words in movies
[Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]
CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (phone rings)
CHANDLER: No, see, I'm trying this new screening thing. You know, I figure if I'm always answering the phone, people'll think I don't have a life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to?
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
CHANDLER: I'm back.
CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?
CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.
CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
CHANDLER: Ok, pure evil, horny and alone. I've done this.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.
CHANDLER: But it's Ross.
CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing.
CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just.
RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?
MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
CHANDLER: We don't know Bob, ok? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy.
CHANDLER: All right.
CHANDLER: Hi.
CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something.
CHANDLER: Whoever stood you up is a jerk.
CHANDLER: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue?
CHANDLER: No, you keep the pack. I'm all cried out today.
CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
CHANDLER: You can tell us.
CHANDLER: We can talk about that.
CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?
CHANDLER: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.
CHANDLER: Together.
CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
MONICA: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.
ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?
CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.
CHANDLER: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish!
CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.
CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that?
CHANDLER: Fine.
ROSS: Chandler!
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today.
CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming.
CHANDLER: Now I know it's been awhile, but I took it as a good sign.
CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: So, uh, you met someone, huh?
CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he?
CHANDLER: Eh?
CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good.
CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.
CHANDLER: So, let's go.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
CHANDLER: Chandler.
CHANDLER: Yeah, we really missed you guys.
CHANDLER: Yes, apparently Stevie and the band are like this.
CHANDLER: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that we make more money than you. But we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it.
CHANDLER: I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more.
CHANDLER: Yes.
CHANDLER: No.
JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks?
Chandler: No, really youre gonna freeze.
Chandler: Yes, you got something from the Screen Actors Guild.
Joey: You know, uh... [Joey moves the pen case out onto the counter.] Chandler got you a gift, too.
[Scene, Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is there. Everything is out of its place and Chandler's cleaning.]
Chandler: (thinks) Thats the perfect amount!
Emily: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. (Chandler is shocked.) Its a joke. (They all laugh.)
Chandler: Yeah, now how's that going though? Are you okay with the not-flirting thing?
Chandler: Yes I'm gonna put it back (Mocking Ross) exactly where I found it.
Chandler: What does it look like I'm doing? I am cleaning!
Chandler: She's not gonna care if I put her stuff back in the same stupid place.
Chandler: Hey Mon, how's it going?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
Chandler: Oh come on, come on, it can't be that bad.
Chandler: We should start with the big stuff. Yknow? That'll be the easiest. Uh, let's start with the couch. (He picks up one end and Ross doesn't help) I got it. (He moves it back to where he thinks it goes.)
Chandler: No! No-no-no-no-no-no. It sounds like they really need you down there.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: OK well here, we'll just move the coffee table closer to the couch.
(Chandler goes to his bedroom and opens the door. However, only the top half opens, and he trips into his bedroom over the bottom half.)
Chandler: Yeah, Monica doesn't like that either, Maybe I should stop doing that.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: And they don't like it when you explain why your jokes are funny.
Chandler: That's not specific to girls.
Chandler: Man, I'm so lucky I have Monica.
Chandler: Yeah, not bad right? You know what, Monicas gonna be working late, so I'm gonna make this place spotless. You know what else I'm gonna do, know what else I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm gonna get her some flowers. Now who wouldn't wanna live with me?
Chandler: Is not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies all by herself.
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Okay, is this lamp in the same place?
Chandler: I figure that $1,500 would cover him for a few months, yknow? But I have to trick him into taking it so I wont hurt his pride.
Chandler: (to Ross) I couldn't say that I was naked because she's allowed too see me naked.
Monica: Is it the same thing that Chandler had?
Ross: I-I had to show Chandler something?
Chandler: Bye! Thank God
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Chandler: Uh-huh
Chandler: Okay!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler and Ross are there. Monica enters]
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Oh well you're the best. You come here to me.
Chandler: Do you want me to be afraid of you?
Monica: It's okay. Chandler, are you afraid of me or something?
Chandler: That's perfect! That's brilliant! (Starts going through the photo album)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Janine and Chandler are there]
Chandler: So, is Janine around?
Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.
Chandler: Thank you Helen, that'll be all.
Chandler: Can I check out what she did to my room?
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
Chandler: (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?
Chandler: Yes talk to her. Be a man.
Chandler: Ohh, yeah.
Chandler: Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is reading a magazine as Ross hands him a beer.]
Chandler: Yeah lets head off to work.
Chandler: Thats weird. I dont think my boss likes me either.
Chandler: B-bye!
Chandler: What are you supporting?
Chandler: Yep!
Chandler: Count of three?
Chandler and Monica: Hey.
[Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.]
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the door.]
Chandler: You know Oh My God.
Chandler: Yeah. (Rachel walks in.)
Chandler: (Sarcastically) Really.
Chandler: Two!
Chandler: What???
Monica: My God! Chandler, we said be 'aloof' not 'a doof'.
Chandler: I am proud of all my friends today.
Monica: My God, Rachel, I cant believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, Im so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rosss bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
Monica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on a magazine,.)
Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. Were knitting pot holders.
Monica: When girls hang out, we dont have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) Im sorry. We do. We do. I dont know why I said that.
Chandler: You know when guys hang out they dont just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?
Chandler: No thanks, Josephine.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.]
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.]
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: Eh!
Chandler: (clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that Im gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!?
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
Chandler: Ok, I don't care what you guys say, something's bothering her.
Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Chandler: Ye-e-es!!
Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
Chandler: No! No! No!
Chandler: (a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging bicepsShe knows!
[Chandler throws his coat on the couch]
Monica: (on phone) Okay, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess whos coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
Chandler: Oh! Thats great, they havent seen the place since I moved in!
Monica: (not amused by Chandlers joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
Chandler: (shocked at the news) Why cant I tell them that we live together?