words in movies
[Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]
CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (phone rings)
CHANDLER: No, see, I'm trying this new screening thing. You know, I figure if I'm always answering the phone, people'll think I don't have a life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to?
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
CHANDLER: I'm back.
CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?
CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.
CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
CHANDLER: Ok, pure evil, horny and alone. I've done this.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.
CHANDLER: But it's Ross.
CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing.
CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just.
RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?
MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
CHANDLER: We don't know Bob, ok? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy.
CHANDLER: All right.
CHANDLER: Hi.
CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something.
CHANDLER: Whoever stood you up is a jerk.
CHANDLER: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue?
CHANDLER: No, you keep the pack. I'm all cried out today.
CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
CHANDLER: You can tell us.
CHANDLER: We can talk about that.
CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?
CHANDLER: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.
CHANDLER: Together.
CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
MONICA: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.
ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?
CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.
CHANDLER: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish!
CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.
CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that?
CHANDLER: Fine.
ROSS: Chandler!
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today.
CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming.
CHANDLER: Now I know it's been awhile, but I took it as a good sign.
CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: So, uh, you met someone, huh?
CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he?
CHANDLER: Eh?
CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good.
CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.
CHANDLER: So, let's go.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
CHANDLER: Chandler.
CHANDLER: Yeah, we really missed you guys.
CHANDLER: Yes, apparently Stevie and the band are like this.
CHANDLER: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that we make more money than you. But we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it.
CHANDLER: I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more.
CHANDLER: Yes.
CHANDLER: No.
JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks?
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
CHANDLER: (noticing a beautiful blond walking in) Ooh, oh, oh, that's her.
Chandler: She guessed 8, 9, based on his drawings.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! I mean Im sorry, I wish I can take everybody, but yknow Chandler always supported my career. Hes paid for acting classes and head shots and stuff and well this will be my way of paying you back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
CHANDLER: Why her mom?
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: (to Chandler) Are you intrigued?
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!
Chandler: Hey, man. What's up?
Chandler: Well, it's official there are no good movies.
Chandler: Well, I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt, but, ah, it wasn't me.
CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up.
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
Chandler: Is anybody else scared?
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Chandler: Noo.
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is still unpacking after the move, and Phoebe is their also.]
Chandler: You think?
Chandler: Do we have any...(turns around and bumps Monica's fake chest) Do we have any thoughts here?
CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are having dinner]
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: I'm not yanking you.
Chandler: It doesn't scare me!
Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!
Chandler: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should get.
Chandler: Oh God.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are comforting Chandler]
(Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.)
Chandler: She said she'd call me.
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Chandler: Okay, okay. So, should I call her?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Chandler: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?
Chandler: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Chandler: Jeez, what a baby.
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Chandler: (normal voice) No. Not anymore.
Chandler: (shyly) Chelsea.
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Chandler: A woman's
Chandler: Can I be that guy?
Chandler: Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view of...
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
CHANDLER: Well, actually just one birthday flan.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Chandler: Hello!
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Chandler: Here in Chelsea.
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Chandler: (on phone) I love you too.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. (They walk off leaving Chandler and Monica alone.)
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: So, you don't think I'm terminal?
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Chandler: Youre building a post office?
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.
CHANDLER: No actually, I was just going for colorful.
Monica: So, Chandler, whos on your list?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Phoebe: Chandler.