words in movies
Joey: Good evening. Im Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you dont have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
[Scene: Restaurant, Rachel and Ross and Dr. Green are having dinner.]
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.
Dr. Green: Um-hmm.
Ross: Nice to see you again Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) Hows the library?
Dr. Green: What happened to the library?
Dr. Green: You know whats really good here, the lobster. What do you say shall I just order three.
Ross: Yeah, if youre really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Ross: So, Dr. Green, hows the old boat.
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
Dr. Green: (he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.
Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.
Dr Green: You kids ready?
Ross: Thanks again, Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: All right.
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isnt looking.)
Dr. Green: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
Dr. Green: Why not?
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
Dr. Green: Excuse me, you think Im cheap?
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, Ill tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Dr. Green: Baby. Ross.
Ross: Dr. Green. How are you? (offers his hand, and Dr. Green puts his scarf on it.)
Dr. Green: Thanks for dinner last night.
Dr. Green: Nice hair. Whatd ya do? Swim here?
Dr. Green: Ross? Whats with the neck?
Dr. Green: Youre still going to that chiropractor, that man couldnt get into medical school in Extapa!
Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Dr. Green: Hes Bobby Bobby?
Dr. Green: Oh.
Dr. Green: What do you need help for?
Dr. Green: Oh God!
Dr. Green: Come on! Youre just titling! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you dont have renters insurance?!
Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
Dr. Green: Id love some juice. Thanks.
(Dr. Long enters.)
Rachel: Hi Dr. Long, how are you?
Dr. Long: Well do a quick check.
Dr. Long: You must be a little uncomfortable.
Dr. Long: So, eight days late huh?
Dr. Long: taking a long walk, and then theres the one thats proved most effective: sex.
Dr. Long: Okay, theres an herbal tea you can drink.
Dr. Long: Actually, theyre things you can do. Just some home remedies, but in my experience Ive found that some of them are quite effective.
Dr. Long: You can take some caster oil, theres eating spicy foods
Rachel: Thank you. (Dr. Long exits.) Well, I guess we have some time to kill.
Dr. Long: Ill be back in an hour to check you again.
Joey: (walks up) Uh, shes with me. (Introduces himself) Dr. Drake Remoray.
Nurse: Dr. Drake who?
Phoebe: No not you, Dr. Drake Remoray. You can ask him questions and see whats he like. People tell doctors everything.
Dr. Long: Three.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Dr. Long is checking on Rachel again.]
[Scene: Room 816, Dr. Drake Remoray is entering.]
Man: Really? Ive been dealing with Dr. Wells.
Man: Dr. Wells is a woman.
Dr. Long: Actually, I think youre ready to go to the delivery room.
Rachel: Oh. Look at you making up crap for me. Oh God! (Starts another contraction as Dr. Long enters.)
Dr. Long: Here we go! Okay, keep pushing! Wait! I see something.
Dr. Long: Push. Push. Come on push for five seconds. 5 4
Dr. Long: Shes gonna be fine. Okay, shes in a more difficult position so youre gonna have to push even harder now. Go! Push!
Dr. Long: Here we go!
Dr. Long: Good!
Joey: Hi! Im Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.
Dr. Long: Here she is!
(Dr. Long hands her to Rachel.)
Dr. Long: Do we have a name yet?
Dr. Long: Thats fine, for now well just call her Baby Girl Green.
Dr. Long: Twenty-one hours, youre a hero.
Ross: Actually that-thats not true, in The Incredible Hulk uh, No. 72, Dr. Bruce Banner found (Sees everyone staring at him and stops.) Yknow, ugh, nevermind, my girlfriends a lesbian. (Leaves.)
Rachel: I'm on the phone! (On the phone) Dr. Wiener? (Ross and Rachel walk away)
Rachel: Yeah. Just to be sure I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.
Rachel: Dr. Wiener.
Ross: Dr. Gettleman? Yeah I know, I don't think that's a good idea. In fact, I think he's dead.
Monica: Why don't you go see Dr. Gettleman?
Receptionist: Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient, he should be out shortly.
Monica: Are you serious? You still see Dr. Gettleman?
Dr. Miller: 1 2 (She flinches on 2 this time.)
[Scene: Dr. Longs Office, Ross and Rachel are waiting for the doctor. Ross is drumming his fingers on the bed.]
DR. BURKE: OK. You better. Oh God, here we go. Hey wanna see 'em go nuts? Watch this. [grabbing some wine glasses and opening the door to the party] Who needs glasses? [everyone laughs]
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Ross: Dad dad, please! As I was saying umm, Im Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and Im the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, shes the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if youd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple were here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Rachel is in bed, Ross is fooling around, and Dr. Long is checking on Rachel.]
(Dr. Connelly glares at Chandler)
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
Benjamin: Certainly. Very well. And Dr. Geller, when is my birthday?
Charlie: Ooh... Dr. Geller!
Charlie: Yeah, sounds like a good idea... Dr. Geller!
Dr. Li: Half a dozen.
Benjamin: I see, and Dr. Biely?
Dr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you dont know what they are, but shes fine.
Benjamin: Dr. Geller...? Charlie... What are you... what are you doing here?
Dr. Green: What are you doing here, Geller?
Dr. Long: Okay, the next contraction should be in about twenty seconds.
Benjamin: Certainly. Dr. Geller, which 1965 Shirelles hit was later covered by a popular British invasion band?
Dr. Green: What, the heart attack or sitting here talking to you?
Dr. Green: Ooh, I have a little heart attack.
Dr. Biely: Primarily in the Pierre Shale region of South Dakota.
Dr. Green: No, when you put your feet up in my bed, you tugged on my catheter.
Dr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station.
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
Dr. Green: Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable Rachel! And I wanna know why?!! Is it because that punk Ross wont marry you?! Thats it! Is that it?!
Ross: (to Dr. Green) Hey! I offered to marry her!
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, we've got a bit of an emergency here...Jason Costalano is choking on his retainer.
(Monica opens the door for Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Geoffrey.)
The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
Benjamin: Dr. Biely, your proposal includes some field work. Where might that take place?
Ross: Yeah, she never misses these conferences! (then to Charlie) No, I just saw Dr. Kenneth Schwartz!
Sherman Whitfield: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute.
Phoebe: Whoa!! Thatokay, thats a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. (to Dr. Zane) So, well okay, so is thereis maybe is there something that I can do yknow just to like help make sure I get pregnant?
Dr. Long: Its the babys buttock, shes breech.
Ross: (in his head) Oh my God! That's Rachel naked! I can't look at that! I am looking at this. (Looks back at his book.) Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokesUnless she wants me to be looking at that. She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her. What kind of game is she playing? I think maybe someone's lonely tonight. Oh-ho, Dr. Geller! Stop it! You're being silly! Or, am I?
Joey: Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day Ill (In a sexy voice) Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night Ill be (In an announcers voice) Joey Trrrribbiani!
Dr. Miller: 1 2! (She flinches again.) (Gives up.) Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma.
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
DR. BURKE: Hi Phoebe, nice to meet you. [Phoebe just giggles when they shake] So, how ya been?
Dr. Rhodes: Thank you soo much for coming on such a short notice. Ladies and gentlemen, I've-I've-I've been practicing medicine for twenty-three years, and I'm stumped.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
MONICA: [reading] 'Dear Dr. Remore, know that I love you and would do anything to have you.' Gosh. 'Your not-so-secretive admirer, Erica Ford.' Ooh wait, 'PS enclosed please find 14 of my eyelashes.'
Dr. Long: Well youre only two centimeters dilated and we need to get to ten. Itll be a while.
Dr. Miller: But your chin here. (She does so.) Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
Rachel: Listen yknow what sir? For the last time, I dont care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
DR. REMORE: I'm sorry Amber. It's just like Brad to have to have the last word.
Ross: Hey! I did not dump Rachel! (To Mona) Nor are we still together. (The phone rings and Ross goes to answer it, only hes trapped behind the apothecary table by Dr. Green.) Can I just (Dr. Green glares at him.) Why dont we just let the machine get that?
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
DR. BURKE: [bobbing his head] I'll survive.
[Scene: Dr. Rhodes's Office, a rather large group of doctors has now gathered to take a look at Ross's thing. Ross is none too pleased with the developments, he has a disgusted look on his face.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? Thats Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday.
DR. REMORE: There's something I never told you Amber. I'm actually your half- brother.
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Dr. Schiff: Any painful gas?
Dr. Leedbetter: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!