words in movies
Chandler: (picking up the telephone, answering it with a frog in his throat) Hello? (he clears his throat, but he still has the same frog in his throat when he speaks again) Hello?
Chandler: Honey, you're screaming.
Chandler: (yawning) Oh, that's great.
Chandler: (clearly not so interested) Awesome.
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)
Phoebe: Really? Chandler?
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler comes home.]
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.
Chandler: (laughs, but then moves to Phoebe) And don't get me started on the way that people from Tulsa talk.
Chandler: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?
Chandler: Yeah, he came up...
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Were you there?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is reading a 'Busty Ladies' magazine when Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Chandler: (Can't believe what he hears) Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it.
Joey: I know, right? (Chandler has really big eyes, and nods) Wh... Wh... Why are we doing this?
Chandler: Monica says that her Maitre D. is the funniest guy she's ever met.
Chandler: Yes! Am I crazy to be this upset?
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Ye.... (stops because he realises what Joey just said, and stares at him. At this moment Monica enters)
Joey: Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?
Joey: Really? Do you not know Chandler?
Joey: Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay. 'Cause he's feeling like... (the door opens and Chandler walks in with a pizza)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: What are you guys talking about?
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)
Chandler: You know, I don't mind a... male nanny, but I do draw the line at a male wetnurse. (again they laugh, even more fake than before)
Chandler: If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would have brought more pizza. (they all burst out in a thundering laugh)
Monica: Okay, okay... Chandler you... you stop it! (Monica wipes away tears)
Chandler: What is so funny about that? (they realise it wasn't a joke)
Monica: Well, I don't know... I-It's... just the way you say it... I mean, you're funny... You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy! (Chandler turns to Joey)
Chandler: Did you tell her what we talked about? (Joey starts laughing hysterically, but then gets serious again...)
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)
Chandler: Oh yeah? Is he funnier than me?
Chandler: I do limericks... uhm... There once was a man named Chandler, whose wife made him die inside.
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Joey are sitting at the dinner table. Chandler comes from the bedroom with his suitcase.]
Chandler: Well, I'm off to Tulsa, so if your Maitre D. friend has any funny Oklahoma jokes, tell him to e-mail me at www.hahanotsomuch.com.
Chandler: Really...? See... that's the thing: you gotta keep it smart, people!
Chandler: I love you too. (Monica and Chandler kiss. He turns to Joey.) And... I like you as a friend. (They hug and pat each other on the back.)
Chandler: See ya! (he leaves the apartment)
Chandler: Y'know what, I can handle it, handles my middle name. Actually its the ah, middle part of my first name.
CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, theres none of that in here.
Chandler: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.
(Chandler enters with a cigarette.)
Chandler: (picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Chandler: Okay, thats like the least fun game ever.
Chandler: No-no, why dont you hang on to that one.
Chandler: Okay.
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
[Scene: In Phoebes Grandmothers cab, driving up to the cabin. Phoebes driving, Rachels sitting shotgun, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are in the back seat.]
Chandler: Or what my Father called Thursday night.
Chandler: Always illegal Joe.
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Chandler: If that doesnt keep kids in school, what will?
(Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
[Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]
Chandler: She was.... But y'know what, just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.
Chandler: Thanks
Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!
Chandler: Y'know what, pretty good.
Chandler: What check thing?
Chandler: There you go!!
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are on their date with Janice and Clark, however Clark is a no show and Janice is crying the Mississippi River about it.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are talking to Frank.]
Chandler: Look, Im just gonna be across the hall, we can still do all the same stuff.
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is making a sandwich as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is there. There's a knock at the door. He answers it to see a young woman holding a fishtank.]
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
(Chandler and Joey are loaded down with baby stuff, and Ben)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its after Ross and Joeys talk with Frank, and Phoebes is finding out what happened.]
Chandler: Its horrible.
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Chandler: Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Monica) You guys, what, what do we do about Ross who drove all the way up here? What do we do? Just like send him back and were then gonna go skiing?
Chandler: Okay, then get the lobster!
Chandler: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, hes listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.
(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She pulls a huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
Chandler: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.
(She goes into her apartment and sees Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross sitting there.)
Chandler: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) I-kea! This is comfortable.
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Chandler and Joey: Hey!
CHANDLER: I'm afraid I might just be.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is telling Chandler about Kate.]
Chandler: See uh, thats-thats actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.
Chandler: And may-maybe we could end up on a boat again?
Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
[Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.]
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!
Chandler: And youre our age. Youre our age.
Chandler: Thats not a state Joe.
Chandler: Youre our age!
Chandler: Unless Snoopy says it to Charlie Brown, I think we're okay.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Ross are returning from working out.]
Chandler: Ross! You gotta stop! Okay?! You cant just stare through the peep hole for three hours! Youre gonna get peep eye!
Chandler: Is there any chance you didnt see that?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: You didnt just break up.
Chandler: No!! You cant!!
Chandler: Stop what?!
Chandler: Look man!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know. (He rubs Rosss head)
Chandler: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.
Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joeys sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, thats not the worst part.
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Chandler: Listen to me!! (Chandler turns him around and closes and holds the door shut with his feet.)
Chandler: Im talking about you. You big, big freak.
Chandler: Oh good, because uh we got Rachel 800 gallons of water.
Chandler: Cause its-its not his last name.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
Chandler: Okay, lets play my game now.
Chandler: So, ahh, what kind of powers would Gold Man have?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. Youre telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didnt want you back?!
(Ross starts stuffing pinecones in the suitcase. As the receptionist walks in, Chandler makes a bird's verse and Ross stops)
Joey: Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what its like to be you?
Chandler: My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.
[Chandler crumples up his cigarette pack and throws it on the ground.]
Chandler: Thats the stuff! (quickly grabs it)
Chandler: Hey.
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and her are coming back from lunch.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is desperately trying to make his Valentines Day gift. He takes a paper cup, turns it upside down, sticks two pencils into the top, and hangs a coat hanger from the bottom.]
Chandler: Yes, I realise that.
Chandler: Oh, thats-thats okay, no problem. (He starts to look around her office.)
Rachel: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didnt have to walk me all the way back up here.
Rachel: (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler) Joanna.
Kathy: Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Yes! Thank you! (Runs back to Chandler)