words in movies
Chandler: Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, "island's stuff".
Monica: David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.
Monica: (to Chandler) See?
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Chandler: (upset) She does?
Phoebe: You just did it again. Chandler, your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone!
David: (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
Chandler: Seriously, we're gonna do this?
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: I didn't mean now...
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Chandler: Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.
Chandler: David, I'm pretending to read here!!
[Scene: Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch]
Chandler: (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
Chandler: Man, that's some bad advice!
(Rachel turns around and sees Chandler and Monica arriving)
(Monica and Chandler reach the group)
Chandler: That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!
Joey: Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in (Joey, Chandler and David leave)
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) And make sure our room isn't next to theirs (points to Phoebe).
Rachel: Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Chandler: Tonight?! (looks at the ring) Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? (squints at the ring to emphasize how tiny the diamond is) Oh, there it is!
Chandler: (slaps him on the shoulder) Nice! (goes to Monica)
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!
Chandler: That would be advice!!
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
Chandler: Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?
Ross: If you want to check your email, just ask! (Chandler tries to look offended)
Chandler: (offended) What? (pause) May I?
Chandler: (at the laptop) Oh, no, no, no dear God, no!
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
Chandler: Your computer, I don't know wha... everything's gone!
Chandler: It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Chandler: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
Chandler: Nude... (Ross looks at him)... pictures of Anna Kournikova. I'm so sorry.
Ross: What... what am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler!
Chandler: It's not gone! I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy. You have a hard copy, right?
Chandler: Well, you must be pretty mad at yourself right now...!
Chandler: I just feel awful.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Ross: Get out! (Chandler runs out)
(Chandler walks in)
Chandler: (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Chandler: Phoebe is going to say "yes"? That's, that's great!
Chandler: And there's not chance that will work?
Chandler: (pointing at her) Oooooooh! Meddler! Meddler!
Chandler: This vacation sucks!!
[Scene: The restaurant. Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table]
Chandler: You know, it's very hard to take you seriously when you look like that.
(David and Phoebe sit down at a table close to Chandler and Monica's)
Chandler: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? (doing David) "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
Chandler: I wouldn't brag too much about that thing, big guy.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's room. Monica and Chandler are in bed.]
Chandler: Oh, ain't this nice? It's so quiet, I could just lie here all day.
Chandler: I'm so glad we've got adjoining rooms!
Chandler: Hey! Remember when I had corneas?
Chandler: Ladies? Ross's speech is in 45 minutes.
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
(the paleontologist glares at Chandler)
Chandler: (to the one sitting next to him) Really?
(Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)
[Scene: the hotel lobby. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in from the outside.]
(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk away, sipping their drinks)
Monica: (pleasantly surprised) Ping pong? (to Chandler) Honey, they have ping pong! Let's play!
Chandler: I don't think so!
Chandler: Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying!
Chandler: Oh, yeah? What happened when we played last time?
Chandler: And...?
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Chandler: I'm not playing with you.
Chandler: She gets crazy! This scar (points to his forehead) is from Pictionary!
Chandler: (nearly whispering) Oh dear God, there's two of them!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Did you know this about him?
Chandler: (interrupting her) OK!
Monica: (going through her pockets) No... (to Chandler and Phoebe) Either of you girls got a quarter?
Chandler: Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Do you really find this attractive on him?
Phoebe: (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
Chandler: I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.
Chandler: Okay-dokay, you've each won a game and I've lost what's felt like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner.
Chandler: Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
(Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)
Chandler: (exhausted) Ok, look! Enough is enough!
Chandler: Monica, that was also true an hour ago! I mean, please, look at you! Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Ok, you've already proven you are just as good as he is, now we've missed our dinner reservations, so now let's just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower and shave your head!
Chandler: But...
Chandler: What about the obsessive cleaning?
Chandler: You ok?
Chandler: No, you didn't.
Chandler: Because I'm gonna play for ya.
Monica: (to Chandler) Honey, you don't have to do this.
Chandler: (In a loving voice) Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.
Chandler: (Still in a loving voice) You're welcome, sweetheart.
(Chandler prepares to play)
Chandler: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
(They start playing and Chandler does not suck at all)
(Chandler scores and wins the match)
Chandler: And that's... how... it's done!
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh my God. That was so amazing! When did you (pause) Hold on! I almost forgot (she turns to Mike) loser! (back to Chandler) When did you stop sucking?
Chandler: I never sucked, I actually didn't want you to know how good I was!
Chandler: I don't know.
Chandler: That's why!
Chandler: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?
Chandler: Me too...
Chandler: Ooh! That's my girl!
Chandler: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?
Chandler: Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.
(There's a couple of seconds of silence. Then Chandler looks around...)
Chandler: No, not yet.
Chandler: I was kidding.
Chandler: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.
Chandler: Let's do it, come on!
Monica: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!
Chandler: Thanks!
(Chandler starts paging through the album.)
Chandler: So excited about your letter!
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
Chandler: That's where people make number two!!
Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!
Chandler: So you must be going to somewhere fancy to celebrate?
Chandler: Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen (looks over to Monica).
Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
Chandler: On every word?
Chandler: Hey Rach! There she is...My perfectly proportioned wife.
Chandler: (reading) I don’t... uh... understand.
Chandler: You know what? You don’t need a thesaurus, just write from here, (points at his own heart) your full sized aortic pump.
Chandler: Well, aren't you a treat.
Chandler: Word!
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
Chandler: Oh, I don't think it was desperate, I think it was amazing!
Monica: I proposed to Chandler! (Phoebe stops herself from laughing) Alright, moving on...
Chandler: She's right! If I were a guy and... (stops himself mid-sentence...everyone stares at him) Did I just say if I were a guy..?
Phoebe: Yeah, that does make sense. Ok, now, would... would you two (points to Ross and Chandler) like that?
Chandler: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think?
Chandler: Joey, we would've asked you, we just thought you wouldn't be interested.
Rachel: (To Monica, Chandler and Phoebe) Can any of you watch Emma?
(Chandler and Monica look shocked)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is inside, Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Chandler: Can we read it? Can you print out another copy?
Chandler: It's ok, it's ok. You know what? (Takes out his mobile) I'll just call the agency and tell them to throw out the letter. (starts dialing)
Chandler: (Still looks confused) They loved it.
Chandler: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter.
Chandler: That sounds like fun.
Ross: Hey guys. Monica and Chandler: Hi Ross.
Chandler: Like war. Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It was in a milk carton but it looked like meat?
Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)
Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.
Chandler: (to Mon) So, Zack's pretty nice, uh?
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Chandler: (he enters) Hey honey!
Chandler: Is Monica not here?
PHOE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment]
Chandler: Oh... I don't know, I really don't think you're right for the part.
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Chandler: Oh its been going on way to long now. Yknow, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didnt say anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And I-I wanted a donut. And now its five years later, the donuts gone and Im still Toby.
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Monica: Uh, Chandler did! What does he want you to give up? Phoebe: A bunch of stuff. And the worst one... he wants me to get rid of Gladys.
Chandler: Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part.
Chandler: Hey you guys.
Chandler: Joe...
Chandler: Fine!
Chandler: Work, Joe!
Chandler: Hey, I'm sorry, I should have given you guys my black book when I got married! Although it wasn't so much a book as a... napkin. With Janice's phone number on it.
Chandler (to Rachel): What am I gonna do now?
Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
[Scene: Chandler walks into Joey's apartment]
Chandler: (looks surprised) What!? Of course I did!
Chandler: I'm not lying to you, I watched it!
Chandler: (now yelling) (pretending to look shocked) I did!
Chandler: I watched it!
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Reaches Joey's room and Joey slams the door in his face)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Rachel are talking.]
Chandler: What did I just say?
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
Rachel: Well, this is going well. (Chandler looks worried)
Chandler: Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?
Chandler: Yes, and I have to say, I am not just hurt. I am insulted. When I tell somebody I did something...
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
Chandler: He really is a chameleon.
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise, next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.
Chandler: Lying is wrong!
Chandler: I know. You're right. What's it gonna take for you to forgive me?
Joey: That's not the point Chandler. The point is that you lied.
Chandler: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!
(we see Joey and Chandler standing there, and Chandler is wearing the blue Ichiban lipstick!)
Chandler: I'm a pretty little girl.
Chandler: Yeah, I miss that too. I tell you what; from now on well make time to hang out with each other.
Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.
Chandler: That's funny, we were doing the same thing!
Chandler: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways!
(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)
Chandler: (to Ross) Maybe you do that next time you get married!