words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.
Chandler: And so incorrect!
Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Chandler: So we're standing firm on the 'not getting our hopes up'?
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Chandler: Yes, but...
Monica: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and (to Chandler) you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY! {she leaves)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"
Chandler: You're gonna be great.
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
Chandler: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us.
Chandler: Ok.
Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D.
Chandler: That's what our friends call us.
Chandler: (astonished) I don't think that's exactly...
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands.
Chandler: Yeah, wow.
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: No-ot for me it doesn’t.
Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?
Chandler: You should be. You’re really on top of stuff..
Monica: Oh my God, this is great! This is so great! (to Chandler, who looks bewildered). Did you hear that?
Chandler: Yeah, I did.
Chandler: We are NOT signing those papers.
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Chandler: You have gotta stop!
Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.
Chandler: Your Veal Chop is $34,95!
Monica: C'mon Chandler, I think we have been given an opportunity. I mean, the mistake has already been made. They are writing up the paper right now.
Chandler: But we are not the one she chose! How can you feel okay about this?
Chandler: I know..
Chandler: oh, honey..
Chandler: Monica, I want a baby too, but this woman is giving away her child. She deserves to know who it's going to. Monica: (realizes Chandler is right. She's almost crying) okay, right. (They hug)
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Chandler: You're Jewish.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Hey.
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.
(She leaves the room, but Chandler runs after her. They meet in the hallway.)
Chandler: Erica wait!
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Chandler: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising.
Erica: Oh yeah. I actually liked you guys. But it doesn't matter, because what you did was wrong. (walks away again, but Chandler catches up with her again)
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Chandler: You still want that baby?
(Monica plays those words back in her mind and then smiles and runs to Chandler, who is twisting with joy. They hug.)
Monica: God bless you Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Yeah! You wanna come?
Chandler: Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of.
Issac: (to Chandler and Joey) Can I help you?
Chandler: Come on Chloe! Finish up with your customer first. Come on Chloe! Come on Chloe!!
Chandler: (to Joey) Okay, that hurt us.
Chandler: Uh-oh.
CHANDLER: Huh. [reaches over and grabs the hat and bolts for the door but slips and falls behind the couch]
Chandler: Well ah, ........y'know.
[Scene: The Xerox place, Chandler and Joey are waiting in line.]
Joey: Both of us? (points to Chandler and himself)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around after the party. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter.]
Chandler: Oh yes, and thats what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
Chandler: What time is it now?
Chandler: Yeah all right, so well hang out.
Chandler: Hey, y'know what, maybe we should get going. I mean what time did Chloe say we should be there?
Chandler: Yes. Vividly.
Chandler: She was kidding.
Chandler: Yeah. Yeah, I mean what, what would we do?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the big couch.]
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Chandler: Well it you dont know that, then I dont want to do this with you.
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.
Chandler: Hello-dillillio!!
Chandler: We cant tell him, you cant go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his.... stuff.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no!!
Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
Chandler: (entering) Hey, does anybody need anything copied? Im going down to the Xerox place.
Chandler: Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car.
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighters in there! (points to the cab)
Monica: Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.
(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)
Chandler: All right, rock on. (Does the Hang 10 sign, then hides his face in shame.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, not wanting to participate in the festivities.]
Chandler: Brenda a bee!
Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down)
[Scene: Outside the bathroom, Chandler is pacing back and fourth, waiting is use it.]
Chandler: Why? What happened to him?
Chandler: Hey, this isnt like swimming after you eat, pick up the phone!!
Chandler: Well, thats the best kiss Ive had with anyone Ive ever met in a mens room.
Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
Chandler: Oh I do! Op, no, wait a minute, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.)
[Scene: The rest stop, the gang is still stuck, Chandler is kneeling at the rear bumper.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is watching Joey read Little Women, Ross is also there.]
Chandler: I cant believe she cracked your code!
(Chandler agrees in an absolutely bored way.)
Chandler: Oh my God! Oh my God!
Chandler: Hes right. Nobodys gonna benefit, and youre just gonna hurt her.
Chandler: You know, I don't get this. A month ago, these people were my friends. You know, just because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different person.
Chandler: Why is Phoebe singing to Carl Mulden?
CHANDLER: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, and I'm gonna end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?
Chandler: Oh, thats mature.
Chandler: Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?
Chandler: Off?!!
Chandler: Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!
Chandler: Nothing, nothing.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler slowly closes the door, and we hear Rachel from the living room.]
Chandler: (to Joey) He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
Chandler: She was not good. Not good.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk....
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Chandler: Ladies, ladies, lets just compromise okay? Phoebe, Rachel take off Monicas bra.
Chandler: Pierce Brosnan?
Monica: Chandler!!
Chandler: Okay, now lets decide who has the nicest ass.
Chandler: At least let me smoke it to the good part.
Chandler: Thats a bad duck!!! (to Ross) Howd the thing go tonight, Ross?
[Joey walks up helping Chandler.]
Chandler: I think she looks cute. (Rachel turns around and stares at him angrily) ... but I am wrong!
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.
Chandler and Joey: Hey!!
Chandler: Oh, this is horrible, its just horrible.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Chandler: Oh no, now its not gonna make any sense!
Chandler: So, what are you doing here? I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner.
Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey: No, I wasnt gonna ask you that, no.
Chandler: Y'know what, I can handle it, handles my middle name. Actually its the ah, middle part of my first name.
CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, theres none of that in here.
Chandler: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.
(Chandler enters with a cigarette.)
Chandler: (picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Chandler: Okay, thats like the least fun game ever.
Chandler: No-no, why dont you hang on to that one.
Chandler: Okay.
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
[Scene: In Phoebes Grandmothers cab, driving up to the cabin. Phoebes driving, Rachels sitting shotgun, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are in the back seat.]
Chandler: Or what my Father called Thursday night.
Chandler: Always illegal Joe.
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Chandler: If that doesnt keep kids in school, what will?
(Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
[Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]
Chandler: She was.... But y'know what, just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.
Chandler: Thanks
Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!
Chandler: Y'know what, pretty good.
Chandler: What check thing?