words in movies
Teleplay by: Patty Lin Story by: Earl Davis Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Earl: Its just that I uh, have been working for ten years now at this meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows I exist!
Earl: Couldnt it just be a coincidence?
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
Emily: Earl Grey?
Earl: Okay, so no toner today. Thanks anyway, bye-bye.
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
Earl: Not me.
Earl: You wanna know why. You wanna know why?
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still talking to Earl.]
Earl: I dont need any toner.
Earl: Okay, I dont need any toner because Im going to kill myself.
Earl: I-Im sorry?
Guy: (walking past Earls desk) Hey guy!
Earl: Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya. (Hangs up.)
Earl: (laughs) Yeah! Right!
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Earl: No! Thats just the "Hey Guy" guy. He says that to everybody! Hes the worst! Id like to take him with me!
Earl: Oh no.
Earl: It doesnt really seem like enough to be fate.
Earl: (screaming) Im right here!!!!
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: (goes over to his desk) Earl! Im Phoebe.
Marge: Sorry, I dont know any Earl.
Earl: Really?!
Earl: Why?!
Earl: (exhales) Look, um I really appreciate your coming down
Earl: How?
Earl: Im actually the office manager.
Earl: Yeah.
Phoebe: Yknow, I dont-I dont think its you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, its you.
Earl: Yeah-yeah.
Earl: (inspecting it) Really?
Earl: Well, was there anything else?!
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.
Earl: I thought it was toner.
[Scene: Earls Office, Earl has his head in his hands as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Earl, youre not hearing me! All Im saying is that youre not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didnt mean him.)
Earl: Philadelphia.
Earl: Well I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Todays Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
Phoebe: All right so Earl, lets just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-theres gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?
Phoebe: (to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? Hes the supply manager around here.
[Cut to Earls office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld. They cut back and forth between Phoebes and Earls offices with each of their lines.]