words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is sitting at the counter reading a magazine as the phone rings.]
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Chandler: Look I never should have kissed your girlfriend, but Im (Joey hangs up the phone again.)
Voice: What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything (Joey realizes its Chandler and hangs up the phone in anger.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey and Chandler are there getting ready for Thanksgiving.]
Chandler: (entering) Aww, turkey! Aww, giving thanks! Aww!
Chandler: They couldnt be worse. I spent eight hours calling him last night, just trying to get him to talk to me.
Chandler: Hey, by any chance did either of pick uh Rachel for your secret Santa, cause I wanna trade for her.
Chandler: Wow! Why do you want to get rid of her so badly?
Chandler: Oh thats not true! Thats not true! I got her that backpack and she loved it! I remember how much she was crying the day when that big dog ran off with it (notices the look on Monica and Phoebes faces.) Oh, there was no big dog. All right this sucks! I already got her this briefcase, and I had R.G. put on it (Phoebe looks confused.) Her initials
Chandler: Op, y'know what though, its kindve a girlie briefcase.
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Chandler: Thanks.
Chandler: Monica got ice in her eye, and it hurts.
Chandler: Well maybe you should put some ice on it.
Chandler: Hes really picky about his patients.
Chandler: (entering) All right! Okay! I think I am making some progress with Joey, when I went into the apartment he went straight into his bedroom but he only slammed the door once! (Ross is pleased.) I mean yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.
Chandler: Oh yknow what, I was already trying to trade for ah, well, you.
Chandler: I dont know R.G., I was thinking something girlie for your office.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you dont want to do that, then youre gonna get stuck with Rachel and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.
Chandler: Like?
Chandler: When was the last time you saw her wear it?
Chandler: Big dog?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is repacking the furniture into boxes to return it.]
Joey: Im sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Joey: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?
Ross: Im gonna get you to talk to Chandler.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are sitting at a table and talking about Joey.]
Chandler: I walk into a room and he wont even talk to me, he just mumbles something in Italian. And I know he only knows the bad words.
Joey: (entering) Hey Gunther, have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
Gunther: I thought you were Chandler. But umm, one of who is over there.
Chandler: Hey Joe.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is packing as Chandler rushes in.]
Chandler: Hey! Im sorry! That(sees that Joey is about to leave) where are you going?
Chandler: Oh, uh, when-when are you coming back?
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that Ill stop seeing her?
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Chandler: Hey, look, I know what it is to be a friend, I just-I just screwed up!
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: All right, wait! Come on! Just wait one second! There has to be something that I can do! Something! If we still had that entertainment unit I would get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down. (Joey looks intrigued) What?
Chandler: (He is now in the box, in their living room.) Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girls wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin in a box!! (goes to her room)
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Ross: (He puts his hand over the hole on the box.) (to Chandler) Now, well see.
Chandler: Air hole! Air hole!! (Ross retracts his hand quickly.)
Monica: And Rachel. (Chandler clears his voice loudly) And thats Chandler.
Chandler: How do ya do.
Chandler: What happened? What happened?!
Chandler: Gotcha! (laughs)
Chandler: Sorry!
Chandler: Okay, okay, you got it!
Chandler: You cant tell, but Im trying to break the tension by mooning you guys!
Chandler: Youre right, and Im sorry! This means a lot to me! I want you to be my friend again! I swear, I wont say another word tonight.
Chandler: Absolutely!
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (Theres no response from Chandler.) Okay.
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Kathy: (going over to the box) Chandler?
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
Chandler: So?
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Man, this is
Joey: Now go! Cause you can still catch her! And Merry Christmas from youre secret Santa! (Chandler runs out and closes the door.)
Joey: All right, who got Chandler? Cause I uh, need to trade.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, the gang is all there watching Chandler.]
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
CHANDLER: (noticing a beautiful blond walking in) Ooh, oh, oh, that's her.
Chandler: She guessed 8, 9, based on his drawings.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! I mean Im sorry, I wish I can take everybody, but yknow Chandler always supported my career. Hes paid for acting classes and head shots and stuff and well this will be my way of paying you back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
CHANDLER: Why her mom?
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: (to Chandler) Are you intrigued?
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!
Chandler: Hey, man. What's up?
Chandler: Well, it's official there are no good movies.
Chandler: Well, I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt, but, ah, it wasn't me.
CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up.
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
Chandler: Is anybody else scared?
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Chandler: Noo.
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is still unpacking after the move, and Phoebe is their also.]
Chandler: You think?
Chandler: Do we have any...(turns around and bumps Monica's fake chest) Do we have any thoughts here?
CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are having dinner]
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: I'm not yanking you.
Chandler: It doesn't scare me!
Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!
Chandler: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should get.
Chandler: Oh God.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are comforting Chandler]
(Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.)
Chandler: She said she'd call me.
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Chandler: Okay, okay. So, should I call her?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Chandler: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?
Chandler: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Chandler: Jeez, what a baby.
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Chandler: (normal voice) No. Not anymore.
Chandler: (shyly) Chelsea.
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Chandler: A woman's
Chandler: Can I be that guy?
Chandler: Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view of...
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
CHANDLER: Well, actually just one birthday flan.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Chandler: Hello!
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Chandler: Here in Chelsea.
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Chandler: (on phone) I love you too.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. (They walk off leaving Chandler and Monica alone.)
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: So, you don't think I'm terminal?
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Chandler: Youre building a post office?
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.
CHANDLER: No actually, I was just going for colorful.
Monica: So, Chandler, whos on your list?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Phoebe: Chandler.