?
Chandler: Yes, but I feel like Ive really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think were two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Chandler: Actually, no. No, it felt right. You know, it felt like uhm... I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time.
CHANDLER: Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, Run!
Chandler: Oh come on, by age seven kids have already seen orgies. (They both look at him.) Was it just me?!
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.)
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.
Chandler: I'm fine.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
Chandler: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?
Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million?
Chandler: How do you do that?
Chandler: I'm not fine. Here she comes.
Chandler: We should always always break up together.
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Chandler: Im sorry man, theres never a good time to (pauses) stop catching on fire.
Chandler: I'm free! I'm free!
Rachel: Where's Chandler?
Chandler: ...He's in.
(Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.)
Chandler: (arm-in-arm with Monica) Hey Pheebs!
Chandler: No, ten o'clock.
Monica: Wouldnt you love to do it just once?! (Raises her hand towards Chandler.)
(As he walks past both Chandler and Ross notice the bag and stare at each other in shock.)
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
Chandler: No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.
Chandler: Thank you, buddy.
Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just stands there.)
Aurora: Chandler?
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.
Chandler: Hey, kids.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... more or less.
Chandler: Look, we have no time okay? We must focus. We gotta get everything back into its original place.
Chandler: Oh, so you're divorced?
Chandler: Who's Rick?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?
Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)
Chandler: ...Hm.
Chandler: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?
Phoebe: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la la la la la.
Chandler: Y'think?
Chandler: Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like that.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully?
Chandler: Hi, Im Chandler. Your live-in boy
(Chandler enters with the phone.)
Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!!
Chandler: God, I love these fingers...
Chandler: Don't go.
Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
Chandler: (to himself) Too bad, she's leaving.
Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.
Chandler: You.
Chandler: Lose the other guys.
Chandler: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick.
Chandler: C'mon, we're great together, why not?
Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.