words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there having breakfast and Joey enters carrying a loaf of bread.]
Chandler: Whats the matter honey?
Chandler: (incredulous) Already?!
Chandler: Oh, I got some thoughts on that.
Rachel: Oh wait Chandler, too many cooks
Chandler: What in Gods name is that?!
Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now.
Phoebe: I need to talk to you, its pretty urgent. Its about Monica and Chandler.
Ross: Umm, okay, yeah, sure. But wh-whats wrong with Monica and Chandler?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel and Monica are pretty much telling Chandler what the wedding plans are.]
Chandler: Well, you couldnt get them anyway. Ian doesnt plan anymore and Derrick (Off of Rachel and Monicas looks) And Derrick is a name I shouldnt know.
Chandler: Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place?
Chandler: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Centerpieces!
Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think theyre a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice.
Chandler: Uh-huh!
Phoebe: Whats the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandlers!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are having dinner with her parents.]
Mrs. Geller: So Chandler, youre parents mustve been thrilled when you told them you were engaged.
Chandler: Oh yeah, I should probably call them.
Chandler: Oh, I dont think I ever heard that story.
Chandler: What a sweet story.
Monica: Anyway, were really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon well be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. (Chandler and her laugh, but her parents dont.) What?
Monica: What about when I started dating Chandler?
Mrs. Geller: Well it was Chandler! We didnt think hed ever propose!
Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.)
Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I dont want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner, Rachel is already there.]
Chandler: I dont know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. Shes saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood.
Chandler: Honey, its gonna be okay.
Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that were gonna get married.
Chandler: Well, I have some.
Chandler: Well, close to (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.)
Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!
Chandler: Well, youre not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding?
Chandler: Well, come on, Ive been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party.
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Chandler: No, I realize that honey, but Im not gonna spend all of the money on one party.
Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.
Chandler: Yes, I am!
Phoebe: Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Ehh.
Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and Im sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, yknow? Well pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.
Chandler: Well, stuff like whered we live, yknow? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Yknow, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, wed have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Chandler: Sure you do.
Chandler: You sure?
Chandler: I love you so much.
Chandler: Oh yeah, totally!
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
Chandler: Rachel... with handcuffs! Interesting! (he looks excited)
Chandler: Really? Then what are they doing in our guestroom?
Chandler: Oh yeah, right! Good luck getting another scarf dance from me!
Chandler: (he doesn't look excited anymore). Well played.
Monica: Chandler? I was just in our bedroom and I found these (she holds the furry handcuffs) on my pillow.
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
Ross: Well it's okay. Chandler is talking to her.
(Chandler slides the bowl to the far end of the counter. He tries again, but he hits the spoon to hard and the ball goes flying away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that morning. The porn is still on, there are three women getting ready to shave the chest of some guy. Joey and Chandler are wondering why that guy is letting them shave his chest, and Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast at the foosball table.]
Chandler: Uh, Rach?
Chandler: (to Rachel) Uh, Rach... I think I have something that belongs to you. (shows her the cuffs)
Chandler: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they?
Chandler: No, no, no... They're really yours. We... found them in your old room.
Chandler: Pheebs!
Chandler: I think these are yours.
Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is? (she giggles, Chandler looks aghast)
Rachel: (to Chandler) Can I talk to you alone for a minute?
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Chandler and Rachel.]
Chandler: Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.
Chandler: Ooh, not so tight... (blows raspberry, and the hug ends) I'm sorry, just give me one more chance.
(Chandler blows raspberry again)
Chandler: That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic.
Chandler: Mine was a humdinger
CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'
Chandler: Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a party.
Chandler: Monica's grandmother.
Chandler: Joey and I can finish up in the guest room.
Chandler: Hey Mon, I think I figured out whose handcuffs they are.
Chandler: (to Joey) You couldn't be cool. (he goes to the guest bedroom)
Chandler: Well, I was cleaning out the closet and I found some pictures of them... being used.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: Great, at a hundred dollars an apple, we're there!
Chandler: Honey, it's gonna be okay.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
Chandler: You obviously haven't tasted my Palmolive potatoes!
Chandler: Relax! We just get her some antacids.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Chandler, wait, wait, wait...
(there's a lot of supportive cheers from all. Erica, Monica and Chandler leave.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: Where are you going?
Chandler: Hah. May not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!
Chandler: You can't leave me alone with her.
Chandler: Next time, can I say breathe?
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
(Monica leaves, and Chandler closes the door. Erica just looks at him.)
Chandler: Well, it's just interesting. You know, because no one will ever know, because no one can experience both.
Chandler: Sure. (to Phoebe) You don't really handcuff guys to waterpipes do you?
Chandler: It's just that we've never spent any time, you know, alone together.
Joey: It's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
Ross: Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't understand how much this bums me out.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]
Joey: Yeah, Erica went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: Is it really that bad?
(Monica gives Chandler a look.)
Chandler: I'm okay.
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Chandler: Wow!
Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
Chandler: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
Monica: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know. He has your eyes.
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Chandler: Well, that's spongy.
Chandler: I mean, I know that's not possible, but he does.
Monica: (to her son) Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler, on the verge of tears) Oh, we are so lucky!
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
Chandler: How do you feel?
Chandler: What do we do?
Chandler: Well, gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.
Monica: Chandler, you're panicking!
Chandler: (panicking) Twins! Twins!!
Chandler: Interesting! (To Monica) Can I see you for a second?
Chandler: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you?! Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then just like have an option on the other one?
Chandler: What if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
Chandler: (smiles) Okay. Shhh...
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.
Chandler: (shocked) She? It's a girl?
Chandler: Monica, we are not ready to have two babies!
(Monica and Chandler run back to Erica's bed.)
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Chandler: Bye!
Chandler: Have fun at church-camp!
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know! You ready to trade?
Chandler: We could trade later.
Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.