words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.
Chandler: And so incorrect!
Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Chandler: So we're standing firm on the 'not getting our hopes up'?
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Chandler: Yes, but...
Monica: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and (to Chandler) you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY! {she leaves)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"
Chandler: You're gonna be great.
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
Chandler: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us.
Chandler: Ok.
Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D.
Chandler: That's what our friends call us.
Chandler: (astonished) I don't think that's exactly...
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands.
Chandler: Yeah, wow.
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: No-ot for me it doesn’t.
Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?
Chandler: You should be. You’re really on top of stuff..
Monica: Oh my God, this is great! This is so great! (to Chandler, who looks bewildered). Did you hear that?
Chandler: Yeah, I did.
Chandler: We are NOT signing those papers.
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Chandler: You have gotta stop!
Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.
Chandler: Your Veal Chop is $34,95!
Monica: C'mon Chandler, I think we have been given an opportunity. I mean, the mistake has already been made. They are writing up the paper right now.
Chandler: But we are not the one she chose! How can you feel okay about this?
Chandler: I know..
Chandler: oh, honey..
Chandler: Monica, I want a baby too, but this woman is giving away her child. She deserves to know who it's going to. Monica: (realizes Chandler is right. She's almost crying) okay, right. (They hug)
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Chandler: You're Jewish.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Hey.
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.
(She leaves the room, but Chandler runs after her. They meet in the hallway.)
Chandler: Erica wait!
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Chandler: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising.
Erica: Oh yeah. I actually liked you guys. But it doesn't matter, because what you did was wrong. (walks away again, but Chandler catches up with her again)
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Chandler: You still want that baby?
(Monica plays those words back in her mind and then smiles and runs to Chandler, who is twisting with joy. They hug.)
Monica: God bless you Chandler Bing!
Chandler: I knew it!
Chandler: Cool, girl roommate.
(Chandler screams a little bit, then realises that he can spit out his gag. He does so with a Pouff!)
(Joey sticks his head through the gap. Monica and Chandler are now sitting at the dinner table. There is another smaller table full of food standing in front of the front door)
(As they approach the door, Chandler comes out carrying his duck.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are standing around in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment! You are ruining moving day for us!
Chandler: What?! What-what is it?!
Chandler: I know!!
Chandler: Wow! She looks great. Doesnt she?
Chandler: Okay, she is the star of the play. And she is my girlfriend! I get to have sex with the star of the play!
Chandler: I cant believe we live here!
(Ross and Chandler have stunned looks on their faces as Kathy and her co-star start making out.)
Chandler: Well, maybe I won't kiss you, and then you'll have to stay.
Chandler: Yeah y-you, how hard is it to say something? Rachel came over to borrow something.
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. Hes running a little late, he says hes sorry.
Chandler: Oh, good, because as of four o'clock this afternoon, I am not.
Chandler: All right, look, look, what am I gonna do?
Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.
Chandler: Ill make something up! Im good at lying, I actually did borrow your Walkman!
Chandler: Really?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He's prying open the drawer with a crowbar to no avail. Monica, Rachel and Chandler enter.]
Chandler: So uh, man, are you gonna go to the play with me tonight?
Chandler: Yeah, I know but
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Chandler is putting something away under the sink.]
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Kathy: Hi! (Kisses Chandler) Thank you so much for coming again. Did you like it tonight?
(Chandler laughs without opening his mouth.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross still has boxes all over the place. Joey is wearing a football helmet, and Chandler is spinning him around in one of the chairs and counting.]
Ross: Oh, absolutely! (Chandler mumbles something.)
Chandler: Yknow, I-I could see how this could happen, y'know youre up there every night, youre naked, touching, kissing.
Chandler: Oh come on, it was so obvious! There was no chemistry between you two!
Kathy: Ill tell you what, Chandler, why dont you call me when you grow up!
Kathy: Acting! Chandler, this is my job! Im-Im playing a part in a play! How can you not trust me?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are there eating pizza as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: 98. 99. 100. Okay, go!
Chandler: Well, you can understand, given how we started.
Chandler: Bad dream?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler & Nina are locked in a passionate embrace. Someone knocks, so they hurriedly separate to stare out of the window. Chandlers boss opens the door.]
Rachel: Chandler, what did she say?
Chandler: Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's really old.
Ross: Chandler!
Chandler: Yes! See you and I have always been like(motions that they think the same.)
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and were about to cross the street. Very good.
Chandler: Here we go! Here we go!
Chandler: All right, maybe I should call her.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yeah, well, dont expect that to happen anytime soon!
CHANDLER: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?
Chandler: Well y'know, what if she didnt actually sleep with the guy?
Chandler: Well, yeah, but y'know, what-what if I was wrong?
Chandler: Did she call?
Chandler: Oh my God!!
Chandler: You're kidding, no!
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
[Scene: Kathys apartment, Chandler is knocking on the door.]
Phoebe: Ohh, you are so lucky! (To Chandler) Hey! So, where's Monica? Did you guys make up?
Chandler: Yeah. Well, I think our second fight is going to be a big one!
Chandler: Well, she wasnt sleeping with him.
Chandler: She is now.
(Chandler returns.)
(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the gang minus Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast. Ross and Chandler are sitting at the foosball table and eating.]
Chandler: Why dont you use ours across the hall, cause she has problems.
Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu.
Chandler: Yeah, its like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
Chandler: Actually, can I get some hot water with a little lemon? I think I strained my voice screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Phoebe: All right, prude... Look, Monica and Chandler really love this house. You are not gonna talk them into staying here.
Chandler: (opening the bathroom door and kicking out the chick and duck) Would you give me one minute!! Please.
(Chandler mumbles something, and Ross tells him to "Come on.")
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is in his sweats flinging playing cards into a pot.]
Chandler: (entering) All right! Okay! I think I am making some progress with Joey, when I went into the apartment he went straight into his bedroom but he only slammed the door once! (Ross is pleased.) I mean yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.
Joey: (goes over to Chandler) Hey buddy! Hows it going?
Chandler: Can I just say how much I appreciate you coming with me. When we get to Tulsa I'm taking you for a great dinner at 'Slim Pickings'. 'So Cheesy'? 'Whole Hog'? It's going to be tough to keep Kosher in Tulsa.
Chandler: Yes! Ross, you have to stay!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
Monica: No, Chandlers still in Phase One, and Joeys that thing you smell.
Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about himself) I wanna quit the gym.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has told Chandler and Joey his terrible act.]
Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
Chandler: All right, buddy!
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.
(Chandler comes back, obviously drunk, and trips over the steps.)
(Chandler enters from his bedroom.)
Chandler: Well, can I just
Chandler: Ooh, let me talk to him!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, scene continued from earlier.]
Monica: Hey, Joey, I dont think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean its only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Chandler: Thats right! Where are the guys? Im ready to get drunk and see some strippers.
Chandler: Ow!
Chandler: Maybe, she doesnt hit him all the time.
Rachel: Ooh, I just feel bad, I never vacuum. (She goes into Chandler and Joeys.)
Rachel: I dont get this! She was horrible! (She hits Chandler, yet again.)
Chandler: Okay, Im going to go stand over there. (Points and moves into the living room.)