words in movies
Chandler: (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Chandler: Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
(They are standing on either side of Chandler as they discuss the point. Chandler, meanwhile, is disgusted with the whole argument.)
Joey: Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?
Ross: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!
All: (subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in private.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend?
Chandler: Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him.
Chandler: Yeah, I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.
(Chandler is quite pleased with that statement.)
Chandler: Really?! That's what you heard? (To Monica) You said that?
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question?
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Rachel: Chandler! (Pause) Is he?
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's ultimatum.]
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends.
Chandler: That's true!
Chandler: That's true!
Chandler: Hey, there he is! There he is!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
(Chandler enters and sees what they're watching, panics, and runs to turn off the TV.)
Chandler: How many times have I told you guys, you never watch the cooking channel!
Monica: (entering) Hi Chandler.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
Chandler: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.
Chandler: Why?
Chandler: What's your point?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Monica: All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.
Chandler: (entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.
Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH MY GOD.
Chandler: Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!
Chandler: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.
Chandler: Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.
Chandler: All right, let's show them how it's done.
Chandler: Y'know that wasn't part of it?
[Scene: Central Perk, ??????? is playing, as Chandler peaks his head out of the storage closet and sneaks back to his seat and pretends he's reading something. Then a short while later Monica pokes her head out of the closet and sneaks back to her seat and sits down, pretending as if nothing has happened.]
Chandler: Nope.
Steve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
(Chandler looks like he did the time he swallowed the toy in 605 TOW Joey's Porsche. It's the hair in his coffee.)
Chandler: There's a hair in my coffee.
(Little Chandler is pulling Chandler's sweater, while Leslie is throwing bagels at him.)
Chandler: (To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
Chandler: You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?
Chandler: I mean, you have a lovely home.
Monica: Thank you. (To Chandler.) I think I just had a tiny orgasm.
(Chandler leaves.)
Chandler: You do? That's fantastic!
Chandler: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts too.
Chandler: You know how to use a compass?
Chandler: That's great. (To Monica.) Can I see the book?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: I got nothing.
Chandler: Hey, you must be Owen.
(Chandler tries to come up with a good answer.)
Chandler: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you.
Chandler: (smiling again) oh, oh, yeah, ok, thanks. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. I guess I was just so worried about having to... come here and do... 'that'...
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..
Phoebe: Alright, so that leaves Chandler.
Chandler: Maybe the problem was you were pronouncing it kara-tay.
Chandler: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.
Chandler: Where are Bill and Colleen?
Chandler: We have to leave!!
Chandler: See? Intuitive!
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
Chandler: Which technically now you should give back!
Chandler (to Monica): We have to get out of here, baby!
Chandler: Yes! Two thousand dollars exactly! How do you know that! (Joey begins writing a cheque)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]
Chandler: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him.
Chandler: Wow! So tonight may be the night! You're nervous?
Chandler: So, you and Rachel tonight, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
Chandler: I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident. (Runs off.)
Chandler: Really?
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey sweetie! (they kiss)
Monica: We're just making conversation. (Chandler makes an agreeing-sound)
Chandler: Oh, I see what you mean, that's quite nice. (They look at each other, both embarassed)
Chandler: How can you be so confident?
Chandler: ...and beer!!
Chandler: She went on one of those spray-on tan places.
Chandler: (To Monica) Why...why?
Monica: Chandler gets pedicures!
[Scene:Central Perk. Ross and Chandler are on the couch]
Ross and Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Sure, then you should get a mini skirt so you can really show it off.
Chandler: Hey Pheebs!
Chandler: Really? Like you have a routine?
Chandler: Who's Amanda?
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
Chandler: Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect?
Chandler: Are you trying to do a British accent?
Chandler: No, had it done to me though. Feels good !
Monica: Oh, I guess we could try that, but... it seems so harsh! (to Chandler) Have you ever done that?
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Joey: I don’t get it, Chandler loved it!
(The elevator doors opens, Bob boards the elevator, Chandler walks away, and Mr. Franklin steps out of the elevator.)
Chandler: Hello? Is someone on the line?
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.]
Chandler: Hang on, she’s right here. (he enters the living room and hands the phone to Monica) Someone's on the phone, for ya.
Chandler: (to Amanda) I get pedicures!
Chandler: Was that place... The Sun?
Chandler: Hold on! There is something different.
Chandler: I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didnt ask me to go do it with her in the vault.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Chandler: How was your date with Joey?
Chandler: You didn't like that?
Chandler: (flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married!
Joey: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second (points to the hall).
(Chandler starts looking at her bra)
Monica: (sees what he is doing) Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open!
Chandler: (without taking his eyes off the bra) You don't know! (Monica just smiles)
(Chandler resumes staring at Monica's bra)
Monica: (pause) (to Phoebe) Chandler gets pedicures!
Monica: (beaming) Yeah! Yeah! His name is Chandler and...
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers]
Chandler: Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey.
(Chandler enters the apartment)
Chandler: Kinda... you know, sneaking around, having to hide from you guys...
Chandler: That fake British woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance... Hey!
(Rachel and Joey are still looking at Chandler, slowly letting his words get to them)
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
Chandler: Dude, it's Chandler. Let me in.
Chandler: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. (pause) But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
Rachel: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it?
Chandler: I see you later!
Chandler: No, I just had to get a picture of this.
Ross, Rachel and Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
(Chandler holds up a camera and takes Ross's picture.)
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
Chandler: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...
CHANDLER: Game's tomorrow night Joe.
Chandler: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.