words in movies
Chandler: Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, "island's stuff".
Monica: David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.
Monica: (to Chandler) See?
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Chandler: (upset) She does?
Phoebe: You just did it again. Chandler, your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone!
David: (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
Chandler: Seriously, we're gonna do this?
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: I didn't mean now...
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Chandler: Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.
Chandler: David, I'm pretending to read here!!
[Scene: Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch]
Chandler: (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
Chandler: Man, that's some bad advice!
(Rachel turns around and sees Chandler and Monica arriving)
(Monica and Chandler reach the group)
Chandler: That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!
Joey: Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in (Joey, Chandler and David leave)
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) And make sure our room isn't next to theirs (points to Phoebe).
Rachel: Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Chandler: Tonight?! (looks at the ring) Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? (squints at the ring to emphasize how tiny the diamond is) Oh, there it is!
Chandler: (slaps him on the shoulder) Nice! (goes to Monica)
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!
Chandler: That would be advice!!
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
Chandler: Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?
Ross: If you want to check your email, just ask! (Chandler tries to look offended)
Chandler: (offended) What? (pause) May I?
Chandler: (at the laptop) Oh, no, no, no dear God, no!
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
Chandler: Your computer, I don't know wha... everything's gone!
Chandler: It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Chandler: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
Chandler: Nude... (Ross looks at him)... pictures of Anna Kournikova. I'm so sorry.
Ross: What... what am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler!
Chandler: It's not gone! I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy. You have a hard copy, right?
Chandler: Well, you must be pretty mad at yourself right now...!
Chandler: I just feel awful.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Ross: Get out! (Chandler runs out)
(Chandler walks in)
Chandler: (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Chandler: Phoebe is going to say "yes"? That's, that's great!
Chandler: And there's not chance that will work?
Chandler: (pointing at her) Oooooooh! Meddler! Meddler!
Chandler: This vacation sucks!!
[Scene: The restaurant. Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table]
Chandler: You know, it's very hard to take you seriously when you look like that.
(David and Phoebe sit down at a table close to Chandler and Monica's)
Chandler: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? (doing David) "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
Chandler: I wouldn't brag too much about that thing, big guy.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's room. Monica and Chandler are in bed.]
Chandler: Oh, ain't this nice? It's so quiet, I could just lie here all day.
Chandler: I'm so glad we've got adjoining rooms!
Chandler: Hey! Remember when I had corneas?
Chandler: Ladies? Ross's speech is in 45 minutes.
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
(the paleontologist glares at Chandler)
Chandler: (to the one sitting next to him) Really?
(Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)
[Scene: the hotel lobby. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in from the outside.]
(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk away, sipping their drinks)
Monica: (pleasantly surprised) Ping pong? (to Chandler) Honey, they have ping pong! Let's play!
Chandler: I don't think so!
Chandler: Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying!
Chandler: Oh, yeah? What happened when we played last time?
Chandler: And...?
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Chandler: I'm not playing with you.
Chandler: She gets crazy! This scar (points to his forehead) is from Pictionary!
Chandler: (nearly whispering) Oh dear God, there's two of them!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Did you know this about him?
Chandler: (interrupting her) OK!
Monica: (going through her pockets) No... (to Chandler and Phoebe) Either of you girls got a quarter?
Chandler: Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Do you really find this attractive on him?
Phoebe: (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
Chandler: I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.
Chandler: Okay-dokay, you've each won a game and I've lost what's felt like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner.
Chandler: Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
(Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)
Chandler: (exhausted) Ok, look! Enough is enough!
Chandler: Monica, that was also true an hour ago! I mean, please, look at you! Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Ok, you've already proven you are just as good as he is, now we've missed our dinner reservations, so now let's just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower and shave your head!
Chandler: But...
Chandler: What about the obsessive cleaning?
Chandler: You ok?
Chandler: No, you didn't.
Chandler: Because I'm gonna play for ya.
Monica: (to Chandler) Honey, you don't have to do this.
Chandler: (In a loving voice) Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.
Chandler: (Still in a loving voice) You're welcome, sweetheart.
(Chandler prepares to play)
Chandler: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
(They start playing and Chandler does not suck at all)
(Chandler scores and wins the match)
Chandler: And that's... how... it's done!
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh my God. That was so amazing! When did you (pause) Hold on! I almost forgot (she turns to Mike) loser! (back to Chandler) When did you stop sucking?
Chandler: I never sucked, I actually didn't want you to know how good I was!
Chandler: I don't know.
Chandler: That's why!
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
Chandler: Ahhh.
Chandler: Die Hard still great!
Chandler: Whatd you rent?
Chandler: Yeah, I just got uh, got plans.
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Rachel: Better than Chandler. (Phoebe exhales as if to say, "Like what isnt?")
Matire'd: (motioning to the empty table next to Monica and Chandlers) Or if you prefer, this table is available.
Chandler: So uh, what did this woman look like?
Chandler: Thats sweet.
Chandler: Well, cause she came back the third summer and shed gotten really fa-aa-aw-ow
Chandler: Well, lets see (Finding the picture he wants.) Okay uh, is that her? (Pointing to the picture.)
[The next flashback is from The One Where No One's Ready. Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of clothes.]
Monica: Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would talk to Chandlers dad and try to keep him away from Chandlers mom?
Chandler: Who?
Chandler: Can you figure out what Im doing?
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
Chandler: Because you kept talking to him while he was trying to go to the bathroom?!
Chandler: Oooh, Im afraid that does not exist.
Chandler: Okay, there's something different though--Oh my God! You smoked!
Chandler: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!
Chandler: What? Are you kidding? That was like 16 years ago.
Joey: (crying) I dont want to marry Chandler!
(Chandler picks up the timer being used and turns it to zero at which it chimes.)
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didnt have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, whats the name the girl youre dating?
"We thought Phoebe would leave, but she just stayed and stayed. Thats right, Im here all night, and Chandler will never get l "
Chandler: (she opens the door) Julie hi! Chandler Bing, I, I guess you remember me.
Chandler: (To Monica) Its a nickname, Ill explain later.
Chandler: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? (pats his Travel Scrabble game)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica have returned from Julies.]
Chandler: What?
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: I would really love it if could do both.
Chandler: You-you-you didnt know that. (Pause as she nods no.) Well, I guess my work here is done!
Chandler: Look I know it was a stupid reason to break up with somebody, but I was 15!
Chandler: Bye! (Exits.)
Chandler: Okay. Okay, now wait a minute that was totally different.
Chandler: You were not supposed to hear that! I said that behind you back!
Chandler: Id carry you around in my pocket.
Chandler: Yknow what? Were not sad, were not sad, were just not 21 anymore. Yknow? Im 29 years old, damnit! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television and go to bed at a reasonable hour!
Chandler: Okay. Uh, well dim the lights, dim the lights. (He goes to the light switch and finds its not a dimmer switch when he flips the lights off.) Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. (He sprays an aerosol air freshener above her.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are playing chess and are both studying the board intently.]
Chandler: Come on! Why are we here?!
[Scene: N.Y.Us University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.]
Chandler: The hot chicks?
Joey: I want to make a ship to shore call to Chandler.
Chandler: Wow thats actually pretty cool.
Chandler: You didnt bring me here to do that, did you?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there having breakfast and Joey enters carrying a loaf of bread.]
Chandler: Did she freak out?
Chandler: Right.
Chandler: You said no right?!
Chandler: (laughs) You said no right?
Chandler: No! That was a lie! See how easy that was?
Chandler: Yes!!
Chandler: Yes!!!
Chandler: Yknow what? Its gonna be okay. Yknow what? Shes probably not gonna even want to come.
Chandler: Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, if we let her stay, she will stay forever!
Chandler: (To Monica) Did she see us yet? Did she see us?
Janice: Chandler?
Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice arent they?
Chandler: Is that what youre thinking about right now?
(Chandler does the same nasal sound to Chandler.)
Chandler: Feelings, such strong feelings.
Chandler: Janice, Im sorry but umm, you cant stay here tonight.
Chandler: Say again?
Monica: Because Chandler still has feelings for you!
Chandler: You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]
[Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebe flashes him, he stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes the ball away.]
Chandler: No, no, no. No-no-no.
Chandler: I just wanted to show Monica your book. (Ross just glares at him.)
Chandler: Yeahhh. Im tellin ya something, that ah, first smoke after nap time....
Chandler: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Chandler: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. (He runs over to where his pants are hanging) Hello sweet pants!
Chandler: Oh, okay, time's up!
Rachel: (comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!
Chandler: Oh that's not bad, Pheebs?
Chandler: What equity investments?
Chandler: I am only one man! (Monica heads out) Okay Ross, time is up!
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Chandler: Okay, but if you can't no dinner!
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Monica: Chandler? Can you give me a hand? (Grabs her jacket)
[Chandler and Monica head out with some stuff. Phoebe comes out of her room with a bag.]
Chandler: Which smells delicious!
Chandler: What?
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Chandler enter.]
Chandler: Well, in spite of the yummy bagels and palpable tension, I've got pants that need to be altered.
Chandler: Huh! Where is the dog?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are being lectured by Phoebe.]
Chandler: What is it doing here?
[Time lapse, Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Well, it still has to go, right?
Chandler: Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up!
Chandler: (gasping) Really?
Chandler: Okay, it's um
Chandler: (to Joey) I have to! Okay? It's time! (Joey shrugs as if to say, "Do what you have to do") Okay, I hate dogs.