words in movies
The Director: Action!
The Director: Watch again that hand.
The Director: Okay.
The Director: Once again, and action!
The Director: Here we go.
The Director: And action!
The Director: Action.
The Director: Action!
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
The Director: Cut!
(The casting director shakes her head.)
The Director: Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you!
The Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
The Casting Director: Okay.
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
The Director: Yeah.
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
The Assistant Director: (approaching) Hey Joey! Were ready.
Director: Cut! Very nice people!
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
The Director: Action!
The Assistant Director: (To Joey) Heres your call sheet for tomorrow.
The Assistant Director: You are now.
The Director: Cut! Wonderful!
The Director: But youre not bald.
The Director: But youre supposed to work on Monday.
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
Joey: So I uh, I just talked to the director. Thats it, were done for the day.
The Director: I dont think so. Lets take it back to Richards last line. (Walks off.) Action!
The Director: What kind of surgery?!
The Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We cant stop filming just for you. Its not like its your wedding. (Starts to walk away.)
The Director: What?!
The Director: Lets take it from there.
The Director: Lets reset.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is walking up to the director, pleading with him to let him go.]
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
The Director: Okay, all right. Lets do it. (He walks off.) And Action!
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasnt supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. Its my best friends, and Im officiating so I really cant work past four.
Joey: (to the director) Hiya!
The Director: Stop!! Stop it! You must stop! You are bad actors! This is a terrible play! Ill see you in the morning. (exits)
The Director: Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," thats your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, lets do this.
Director: CUT!
Director: Joey, Joey! We're ready for you!
[Scene: Unitel Video, Studio 55, Joey's telethon, he is being shown around by the stage director.]
Director: On a bell please! Quietly.. and ACTION!
The Director: Im sorry Joey, as long as hes here and hes conscious were still shooting.
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
The Director: (approaching) Okay! Were about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys dont mind, can we run it a couple of times?
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
Director: You really think this man is speaking French?
Director: Joey, do you speak French?
The Director: Tasty! Im really starting to feel like you guys have a history, its-its nice.
Director: Whenever you're ready Joey.
(The director looks at Joey and he nods.)
Director: You know what. I think this audition is over. (Joey looks disappointed, but understands.)
Director: (to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.
Director: It was great.
Phoebe: (to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.)
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Joey: Oh, you have no idea. And-and when were on stage I get to-to kiss her and-and touch her, but then she goes home with the director, and its like somebodys ripping out my heart!
The Director: Hey, lovely! Come, talk to me a minute! (she goes over to him)
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
The Casting Director: Y'know, that's-that's fine, but the line is, "Hmm, soup."
The Casting Director: Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
The Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be
Director: Aw come on Joey, it's easy. Y'know, it's hand, hand, head, head, (very quickly, Joey watches stunned) up, pas de bouree, pas de bouree, big turn here, grand sissone, sissone, sissone, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands!
The Director: (entering carrying a newspaper) Here we go people! (starts reading the review) Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
Director: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. (to Joey) Show 'em how it's done. (to the pianist) Count it off.
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
The Director: (answering the phone) Hello. Oh! Its you. Just ah, just one-one sec. (to Joey and Kate) I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, committing to the moment! (He goes to take the call.)
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Director: Lose the robe.
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
The Director: Still rolling, annnnd action!
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
[Scene: Casting Director #1s office, Joey is on his first audition. His partner is an 8-year-old boy.]
Director: That would work.
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
Director: No, that was clenching.
Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
Casting Director No. 2: Next. (Joey walks onstage)
Casting Director No. 2: Name?
Joey: Oh, you know, the writing was good, and the director is good, and... and my co-star's good but they're not as good as me!
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
Director: Lovely, just lovely.
Director: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.
Director: Have fun.
Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.
Director: All right, let's do it!