words in movies
CHANDLER: Yep.� That's a lot of cats Jo Lynn.� Single are ya?
(Phone rings.� Chandler answers using the speaker phone.)
CHANDLER: Chandler Bing.
(She frowns.� Chandler picks up the hand set.)
CHANDLER: What's up Joe?
CHANDLER: Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?
CHANDLER: Courtside?� Oh my God.
CHANDLER: That's so cool.� I'll let Monica know.
(Chandler hangs up and calls Monica who is reading a book on their sofa as the phone rings.)
CHANDLER: Joey just called.� He's got courtside Knicks tickets for him and me tomorrow night.
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
CHANDLER: I know.� You're right.� I want to see you too.� I've just got to figure out a way to tell Joey, you know?� He's really looking forward to this.
CHANDLER: Yeah, ah, ah . . .� I'll think of something.
[Scene:� Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Monica is wearing a sexy negligee.� She pours two glasses of wine as Chandler enters with a carry-on suitcase.� He sets the case by the door.)
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: (Hangs his jacket over the suitcase, locks the door, then turns to Monica.)� Oh well, look at you.
CHANDLER: Well, it looks great.� It's just that . . . well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath.� So . . .
CHANDLER: See what I mean . . . (They kiss.)
CHANDLER: (hushed) No, no, no, no, no.� Joey can't know that I'm here.
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
CHANDLER: Achhh.� It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.� (pause)� Except with you.
(Monica goes to the door.� Chandler slides behind it as she opens it slightly.)
MONICA: Oh I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation.� You know, like, "Hi, How do I look?"� (As Chandler) "Really sexy.� Could I BE any more turned on?"
(Monica turns to get the wine.� Chandler peeps through the peephole.� Joey, seeing something, peeps back.� Chandler ducks.� Monica returns with two glasses of wine.� She gives one to Joey.)
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
CHANDLER: Yah.
CHANDLER: It's Joey.� (He answers it, holding it out so that Monica can hear too.)� Hey Joe.
CHANDLER: What? Why?
CHANDLER: Look I, I can't.� What's going on?
(Chandler and Monica look at each other.� Chandler nods.)
CHANDLER: NO!
CHANDLER: (softly) Can you . . . hear him . . . now?
CHANDLER: No! Wait!
CHANDLER: (writhes as if in agony) All right, look.� Just stay there.� I'm coming home.
CHANDLER: Is that really necessary?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
CHANDLER: Don't you think it's better for him to think that you're cheating on me, than for him to think that I'm cheating on him?� (Monica tips her head slightly as if asking "Did you hear yourself?")� I heard it.
CHANDLER: All right.� I've got a plan.� I'll go down the fire escape.
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
(Chandler runs to the window, opens it, starts out, but returns, casually walking back to his chair.)
CHANDLER: I'm just going to wait for a little while.
CHANDLER: It's huge.
[Scene: The hallway and stairs outside Chandler and Monica's apartment.� Chandler enters from the stairs.� Joey is sitting with a baseball bat.]
CHANDLER: (pause) Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.
(Joey thinks a moment. Then, he nods.� Joey follows Chandler into the apartment.)
MONICA: (gasp) Chandler!� You're home!
CHANDLER: That's right.� You're husband's home.� So, now the sex can stop.
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
MONICA: There's no man in here.� How dare you accuse me of that.� (She slaps Chandler.)
CHANDLER: (To Monica) What is he doing?
CHANDLER: All right.� Well, I'll check the guest room.
CHANDLER: There's nobody here Joe.
JOEY: (spots the suitcase just inside the door where Chandler left it) Whoa, whoa.� Wait a minute.� Wait a minute.� If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
CHANDLER: (thinks, then turns to Monica) I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.� I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . .� I didn't think you'd understand.
CHANDLER: Yeah.� I feel so bad.� Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
CHANDLER: I'm sorry. �That's the one thing I can't do.� I promised I'd be with Monica.
MONICA: (taps chandler on the arm) You can go.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Really?� You're gonna be okay?
CHANDLER: You're gonna put on sweats and clean, aren't you?
CHANDLER: Okay, bye.
JOEY: Thanks.� (Joey and Chandler exit to the hall.� Joey pulls out the tickets and hands one to Chandler.)� Here's your ticket.
CHANDLER: Hey, listen.� I'm never going to lie to you again, okay?� And I want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid.
(Chandler heads toward the stairs, but makes a turn back to his apartment while looking at the ticket.)
CHANDLER: Game's tomorrow night Joe.
(Chandler goes into the apartment, while Joey checks his ticket and is embarrassed by his stupid mistake.)
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Chandler: Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!!
Chandler: I am so, so, so, so sorry!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is trying to explain himself to Monica.]
Chandler: Come on Monica, its our Valentines Day. Please? Please-please, please?
Chandler: Okay. (They hug.)
Chandler: So, are we going in there?
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah! Dont worry about me, Ill be fine! (Does a kara-tay move.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Chandler: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.
Chandler: I see.
Monica: Gunther, can I get a coffee (Looks at Chandler) to go?
Chandler: Oh, I dont know man. I havent talked to her in like ten years.
Monica: Its Chandlers way of pretending he didnt take mime.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as Joey enters.]
Chandler: You do owe me so much. You owe me three thousand, four hundred
Joey: No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much!
Chandler: Oh okay, Ill-Ill try.
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You cant just go back a phase!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Thank you.
Chandler: Yeah so, Tuesday?
Chandler: You just thought of that in there?
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
Chandler: What are you smiling about? What is so funny?
Monica: Joey! Hes working! (To Chandler) You would look good in that.
Chandler: Hows your room Rach?
Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?
Chandler: (on phone) Oh thats great! Good for you.
Chandler: (on phone) Hi! Im back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, well do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)
Joey: Chandler, is that (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler nods yes.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Hi.
Joey: Hey-hey listen (Chandler waves him away.)
Chandler: No, we only went out once.
Chandler: Not once!
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together talking. Theres an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in from of them.]
Chandler: (giggles) My friends name is Joey.
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
Chandler: Yeah, Ive always hated that Howie.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is having coffee with Dana.]
Chandler: The nerve huh?
Chandler: Refill?
Chandler: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? Im going to go over to Joeys.
Janice: Yeah, um, Im, Im leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandlers grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)
Chandler: No! Youre the sweetest! (He tries to kiss her but Monica backs away with a look that could kill on her face.)
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sitting at the kitchen table.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Joey enters with his new bag.]
Chandler: A hot girls at stake and all of the sudden hes Rain Man.
Chandler: (entering) Hey.
Chandler: Uh, Dana Keystone from college.
Chandler: I couldnt do it.
Chandler: Hey, relax I just need more time. Were going to dinner tonight.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, thats notNo-no-no!
Chandler: No-noReally?!
Chandler: Well maybe there is one thing you can do.
Chandler: (breaking up) Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh
Chandler: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! Im right. I'm right. Am I right?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler is having dinner with Dana.]
(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream )
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Chandler: (To Joey) So, you busy Thursday?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: No! No! No! I was so careful! (Runs out.)
Phoebe: Okay. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.
Chandler: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think on some level he already knows?
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: So?!
Chandler: Its Thursday! How was the audition?!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is eating pizza as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: (initially worried, but gets over it) Really?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Rachel enters.]
Joey: Oh, Im sorry. Thank you Chandler.
Chandler: (laughs) Isnt she cute? (On Monicas death stare) No!
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
Chandler: Oh, tell her good luck with that.
Chandler: So, why is she leaving? Is it a school night and she has a lot of homework to do?
Chandler: Okay, are you aware unagi (does the finger thing) is an eel?
Chandler: Oh thats so funny because we found someone too.
Monica: Chandler, do you think we talk about our relationship enough?
Chandler: (To Monica) All yours babe. (Walks away.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the table and Monica is doing something in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Why would our guy be a weirdo?
Monica: Well, uh yknow, our guy works with Chandler and hes really nice and smart and hes a great dresser!
Chandler: A face ass?
Phoebe: Oh, Chandler funny?
Chandler: Our guy smells incredible.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Uh-huh.
Monica: (To Chandler) Do you want our guy to be your guy?
Chandler: Thats still in there?!
Chandler: Well, you dont look good Joe.
Chandler: Our guy has great hair.
Chandler: Our new fridge? I dont live here anymore.
Chandler: (not quite sure where Joeys going and is a little worried) Okay
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in