words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. Youre telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didnt want you back?!
Joey: Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what its like to be you?
Chandler: My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and her are coming back from lunch.]
Chandler: Hey.
Rachel: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didnt have to walk me all the way back up here.
Chandler: Oh, thats-thats okay, no problem. (He starts to look around her office.)
Chandler: Yes, I realise that.
Chandler: Thats the stuff! (quickly grabs it)
Joanna: Rachel, I need the Versachi invoice. (to Chandler) Hello! You dont work for me.
Rachel: (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler) Joanna.
Chandler: Thanks, its ah, Gaelic, for Thy turkeys done. So ah, Im gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.
Rachel: Bye, Chandler.
Chandler: Hello.
Chandler: (holding a tissue) And is this in case the house sneezes?
Rachel: Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.
Chandler: Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase.
Chandler: Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin out the Chan-Chan man!
Chandler: Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. Ill do it.
Rachel: Oh thank you, Chandler, this is so great, shes gonna love me.
Chandler: (entering) Hey, my Fathers house does that!
Rachel: (to Chandler) O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.
Chandler: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and theres nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Chandler: Of course, I didnt get to enjoy any of that, because Joannas such a big, dull dud!
Joanna: Chandler is fantastic!!
Chandler: (entering with Rachel) Im telling ya, Joannas got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, This was fun. Lets do it again sometime. Ill give you a call.
Chandler: Thats what you say at the end of a date.
Chandler: To her face? Look its the end of the date, Im standing there, I know all shes waiting for is for me to say Ill call her and its just y'know, comes out. I cant help it, its a compulsion.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading a magazine as Rachel approaches.]
Chandler: Multiple, so many paper cuts.
Rachel: Why hasnt he called Rachel? Why? Why? I dont understand. Why? He said hell call. Why? Why? Chandler Im telling you she has flipped out, shes gone crazy!
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, well give me the phone then.
Chandler: Look, you cant call somebody after this long just to say, In case you didnt notice, I dont like you!
Chandler: Nooo!! Shes really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop thing in the corner of her eye!
Chandler: All right! Fine! But its just a lunch date, no more than an hour! And from now on I get my own dates, I dont want you setting me up with anybody ever again!
Chandler: Thats just a lot of big talk, y'know.
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and Joanna are returning from their lunch date. He is telling her about her mascara problem. Rachel is already there.]
Chandler: Its not a big deal. Its, just its right here, (points to his eye) and its all the time.
Chandler: (He looks over at Rachel, who nods her head) Yes, this, this was pleasant.
Chandler: The food there was, was great.
Chandler: So take care.
Chandler: Well, this was great. Ill give you a call. We should do it again sometime. (Rachel is disappointed)
(Chandler starts to leave ashamed of himself, but Rachel stops him in the hallway.)
Rachel: (whispering) Chandler!! Are you gonna call her!
Chandler: Noo!
Rachel: Chandler!!
Chandler: Look, Im sorry. Okay? Im weak, and pathetic, and sorry.
Chandler: AhhhhIm not going to call you.
Chandler: Im sorry. Im-Im-Im sorry that I said I was going to when Im not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isnt Rachels fault. Its me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And Im really sorry, its just that this is not, this isnt going to work out.
Chandler: Yeah, o-okay.
Chandler: Well this is great! Ill give you a call! We should do it again sometime!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is talking on the phone.]
Chandler: You think?
Chandler: Do we have any...(turns around and bumps Monica's fake chest) Do we have any thoughts here?
CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are having dinner]
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: I'm not yanking you.
Chandler: It doesn't scare me!
Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!
Chandler: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should get.
Chandler: Oh God.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are comforting Chandler]
(Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.)
Chandler: She said she'd call me.
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Chandler: Okay, okay. So, should I call her?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Chandler: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?
Chandler: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Chandler: Jeez, what a baby.
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Chandler: (normal voice) No. Not anymore.
Chandler: (shyly) Chelsea.
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Chandler: A woman's
Chandler: Can I be that guy?
Chandler: Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view of...
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
CHANDLER: Well, actually just one birthday flan.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Chandler: Hello!
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Chandler: Here in Chelsea.
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Chandler: (on phone) I love you too.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. (They walk off leaving Chandler and Monica alone.)
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: So, you don't think I'm terminal?
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Chandler: Youre building a post office?
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.
CHANDLER: No actually, I was just going for colorful.
Monica: So, Chandler, whos on your list?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Phoebe: Chandler.
Chandler: Hi.
Chandler: Peter Parker.
Chandler: We dont, really.
Chandler: I love the specifics, the specifics were the best part!
Chandler: I do NOT want this unit!!
Chandler: You know, we dont really take advantage of living in the city.
Chandler: No, you didnt get me!! Its an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!!
Chandler: Fine! (goes into his room and slams the door, then he slams the bottom half of the door.)
CHANDLER: How can you not be wearing any underwear?
Chandler: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes him so much she put him on her freebie list.
Chandler: Oh, that's not true. You had an impact on me, I mean, it's 15 years later and we're still best friends. Doesn't that count for something?
Chandler: (entering) Have you seen Joey?
Chandler: Whats going on?
Chandler: He started mine first!
Chandler: Yo!! Spackel boy! Get up!
JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.
Chandler: Come on, Monica, things could be worse. You could get caught between the moon and New York City. I know it's crazy, but it's true.
Ross: Oh, yeah, well y'know Chandler printed it up on his computer.
Chandler: What, like a number?
Chandler: Hi! Bye! (runs to the bathroom)
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Chandler: (coughing) What a geek!
CHANDLER: I'm tellin' you, she leaned back, I could see her brain.
Chandler: Okay, one...two...
Chandler: Why two?
Chandler: Okay, on three. One....Two....
Chandler: Yeah, I coulda counted to three like four times without all this two talk.
Chandler: Oh, good job Joe.
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
Chandler: Umm?
Chandler: Ive got five bucks says you cant.
Chandler: Oh, I think I have the cash.
Chandler: Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Chandler: (entering, with a goatee) Hey.
Chandler: Im never gonna find a roommate, ever.
Chandler: Umm, hows it going with you guys?
[Scene: Chandlers, Chandler is interviewing Joey.]
Chandler: What gay thing?
Chandler: Well okay Jerry, thanks for stopping by.
Chandler: Do I ever.
Chandler: No way!
[Scene: Chandlers, Chandler is interviewing a potential roommate.]
Chandler: Hey, Mon.
(Joey leaves and Monica mouths to Chandler Oh my God!)
Chandler: Um-mm, yeah right!
Chandler: Just coffee! Where are we gonna hang out now?