words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.
Chandler: And so incorrect!
Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Chandler: So we're standing firm on the 'not getting our hopes up'?
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Chandler: Yes, but...
Monica: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and (to Chandler) you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY! {she leaves)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"
Chandler: You're gonna be great.
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
Chandler: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us.
Chandler: Ok.
Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D.
Chandler: That's what our friends call us.
Chandler: (astonished) I don't think that's exactly...
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands.
Chandler: Yeah, wow.
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: No-ot for me it doesn’t.
Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?
Chandler: You should be. You’re really on top of stuff..
Monica: Oh my God, this is great! This is so great! (to Chandler, who looks bewildered). Did you hear that?
Chandler: Yeah, I did.
Chandler: We are NOT signing those papers.
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Chandler: You have gotta stop!
Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.
Chandler: Your Veal Chop is $34,95!
Monica: C'mon Chandler, I think we have been given an opportunity. I mean, the mistake has already been made. They are writing up the paper right now.
Chandler: But we are not the one she chose! How can you feel okay about this?
Chandler: I know..
Chandler: oh, honey..
Chandler: Monica, I want a baby too, but this woman is giving away her child. She deserves to know who it's going to. Monica: (realizes Chandler is right. She's almost crying) okay, right. (They hug)
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Chandler: You're Jewish.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Hey.
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.
(She leaves the room, but Chandler runs after her. They meet in the hallway.)
Chandler: Erica wait!
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Chandler: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising.
Erica: Oh yeah. I actually liked you guys. But it doesn't matter, because what you did was wrong. (walks away again, but Chandler catches up with her again)
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Chandler: You still want that baby?
(Monica plays those words back in her mind and then smiles and runs to Chandler, who is twisting with joy. They hug.)
Monica: God bless you Chandler Bing!
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is coming up the stairs and sees Chandler trying to open the lock.]
Chandler: Yeah, just leave me alone for a while. (He goes into his apartment.)
Chandler: Yknow when we move in together, can I get a gumball machine?
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: Oh, so thats this is gonna work now? Youre just gonna order me around all the time?
Chandler: I said, "Geez, relax Monnnnn."
Chandler: It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together.
Monica: No! Chandler and I are moving in together!
Monica: Well umm, Chandler and I are moving in together.
Chandler: Well, why dont you tell her to stop being silly! (Monica mocks him and he joins in.)
Chandler: (looking down) What gave me away?
Chandler: Wow umm, calm down.
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Chandler: Okay, so thats it, everybody knows! Its official, were moving in together. No turning back. Are ya scared? Are ya?
Chandler: Well, I-I still think youre very-very nice and very pretty
[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field.]
Monica: Yes, we are. (Chandler is frantically trying to get Monica to correct her.)
Chandler: Rach
Chandler: Okay! Now I assume the Saucer card came up when you played last.
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is working on her holiday song, Chandler is sitting on the couch reading a magazine, and Ross is sleeping on the couch.]
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Chandler: Okay, when are we gonna tell Rachel what is actually gonna happen?
Chandler: Well, Joeys my best friend.
Chandler: Hey-hey!
Chandler: Okay, bye! (Exits.)
Chandler: You just said Of course youre my best friend. Would you please tell Rachel though?
Chandler: I am now!
Chandler: Its-its about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like her. I like her a lot actually.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is packing some books and Joey is watching him.]
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Chandler: Oh yeah? Well, howd she take it?
Chandler: And youre upset because you didnt make your best friend cry?
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: No can do amigo. No, I didn't use the computer. Felt more personal to hand-write it. (Chandler and Monica look even more shocked)
Chandler: Okay, I gotta ask, who calls us that?!
Chandler: Thats laughter.
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, its probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women So, as of 4 oclock tomorrow, Im either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
CHANDLER: Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish.
Chandler: I dont know.
Chandler: We are switching back, right now!
Ross: Okay! All right! Now, Chandler you-you wanna live with Monica, right?
Monica: Rachel, its going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.
Chandler: No. No I'm just tired. Y'know, from-from the walk.
Chandler: Yeah, I do.
CHANDLER: Hannibal Lecter...better roommate than you.
Phoebe: (to Joey and Chandler) Okay, bye!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Chandler: Not once did we do that.
Rachel: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.
Chandler: (interrupting in the nick of time) Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
Ross: And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, dont ya?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Easy Lenny.
(Chandler busts out laughing and everyone just looks at him.)
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Joey: (To Chandler) Dude! What are yoyou trying to kill me?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are cuddling on the couch.]
[Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans down to show Rachel standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her on the head and she looks up to see where it came from.]
Chandler: I figured Id buy those. Pat, Id like to buy a vow. (Laughs)
Chandler: Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing man!
Chandler: Pheebs, I dont understand. How can you have a roommate that none of us know anything about?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Who was it?
Chandler: Sure!
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Chandler: So, thats it?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming from across the hall.]
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Chandler: Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging.
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Chandler: Yeah. O-okay.
Ross: Youre never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in again. Thats great news rightI mean for them. Right?
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Oh, whats the matter?
Chandler: Just out of curiosity did she tell you how youre gonna go?
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
Chandler: Oh hi!
Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not talking about Chuckles University?!
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Thats the way I did it til I was 19.
Chandler: Why dont you open with a joke?
Chandler: All right.
Monica: Its beautiful! Its like the first bathroom floor there ever was. (Chandler tries to go to the bathroom) Whoa! Are you going in there for?
Chandler: Whos number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
Chandler: Don't ask me, I was in there canoodling you!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Thats great, but shouldnt you be on the toilet right now?
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Chandler: Thats a hernia.