words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey sits at a table and Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: How come?
Chandler: Do you have any ideas?
Monica: Joey, I think you should consider something a little less risky. I mean, I think in this market, real estate is your best investment.The Fed. just lowered the rates and the interest on your mortgage is totally deductible. (looks at Chandler) That's right, I know some stuff!
Chandler: (imitating Monica) Oh, and you know whose knowledge of her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica!
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe I'll join them some time. I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the moustache off his face.
[Scene: Richard's apartment. There's a knock on the door.The listing agent opens the door for Chandler and Joey.]
Joey: Hi I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
Chandler: So how come Richard's selling the place? Went bankrupt? Medical malpractice? Choked on his own moustache?
Chandler: mmm That's enough about you!
Catherine: All the appliances are included. There is a lot of light, a new kitchen... I think you guys would be very happy here... (Joey and Chandler both realise what she's assuming and start laughing.)
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no, NO! No, no... we're not together. We're not a couple. We're definately not a couple.
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Chandler: (Chandler looks around the place and his eye gets caught by Richard's video collection) Look at these videos. You know, I mean, who does he think he is? Magnum Force, Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke... Oh my God!
Chandler: There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.
Chandler: Get there faster! (Joey gasps and finally understands...)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Only Chandler is there with the videotape in his hands, standing in front of the TV set.]
Chandler: I'm not gonna watch it... I don't NEED to watch it... I mean, what good could possibly come from watching? (sighs) Well, we know I'm gonna watch it. (Chandler moves to put the tape in the VCR and Joey enters the apartment)
Chandler: Don't judge me, I'm only human!
Chandler: I had to! Okay, imagine you were married... and you found a tape of your wife in another guys' apartment... Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?
Chandler: Some girl...!?
Chandler: Yeah...!?
Chandler: Allright, I'm gonna watch it... I mean look, it's probably not even what I think it is... And even if it is... It can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head... (laughs nervously) Can it?
Chandler: Then you're gonna have to watch it for me.
Chandler: Just for a few seconds, so I can know what it is... Please?
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
Chandler: Why am I hearing cheering?
Chandler: Football? Just football?
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
Joey: You don't wanna see what I just saw! (at this moment Monica comes home, and sees Chandler flat on his back on the floor and Joey pinning him down)
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica switches off the VCR. Joey and Chandler are behind the couch.]
Chandler: Whoho ho... Listen to the judgement from the porn star!
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Chandler: This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you. He keeps a tape so he can... look at it whenever he wants.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!
Monica: Chandler, this is not our problem. We've got each other. That's all that matters.
Chandler: Yeah, oh, but I just keep picturing you rolling around with him with your cowboy boots in the air...
Chandler: Oh, good, good. Play more, 'cause I wanna see how it ends.
Chandler: What...? That's not you! Life is good again! Ride 'em cowgirl!
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Cassie: Oh my God! You do a great Chandler!
Chandler: Thats not really important right now. What is important is; while we appreciate the gesture, we just dont feel bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting a cup of coffee and sits down next to Monica.]
Joey: Probably Monica and Chandler.
Chandler: This is so sad. I mean, I only have like ten pins.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is working on the seating chart while Chandler looks on and Rachel reads.]
Monica: (To Chandler) Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are yours.
Chandler: Yknow I think we should invite them.
Chandler: Well this is just sad!
Joey: Well, Im sorry. I thought parents were coming! Yknow? Your parents are comin! Chandlers parents are comin! Rosss parents are comin!
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is showing Chandler the selection of tuxedos.]
Chandler: Yeah, I know what youre thinkin! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.
Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluidOp! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.)
Chandler: I was dangerously dehydrated during the first six months of our relationship. (Monica laughs.) Look, for me the rush is knowing that we are gonna be together for the rest of our lives.
Chandler: You mean like for award shows?
Chandler: Whos that?
Chandler: Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)
Chandler: Are you serious?
Chandler: Not bad.
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Chandler: 007?! This is James Bonds tux?!
Chandler: Ive been taking dancing lessons.
Chandler: You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people yelling, "You are you wearing?! You look fabulous!"
Chandler: What?
Chandler: A freakish thin date with a hanger for her head?
Monica: I cant! I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that Id wear them all the time, I just cant give them away!
(Chandler mimics him.)
Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.
Chandler: SoIf you wear that youll make mine less special.
Chandler: That was pretty 007.
Chandler: Look, its my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I would never do anything to upset you.
Chandler: You cant wear that! Im wearing the famous tux! James Bonds tux!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is blowing out a candle as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Im not your garbage man. Im your mailman.
[Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.]
Chandler: Ross is Batman!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]
Chandler: Ooh, yum! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Chandler: Im an alien. Im an alien.
Chandler: I would but mine doesnt fit. The pants are a little tight.
Chandler: (standing up) Let me try it on!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are still giving away all of their secrets.]
Chandler: Well, does that mean that youre not going to wearing yours?
Chandler: Please, dont take away my cool thing. Please?! Pretty please?!
Helena: (to Chandlers back) Oh look, a standing ovation already! So early in the show. Oh turn around honey; let me see your pretty face. (He slowly turns around. Helena recognizes him.)
Ross: Gunther. (To Chandler) Hey-hey! Why dont we put them on? Yknow get a picture of Batman and James Bond together.
Joey: (entering) Hey! Uh, Monica? Chandler? Can I talk to you guys for a second?
Chandler: Oh, I have to get married in James Bonds tux!
Chandler: Well, youre welcome. And tell them were really glad theyre coming.
Chandler: Whose is it?
Chandler: Whose is it?
Chandler: Oh, come on! I dont care! Come on! Whose is it?
Chandler: Do you happen to know what Im going to say?
Chandler: Do you realize you get louder each week?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is at the kitchen table and Chandler is in the living room.]
Chandler: Right. So uh, have you written yours yet?
Chandler: (watching in her) (in his head) Look at her go! She must love me more than I love her! Whats wrong with me? Ooh, dont open that door.
Chandler: (writing) Monica, there are no words (To Joey and Ross) There are no words! This should not be this hard!
Chandler: Im so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You shouldve seen her. Writing, writing, writing!
Joey: Uh, hey, Rach let me ask you something. Uh, I was just over there talking to Monica and Chandler, boy they are really tight.
Chandler: Okay. Well, I think the centerpieces are too big
Chandler: (seeing her) Okay.
Ross: ...everyone, this is Chandler!
Chandler: Yeah, Im not sure I can do that.
Chandler: Oh, yknow-yknow what, I was looking at it upside down.
Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) Thats one?
Chandler: (writing) Monica
Chandler: (writes what Joey said and waits for him to go on) Yeah?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Chandler: You'll get one.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Chandler: Nice try.
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, youre going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Chandler: You are so great! I love you!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Chandler: This is not going to work.
[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandlers Hotel room in London in The One With Rosss Wedding.]
Chandler: Look, Monica
Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
Chandler: No I didn't!
[Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joeys apartment to reveal Monica standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Chandler: Yknow I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what Im saying?
Chandler: Oh my God.
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) Im not worried, Im uh, Im fascinated. Yknow its like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
Chandler: Hey Joe!
Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is hooking Chandler up with another tuxedo.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
Chandler: It happened in London.
Chandler: Can you people not see me?! (He waves his arms around to get their attention.)
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!