words in movies
(Chandler and Monica enter from their room and Joey quickly hides the bag of potato chips behind his back.)
Chandler: Im good.
Chandler: (looking) Is that a swing?
Chandler: Yuck!
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Chandler: That was like 5 years ago.
Chandler: Joey
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
Chandler: (totally not crying) Well see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon!
Chandler: Yes it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer!
Monica: Chandler theres nothing wrong with crying! I mean you dont have to be so macho all the time.
Chandler: Im not macho.
Chandler: No, I guess I just never really cried. Yknow? Im not a crying kind of guy.
Chandler: Id be sad sure, but I wouldnt cry.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Chandler: Cry?! I just found a talking puppy, Im rich!
(Chandler starts paging through the album.)
Chandler: Oh, thats Parents Day, first grade. Thats me with the janitor Martin.
Chandler: Oh they didnt want to come!
Phoebe: Oh Chandler!
Chandler: No! Look, I dont cry! Its not a big deal! Okay?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is ranting about Jill to Chandler and Monica.]
Chandler: You didnt get more movies that are gonna have us reaching for the tissues all night did you?
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.
Chandler: Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I dont do porn.
Chandler: Her ankle is what youre watching?
Chandler: Shes just doing her job!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is reading Chicken Soup for the Soul as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Hey! (He quickly tries to hide the book by throwing it under the couch, only the couch has no back and it slides into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Theres no back to this couch!
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I figured a shot yknow? Maybe one of those stories would make me cry and then you wouldnt think I was yknow, all dead inside.
Monica: Oh thats so sweet! Look Chandler I dont care if you cant cry, I love you.
Chandler: Oh that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest.
Chandler: No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, were up at the altar and Im like this. (Makes a bored face.)
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Okay, well I wont uh, worry about this anymore then.
Chandler: Aww, I love you so
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: So you didnt mean any of that?!
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: (To Monica) Maybe we should give them some privacy.
Monica: (To Chandler) Shhhh!!!
(Chandler starts crying.)
Chandler: (crying hysterically) I just dont see why those two cant work things out!
Chandler: (starts crying) I-I cant believe Jills gone. (They all look at him.) I cant help it, I opened a gate.
Chandler: He's doing that weird eye contact thing. Don't look at him, don't look at him! (They both look away)
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Chandler: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
Chandler: Uhm, we've got turkey grease.
Chandler: I can't believe Joey. I hate being called a liar!
Chandler: A little late for that.
Monica: Alright, well, this does not change anything. (to Chandler) Okay, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.
Chandler: Can you ever feel your ears?
Monica: Chandler, where are your tools?
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Chandler: Come on guys, PUSH!
Chandler: My cranberries!
Joey and Chandler: PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!
Chandler: And?
Chandler: What's going on?
Chandler: Are you serious? (they hug)
(Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartement, Monica is at the kitchen table writing something and Chandler enters kitchen area]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..
Chandler: Yes, but...
Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
Chandler: Sorry, I just cant sleep. Ooh! (Turns on the light and Monica groans.) Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover Im like (Fake snores.)
Chandler: I suppose that Monica will have the � manipulative shrew.
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"
Chandler: And so incorrect!
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Chandler: Ok.
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
Chandler: You're gonna be great.
Chandler: That's what our friends call us.
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Chandler: Yeah, wow.
Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands.
Chandler: No-ot for me it doesn’t.
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: You should be. You’re really on top of stuff..
Chandler: Yeah, I did.
(Monica and Chandler are looking curiously at Joey.)
Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.
Chandler: Your Veal Chop is $34,95!
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Chandler: You have gotta stop!
Chandler: Well, Im sure you get another one at Ann Taylors.
Chandler: I know..
Chandler: oh, honey..
Chandler: You're Jewish.
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Chandler: But we are not the one she chose! How can you feel okay about this?
Monica: No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. (turns to Chandler) The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...
Chandler: (to Monica) Look! Look! Look what the... Look what... Look what the floating heads did!
Rachel: To Monica and Chandler... and that knocked up girl in Ohio.
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Hey.
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: Erica wait!
(She leaves the room, but Chandler runs after her. They meet in the hallway.)
Chandler: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us.
CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
Chandler: You still want that baby?
Monica: God bless you Chandler Bing!
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It's like a giant hug.
Chandler: (looking at her) Seriously, answer faster!
(Monica and Chandler do not look amused by Joeys head in the door)
Chandler: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.
Chandler: (picking up the phone) Hello.
Phoebe: Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy! (looking outside the window) Look, there's Chandler. (he's on the street, talking to a woman)
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, let's see. (she takes her mobile phone) Ok, duck down. (they both get down to hide themselves. Phoebe calls Chandler)
Chandler: Those are all really old!
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Chandler enters the door.]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: It’s perfect. It’s everything we’ve been looking for.
Chandler: I was in the car with Nancy all day.
Chandler: I don’t know. What do you think?
Chandler: This is bringing out a lovely color in you!
Chandler: I do too.
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: We don’t. Not until it's a hundred percent. I mean, why upset everybody over nothing.
Chandler: I know. Gooooood luck with it.
Ross: I just can’t see Chandler cheating!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Everybody except Monica and Chandler is there.]
Joey: Hey, is uhm... is Chandler here?
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Chandler: Hey!