words in movies
Joey: Fine! All right, Ill do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I yknow, start to say something stupid.
Ross: Just then or-or all the time, cause we-we have jobs yknow.
Joey: (laughs) Actually, I didnt know the magazine was paying for it. Wouldnt have mattered, Im doing this for the fans, not for the free food.
The Interviewer: Umm, Ill have a cup of coffee.
Joey: And Ill have all the muffins.
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (Starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. And so Im gonna get on this spaceship, (Smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and Im gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, youll be long gone. But I wont have aged at all. (Gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne baby Im gonna want to meet her.
Joey: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, (Joey from TV) you know that's bad for the paper tray.
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
Chandler: Yknow what, we have to turn off the porn.
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
Chandler: We have free porn here!!!
The Interviewer: Well umm, another thing our readers always want to know is how our soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime?
Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have toyou-youGo to the doctor!
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Joey: The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limesHey, what was in that brown jar?
Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! Theres a piece that doesnt have floor on it!
Joey: It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldnt have said. But believe me, thats not gonna happen today.
The Interviewer: So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?
Joey: How come you have two? Chandler: Well this one's for you. Joey: Get out. Chandler: No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, (Puts bracelet on Joey) it's about you and me and the fact that we're (Reading bracelet) best buds. Joey: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies. Chandler: That's what they'll call us. [The next one is from Episode 618: The One Where Ross Dates A Student.]
The Interviewer: So umm, now back to the show. How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base?
Joey: Uh me? Gay? No! No. No, but I have a number of close friends who are. (Chandler and Ross look at each other.)
The Interviewer: (returning) Oh wait! I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this. Other than Days of Our Lives, whats your favorite soap opera?
Joey: Oh, I dont watch soap operas. Excuse me, I have a life, yknow?
Joey: Look, we probably should have talked to you about this before it ever happened, but..
Rachel: Ross, this is not how we wanted you to find out about this. You have every right to go nuts.
Ross: No. We should all have dinner. Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!!
Phoebe: Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., 'cause he's meeting me here with the triplets.
Joey: Okay, listen, hey, Ross. Why don't you try to relax, okay? Maybe have a drink.
Mike: (popping by, smiling) You're kidding, we wouldn't have missed it!
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
Chandler: I mean, you have a lovely home.
Colleen: I would have told him to do it too.
Owen: I have a badge in it.
Rachel: Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on!
Charlie: Oh, I'm sorry, have I made this evening uncomfortable?
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Phoebe: Okay. I have just a few questions to ask so I'm going to get out my official forms. (She picks up a couple of crumpled receipts.) Okay, so, question 1) You and uh, you were married to Francis' daughter Lilly, is that correct?
Chandler: (To Monica) Have I got a surprise for you? Pack your bags!
Chandler: We have to leave!!
Monica: Sounds smart and healthy to me. So um, just out of curiosity, um, do you currently have any other racquetball buddies?
Chandler (to Monica): We have to get out of here, baby!
Charlie: Wait, Ross. Ross. I - I have to take off.
Charlie: I'm sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely.
Ross: And have you .. ed?
Chandler: Really? Like you have a routine?
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
JOEY: Absolutely.� You'd do it for me.� Not that you ever have to because I know how to keep my women satisfied.
Rachel: All right Joey! That is enough! (Grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina) Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, its not legal. Okay? They-they dont have a marriage license, they dont have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Monica: I have nothing to say to you.
Rachel: Yeah, and if doesn't work, then we'll be just one of those couples that never have sex.
Chandler: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. (pause) But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
Monica: Well, can't you just have the party when we get back?
Rachel: I know Mona, just hear me out. First of all, Im so sorry about my father yelling at you, but I heard you totally held your own. Youre gonna have to tell me how you did that.
Monica: Oh my God! You cleaned! (Gasps) Look at these floors! You did the windows! Oh, I have been begging you for months and you did! You cleaned! And nagging works!
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
Phoebe: And you know, I have a massage client soon.
Joey: Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.
Chandler: It's not gone! I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy. You have a hard copy, right?
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
Rachel: I've never given her a cookie. Have you?
Rachel: You know, I'm thinking about letting Emma have her first cookie.
Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!
Charlie: So, you know... I have a little time. If you... if you want to...
Amy: (yelling from outside) Rachel!! Open up!! It's your sister!! (she knocks on the door again) I have to talk to you!!
Amy: Well, I have huge news.
Monica: Well, you guys have been friends forever. Remember the first time that you kissed Ross? How weird that was? You couldn't stop laughing? You got through that.
Joey: Ah, look who’s back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?
Monica: Look at that! Look at that! Theyre going into the first class lounge! Do you know what they have in there?
Ross: (entering) Hey is Rachel here? We have a doctors appointment.
Ross: (surprised) Oh... (he pauses) (sounds disappointed) Ohh... I'd love to but I really have to grade these papers.
Amy: Well, if I had told you, then it wouldn't have been surprise, now would it?
Rachel: Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause I got four sixes! (lays down cards) I won! I actually won! Oh my God! Y'know what? (collects chips) I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile. (holds up a chip) I think that one was Ross's, and I thinkohthat one was Ross's. Yes! (Starts singing): Well, I have got your money, and you'll never see it...
Ross: Did she (points at Amy) do this to her? I told you we shouldn't have left Emma with her!
Amy: Hey you know what, this kid needs me, okay? She needs to have a cool fun aunt!
Nina: I dont know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.
Rachel: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.
Phoebe: Thank you! (to Rachel) Oh, and I have something for you!
PHOE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
Joey: Listen, do you guys think I have a chance with Janine?
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
Passenger: You say you love this man, yet youre about to ruin the happiest day of his life. Im afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.
Rachel: Well, it was, and you would have seen it if you didn't showed up at (looks at his watch) ... 9:30?? God! Oh, this party was lame ...
Phoebe: Hey, you know what, I've never had a one-year anniversary before, so no matter where we go, I'm wearing something fancy pants, and... I'm gonna put on my finest jewelry and we're gonna have sex in a public rest room.
Ross: Wha...? Wait, wait, wait, just a minute. None of my questions have anything to do with Paleontology.
Mrs. Bing: Dont you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?
Chandler: Yes, and I have to say, I am not just hurt. I am insulted. When I tell somebody I did something...
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. Youre not allowed to have cups out here, its a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
Phoebe: Really? It doesn't have anything coming out of it. Or maybe there is some place for her in your bedroom?
Ross: I have to break up with Charlie?
MNCA: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.
Benjamin: I never should have broken up with you. I think about you all the time. I mean, do you ever still think about me?
Ross: There's no way around it Pheebs, you just gonna have to accept the fact that this is gonna cost you a lot of money.
Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.
Chandler: (enters singing) Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plane, STOP IT! Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas? 7 o clock maybe I'll hit the gym (sits down) who am I kidding pay-per-view porn.
Phoebe: It’s for our wedding day! Right, now, is this guy gay or straight, because one of us gonna have to start flirting.
Mike: She could have been talking about either one of us.
Rachel: (breaking up) Were just really very excited about this charity event that we have to go to.
Ross: No wait, okay, okay, I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing, okay? And you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of.
Phoebe: Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted.
Laura: Oh! Well, actually, before we look around, let me make sure I have everything I need up to here...
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
Monica: Now we just have to wait for a call and... and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. Oh...
Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?
Julie: Yeah, we are going to share every moment of this with you. And I think were gonna have some fun.
Rachel: Okay, that's gonna take them a minute. Do you have anything else you wanna get off your chest?
Mischa: (to Monica) I have just resigned my post. Would you care to accompany me to the Rainbow Room? I have diplomatic coupons.
Joey: (takes out the mouth guard) I know I dont have too! It tastes good. (Puts it back in.)
Monica: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Doctor Phil tells you to do.
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
[Scene: The corridor. Ross and Joey have just arrived.]
Rachel: Phoebe, you have to calm down.
Monica: Oh! Enough! A monkey could have made 'em!
Ross: So, this must be kinda neat for ya, huh? I mean, your Dad tells me that you get a couple of days off school, and you, you ah, dont have to sell those cookies anymore.
Joey: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn't do it to Ross!
Rachel: (gasps) Oh, I just remembered. We do have something to eat. Monica put something in our oven this morning.
Joey: Wait a second, wait a second, where have I seen that cowgirl outfit before...
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)