words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk - Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are sitting on the sofas. Joey enters]
Monica: Yeah with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.
Chandler: Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!
Chandler: Still on Amelia Earhart?
Chandler: Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.
Chandler: (looking around at the others)I'll ask. (To Ross) Boohaki?
Chandler: Kinda like Joey.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
Chandler: Pie eating contest?
Chandler: No, I saw a picture of you covered in blueberries.
(phone starts ringing and Chandler comes running out of the bathroom)
Chandler: (hysterical)Don't touch the phone! I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!! (picks up the phone)
Chandler: (into receiver)Hello? Hey Charlie, what do you know?
Monica: Chandler is supposed to find out if he's getting an assistent job at his ad agency. But out of the 15 interns, they are only hiring three.
Chandler: (still on the phone)Damnit. Alright call me when you know more.
Chandler: One of the slots got filled.
Chandler: Sense the tone! No that kid Nate got it.
Chandler: Yeah I know.
Chandler: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
Rachel, Chandler and Monica: Please, just do it!
Chandler: I can see the headline now: "Lottery winners' friend filled with regret eats own arm".
Chandler: Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
Chandler: Ok, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
Chandler: Ooh! Calm down ...
Ross: Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "invest it"? I meant "be cool and piss it all away" (Joey and Chandler pleased)
Chandler: You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go.
Chandler: You're right, it has been you dream for over 15 seconds.
Chandler: (looks around) I'll take this one too (to Ross) Uh ... Mommy?
(Phone rings, Chandler picks up)
Chandler: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
Chandler: Well no, Charlie's gonna get that.
Chandler: He's the boss's son.
Chandler: What about the ones you have on the nightstand?
Chandler: Yes there are, I just saw them a few minutes ago.
Chandler: Honey, there are like 20 tickets on the nightstand!
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!!
Monica: Ok, fine!! I bought 20 extra tickets for me and Chandler.
Rachel: Chandler, would you just tell her what she did was wrong?
Chandler: (to Mon) She's right, you shouldn't have bought tickets just for us ...
Chandler: Let me finish ... (to everyone else) however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!! (takes tickets from Rachel)
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!
Chandler: Can I come a little bit closer, valuable things are getting squished...
Chandler: (looking at the answering machine) Hey, there's two messages. These could be from work!
Chandler: Ok, here we go! (he pushes the play button)
Second message: "Hey Chandler, it's Charlie"
Chandler: This is..shhh!
Chandler: Oh, is she related to Ralph Lauren?
Monica: (she hugs Chandler) Honey, you've been really strong about this, I know how badly you wanted that job.
Chandler: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. (pause) But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
Chandler: I got that!
Chandler: No.
Chandler: Ah, the "I'm sorry I rejected you" phone call. I'm not used to getting it from guys. (on the phone, getting up from the sofa) Hey, Steve.
Steve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Chandler: Oh no no no no, I'd love to be somebody's assistant! Answering phones, getting coffee, I live for that stuff! And I'm not too mature... farts, boobies, butt cracks!
Steve: Chandler, you were the strongest person in the program. We're offering you the position of junior copywriter.
Chandler: Me, that guy who just said butt cracks?
Chandler: Ok well, thanks, you won't regret it. I'll see you tomorrow (hangs up).
Chandler: What? (pause) Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be a junior copywriter.
Chandler: Does that mean I get the good loving tonight?
Joey: (to Chandler) Hey, that is so great about the job.
Chandler: Thanks, man.
Chandler: Really? What?
Chandler: (smiling, surprised) Oh yeah? (looks towards the kitchen, worried) Listen, don't tell Monica, she'll rip your heart right out.
Chandler: Wow, you'd think we should get that over 20 years or go for the big payout.
Chandler: Me too.
Chandler: Well, we're not.
Monica: (To Chandler) What room should we see next?
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
Chandler: Ok!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously)
Chandler:(In a sarcastic "of course not"!-tone) No!
Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert!
Chandler: I can explain... Joey...
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
Monica: Okay, weve been out here for two hours and we havent seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandlers getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)
Chandler: Oh, that's really ok.
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
Joey: (to Chandler) Dude, Phoebes mom has got a huge peni...
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Chandler: Hey Joe! How's the second draft of the letter coming?
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
Chandler: Wrong number?
Chandler: That's great!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?
Chandler: No, no! We made this decision together.
Chandler: Yeah. We don't feel like we can host Thanksgiving this year.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Don't let yourself get manipulated this way!
Monica: Hey, stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me... and ME!
Chandler: We are supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch the Doctor Phil I taped for you?
Chandler: (he stands up and he feels very offended) I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation!
Chandler: Somebody is gonna pick us.
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
Chandler: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?
Monica: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Doctor Phil tells you to do.
Chandler: You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself. Let me help this year.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is watching TV and Monica is cooking]
Chandler: I'm serious, let me do something, just not the turkey or the stuffing, nothing "high profile".
Chandler: Tell me more.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
Chandler: Look, Monica has been working hard all day, she didn't wanna host this thing in the first place, we shouldn't go!
Chandler: (reading the list) Drop off my dry cleaning. Pick up my vitamins. Teach me how to spell vitamins. Wear in my new jeans.
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
Ross: I can't believe Chandler is missing this!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
(He tries to fire a burnt tennis ball into the bowl Chandler is standing by, but Ross grabs the ball away from him.)
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Monica: What? Are you serious?! (To Chandler) Joey smells gas!
Chandler: (looking through the peephole again) Ross' shirt is torn.
Chandler: Could there be more Kims?
Ross: Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Chandler: (relieved) Oh thank God!
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that... (speaking lower to Monica) what happens to cranberry sauce?
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: (looking through the peephole) That's a lie, you went to the game, I can see Joey's hand.
Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.
Chandler: Guys, I'd listen to her. The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it. (Monica looks at Chandler)
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Chandler: The cranberries...?
Chandler: He's doing that weird eye contact thing. Don't look at him, don't look at him! (They both look away)
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Chandler: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
Chandler: Uhm, we've got turkey grease.
Chandler: I can't believe Joey. I hate being called a liar!
Chandler: A little late for that.
Monica: Alright, well, this does not change anything. (to Chandler) Okay, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.
Chandler: Can you ever feel your ears?
Monica: Chandler, where are your tools?
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Chandler: Come on guys, PUSH!
Chandler: My cranberries!
Joey and Chandler: PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!
Chandler: And?
Chandler: What's going on?
Chandler: Are you serious? (they hug)
(Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartement, Monica is at the kitchen table writing something and Chandler enters kitchen area]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..
Chandler: Yes, but...
Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
Chandler: Sorry, I just cant sleep. Ooh! (Turns on the light and Monica groans.) Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover Im like (Fake snores.)
Chandler: I suppose that Monica will have the � manipulative shrew.
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"