words in movies
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.)
Tag: Thank you. (Gets up and hurries out.)
Joey: Listen I uh (He takes her hand.) Its a scary world out there especially if youre a single mom. Yknow, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Yknow? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will you marry me?
(A Chinese woman getting off the plane drops one of her bags. Ross gets off next.)
Phoebe: Well you all know that I'm a pacifist so I'm not interested in war in any way. (Gets up) But y'know what? When the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all. (Starts to leave.) (To Joey) Not you Joey.
(A guy comes up and gets into the backseat of the cab.)
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Chandler: Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down while he zips his zipper up... other patrons look at him) How ya doin'?
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Phoebe: Well its only like my favorite bay! {Actually, its not bad. It just gets a little cold in winter, but in Wisconsin winter only lasts from August to June. J }
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.
(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.)
Rachel: Okay... aahhh... Please laugh for mommy... Please? Please laugh for mommy... (Rachel makes a funny face, sticking her tongue out, making a farting noise and using her hands as antlers, wiggling her fingers... No response from Emma...) Not funny huh? Oh so, is it... only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause mommy can rap... (Rachel tries to rap and makes weird movements with her arms in the process.) My name is mommy and I'm here to say / that all the babies are... Oh, I can't rap... Allright sweetheart... This is only because I love you so much, and I know that you're not gonna tell anybody... (Rachel's face is telling "Oh what am I doing? The things I have to go through... and she starts to rap) I like... big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... / when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face... (Emma starts to laugh) Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! Oohhhhh! Oh! (Rachel now really gets into it, and her insecure movements start getting better) I like big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... Oh Emma you're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you. Oh you beautiful little weirdo... (Rachel picks up Emma and Ross now enters)
Cecilia: Right. Hes not angry at the room either. Try it again, he owns it! He owns the room. It is his. He owns, owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!! (Joey gets a snooty look on his face.) All right, its a little weird, but its getting better. (Joey is pleased.) Oh well, Im gonna miss this woman so much. I dont know what Im going to do! I mean, its been 20 years of my life.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
BEST MAN: What, (to Barry) you hired the same band I can't use the same speech. (gets a 'da-doom-chesh' from the drummer) Thank you, thank you very much. Anyway, I wish you both a wonderful life together. And Rachel...
(Ross keeps giggling and Rachel decides upon revenge. She gets up and kisses the rather large man in the seat in front of Ross on the back of his head. The guy turns around angrily.)
(just as he gets in front of Margha, Monica comes up and tackles him)
Robin: (starting to cry) Ooh, (to Rachel) Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? (Rachel tries to grab one, but is to slow for his tastes.) Would you--Give me this thing (grabs the napkin holder from her.) all right!! Enough! (to Billy) And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! (gets up to leave) Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! (Billy follows him) Get away from me!!
(The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.)
Joey: (turns round again) seriously Gunther you should see someone about that cold, if it gets much worse you could DIE! (Gunther looks scared)
Phoebe: No, no, because, you know, he's been in Minsk for 8 years and if he gets too much direct sunlight, he'll die.
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y’know, I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y’know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she’ll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I’d like.
Monica: Hey, see that snippy guy over there? Hes the one who decides who gets up on the platform. We should go dance by him.
Ross: Okay, (gets up) if youll excuse me, I-Im gonna go hang out with some people who dont know the Space Mountain story.
Joey: Dina, if youre having a baby you should be married! Even if it is to Bobby! (Bobby gets happy.) Dude, thats not a compliment!
Ross: Oh, Im sorry youve been Bamboozled! Youre gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) Ive lost sight of why were doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.)
Ross: Look, dont worry about me. Okay? Ill just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. Ill uh, Ill be that guy right out of the circle. (He points to a player who starts running and then gets viscously tackled from behind.)
Ross: Yeah, it does sound interesting, I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours, I don't think it gets bett... (Ross starts snoring, faking to fall asleep)
Rachel: No, not really. Youre pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry. (She gets up and starts for the bathroom.)
[They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other. This leads to wrestling on the floor. All the while Phoebe is saying "Happy thoughts". Eventually Phoebe gets fed up.]
Monica: (sliding into Joeys place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? Whatd ya say Joe? Ill be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift. (Moves it)
Ross: (holds up a hand) Little girl misses her cat. (hold up the other hand) Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat. (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I have to go have dinner with my son, can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her.
Rachel: No. No. Every thing's--they're fine. Great pizza. But it's uh, actually umm my friend Ross. He uh, just gets really nervous when he's flirting.
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
ROSS: Wait hold on Tony, hold on. [answers second line] Hello. Hi, yeah no, she's right here. Um hold on. [gets first line] Hi Tony, can I call you back? That's uh, that's my sister's boyfriend.
Phoebe: No, I just feel like being by myself for a while. All right? Ill see you guys later. Thanks. (Gets up and exits.)
(They both look at each other, then Phoebe gets an idea.)
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
Monica: Do you wanna live outside?! Because its gettin cold! (To Phoebe) She gets tons of catalogs and umm, shell fold down the pages of the things she thinks that Id like.
(Chandler imitates retching and gets out of the chair.)
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
Monica: Here, take a couple of these. (She gets up to grab a couple of pills.)
Chandler: Well! We er..climbed up four flights of stairs, manueveored a narrow hallway, dodged a rabid pitbul... but these last three feet are where it gets really tricky.
Phoebe: Okay, whatever. Yknow what? I dont have time have time to convince you because hes only here for four hours, and Im gonna go see him! (Gets up and leaves.)
(The passenger stands up and gets his suitcase from the overhead compartment.)
(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
(Rachel gets up, and Joey tries to get up, but halfway up he sits down again.)
(He gets up to make the copies leaving Rachel alone with his stuff. She notices his sweater in his backpack and holds it up to her nose as Melissa, a coworker, walks up.)
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Monica: (smiling) It's so sweet. It really is. It has this big yard that leads down to this stream and then there's these old maple trees... (gets cut off)
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
Monica: Yeah, I do think its better this way. (listens) Yeah, were being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, Im sure.(she opens the door and its Richard)
Chandler: Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! Y'know what, I think I'll go home before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life. (He gets up and starts for the door.)
Joey: I can fix it. Hold on. (He goes and gets a screwdriver from his apartment) Look out. Look out. (Pries at the door a little bit.)
Ross: The carbon, its messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
Rachel: Im not paying for half of that! Im only staying here until my apartment gets fixed.
Monica's Boyfriend: Bye-bye. (Gets up to leave.) Oh uh, by the way, the answer is, the Brazil nut. (Exits.)
Ross: Uh-hmmWait! It gets better. Um, yeah I was in Barcelona.
Hombre Man: (to a customer) Hombre? (The guy says yes, and gets his sample.)
Joey: The same way you lost. I started out with a King and a Queen, bamn! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a Jack and a King, boom! Ross gets a 4 and a 5! Ross was getting the Cup card, the D-Cup, the Sittin Down Bonus! Meanwhile, I didnt even get half a cup! Nothin!!
Rachel: Yeah, totally! You are in such good hands. And I'm so good with meeting parents. With the father, you know, you want to flirt a little bit, but not in a gross way. Just kind of like: "Oh mr. Pincer, I can see where Wallis gets his good looks..."
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Monica: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
ROSS: Oh I-, Oh wait, Tony can you hang on? That's the other line. [gets the other line] Hello. Oh yeah she's here but uh, can she call you back? OK thanks. [hangs up the other line] Call Joanna. [back on with Tony] Hi.
(They wrestle on the couch for a little while until Monica gets the upper hand and pulls Rachel off of the couch by her sock. Monica removes Rachel's sock and starts beating her with it.)This leads to wrestling on the floor. This finally angers Phoebe.)
Chandler: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... (starts to kiss her again, but she gets up.) Ahh, what?
Monica: Well, maybe you should send him something. So that when he gets to Las Vegas he'll know that you're sorry.
Amy: Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail.
Chandler: Nooo!! Shes really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop thing in the corner of her eye!
Monica: Well, so far I have uh, my brides maids dresses wont get picked up, my veil gets lost, or I dont have my something blue.
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the pictures] This is the one of you father in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation.
Rachel: Thank you. (Gets up) Now are you sure? Because once I make a copy, theres no turning back.
Rachel: Oh hey-hey wait! How do we fairly decide who gets the phone?
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Rachel: Chandler, Im not gonna lie to ya, but I am gonna run away from you. (Gets up and hurries out.)
Janice: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffeeahh!! Ross, we need to talk.
David: Bye Phoebe. (He gets in and the cab drives off. Joey walks up and witnesses that event.)
Chandler: All right!! (Gets out and Joey speeds away.) Wait! Wait, there's no sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here.
Monica: Fine, I can do it. (Gets anxious.) Whew.
Rachel: Honey, its going to be okay. Hes been incredibly supportive of me, and if he gets a little upset; thats what the meatball sub is for. (She gives Dina a sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil.)
(He goes to kiss her, but she isnt very receptive of the kiss. She keeps avoiding him, until Ross finally gets to kiss her on her cheek.)
Rachel: Okay! (She goes and gets her surprise and when she returns with it, Ross stares in shock.) Check it out!
(Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.)
Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? Im sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.)
Ross: That must be our alcohol and beers! (Gets up to answer it.)
Monica: I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk.
(Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses her. Joey gets up to leave but stops suddenly. Phoebe silently shouts "Oh, whoa!!" to herself, and leans back in the sofa to recover, a hand to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also feeling his lips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for a better view, he thinks again, cocking his head from side to side to regard her profile from various angles, then...)
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
ROSS: Ohh, big smoker. [Packs the cigarettes and flings one on Mrs. Greene in the process. Finally gets one in his mouth and it look really out of place] Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. [as he walks into the hall, he comes face to face with Mr. Greene]
Phoebe: Because she exchanges every gift she ever gets, its like impossible to get her something she likes. Come on, lets trade!
Terry: Joey Tribbiani! Im surprised your big head could fit through our small halls! (Gets up) I gotta go Joey.
Frank Sr.: Y'know, I don't think I want the lipstick that much. (Gets up to leave.) But umm Oh, would you do me a favor? And umm, would you, would you give Lilly that, please? (Hands her a note.)
Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and theres the added mystery of who gets who.
[Both Chandler and Joey put their feet up against the glass, Monica doesnt and gets thrown up against the glass.]
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)