words in movies
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Chandler: The young hot ball and chain.
Ross: (To Chandler) Yknow what? Actually Im kinda glad theyre leaving cause uh, I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: Whats up?
Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. Im buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Chandler: But youre still my friend?
Chandler: During this time are you, are you still my best man?
Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
Chandler: (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.
Chandler: So are we friends again?
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You wont believe what Monicas older brother just said to me!
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Chandler: Yes, include more people in this.
Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.
Chandler: Well you dont have to sound so surprised.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Honestly? Me too.
Chandler: Yeah. Yknow I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and Ill go all Chandler. But nothing has.
Monica: Ohh, Im so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean its really, its made me stay calm. (Chandler just looks at her.) I coulda been worse!
Chandler: Okay. Ill be right there.
(She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine gets it.)
Monica: (voice on answering machine) Hi! If youre calling before Saturday, youve reached Monica and Chandler. But if youre calling after Saturday, youve reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!
(Chandler freaks out and loosens his tie.)
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner, Chandler and Monica are greeting guests as they arrive. A woman enters.]
Monica: Hey Maureen! (They hug.) Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen.
Chandler: Were the Bings.
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Bing! (Walks away.)
Ross: (walks up) Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler.
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Chandler: Hi.
Mrs. Bing: Chandler!
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Chandler: Hi dad.
Chandler: Oh my God! (He and Monica walk away.)
Monica: Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would talk to Chandlers dad and try to keep him away from Chandlers mom?
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
(Everyone clinks glasses and Chandler freaks out again.)
Ross: Hey, wheres Chandler?
Ross: (going up to Rachels closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesnt see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesnt find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)
Ross: I think Chandlers gone. (He hands her the note.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Chandler just left though!
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is behind the counter as Ross enters looking for Chandler.]
Ross: Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know Im looking for him?
Rachel: (closing the door) Ross said theres still no word from Chandler.
Rachel: Oh God I just can not imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesnt show up!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Phoebe: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
Ross: Aw, yknow Yknow, maybe were-were just approaching this all wrong. If youre Chandler and-and you wanna hide, where is the last place on Earth people would think youd go?
Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I shouldve hid at the gym!
Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that Im related to Monica. How is she?
Chandler: No! No! No! I cant do that!
Chandler: Because if I go home, were gonna become the Bings! I cant be the Bings!
Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: No.
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.
Chandler: I want to. I love her so much, but Im afr Its too huge.
Chandler: Well yeah, but then
Chandler: Depends on what you mean by we.
Rachel: We cant find Chandler (Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)s vest. We cant find Chandlers vest.
Joey: (on phone) Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?
[Scene: Chandlers Hotel Room, Ross is getting Chandler ready.]
Chandler: No.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
Ross: Getting married. (Chandler panics.) Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like youve done everything else!
Chandler: Yeah. Youre right. Hey I-I can do that.
Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air.
Chandler: Okay.
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
Chandler: Oh fresh air!
(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and hes so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)
Rachel: Yeah! Yeah. Theyre theyre-theyre my friends, uh, Monica Stephanopolus and uh, and Chandler Acidofolus.
[Scene: Monicas Hotel Room, Chandler and Monicas parents and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler?
Monica: I know! Hey, hows Chandler doin?
Ross: Great. Hes doing great. Dont you worry about Chandler.
Ross: Chandlers gone again!
[Scene: The Hotel, Phoebe and Ross are looking for Chandler.]
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Ross! (He starts to get up.)
Ross: Hiiii-Ya!! (Chandler lies back down.) Im serious! Youre not walking out on my sister!
Chandler: (standing up) Thats right! Im not!
Chandler: I know about Monica.
Chandler: Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking.
Chandler: You dont know?
Chandler: Monicas pregnant.
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
Chandler: Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and thats when I uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.) Yeah, yknow what? I thought anything that can fit into this, cant be scary.
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. Its time for Monica and Chandlers wedding. Weve got violins playing Every Breath You Take, weve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]
Chandler: You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) Im so glad you here. (He kisses his mom.)
The Rabbi: Are you Chandler?
Chandler: Are you Joey?
(Chandler steps off the altar to greet his bride-to-be.)
Chandler: You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.)
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: (To Chandler) Who is this?
Chandler: (in Monicas ear) Hes Greek Orthodox.
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
Rachel: Go on! Go on. (She turns back to Chandler.)
Monica: Chandler, for so long I I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And in stead, I found everything that Id ever been looking for my whole life. And now here we are with our future before us and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you dont want to. You go!
Joey: Chandler?
(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)
Chandler: (To Ross) No, thats okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way its okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if Im sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Chandler: I do.
(Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each others fingers.)
Joey: We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. (To Chandler) Now kiss her again.
Chandler: (To Monica) I love you. And I know about the baby.
Chandler: Our baby.
Chandler: Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.
Chandler: Then who did?
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Chandler: It's a kitchen slash bathroom.
[Scene: The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.]
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else would it be, duh!]
Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom wont let me cross the street.
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
JOEY: Well OK then. [oven timer goes off behind Chandler] Was that the oven timer?
Chandler: Ah, uh, I owe you a long overdue apology. I never should have broken up with you because you were overweight.
Chandler: Look, you cant call somebody after this long just to say, In case you didnt notice, I dont like you!
Chandler: Youre right, and Im sorry! This means a lot to me! I want you to be my friend again! I swear, I wont say another word tonight.
Chandler: Great. It was great. Shes ah, shes great, great looking, great personality, shes greatness.
Chandler: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)
Chandler: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live.
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Chandler: Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death (runs away).
Chandler: (jumping up) Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!
Chandler: (entering, carrying a briefcase) Hi.
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Chandler: I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.
[Scene: Joey's Apartment, Joey is reading a script as Ross and Chandler enter carrying a basketball.]
Chandler: Okay, cause thats not gonna get annoying.
Chandler: You had a dream about a girl that I am seeing?! Oh, that is so cool! (To Monica) I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt about a girl that he was seeing. (Seeing Monica's stare.) (To Joey) Anyway we're talking about your dream. (To Monica) I love you. (To Joey) Your dream? (Leans in to listen closely.)
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]
(She frowns.� Chandler picks up the hand set.)
Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)
Chandler: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.
CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?
Chandler: (banging a spoon against his beer bottle) Okay, a little announcement, a little announcement. Ive decided that my best man is, my best friend Gunther!
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that Im going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)
(Ross and chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practicing for the wedding.)
Chandler: I did. (Looks at his still deformed hand) But it came at a price.
David: Yeah, Rachel, Chandler, and Ross had to try to get a couch up a staira very narrow New York stairwell and that was probably I-I think it was the hardest Ive-Ive laughed in my life period.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey and Monica are arranging flowers. Chandler walks in.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Susie are making out on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
CHANDLER: Because I went to an all boys high school and God is making up for it.
[Flashback to The One With The Jellyfish, Chandler and Monica are lying on the beach.]
Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
Chandler: Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Y'know to get past the beginning and still be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting. (Kisses her.)
CHANDLER: Right now, right here. Don't ya think we're in kind of a public plaaaa [Susie grabs him under the table] They do have the shrimp.
Monica: Fair? Please dont even talk to me about fair! Fair wouldve been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair wouldve been Chandler wanting to marry me now! Believe me, nothing about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
[Scene: At the Beach, its raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and Monica are taking shelter under Rachels hat.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Chandler: You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap!
Chandler: Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at bigger rocks. (He starts to leave and stops an entering Rachel.) Hey Rach, do you have a tennis racquet?
Chandler: What does a guy have to do to be taken seriously around here?!
Chandler: Oh, that's ok.I'll just try and reschedule. (on the phone) "Hi, this is Chandler Bing. I made a reservation there and I need to change it (pause) Oh, what do you mean it's not refundable? Can I just come some other time? (pause) Oh, can't you make an exception?"
[Scene: Central Perk, the same scene is continued from before the break. With Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Chandler: (In a parent-like tone) Ill talk to them!
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Brenda is wiping the coffee table and Chandler is trying to look at her bra and leans over on the coffee table to get a good look.]
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
(Chandler gives Joey her business card, which he eagerly grabs and he leaves.)
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.]
[Scene: Joannas office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isnt wearing any pants.]
Chandler: (from his bedroom) All right, so you're telling me that I have to tell racist jokes now?!
Rachel: and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean Im really worried the babys not going to like him. (Joey is staring at the table.) Are you okay?
Chandler: Any chance you are trying to pick a fight to make all this easier?
Joey: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is buying a muffin as Chandler runs in.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.
Chandler: Yes, but the batteries...
Chandler: Well, if were gonna do that we should come up with some kind of order. Yknow alphabetically or by genre?
Chandler: I can see it now, "Look dad, its the Sphinx!" (Does that party noise again.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
Chandler: I tried, but apparantly singing "I will survive" in a helium voice - not helping.
Chandler: Oh. Yknow, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasnt because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me cause, youre really hot! Is that okay?
CHANDLER: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?
(She gets up and storms out. The people at the other tables are staring at Chandler.)
Chandler: That would be impossible to resist if you werent all drippy here. (Points to his nose.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Chandler: Okay! (He grabs his carryon and starts rummaging through it.) Oh man! Dont tell me I did this!
(Chandler goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and then opens it again right away. Ross looks up and hands him the toilet paper Ross already packed.)
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
Chandler: There's not gonna be a next time! You can not ever see him again!
(Chandler gives him a round of mock applause.)
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Chandler: (sees her foot is in a slush puddle) Op, foot in a puddle, foot all in a puddle.
Chandler: Oh come on you big faker!
Chandler: His legs flail about as if independent of his body!
Chandler: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of strategy? Why dont you put down your copy of The Rules huh mantrap?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
(Chandler walks by and Joey lets out an evil "muhahaho".)
CHANDLER: Do you have to be a Century 21 real-estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?