words in movies
[Scene: Ross' apartment , Chandler and Joey enter]
Chandler: Hey! Ready to go?
Chandler: What are you doin'?
Chandler: Great, a faster way to tell people that I'm unemployed and childless .
Chandler: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?
Chandler: Bet she'd sleep with you now...
Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!
Chandler: Maybe we finish this for him! (he sits down on the sofa and he start typing on Ross' computer) "Also I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. She's now my girlfriend. I don't care what society says. It's the best sex I've ever had"... aaand SEND!
Joey: (he stops Chandler from posting the message) No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him!
Joey: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!
Joey: Chandler... hey... (he goes towards his room but he stops near Emma's cot) Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma? (he looks puzzled)
Chandler: Oh, I'm so sorry!
Chandler: You're not gonna need my help?
Chandler: Oh good, 'cause I've already thought of 3... 4! I've just thought of a fourth (he goes towards the counter)
(Ross enters and he's really angry. He goes towards Chandler who's sitting at the counter)
Ross: (yelling at Chandler) I have sex with dinosaurs??
Chandler: I believe I read that somewhere!
Chandler: I respectfully disagree.
Chandler: Who cares? Nobody reads those things
Chandler: I don't have a page.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
Chandler: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.
Chandler: Would you get that please? People have been calling to congratulate me all day.
Chandler: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! (Monica hangs up) I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go (starts typing something).
Chandler: Oh, you'll see my friend.
[Time lapse, still Chandler and Monica's, but only Chandler is there. Enter Ross]
Chandler: (faking sympathy) And so young.
Chandler: Well, how you died was funny.
Chandler: It kills over one americans every year.
Chandler: You wanna talk about people's feelings? You should have heard how hurt professor Stern was yesterday when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment: Ross is doing something on his laptop when Chandler walks in]
Chandler: Hey, Ross, I just wanted to apologize... (looks at laptop screen)..don't tell me you actually made those gay pictures of me?
Ross: uhu uhu, check this out. (Chandler sits down and looks at laptop screen)
Chandler: Huh! So that's what I would look like if I worked out... and was being serviced by a policeman. You're not actually going to send these out are ya?
Chandler: No, come on, you know that's not true.
Chandler: Well, the gay community is a lot more vocal than the dead community.
Chandler: Alright look, let's think about this, ok, do you really think that people are gonna stir up your family at this tragic time? That people are gonna post condolences on a website? This is not about people not caring that you're dead .This is about people not having a decent outlet for their grief.
Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
Chandler: Ross, what're you... what're you... what are you doing? (looks at laptop screen)You're having a memorial service for yourself!?
Chandler: Ross, don't press send, don't press se... !
Chandler: There you go! Someone came!
(Chandler and Monica go open the door)
Chandler: (in a mournful voice) Please, come in.
Tom: Hi, you're Chandler Bing, right? I'm Tom Gordon, I was in your class.
Chandler: Oh yes, yes... let me... take your coat.
Chandler: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps (he goes in the bedroom)
Chandler: Some guy, Tom Gordon.
Chandler: (entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door)
Chandler: Ok! (shuts the door behind Tom)
Chandler: Please, one ridiculous problem at a time!
Chandler: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!
Chandler: Oh, that's not true. You had an impact on me, I mean, it's 15 years later and we're still best friends. Doesn't that count for something?
(someone knocks on the door) Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler!
Chandler: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again)
Chandler: Kori? Kori Weston?
Chandler: Wow! You look amazing!
Chandler: Chandler, Chandler Bing. I'm not gay, I'm not gay at all.
Chandler: Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood! (lets her in)
Chandler: I didn't know Ross and you were so close.
Chandler: I'm sure that would mean a lot to him. And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently.
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
(there's a lot of supportive cheers from all. Erica, Monica and Chandler leave.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: Where are you going?
Chandler: Hah. May not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!
Chandler: You can't leave me alone with her.
Chandler: Next time, can I say breathe?
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
(Monica leaves, and Chandler closes the door. Erica just looks at him.)
Chandler: Well, it's just interesting. You know, because no one will ever know, because no one can experience both.
Chandler: Sure. (to Phoebe) You don't really handcuff guys to waterpipes do you?
Chandler: It's just that we've never spent any time, you know, alone together.
Joey: It's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
Ross: Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't understand how much this bums me out.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]
Joey: Yeah, Erica went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: Is it really that bad?
(Monica gives Chandler a look.)
Chandler: I'm okay.
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Chandler: Wow!
Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
Chandler: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
Monica: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know. He has your eyes.
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Chandler: Well, that's spongy.
Chandler: I mean, I know that's not possible, but he does.
Monica: (to her son) Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler, on the verge of tears) Oh, we are so lucky!
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
Chandler: How do you feel?
Chandler: What do we do?
Chandler: Well, gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.
Monica: Chandler, you're panicking!
Chandler: (panicking) Twins! Twins!!
Chandler: Interesting! (To Monica) Can I see you for a second?
Chandler: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you?! Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then just like have an option on the other one?
Chandler: What if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
Chandler: (smiles) Okay. Shhh...
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.
Chandler: (shocked) She? It's a girl?
Chandler: Monica, we are not ready to have two babies!
(Monica and Chandler run back to Erica's bed.)
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Chandler: Bye!
Chandler: Have fun at church-camp!
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know! You ready to trade?
Chandler: We could trade later.
Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.
(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)
Joey: Im sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Chandler: Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
Chandler: Hey.
(Chandler enters carrying his daughter.)
Chandler: Yeah. It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.
Chandler: Her name is Erica.
(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two together. He gasps.)
Chandler: I love you.
Chandler: I have no idea what's going on, but I am excited!
(Monica and Chandler look shocked as Ross goes to leave.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler and Joey are there, packing the last boxes.]
(Monica and Chandler enter.)
Chandler: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
Chandler: Oh, don't worry, we'll find them.
Chandler: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.
Chandler: It's okay, it's just an egg roll.
Chandler: Alright.
Chandler: Well, that can't be good!
Chandler: How?
Chandler: Okay, let's find these birds.
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe.
Chandler: I know! It's.. It's the foosball table.
Chandler: No... It's all glued together.
Chandler: Joey, wait! The ball!
Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what youre doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You dont, all right you dont have to love each other, okay? You dont, you dont even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
Chandler: Did that movie ever get made?
Chandler: Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life.
Chandler: What's the matter?
Chandler: I don't know. Except that, for one last time... (he touches the players as he says the following) Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game.
Chandler: I understand.
Chandler: Well, I can't do it either.
Chandler: We have to bust it open, but neither of us can do it!
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
Chandler: That was... Impressive.
Chandler: Sorry about the table, man.
Chandler: Hey, you know what? Maybe we should keep them here with you.
Chandler: Well, at least we got these little guys out.