words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Joey: (To Chandler) Dude! What are yoyou trying to kill me?!
Chandler: Pheebs, I dont understand. How can you have a roommate that none of us know anything about?
Chandler: Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing man!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey! (To Chandler) Dude, some guy just called for you.
Chandler: Who was it?
Chandler: Sure!
Chandler: Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, yknow? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!
Chandler: Okay so you mean no as in, "Gee Chandler, what an interesting idea. Lets discuss it before we reject it completely."
Chandler: So, thats it?
Chandler: Which is why Asteroids is perfect! Its the oldest game!
Chandler: I dont have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away!
Chandler: No, Im not mocking you, (in a mocking voice) or you beautiful guest room. (Exits.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming from across the hall.]
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Chandler: (reading the ad) "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." Nice!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hi.
Chandler: Hi, listen, Im sorry about before. I dont need to have a game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldnt get girls, and now I can emNow, I have you. (Monica glares at him.) Not-not that I think that I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see women
Monica: Stop it Chandler. (Chandler is relieved) Im sorry too.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Ohh.
Chandler: Thats a great idea! We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room.
Chandler: We dont have to come up with this now.
Chandler: Hey, yknow what? Why dont we think about changes we can make in the living room?
Chandler: Yeah, I mean were gonna have to move around some furniture to make room for my chair. (Kisses her and heads into the living room.)
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Chandler: Oh, thats cool. Then Ill just bring them both over.
Chandler: Okay, I get it. So, I get nothing! Nothing here is mine! Everything here is yours! Ill get up in the morning put on your clothes, and head off to work!
Monica: Yeah-yeah, yknow what? Yeah, thats it-thats it, everything will be mine! Nothing will be yours! Thats-thats what I said! Oh come on, Chandler! Im talking about the barca lounger! It just, it doesnt match! Where is it gonna go?!
Chandler: In the game room!
Chandler: All right! Thats fine! Thats fine! I wont bring over the chairs! I wont bring anything over! I wouldnt want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandmas place!! (Storms out.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is interviewing a potential roommate. And yes, shes a female, non-smoker and very non-ugly.]
Joey: (exiting from Chandlers room with the new roommate) Everything on your application looks really goodOhh! Just one last question umm, are you and your friends gonna be over here all the time like partying and hanging out?
Chandler: (entering) You can call off the roommate search! (To the potential roommate) Hi! Ill be living here. (Heads for the bathroom.)
Chandler: Why did you take the shower curtain down?
Rachel: Oh thanks, but listen, I was just at Monicas and she and Chandler had a big fight and theyre not moving in.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering, dragging Chandler, to mediate the argument between Chandler and Monica.]
Chandler: Well, why dont you tell her to stop being silly! (Monica mocks him and he joins in.)
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Chandler: Thats laughter.
Chandler: I dont know.
Ross: Okay! All right! Now, Chandler you-you wanna live with Monica, right?
Chandler: Yeah, I do.
Ross: And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, dont ya?
Ross: Youre never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in again. Thats great news rightI mean for them. Right?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is once again being dragged in by Ross so he that he can try to manipulate the situation so that its best for Ross, not necessarily whats best for Monica and Chandler.]
Chandler: Hes being silly, because he knows that we enjoy the silliness!
Chandler: Yeah, I'm not so worried.
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
Chandler: Of course!
Chandler: Scared me out of ever wanting to live with him.
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Oh my God! Someones killed Square Man!
Chandler: Oh thats so sweet! I want to show you something too!
Chandler: Yknow those big-big uh, road signs that say "Merge?"
Chandler: Yknow? So I was thinking that we could get one of those signs and hang it over our bed. Because, thats you and I together! Merge!
Chandler: Really?!
Rachel: Umm, well lets see Monica and Chandler are occupied.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey has The Potential Roommate back for another interview.]
Monica: No Chandler no! No unscheduled stops. You can go when we stop for gas.
Chandler: I wasnt sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joeys sisters gasp) Look, Im sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.
Chandler: Hey.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
Chandler: Oh, come on, theres a rest stop right up there! Come on, I really have to goooooooooo.
Joey: In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And Im also a mento for the kids.(The gang shake their heads.) Yknow a mento, a role model. (Chandler bites his fist to keep from talking.)
Chandler: Joey told you about the leg, huh?
Chandler: It came up.
Chandler: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesnt try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.
(Both Chandler and Monica walk away in disgust.)
[Both Chandler and Joey put their feet up against the glass, Monica doesnt and gets thrown up against the glass.]
Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole!"
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Ginger are eating dinner.]
Chandler: No. No. I dont think so.
Chandler: Thats-thats my nubbin.
Chandler: You ah, you have, you have to leave, now? How come?
Chandler: Its kinda a ah, a third nipple kinda thing.
Chandler: (entering, happily) Well hello!
Chandler: The doctor.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang except Chandler is there.]
Chandler: Yeah! You wanna come?
Chandler: Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of.
Issac: (to Chandler and Joey) Can I help you?
Chandler: Come on Chloe! Finish up with your customer first. Come on Chloe! Come on Chloe!!
Chandler: (to Joey) Okay, that hurt us.
Chandler: Uh-oh.
CHANDLER: Huh. [reaches over and grabs the hat and bolts for the door but slips and falls behind the couch]
Chandler: Well ah, ........y'know.
[Scene: The Xerox place, Chandler and Joey are waiting in line.]
Joey: Both of us? (points to Chandler and himself)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around after the party. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter.]
Chandler: Oh yes, and thats what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
Chandler: What time is it now?
Chandler: Yeah all right, so well hang out.
Chandler: Hey, y'know what, maybe we should get going. I mean what time did Chloe say we should be there?
Chandler: Yes. Vividly.
Chandler: She was kidding.
Chandler: Yeah. Yeah, I mean what, what would we do?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the big couch.]
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Chandler: Well it you dont know that, then I dont want to do this with you.
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.
Chandler: Hello-dillillio!!
Chandler: We cant tell him, you cant go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his.... stuff.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no!!
Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
Chandler: (entering) Hey, does anybody need anything copied? Im going down to the Xerox place.
Chandler: Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car.
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighters in there! (points to the cab)
Monica: Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.
(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)
Chandler: All right, rock on. (Does the Hang 10 sign, then hides his face in shame.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, not wanting to participate in the festivities.]
Chandler: Brenda a bee!
Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down)
[Scene: Outside the bathroom, Chandler is pacing back and fourth, waiting is use it.]
Chandler: Why? What happened to him?
Chandler: Hey, this isnt like swimming after you eat, pick up the phone!!
Chandler: Well, thats the best kiss Ive had with anyone Ive ever met in a mens room.
Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
Chandler: Oh I do! Op, no, wait a minute, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.)
[Scene: The rest stop, the gang is still stuck, Chandler is kneeling at the rear bumper.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is watching Joey read Little Women, Ross is also there.]
Chandler: I cant believe she cracked your code!
(Chandler agrees in an absolutely bored way.)
Chandler: Oh my God! Oh my God!
Chandler: Hes right. Nobodys gonna benefit, and youre just gonna hurt her.
Chandler: You know, I don't get this. A month ago, these people were my friends. You know, just because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different person.
Chandler: Why is Phoebe singing to Carl Mulden?
CHANDLER: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, and I'm gonna end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?
Chandler: Oh, thats mature.
Chandler: Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?
Chandler: Off?!!
Chandler: Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!
Chandler: Nothing, nothing.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler slowly closes the door, and we hear Rachel from the living room.]
Chandler: (to Joey) He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
Chandler: She was not good. Not good.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk....
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Chandler: Ladies, ladies, lets just compromise okay? Phoebe, Rachel take off Monicas bra.
Chandler: Pierce Brosnan?
Monica: Chandler!!
Chandler: Okay, now lets decide who has the nicest ass.
Chandler: At least let me smoke it to the good part.
Chandler: Thats a bad duck!!! (to Ross) Howd the thing go tonight, Ross?
[Joey walks up helping Chandler.]
Chandler: I think she looks cute. (Rachel turns around and stares at him angrily) ... but I am wrong!
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.
Chandler and Joey: Hey!!
Chandler: Oh, this is horrible, its just horrible.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Chandler: Oh no, now its not gonna make any sense!
Chandler: So, what are you doing here? I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner.
Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey: No, I wasnt gonna ask you that, no.
Chandler: Y'know what, I can handle it, handles my middle name. Actually its the ah, middle part of my first name.
CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, theres none of that in here.