words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.
Chandler: And so incorrect!
Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Chandler: So we're standing firm on the 'not getting our hopes up'?
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Chandler: Yes, but...
Monica: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and (to Chandler) you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY! {she leaves)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"
Chandler: You're gonna be great.
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
Chandler: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us.
Chandler: Ok.
Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D.
Chandler: That's what our friends call us.
Chandler: (astonished) I don't think that's exactly...
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands.
Chandler: Yeah, wow.
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: No-ot for me it doesn’t.
Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?
Chandler: You should be. You’re really on top of stuff..
Monica: Oh my God, this is great! This is so great! (to Chandler, who looks bewildered). Did you hear that?
Chandler: Yeah, I did.
Chandler: We are NOT signing those papers.
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Chandler: You have gotta stop!
Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.
Chandler: Your Veal Chop is $34,95!
Monica: C'mon Chandler, I think we have been given an opportunity. I mean, the mistake has already been made. They are writing up the paper right now.
Chandler: But we are not the one she chose! How can you feel okay about this?
Chandler: I know..
Chandler: oh, honey..
Chandler: Monica, I want a baby too, but this woman is giving away her child. She deserves to know who it's going to. Monica: (realizes Chandler is right. She's almost crying) okay, right. (They hug)
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Chandler: You're Jewish.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Hey.
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.
(She leaves the room, but Chandler runs after her. They meet in the hallway.)
Chandler: Erica wait!
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Chandler: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising.
Erica: Oh yeah. I actually liked you guys. But it doesn't matter, because what you did was wrong. (walks away again, but Chandler catches up with her again)
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Chandler: You still want that baby?
(Monica plays those words back in her mind and then smiles and runs to Chandler, who is twisting with joy. They hug.)
Monica: God bless you Chandler Bing!
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
Chandler: Rachel... with handcuffs! Interesting! (he looks excited)
Chandler: Really? Then what are they doing in our guestroom?
Chandler: Oh yeah, right! Good luck getting another scarf dance from me!
Chandler: (he doesn't look excited anymore). Well played.
Monica: Chandler? I was just in our bedroom and I found these (she holds the furry handcuffs) on my pillow.
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
Ross: Well it's okay. Chandler is talking to her.
(Chandler slides the bowl to the far end of the counter. He tries again, but he hits the spoon to hard and the ball goes flying away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that morning. The porn is still on, there are three women getting ready to shave the chest of some guy. Joey and Chandler are wondering why that guy is letting them shave his chest, and Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast at the foosball table.]
Chandler: Uh, Rach?
Chandler: (to Rachel) Uh, Rach... I think I have something that belongs to you. (shows her the cuffs)
Chandler: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they?
Chandler: No, no, no... They're really yours. We... found them in your old room.
Chandler: Pheebs!
Chandler: I think these are yours.
Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is? (she giggles, Chandler looks aghast)
Rachel: (to Chandler) Can I talk to you alone for a minute?
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Chandler and Rachel.]
Chandler: Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.
Chandler: Ooh, not so tight... (blows raspberry, and the hug ends) I'm sorry, just give me one more chance.
(Chandler blows raspberry again)
Chandler: That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic.
Chandler: Mine was a humdinger
CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'
Chandler: Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a party.
Chandler: Monica's grandmother.
Chandler: Joey and I can finish up in the guest room.
Chandler: Hey Mon, I think I figured out whose handcuffs they are.
Chandler: (to Joey) You couldn't be cool. (he goes to the guest bedroom)
Chandler: Well, I was cleaning out the closet and I found some pictures of them... being used.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: Great, at a hundred dollars an apple, we're there!
Chandler: Honey, it's gonna be okay.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
Chandler: You obviously haven't tasted my Palmolive potatoes!
Chandler: Relax! We just get her some antacids.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Chandler, wait, wait, wait...
(there's a lot of supportive cheers from all. Erica, Monica and Chandler leave.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: Where are you going?
Chandler: Hah. May not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!
Chandler: You can't leave me alone with her.
Chandler: Next time, can I say breathe?
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
(Monica leaves, and Chandler closes the door. Erica just looks at him.)
Chandler: Well, it's just interesting. You know, because no one will ever know, because no one can experience both.
Chandler: Sure. (to Phoebe) You don't really handcuff guys to waterpipes do you?
Chandler: It's just that we've never spent any time, you know, alone together.
Joey: It's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
Ross: Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't understand how much this bums me out.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]
Joey: Yeah, Erica went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: Is it really that bad?
(Monica gives Chandler a look.)
Chandler: I'm okay.
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Chandler: Wow!
Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
Chandler: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
Monica: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know. He has your eyes.
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Chandler: Well, that's spongy.
Chandler: I mean, I know that's not possible, but he does.
Monica: (to her son) Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler, on the verge of tears) Oh, we are so lucky!
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
Chandler: How do you feel?
Chandler: What do we do?
Chandler: Well, gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.
Monica: Chandler, you're panicking!
Chandler: (panicking) Twins! Twins!!
Chandler: Interesting! (To Monica) Can I see you for a second?
Chandler: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you?! Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then just like have an option on the other one?
Chandler: What if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
Chandler: (smiles) Okay. Shhh...
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.
Chandler: (shocked) She? It's a girl?
Chandler: Monica, we are not ready to have two babies!
(Monica and Chandler run back to Erica's bed.)
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Chandler: Bye!
Chandler: Have fun at church-camp!
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know! You ready to trade?
Chandler: We could trade later.
Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.