words in movies
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)
Chandler: Oh, I'm going on the lamb.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
Chandler: Look, we're not just messing around! I love her. Okay, I'm in love with her.
Chandler: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa-whoa! We're having kids?!
Chandler: Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps.
Chandler: Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is beating him up.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is lamenting to Chandler and Rachel about his troubles in his new building.]
Chandler: (To Rachel) Sounds like a fun party.
Chandler: Very, very funny, but don't say things like that in front of Monica. I don't want you putting any ideas in her head.
Rachel: Umm, Chandler, you do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head.
Chandler: Wh-wh-why?!
Chandler: Yeah, so, what's that supposed to mean?!
Rachel: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.
Chandler: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! Im right. I'm right. Am I right?
Chandler: Okay. It's not different at all, is it?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Monica are curled up on one of the chairs.]
Chandler: Hmm.
Monica: Couldn't you just stay like this forever? (His eyes snap open.) Chandler! Couldn't you just stay here forever?
Chandler: Yeah, here, somewhere else, y'know where-where ever. (Gets up.)
Chandler: Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.
Chandler: I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually.
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Well, you do want all that stuff, right?
Chandler: Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!
Chandler: Oh please, you are obsessed with babies and-and marriage and everything that's related to babies and-and marriage! I've got an idea, why don't we turn down the heat on this pressure cooker?!
Monica: Have you lost your mind? Chandler, this isn't about me! This is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap!
Chandler: Nah-uh! I know you! Okay? I know the thoughts that you have in the head--in your head!
Chandler: Well, I did not know that.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting advice from Ross and Joey.]
Chandler: It's gonna be okay, right? I mean she's not gonna leave me? This is, this is fixable.
Chandler: By me?
Monica: Gunther, can I get a coffee (Looks at Chandler) to go?
Chandler: Monica. (Goes to talk to her.)
Chandler: Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.
Chandler: Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then y'know you think I'm all cute again.
(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on their faces.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler comes running in. Everyone else is already there.]
Chandler: Where's Monica?! Where is she? I need to talk to her! It's urgent! Is she here?
Chandler: I need to talk to you, it's urgent!
Chandler: Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh, us thinking. And uh, well I guess there's only one-one way to do this. (He slowly and awkwardly gets down on one knee.)
Chandler: (getting out a ring box) Monica
Chandler: Will you marry me?
Monica: Chandler, why are you doing this?
Chandler: I don't know. But I know I'm not afraid to do this.
Monica: Chandler.
Chandler: I'm doing this because I'm sorry?
Chandler: No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. (Laughs.) Will you be my wife?
Monica: (kneels with him) Chandler, umm, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm kinda wishing everyone wasn't here right now.
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys. (Turns to look at Ross and Joey.)
Chandler: I didn't think I was!
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Rachel: Oh no wait Pheebs, I think for something like that you just ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure, Chandler?
Chandler: Okay, how long is this going to go on.
Chandler: That's not funny.
Chandler: Hey!
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler comes home.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is watching a rabbi play an electric guitar on TV. Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: (laughs, but then moves to Phoebe) And don't get me started on the way that people from Tulsa talk.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Were you there?
Chandler: Yeah, he came up...
Chandler: (enters singing) Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plane, STOP IT! Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas? 7 o clock maybe I'll hit the gym (sits down) who am I kidding pay-per-view porn.
Chandler: (entering, angry) Yo, paisan! Can I talk to you for a sec? (Pause) Your tailor is a very bad man!
Chandler: You know, it's... (sees the feeding taking place next to him) something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back. (Goes into the kitchen)
Chandler: Monica says that her Maitre D. is the funniest guy she's ever met.
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Yes! Am I crazy to be this upset?
Joey: I know, right? (Chandler has really big eyes, and nods) Wh... Wh... Why are we doing this?
Chandler: Yeah but they're right. I mean, I'm not a strong father figure and I never will be.
Joey: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!!
Drunk Man: My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him. (Monica stares straight forward after the comment. Chandler tries to console her by patting her on the shoulder.)
Joey: Really? Do you not know Chandler?
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: What is so funny about that? (they realise it wasn't a joke)
Chandler: What are you guys talking about?
Chandler: No no no! Look, Carol, can I call you Carol? (Pause) Wh-why would I when your name is Elaine? Oh what a great picture of your son, strapping! (She glares at him.) Thats a picture of your daughter, isnt it, well shes lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw. Ill call you from Tulsa. (Exits.)
Joey: Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay. 'Cause he's feeling like... (the door opens and Chandler walks in with a pizza)
Chandler: You know, I don't mind a... male nanny, but I do draw the line at a male wetnurse. (again they laugh, even more fake than before)
Monica: Okay, okay... Chandler you... you stop it! (Monica wipes away tears)
Chandler: Oh yeah? Is he funnier than me?
Monica: Well, I don't know... I-It's... just the way you say it... I mean, you're funny... You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy! (Chandler turns to Joey)
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)
Chandler: Did you tell her what we talked about? (Joey starts laughing hysterically, but then gets serious again...)
Chandler: Okay, but this is the last time. (singing) With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick-(Joey enters)-chickeeeen.
Chandler: I do limericks... uhm... There once was a man named Chandler, whose wife made him die inside.
Chandler: Oh yeah, well can you picture me saying "Go to your room! You're grounded"?
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
Chandler: You said that to me last week.
PHOEBE: Well, come on, who cares what that guy thinks. What does Warren Beatty know about kissing (Chandler and Monica, give her a look that says 'think about it') Ooh.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Joey are sitting at the dinner table. Chandler comes from the bedroom with his suitcase.]
Chandler: See ya! (he leaves the apartment)
Chandler: Really...? See... that's the thing: you gotta keep it smart, people!
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: How come?
Chandler: Do you have any ideas?
Monica and Chandler come through the front door.
Chandler: Ow, no woo-hooing, no woo-hooing.
Chandler: Oh yeah? Well thanks.
Chandler: Okay. Thats better. Now I want you to both apologize to each other and mean it.
Chandler: Okay, but you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Chandler: Maybe not even then. (Joey walks in)
Chandler: Yep...
Chandler: Nope...
Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.
Phoebe: No problem! Next week: stealing... (Chandler walks away to store the box of broken china.)
CHANDLER: Chandler Bing.
CHANDLER: What's up Joe?
CHANDLER: Yep.� That's a lot of cats Jo Lynn.� Single are ya?
(Phone rings.� Chandler answers using the speaker phone.)
CHANDLER: I know.� You're right.� I want to see you too.� I've just got to figure out a way to tell Joey, you know?� He's really looking forward to this.
CHANDLER: Courtside?� Oh my God.
CHANDLER: That's so cool.� I'll let Monica know.
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
CHANDLER: Yeah, ah, ah . . .� I'll think of something.
CHANDLER: Well, it looks great.� It's just that . . . well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath.� So . . .
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: See what I mean . . . (They kiss.)
CHANDLER: (Hangs his jacket over the suitcase, locks the door, then turns to Monica.)� Oh well, look at you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
MONICA: Oh I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation.� You know, like, "Hi, How do I look?"� (As Chandler) "Really sexy.� Could I BE any more turned on?"
CHANDLER: Yah.
CHANDLER: It's Joey.� (He answers it, holding it out so that Monica can hear too.)� Hey Joe.
CHANDLER: What? Why?
CHANDLER: NO!
CHANDLER: Look I, I can't.� What's going on?
(Chandler and Monica look at each other.� Chandler nods.)
CHANDLER: No! Wait!
CHANDLER: Is that really necessary?
CHANDLER: (softly) Can you . . . hear him . . . now?
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
Eldad: Im a little embarrassed. (Chandler shushes him.)
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
CHANDLER: It's huge.
CHANDLER: All right.� I've got a plan.� I'll go down the fire escape.
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
CHANDLER: I'm just going to wait for a little while.
(Chandler runs to the window, opens it, starts out, but returns, casually walking back to his chair.)
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
MONICA: (gasp) Chandler!� You're home!
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
CHANDLER: That's right.� You're husband's home.� So, now the sex can stop.
(Joey thinks a moment. Then, he nods.� Joey follows Chandler into the apartment.)
Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh? (Chandler walks back, looking angrily at Joey)
[Scene: The hallway and stairs outside Chandler and Monica's apartment.� Chandler enters from the stairs.� Joey is sitting with a baseball bat.]
CHANDLER: (To Monica) What is he doing?
CHANDLER: (pause) Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women? Nooo.
CHANDLER: All right.� Well, I'll check the guest room.
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
CHANDLER: There's nobody here Joe.
CHANDLER: (thinks, then turns to Monica) I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?
JOEY: (spots the suitcase just inside the door where Chandler left it) Whoa, whoa.� Wait a minute.� Wait a minute.� If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
(Monica turns to get the wine.� Chandler peeps through the peephole.� Joey, seeing something, peeps back.� Chandler ducks.� Monica returns with two glasses of wine.� She gives one to Joey.)
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.� I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . .� I didn't think you'd understand.