words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
Chandler: Are you, are you high?
Chandler: Really? I dont like baths.
Chandler: Honey, its not the bath I enjoy, its the wet, naked lady.
Chandler: Really? What do you do? You just sit in there stewing in your own filth.
Chandler: Honey, its 2:00 on a Wednesday and Im watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am?
Joey: (entering) Hey, Chandler, you got a minute? I-I really need to talk to you.
Chandler: Oh! Uh, yeah! Is this a cold pizza talk or a leftover meatloaf talk?
Chandler: Oh my God, whats up?!
Chandler: Oh no-no, no you dont, just come back.
Chandler: Do you?
Chandler: In London?
Chandler: Yes. When Monica and I were in London, we were both in London.
Chandler: If that.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Monica comes from the bathroom as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Sex on the balcony?
Chandler: What is it?
Chandler: Honey, I dont like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?
Chandler: Well, this does butch it up a bit.
Chandler: All right, if I do this, can we at least discuss sex on the balcony?
(Chandler runs into the bathroom)
[Cut to Chandler laying in the bathtub. "Only Time," is playing in the background.]
Chandler: (thinking) All right, this isnt so bad. I like the flower smell! Which is okay, because Ive got my boat.
Chandler: Oh my God.
Chandler: Im going to need a bigger boat.
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, Monica is entering.]
Chandler: Im in the bathroom, can you come in here? I think theres something wrong.
Chandler: Im in the bathtub.
Chandler: I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong! The waters tepid. The salt didnt dissolve and is now lodged places. And the scents I used dont compliment each other. Eucalyptus and chamomileOh!
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
Chandler: Yeah! Sure, sure. So, what was going on with you today? Oh-oh-oh!
Chandler: I had the exact same conversation.
Chandler: I dont know! Joey hasnt had this much trouble getting out words since we saw him in Macbeth!
Chandler: All right, lets break this down. What exactly did he say to you?
Chandler: Uh-huh.
Chandler: He didnt say anything about that to me.
Chandler: He was asking all these questions about you, me, and London. And, of course the glue that holds this all together, the rules.
Chandler: But what did he mean by rules?
Chandler: Because he was looking at her differently.
Chandler: My God! He wants to do it with Phoebe in London!
Monica: Just a minute! (To Chandler) Thats Mrs. Tribbiani!
Chandler: You dont say anything.
Chandler: Im not going to let you say anything.
Chandler: Oh, God!
Phoebe: (Groans) Is it Chandler?
Phoebe: Sure, yeah. I mean, its Joey. I dont want him to get hurt. Well, I must say, I am on fire! First Chandler, now Joey!
Monica: Not Chandler, just Joey.
Phoebe: Yes, and Im sorry. I-I know things worked out for Chandler and Monica, but thats very rare.
Phoebe: Thats right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know Ive had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And Im sure youve had them for us.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler enters as Monica comes from the bathroom.]
Chandler: Do I smell essential oils?
Chandler: Okay.
(As soon as Monica leaves the room, Chandler takes off his jacket and runs to the bathroom. Monica enters the bathroom to find Chandler in the bathtub.)
Chandler: L-leaving my troubles behind?
Chandler: Oh, its so hard to care when youre this relaxed.
Chandler: (upset) Hey!
Chandler: (To Monica) You told her?!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Because its a relaxing and enjoyable time!
Chandler: You like Rachel?!
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Ross and I were looking for you! What are we all doing in here? (Looks at Chandler) Oh, my! (Covers the spot where Joey wants bubbles to be replaced.)
Chandler: (sarcastically) Yes were all in here and we would love for you to join us!
(They all hug and then turn and look at Chandler)
Chandler: Ill Ill get you later!
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas bathroom. Both are sitting on opposite ends of the bathtub.]
Chandler: Yeah. And what youre doing feels so good.
Chandler: Youre not?
Chandler: Oh, sweet Lord. New realms of pleasure!
Chandler: Well, we're not.
Monica: (To Chandler) What room should we see next?
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
Chandler: Ok!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously)
Chandler:(In a sarcastic "of course not"!-tone) No!
Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert!
Chandler: I can explain... Joey...
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
Monica: Okay, weve been out here for two hours and we havent seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandlers getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)
Chandler: Oh, that's really ok.
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
Joey: (to Chandler) Dude, Phoebes mom has got a huge peni...
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Chandler: Hey Joe! How's the second draft of the letter coming?
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
Chandler: Wrong number?
Chandler: That's great!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?
Chandler: No, no! We made this decision together.
Chandler: Yeah. We don't feel like we can host Thanksgiving this year.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Don't let yourself get manipulated this way!
Monica: Hey, stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me... and ME!
Chandler: We are supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch the Doctor Phil I taped for you?
Chandler: (he stands up and he feels very offended) I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation!
Chandler: Somebody is gonna pick us.
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
Chandler: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?
Monica: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Doctor Phil tells you to do.
Chandler: You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself. Let me help this year.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is watching TV and Monica is cooking]
Chandler: I'm serious, let me do something, just not the turkey or the stuffing, nothing "high profile".
Chandler: Tell me more.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
Chandler: Look, Monica has been working hard all day, she didn't wanna host this thing in the first place, we shouldn't go!
Chandler: (reading the list) Drop off my dry cleaning. Pick up my vitamins. Teach me how to spell vitamins. Wear in my new jeans.
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
Ross: I can't believe Chandler is missing this!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
(He tries to fire a burnt tennis ball into the bowl Chandler is standing by, but Ross grabs the ball away from him.)
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Monica: What? Are you serious?! (To Chandler) Joey smells gas!
Chandler: (looking through the peephole again) Ross' shirt is torn.
Chandler: Could there be more Kims?
Ross: Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Chandler: (relieved) Oh thank God!
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that... (speaking lower to Monica) what happens to cranberry sauce?
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: (looking through the peephole) That's a lie, you went to the game, I can see Joey's hand.
Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.
Chandler: Guys, I'd listen to her. The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it. (Monica looks at Chandler)
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Chandler: The cranberries...?
Chandler: He's doing that weird eye contact thing. Don't look at him, don't look at him! (They both look away)
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Chandler: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
Chandler: Uhm, we've got turkey grease.
Chandler: I can't believe Joey. I hate being called a liar!
Chandler: A little late for that.
Monica: Alright, well, this does not change anything. (to Chandler) Okay, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.
Chandler: Can you ever feel your ears?
Monica: Chandler, where are your tools?
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Chandler: Come on guys, PUSH!
Chandler: My cranberries!
Joey and Chandler: PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!
Chandler: And?
Chandler: What's going on?
Chandler: Are you serious? (they hug)
(Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartement, Monica is at the kitchen table writing something and Chandler enters kitchen area]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..
Chandler: Yes, but...
Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
Chandler: Sorry, I just cant sleep. Ooh! (Turns on the light and Monica groans.) Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover Im like (Fake snores.)
Chandler: I suppose that Monica will have the � manipulative shrew.
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"