words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
(They all laugh indifferently, except Chandler, whos a little angry.)
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
Chandler: I made that joke up.
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Chandler: Seriously?
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Chandler: Yeah, I guess.
Chandler: (jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.
Chandler: Its my joke.
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Chandler: Joey, why is your cable out?
Chandler: If you need money, will you please-please just let me loan you some money?
Joey: No, Chandler. Look, forget about it, okay? Look, I know things have been a little tight since Janine moved out. Oh, was she hot.
Chandler: Whoa ho.
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
Chandler: (with phone to ear, obviously hearing no dial tone) Paid your phone bill?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: So, you heard it, you repeated it, so that must mean you wrote it.
(He and Chandler crack up.)
Chandler: And monkeys cant write out prescriptions.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Okay (he goes to sit down).
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are in bed together.]
Chandler: (visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Picking Rachel.
Chandler: Maybe its the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
Joey: (sheepishly) I finished my book. (Chandler and Monica slowly retreat back to bed.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are there as Ross enters and sees Gunther.]
Gunther: Yeah, that-that Chandler cracks me up.
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
Chandler: So is your apron. Youre wearing it like a cape.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Ross are both pouting and sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Its my joke.
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Chandler: Lets have Monica decide.
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Mon, get out here!
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Chandler: Because youre the only one that can be fair.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Monica: Okay, Chandler, you go first.
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Chandler: Can I finish my story?!
(Chandler motions to Monica that hell give her two babies.)
Chandler: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steves doctors name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, Doctor Monkey? And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)
Chandler: Im not arguing with that.
(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)
Chandler: Is not.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Monica: Hi, Chandler. There you are.
Chandler: Hi, oh hi.
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
Chandler: (To Chandler) Im out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Monica: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!
Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) Youre a little high maintenance.
Chandler: Im sorry. Youre not easy-going, but youre passionate, and thats good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that Im pretty good about making you feel better about that. And thats good too. So, they can say that youre high maintenance, but its okay, because I like maintaining you.
Chandler: (happily) Im off the list. (Sits on the couch.)
Chandler: Hey, buddy boy, howd the audition go?
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
Chandler: What about him?
Chandler: Let me see this guy. (Phoebe hands him the picture.) W-H-Wow! Dont show this to Monica! And dont tell her about the W-H-Wow!
Chandler: Dying people say the craziest things.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.]
Chandler: Hi sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there.]
Ross comes out of the guest bedroom with the diaper bag and the car seat carrying thingy.. yeah.. thats the techinal term.. He goes to Chandler.
Chandler: No Im serious, we should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, I left them on my bulldozer... I don't have tools!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is setting the table for dinner as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Did you not understand the story?
Chandler: Oh yeah?
Chandler: Hey! Whats up?
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: Nancy Thompsons getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.)
Chandler: No! (The oven dings.) Shhh!
Ross: (To Chandler) You told her!
Chandler: I had too okay?! Were getting married! Married couples cant keep secrets from one another!
(Ross and Chandler move closer to her and she starts laughing again.)
Ross: (To Chandler) How could you tell her?!
Chandler: Du-ude!
Monica: Youre right. I mean Im sorry. Yeah, I shouldnt be laughing. I should be laying down papers for you! (Runs off laughing which gets Chandler laughing.)
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar
Chandler: Huh.
CHANDLER: Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area?
Monica: (To Chandler) You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God.
Chandler: Ross came in forth and cried!
Chandler: (To Monica) Of course it is. (Mouths to Ross) Wowwhoa!
Chandler: Hey!!!
Monica: Chandler one time wore my underwear to work!
Chandler: That was you!
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
Chandler: Whoa, she's pretty. (Mentioning the girl on TV)
Ross: Oh, is that funny?! Oh, you-you find that funny?! Well maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets too!
Chandler: I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Are you kidding? Okay, Ill give you a hint; Ill give you a hint. (Points to his glasses.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are sitting there and not talking to each other.]
(Joey returns with a piece of pizza as Chandler and Phoebe exit.)
Chandler: (To Monica) You have no trouble telling time now right?
Chandler: Yeah that was stupid. Lets not do that.
Chandler: Quick! What time is it?! (Holds his watch in front of her face.)
Chandler: Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldnt hang out with all the guys in my office.
Chandler: Yknow when I said that because were getting married that we should share everything and not have any secrets?
Chandler: (reading) Knock-knock. Who's there? Ross Geller's lunch. Ross Geller's lunch, who? Ross Geller's lunch, please don't take me. Okay?
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Someone on the subway licked my neck! Licked my neck!!
Joey: (entering) Hey Chandler!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: What are you guys doing?
Chandler: Yeah, Im not in that.
Chandler: I dont know what it is, I just cant take a good picture.
Monica: Chandler what do you say?
Phoebe: Yeah thats great! Next to that, Chandler wont look so stupid.
Chandler: All right, but I should warn you, Im not going. Im going. (Does The Face while saying that last part.)
Chandler: Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean yknow you cant date him right?
Chandler: Uh Joe, when its one oclock in the morning and you dont come by? Thats okay!
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are trying to determine the cookie recipe by eating small pieces.]
Chandler: Now that I untangled you, how 'bout you doing a little something for me?
Chandler: Could I play?
Chandler: Dude that is so sad.
Chandler: (on machine) This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! (The machine beeps off.)
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Chandler: Okay. (Does The Face.)
Chandler: No, I am.
Monica: Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile.
Chandler: Aww! (Smiles.)
(Chandler turns to the camera and does The Face.)
Chandler: How about those three pointers?
Chandler: Oh my God! Those are my bedroom eyes?! Why did you ever sleep with me?
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
Chandler: Ah, well, maybe thats, ah, because youre getting a big raise.
Chandler: Really? Right across the street?
Chandler: Because, Im too afraid.
Chandler: And those guys were this (Doing the standard "This Close" gesture) close to lettin us play this time too.
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are still trying to get the picture taken.]
Chandler: Whend you meet her?
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Phoebes cell phone rings and she goes through her little routine of lighting a cigarette before answering the phone.]
Chandler: I cant help it!
Chandler: Excellent! Yknow Ross met somebody too!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Okay. (Youll have to see it, I cant describe the face he makes, but it isnt good.)
Chandler: Borrow money from me?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is teaching Chandler how to smile. Chandler is smiling.]
Chandler: (calling from the bathroom) What are you doing here?
Joey: Okay, firstfirst of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. I look down (Looks down), look down, keep looking down; then I look up. (Looks up and smiles.) See? All right, now you try. Look down (Chandler looks down), youre looking down, keep looking down
Chandler: (Pause) Im right here!
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
Chandler: Im still right here!
Ross: All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won!
Joey: I had a donut. (Chandler nods.)
Chandler: Did you have a crush on me, when you first met me?
Chandler: Hi! Howd it go?
Rachel: Look, I am so so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that Im not. Im not even close. And I dont know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that thats dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
Monica: Chandler, what were you thinking?
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: There I am!