words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there having breakfast and Joey enters carrying a loaf of bread.]
Chandler: Whats the matter honey?
Chandler: (incredulous) Already?!
Chandler: Oh, I got some thoughts on that.
Rachel: Oh wait Chandler, too many cooks
Chandler: What in Gods name is that?!
Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now.
Phoebe: I need to talk to you, its pretty urgent. Its about Monica and Chandler.
Ross: Umm, okay, yeah, sure. But wh-whats wrong with Monica and Chandler?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel and Monica are pretty much telling Chandler what the wedding plans are.]
Chandler: Well, you couldnt get them anyway. Ian doesnt plan anymore and Derrick (Off of Rachel and Monicas looks) And Derrick is a name I shouldnt know.
Chandler: Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place?
Chandler: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Centerpieces!
Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think theyre a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice.
Chandler: Uh-huh!
Phoebe: Whats the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandlers!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are having dinner with her parents.]
Mrs. Geller: So Chandler, youre parents mustve been thrilled when you told them you were engaged.
Chandler: Oh yeah, I should probably call them.
Chandler: Oh, I dont think I ever heard that story.
Chandler: What a sweet story.
Monica: Anyway, were really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon well be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. (Chandler and her laugh, but her parents dont.) What?
Monica: What about when I started dating Chandler?
Mrs. Geller: Well it was Chandler! We didnt think hed ever propose!
Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.)
Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I dont want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner, Rachel is already there.]
Chandler: I dont know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. Shes saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood.
Chandler: Honey, its gonna be okay.
Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that were gonna get married.
Chandler: Well, I have some.
Chandler: Well, close to (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.)
Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!
Chandler: Well, youre not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding?
Chandler: Well, come on, Ive been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party.
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Chandler: No, I realize that honey, but Im not gonna spend all of the money on one party.
Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.
Chandler: Yes, I am!
Phoebe: Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Ehh.
Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and Im sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, yknow? Well pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.
Chandler: Well, stuff like whered we live, yknow? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Yknow, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, wed have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Chandler: Sure you do.
Chandler: You sure?
Chandler: I love you so much.
Chandler: Oh yeah, totally!
CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
CHANDLER: We'll watch him.
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
CHANDLER: You understood that?
CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
CHANDLER: No, I got him.
CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.
CHANDLER: Your boyfriend is so cool.
CHANDLER: (to taxi driver) Just practicing. You're good. Carry on.
[Joey starts whistling, Chandler finishes the tune. Joey whistles again.]
Chandler: Oh, and Ive got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.
CHANDLER: You done?
Janice: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! (does her irritating laugh). So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie (playfully punches Chandler, who tries to get away from her)
CHANDLER: You know it?
CHANDLER: Oh, sure, they love us over there.
CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.
Chandler: WENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net...
Monica: (indignant) I give good massages! (Ross laughs.) I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic! And-and-and Chandler loves them! Watch! (She starts giving Chandler a massage.)
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
CHANDLER: Ok.
CHANDLER: That's me.
Chandler: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?
CHANDLER: Heads it is.
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
CHANDLER: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for parking the car [passes the dollar back].
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
CHANDLER: You, you are gonna love this.
Chandler: Okay uh, heres the electric bill. (Hands it to him.)
ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?
CHANDLER: I think they get it.
JOEY: No problem. Hey Chandler
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
CHANDLER: There's the man.
Chandler: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.
JOEY: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
Chandler: FREE PORN!!!
Chandler: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
[Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is there.]
ROSS: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did he?
RACH: Chandler told me.
Chandler: Seriously sir, my brains? All over the wall.
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
MNCA: [to Chandler] Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15 minutes.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)
CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.
(He licks his fingers, liking it. He offers Chandler a taste.)
[Chandler enters with his hair full of mousse and a cheesy moustache]
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Chandler: All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet!! Pipe-pipe-pipe down! (They settle down) What is the matter with you people?! This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and Ill bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right?
[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.]
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
[Chandler and Joey leave quickly.]
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
[Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter, confused.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
[Chandler and Joey enter.]
CHANDLER: Yeah, we were gonna give fifty, but if you guys gave more, we don't wanna look bad.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is wiping down the peninsula counter as Joey enters dressed like a cowboy.]
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: What's in the bag?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
CHANDLER: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.
CHANDLER: Hey listen, we've gotta go, I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.
CHANDLER: Who said anything about Christmas?
CHANDLER: So whaddya got there Monica?
Chandler: I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys.
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
Chandler: You know, I - I think you're set with the poultry.
[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey walks up.]
Chandler: Hey.
CHANDLER: OK.
Chandler: (slides the juice across the counter which Joey catches) What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.
CHANDLER: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab. . . hop in.
CHANDLER: OK. [reads paper] Brake left, gas right?
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.
CHANDLER: And twenty-five it is.
CHANDLER: [grabs for seat belt] Where's my seat belt?
PHOEBE: Alright, here, you have to hold this. [hands Chandler a piece of paper]
CHANDLER: [Chandler gets in the back seat] Hey!
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben!
CHANDLER: Oh, so that's what this is for.
Chandler: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?
CHANDLER: Yeah.