words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Joey is looking at a National Geographic and giggling.]
Chandler: Are you looking at naked tribe's women?
Chandler: That's a pig.
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: How can he do that? Didn't you sign a lease?
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Absolutely! Anything you need man! But you have to promise me the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair!
Chandler: He thought you said gonad.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they're entering to find boxes strewn about the apartment.]
Chandler: Love what you've done with the place.
Chandler: Oh yeah!
Joey: (To Chandler) You're fake laughing too, right?
Chandler: Oh, the tears are real.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is entering. As he closes the door, Joey pokes his head up from a box enclosure built using the 2 chairs.]
Chandler: What are you doing?
Chandler: You built a fort didn't ya?
Chandler: (notices something) Oh my God, the air purifier! Ross's air purifier! All I heard through 4 years of college was (makes a humming noise.)
Chandler: I hate this thing!
Joey: Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Ross is working on his computer and Joey is making a lot of noise.]
Chandler: (entering) Hello children!
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to head for where the foosball table usually is.)
Chandler: Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand?
Chandler: You mean this. (Does the maneuver perfectly.)
Chandler: (gasps) All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross! I survived college with him!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: No-no-no-no!
Ross: (entering) Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up, which Chandler returns as he closes the door.)
Chandler: Okay, so he's out of here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.]
Chandler: Well, I-I-I'm done with this. You want anything Ross? Sports? International? Apartment listings?
Chandler: Not even on page 7?
Chandler: What about that circled one?
Chandler: Yes, it is.
Chandler: There we go!
Chandler: Let's go quicker.
Chandler: Yeah, well look at this kitchen, slash bathroom. Well that's great! Y'know so you can cook while in the tub.
Chandler: Yeah, you don't want to be stuck with us for the next five weeks.
Ross: (To Chandler) How about you?
Chandler: It's a kitchen slash bathroom.
Chandler: We are bad people.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are lamenting about how they kicked Ross out.]
Chandler: Yes that was a nice place!
Chandler: Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!
Chandler: What are we gonna do?
Chandler: About Ross!
Joey: Hello! (Listens.) Oh yeah! (To Chandler) It's the apartment manager; Ross put us down as references. (To the apartment manager.) Ross is the greatest guy you'll ever meet! Yeah, he's very reliable.
Chandler: (grabbing the phone) Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night. (Listens.) Well, who doesn't love dogs? (Thinks.) Ah, he's a tap dancer! (Listens.) Yes, some would say that is a lost art. (Thinks.) He's a pimp! (Listens.) There you go! Yes, he's a pimp. He's a big, tap dancing pimp! (Pause.) Hello?
(The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.)
Chandler: Ohhhhh!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross still has boxes all over the place. Joey is wearing a football helmet, and Chandler is spinning him around in one of the chairs and counting.]
Chandler: 98. 99. 100. Okay, go!
(He tries to get up again and starts falling backwards and Chandler catches him.)
Chandler: Here we go! Here we go!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: You're kidding, no!
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Yes! Ross, you have to stay!
Chandler: All right, buddy!
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
(Chandler does so.)
Joey: God, its gonna so weird like when I come home and youre not here. Yknow? No more Joey and Chans. No more J and Cs. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandlers?" "Cant, its not there."
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering without touching anything with his hands. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: Joey got meat sauce on the banister again! (He goes into the bathroom to wash his hands.)
Chandler: Are you eating the cheesecake without me?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating the cheesecake and Chandler enters and catches her in the act.]
Chandler: Oh yes! Oh yes!
Chandler: Oh yes!
Chandler: Oh yes!
Chandler: Well thats not fair, youve already had some!
[Cut to Chandler and Monicas as they enter.]
Chandler: What do we use to split it?
Chandler: All right, Ill pick that one. (Points.)
Phoebe: Okay, scarfs done. (Its not really a scarf, its just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.)
Chandler: (returning) What are you guys talking about?
Chandler: Stick to your side!
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
Chandler: (looking up with her) Thats a plane!
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
(Chandler seeing that Joey has his eyes closed sneaks over and picks up the chicken. The chicken starts flapping it's wings in protest as Chandler holds the chicken inches from Joey's face. Joey stops yelling and upon opening his eyes sees the chicken, screams, and falls to the ground in horror.)
Chandler: (whispering) Monica!
Chandler: There's no-one around. Why don't we just take this one?
Chandler: But I love swing music!
Chandler: Hey, yknow what we can do? Yknow, now that we are up? We can just like talk to each other all night long, yknow like we did when we were first going out. Itd be fun!
Chandler: Thats correct.
Chandler: Okay, so how bummed were you when the second sister died huh?
Chandler: (Pause) No. No, I-I was, I was talking about the book I was reading.
Chandler: What?! (Monica kicks him in the shin.) Ow! (He gets out of bed and heads into the living room.)
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
Chandler: Yeah, I know, for a really great stew you just y'know, stick your head in between em.
Chandler: All right! Fine! But its just a lunch date, no more than an hour! And from now on I get my own dates, I dont want you setting me up with anybody ever again!
Chandler: Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And theres another reason too.
(Chandler stays stonefaced)
Chandler: (examining the cake) Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh Theres more crust on this side. Yknow? So, maybe if I measured
Chandler: (startled) What? What? What?
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Chandler: Yeah! You?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Chandler has his eyes closed, while Monica is fully awake.]
Chandler: (intrigued) Yeah? (Monica nods yes.) I hope youre not thinking about cleaning the living room.
Chandler: Do you know what just happened?
Chandler: No. We were in the middle of sex and you fell asleep.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I dont want to say.
Chandler: (turning the light back on) Monica?
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
Chandler: I was giving you some of my best moves, and you missed it. So please wake up so we can do it right!
Chandler: Well its just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
Chandler: You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets!
Joey: Thats right, its all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it! (Steps into the apartment and Chandler closes the door.) (Joey struts over to the candy and starts eating it.)
Chandler: Do you wanna?
Chandler: Well, youre not gonna believe this, but if you have seven minutes
Chandler: Couldnt I just say, "This is Ross?"
(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Chandler: (knocking on the window while outside) Sorry! (Runs off.)
Chandler: Mustached bastard
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: They put you in jail?
Chandler: Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! (Does a dance of joy.) (Monica glares at him.) And now we're back.
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
Phoebe: Chandler?
(Chandler throws the back of Rosita into his apartment and quickly starts pushing the base into his apartment.)
(Chandler runs to check on them coming up the stairs.)
Chandler: Stripping!
Chandler: God, its great to catch up! I cant believe how long its been!
(Joey and Rachel reach the landing just as Chandler closes the door.)
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
[Time lapse, Ross has been demoted to the back seat with Joey and Chandler. He's not too happy about it.]
Rachel: Hey Chandler!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yeah, Id love to but Ive tried that so many times they wont even let me in the store anymore.
Chandler: Thats awesome! Thats great! What made you do it?!
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa! You broke Joeys chair?
Rachel: Oh its umm, its tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
Chandler: Joey you broke my chair!!
Chandler: Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?
Chandler: Im gettin my chair back! (Heads for Joey and Rachels.)
(They enter Joey and Rachels to find that Joey has broken Chandlers chair.)
Chandler: Well, wheres the logic in that?!
Chandler: I think I should get the chair!
Chandler: So Joey breaks my chair and I get nothing!
Chandler: Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasnt broke a chair, is me!
Chandler: What are you guys? Like a gang or something?!
Joey: I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films. (Points at Chandler, angrily.)
Chandler: Julie Grath, my camp girlfriend.
Chandler: (To Monica) Shes not as pretty as she was when she was 29.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Chandler: No Rach, its not just you. My thirtieth birthday certainly wasnt that much fun.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are going through a bunch of pictures as Chandler enters.]
(Monica smiles then acts shocked. Chandler cant believe she just did that.)
Joey: (screaming) And now Chandler! Were all gettin so old! (Looking up) Why are you doing this to us?! (Turns away crying.)
Chandler: No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, were up at the altar and Im like this. (Makes a bored face.)
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
[Cut to Mona and Joey clearing the dining room table for the grudge match between Chandler and Ross.]
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
Chandler: Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system.
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, were on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Mrs. Geller: (To Chandler) Youve done a wonderful job with this party Chandler. Everything looks so lovely.
Chandler: (To Joey) Would you put that back on?! Monicas gonna be here any minute!
Chandler: (frustrated) Okay, for the last time. Its not named for each individual man.